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Plate withholds sex, I soft-next her. Now she asks me why did I go radio silence out of sudden. Should I explain it to her?

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Venenarium
June 2, 2016
89 upvotes
askTRP

My favourite plate has started to shit-test me by withholding sex. I kept it cool (in order to not appear butthurt), but deep down I wasn't really amused by the situation. She has thanked me for being so understanding and we spent the rest of the day together like nothing happened.

I do the standard diffuse and soft-next her. I do the strict no-contact and radio silence. Now she's texting me, wondering why I don't text her anymore.

What do? Should I explain the situation, or just keep my distance for a few more days, take the time to respond to her texts and then meet up with her after a week or two and let her make things right?

EDIT: CONCLUSION: I've proceeded with distancing myself, taking a lot of time to respond to her texts and keepeing the conversations short when she called me. She went home to see her parents for the weekend, so I covertly let her know that I'm planning on spending the weekend with my other prospects. Before her train home arrives, she begs me to walk her to the station as she's "desperate to see me". I comply. I end up getting a BJ in a public stall.


Post Information
Title Plate withholds sex, I soft-next her. Now she asks me why did I go radio silence out of sudden. Should I explain it to her?
Author Venenarium
Upvotes 89
Comments 18
Date 02 June 2016 03:17 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/225
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4m7nbe/plate_withholds_sex_i_softnext_her_now_she_asks/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
butthurtplateshit test
Comments

[–]Rivkariver2 Star 35 points36 points  (7 children) | Copy

If this is actually real, do your bf a favor and leave. Don’t go back to the game, stop doing drugs, if alcohol triggers you to do in drugs don’t drink, then stop trying to date for a while and focus on molding yourself to rpw and getting some discipline.

I see no future for this relationship. Don’t torture him any longer. I think he deserves better after being loyal to you, but his bitterness is sending him down a dark path of want revenge. The trust is gone. You knew what you were doing and you didn’t stop because it felt good to you, the shallow attention and power.

If you want a quality man, become a woman of substance.

[–]Zeldafan1023 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree that they should part ways. I think it's the only way there will ever be a chance for these two, is if they break up and spend at least 6 months on their own to realize more about who they are and what they want. If they are still wanting to be a couple, I think they could give it a try after being independent from one another completely- living apart, no contact. I think there's too much under the surface that no matter how good the relationship may seem now, until it's dealt with when they are on their own, it will never allow them to be completely real, open, and connected to one another. It's sad but I think it's the only way.

[–]ActioVitaeVindicatio 13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

A 'red pilled alpha male' staying in a relationship with a woman who cheated on him, with no demotion whatsoever? I lol'd.

I cannot see a future for this LTR, personally. Do yourself and him a favour and break up.

[–]sat_ta 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing about this whole story is red pill. It's a huge blue pill mess.

[–]KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Stop playing this game. Stop talking to this friend (and for the love of god stop mentioning this friend around your boyfriend). Get offline, away from men and attention and flirtation. You need to seriously, seriously consider why you have been acting this way. Why is it so easy for you to get caught up in flirting while you're in a relationship? Don't say "oh but it's just fun". Yes, it is fun if it's harmless and consentual. But this? This is neither of those things. Ask yourself why it's so easy for you to revel in the attention of other men, to the point of exchanging and enjoying sexually explicit (aka far beyond the point of "just flirting") messages.

You are pretty clearly addicted to both the game and to the attention you get through it. And the only way for you to get over that is to step away entirely. You tried that once, and then relapsed, because you didn't fully get over the addiction to attention that you had previously. I made a post about addiction to attention recently that may be useful for you. I came from a similar place (yes, including sexually explicit messages/nudes/emotional cheating). I know how insidious it is and how hard it is to detox from it. I know this comment may sound a bit harsh overall, but seriously, you have fucked up bigtime and you don't seem to be fully aware of why you did it. Without that kind of understanding of yourself, you're very likely to fall back into the habit again, like you did before.

With regards to your boyfriend wanting to revenge cheat... yeah that is a pretty normal response. However him constantly and cruelly holding it over you isn't healthy for the relationship. Just as you have work to do on yourself, he has work to do on himself as well (healing, recovery). Normally that desire will die down after a while. I can't say how long, of course, but it normally does.

Don't keep saying that you "deserve" this cruel behaviour. You don't. If he felt what you did was so unnacceptable, he should have left you on the spot. Not decided to stay with you but hold it over your head and continue to threaten you to the point that you feel afraid to go home. That isn't healthy. But ultimately this post isn't about helping him heal (his response is normal, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's right or good for the relationship), so he will need to deal with his issues on his own.

