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Guys, i'm broken, would love to hear from you...

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April 16, 2019

Dear TRP,

I'm a man in my early 20's. I've been following the subreddit for like 3 years now. For sure it changed me positively in many ways. But i'm devastated. For some time i feel like i can't hold it. I need help. I'm going through therapy for over a year now. I have my ups and downs, but downs are very heartbreaking.

TRP learned me how to escalate, how to get balls and approach a girl. I've followed it and i'm currently in close to one year relationship. But it's killing me. When i don't feel like i'm important to my gf i feel lonely, anxious and really sad. Like no reason to live. I'm coming from broken family, no contact with my mother for 4 years now. I miss mom's love. Through therapy i know it's never coming back, can't expect it from ANYONE else. Yet i crave it. Yet when i feel i might annoy my girl i play it hard, but crumble inside. Shaking deep down.

I want to get over it. Still feel emotions, love, hate, happiness, sadness, but i want to find a way out of this. Typing this arleady helped me feel a little better. I hope some of you can relate and maybe share some of your stories overcoming feelings of not being enough, feeling empty, being worried what my girlfriend thinks of me, feeling child-like anxiety (I would explain that feeling on an example of a child that does not want to upset his parent. I feel this in man - woman relation).

Sometimes i just want someone who can hold my back and tell me everything is going to be ok. I just feel not strong enough to deal with this life like that. I know it's naive to think that someone may bring happiness for me, but damn, i'd love to live in this BP reality vision with loving caring girl...

Thank you.

Post Information
Title Guys, i'm broken, would love to hear from you...
Author KaRzual
Upvotes 109
Comments 112
Date 16 April 2019 09:24 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
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[–]neuromancerBG98 points99 points  (17 children) | Copy

  1. Love yourself. The motherly love you crave is something that only you can give yourself. RP principles of "Being your own mental point of origin" and self care take care of that.

Love is expressed by care, respect, nurture and touch. Care and respect is handled by looking after yourself first. Nurture is handled by constantly upgrading your skills and making sure you eat good diet, sleep well and go to the gym regularly. Touch you can handle by grooming yourself, going to a massage or having sex/cuddling.

  1. Therapy is good. Understand that everybody has their own biases. Therapy will help you identify your biases and their effects on you. It won't automagically make them disappear, you have to do additional work and reasearch outside of therapy to handle your issues and use therapy as a feedback mechanism.

  2. Play the long game. You're in your 20ties you have a lot of time on your hands to handle your issues. Understand it will take time, but that's okay 'cos you have it. Start thinking that in the beginning of your 30s you will be the best version you can be and work towards that. Realize that when you're 30 you will have taken over this issue by just doing all of the things mentioned above (and working on finance and mission). Realize that you have enough time to make your life awesome, so just enjoy the ride. Realize that probably you will want to and upgrade your girl next to you several times in your life. (Girls just won't be able to keep up with your constant upgrading, its part of being an awesome RPilled man.)

[–]KaRzual[S] 19 points20 points  (7 children) | Copy

  1. Somehow i couldn't grasp the idea of making myself my point of origin. It's too abstract. Any idea how to practice it? I have very strong gym habit, good eating also, fixed my sleep. Somehow i still feel bad. Like i need those good feeling from OUTSIDE of me.
  2. Accept my flaws and work on them. In progress.
  3. Wise words. Looking at future is very helpful. Just feeling not enough in the present is tiring.

[–]neuromancerBG19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

Read these books in the following order: No more Mr. Nice Guy When I say No I feel guilty Games People Play by Eric Birne

They will help you understand how to shift your reasoning processes into your own mental point of origin. It will take you a couple of months. Combined with therapy and Red Pill: you'll be one strong willed motherfucker!

[–]TFWnoLTR3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here to second this, OP. No More Mr Nice Guy really opened my eyes to how I self sabotage my own happiness and contentment. It's got exercises to do that would be right up OP's ally for helping him resolve his issues.

[–]daymi4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Someone outside, even with the best intentions, can't give you what you crave. You have to give yourself what you need. Because of your broken family you couldn't experience that. When growing up my mom was always there and my dad was absentee. Let me tell you that even with mom there all the time she couldn't give me what I needed. It's impossible. They are different from us and so they can't, even if we try really hard, help us (or even really understand us). Also, like it or not, everyone has their own agenda. It is like it is.

You have to like who you are, become who you want to be, act as you deem fit and associate with whom you want. The others do not have your exact point of view and goals, they can't have it. So you have to act with your wishes in mind.

If you try to outsource your happiness, prepare for them to do a bad job with your happiness, even with the best intentions.

[–]KaRzual[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I believe you, someone can't grasp your needs in 100%. What helped you in the end?

[–]daymi6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

In the end I kind of gave up trying to control everything. Life is like it is, you can either accept it or fight windmills for the rest of your life. Some things are like they are, why worry about them when you can't possibly change them? Your mom will never return, and neither will mine, why worry? I've internalized this paragraph--my character is like that now. People pick that vibe up that I'm way more easygoing than the average person now. Earlier, I was a worrywort.

On the other hand, if it can be changed? I'll be the one affecting that change.

Also, I found out what my needs are and then made my needs known--I straight up told others. I hug even my best guy friends--I'm secure enough for that.

We are dealt the cards we are dealt in life, we can either fold or we can make the best of what we have got. In the end we are all dead, so why not make your life worth living for you in the mean time?

