I never spoke about my relation with my father but now I think it affects me and I have to get over it somehow.

I'll begin telling a little bit about my father. He was and still is a beta. He was never trully independent. When he was young he worked in his uncle's bussines and he had some money, he got married with my Mother and had my brother. After a while my uncle's business closed and my father blew all his economies and worked a low paying job in the same field.

After a couple more years my Mother inherited a lot of money. What did my father do with that amount of money? Do you think he started his own business? No! He quit his job, payed for a college degree (because he never really atended any classes or learned anything) and stayed unemployed for three fucking years. After he blew those money too he got another low paying job.

So you get it, he went from a little above average to poor to rich then back to poor. Now his again at average, but in a lot of debt.

I still remember wearing the same pair of cheap jeans for a year, other children from school laughing about my clothes, me being the only one who didn't went to school trips because they were too exoensive and all that stuff. One day I went to school eating just a piece of bread in that morning.

But still. I never blamed my father for not being rich or for spending a fourtune living like a fucking sultan for three years just to be fucking poor after that. He wasn't and still isn't good with money. He was and still is too afraid to be in a leadership position, Take any responsability or aspire for more. That's him. I can't change it.

What is bothering me is the fact that he was never there for me. I learned to shave by myself, I learned to tie a tie from YouTube. I had to work since I was 18 to get myself through college. When he thought that I had to pay a 120$ tax to get into computer science at uni he didn't want to give me the money and was about to ruin my future for 120$ (at that Point I realised that I had to get a job and be independent). Stuff like that.

And all of that came in after an incident a couple of weeks ago. I just got my driving license and was about to but my first car (I wanted to buy a lexus is300h) when an opportunity came. I did a job for a guy and as payment I asked to drive a Chevrolet Camaro that he had for three months, it was my first car and I'm not a good driver yet so I figure I better screw someone else's car than screwing a car that I plan to keep for 5 years(I'll talk about that in another post, some people sat I did something stupid since the amount of money we agreed on was bigger than the price of renting a car for three months).

Anyway. I ask my father to come with me to get a car from a dude and he agreed. He was really well on the road there until he saw the car. Then something changed and I couldnt figure out what. The road home was silent. After that I thought we could have a father-son moment where he would properly teach me how to drive (he never owned a car, I paid a private instructor to teach me how to drive), or ar least be by my side for the first couple of Times I drive the car through the city. I asked him to do that and he refused. I had to ask some friends to come with me while driving for the first Times. And that event really saddned me. The fact that my father wouldn't do at least that.

I know that I'm a little bitch. But I'm fucking sad for some reason and I want to get past it. When I got the car I was so happy but now I've fucking lost my zest for life and I cant concentrate at my job or in school.

Do you have any advice for this?