Finally, you did not "unintentionally" emotionally cheat. You were fully aware of what you were doing. Don't try to downplay your role in this. The sooner you accept exactly how much of a part you played, the sooner you can begin actually getting better.

In the meantime, while you are in the process of fixing your issues, be nice to your boyfriend. Be kind, open, honest. Let him read messages you exchange, if he wants to. Let him know exactly what you're doing when you're on your phone, or online, or away from home. Help him regain trust. If he wants passwords to things, honestly as much as I generally don't think that's healthy, in this case providing him with that may be helpful for him to heal and trust you again. I recommend you peruse this sub thoroughly to help you figure out how to be the girlfriend he deserves.

[–]RainbowKitty77 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Neither of you are mature enough to be married.

[–]futurepr0stitute 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hope they don't have kids either..

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star 16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are a terrible person and you don't deserve to be in a relationship. You didn't just "emotionally cheat", you plain cheated. You traded nudes and sexted with someone else.

Also what the hell is this "manipulating" thing? And why are you catfishing random gamers? Like seriously, if this is actually a real story, wtf is wrong with you?

[–]teaandtalk5 Stars 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

There are lots of girls who act sexual with guys on games to get free stuff. It's pretty common (and gross, in my opinion).

[–]JJ33142 Star 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I realize that this seems extreme, but I think it would really be better that you avoid relating to men other than your SO on any level that could lead to emotional intimacy. Small talk is one thing (and even then you have to be guarded about guys ratcheting things up and escalating to overt flirtation), but even getting into “deep meaningful conversations,” conversations of a sexual nature, or conversations that involve baring intimate details of your life, with another man is bringing you into proximity with temptation. I’m recommending this assuming you and your boyfriend are intending your relationship to lead to marriage or some equivalent.

If that’s not the goal of your relationship (and this is the case for a lot of men and women your age), you are unfortunately in a state of relationship limbo, which is all too common in post-sexual revolution America. On the one hand you’re kind of like a married couple, so any betrayals that occur in this relationship can cut deep, and have consequences on both your relationship, as well as your perception of the opposite sex. On the other hand either one of you can claim that your relationship is not “that” serious if confronted with a strong enough temptation, or if one of you goes through a period where you are sufficiently unpleasant to be around. The basis for unwavering loyalty isn’t quite there, since you are “only” boyfriend and girlfriend.

Don’t get me wrong—even within a relationship, some healthy alone time, where you can develop yourself (school/work, hobbies, positive same gender friendships) can strengthen your actual relationship, but I think that alone time should not consist of fratenizing with guys under the guize of it being harmless fun, if you want to maintain the integrity of your relationship.

[–]lSquaredD1 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

my boyfriend suffers from the "Winter Blues".

The medical term for this is seasonal affective disorder and all humans suffer from (some form of) it.

I would go to backpage ( a known site for prostitutes) and steal their pictures and send them in place of myself.

In other words, you are/were in denial about the behaviour and backpage is just your excuse to enable it further.

bad and a shitty thing to do to my SO

It's a bad and shitty thing to do to yourself. Worry about yourself (and any offspring) first, then your SO, then your family, then their family, then your friends, then his friends. This is the natural order of things.

I emotionally cheated on the love of my life.

Hubby's ex (before me) did this (I'll call the ex, M, to save keystrokes). M also had addictive personality disorder. And hubby has aspergers, so he doesn't really feel emotions as strongly as M or I -- we don't share the condition. M and I became fast friends over time -- she introduced him to me many years ago, come to think of it.

In any event, he doesn't see emotional affairs as a big deal and didn't get mad, which made M accuse him of not loving her. This came to a head when he brought home a book for work and she'd (mistakenly) thought it was a woman that he was revenge-cheating on her with. That's when he decided enough was enough. But he made it clear to her that the reason he was leaving her was that she was (quote) "too silly to date, not too wicked".

move forward and regain trust again

Unfortunately, the loss of trust hurts a guy more than the betrayal itself. Reading your note gives me the impression that you know what to do -- leave him, get help, and then find another man.

[–]SignasBB 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This was rough to read on a few levels.

Especially since it reminded me of my girlfriend back before we started dating. She and a "friend" would do the same things you described and would get their itches of validation scratched. And when she got back what she was serving to other guys, she stopped. I remember asking her if she had a history of messing around like this and she never wanted to talk about it because of how much she felt it put her in a bad light. After a while, she came clean and I didn't yell at her. I wasn't angry with her either. I decided to be honest with her and told her how I really felt about it. And I only asked her a simple question.

"How does it feel to be the one getting shot?"

The question confused the hell out of her, but I fully expla



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