One of the best feelings I got is to do a common task with lots of other guys - not work, I mean like large voluntary effort to give our life meaning (in my case very large conferences and workshops - you can feel the agents of change in there). That gives me incomparable joy. Now I'm not just surviving, I'm living.

P.S. Sometimes I talk like the above in a bar setting with other blokes and other girls. My filter is very very off. I'm blunt to a fault and, strangely, that makes people trust me more.

P.S. I've read (or at least skimmed) pretty much every book on the list of books in TRP. They've helped me immensely.

[–]KaRzual[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You sound like a free man. That's my definition of being alpha and that's very inspirational. Often i have a need to control EVERYTHING while it's just impossible... Fighting the windmills instead of enjoying life.

Many true statements, thank you for them. I hope i can implement them into my life.

[–]muddynips1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

  1. Create a positive affirmation cycle. You are doing lots of great things, but you need to teach your brain to recognize and actualize the positivity around it. So step out of your mind for a minute, and evaluate yourself as a stranger would.

For example, After you go to the gym, take a moment to reflect on the dedication it took better yourself, the strength gains that are building as your muscles recover, and the inevitability of reaching your fitness goals. “That guy over there, man he’s taking the hard path and he looks good.” Then allow yourself to feel congratulated and recognized.

Do this with things that you know to be life-building, trp behavior, and you’ll feel better about doing them. It will feel strange at first, but you’ll get used to it.

[–]JohnGaltAWALT1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wanted to comment to purely agree and say this is a fantastic post and more of what this sub needs. Well said!

[–]neuromancerBG1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you.

[–]CalmPassenger 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy

Can you elaborate on the being your own mental point of origin?

[–]neuromancerBG0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Check the other replies on my comment. You have the recipe and explanation there. There's a list of books that will help you with that.

If that is not enough, read this

If that's not enough... Well, I can't help you. Maybe therapy perhaps?!

[–]CalmPassenger 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

No I meant what does that mean? That would be a waste of time and money make an appointment and go to a therapist and all of that just to ask him what mental point of origin means and then leave.

[–]neuromancerBG0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Read the link I sent you. It summarizes it quite elouquantly.

But to give you the simple answer: It means putting yourself first. But this is not egoism, as you put yourself first because of others.

Its like when you're in an airplane and the plane is falling and the oxygen masks fall off. You put the oxygen mask on you first and then you put it on the child next to you. Because if you don't put the oxygen mask on you first, you will lose conciousness and even though the child will not die from hypoxia, it will die afterwards since you will be unable to help it afterwards.

It will take some time and reading to wrap this up through your brain. But start with Rollo's article...

[–]finally_a_free_man0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

By becoming awesome and truly believing in it. For me, I started dancing at an early age (bboying aka breakdancing) and it has always been my main source of confidence. I'm pretty witty and funny, can easily carry conversations on wide ranges of topic. I got there because I never knew when to stfu in grade school, I feel like I've always been inherently chatty. You can build this skill up and it is often easier to speak about things you are generally interested in. I have a mission. I'm going to use school as a means to an end because I need money to travel the world and make a positive impact. I'm killing it in school right now through discipline, time management, and investing myself into a field that will make money.

You can say what you want about me. That I'm short, I have a strange gait, my posture can be a bit off at times, but nothing can take from everything I mentioned above. For I know I am cultured, growing wiser by the day, hard working, intellectual, fun, exciting, artsy, formally educated, physically solid, and quite fucking charming.

Work towards your strengths and minimize your weaknesses. Pick up skills that separate you from the rest of the crowd. BELIEVE IN SOMETHING AND STAND UP FOR IT. Fuck bending over to what the crowd thinks or says. Always believe in yourself and pick yourself up after every failure. I swear I've gotten so mentally resilience due to how many times I've hit rock bottom. Drug abuse, being emotionally manipulated, gang affiliation, school drop out, family losing all hope in me, barely surviving an overdose when my friend didn't wake up, and being beat senseless in the streets. I'm a fucking role model now and people seek me for my wisdom. I am also always a student of life and keep my ego grounded.

[–]Abnull-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

Terrible advice, can't believe it has so many up votes

[–]Br1anRee1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're welcome to give yours as well

[–]throwawayred21316 points17 points  (4 children) | Copy

Core beliefs.

Growing up, you probably experienced things that reinforced these ideas that you’re not enough. Whether that’s the relationship with your mother, previous women, bullies, etc.

These events subconsciously reinforce negative things about yourself if they are repeated enough over time. In your case “I’m not enough”, so you go seeking approval for every action you take with your girlfriend. Your thoughts influence your actions.

The way out is to dive deep into your past and figure out the events that have caused you to develop these beliefs that you’re not enough, depressed and whatever else is bothering you.

I’d recommend 20 minutes meditation after rising every day for 90 days, no PMO, cold showers and a journal. I guarantee after 2 weeks of meditation, you will begin to catch these negative thoughts as they pass through your mind, and figure out the triggers/actual reason you believe them. Write all that shit down and let it go.

Doing this self administered CBT has done a ton more for my mental state then seeing a therapist. DM me if you want more pointers and books to read about this.

[–]OllyOlly_OxenFree6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not OP but can you send me those resources on meditating and self managed CBT please? Thank you.

[–]KaRzual[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Currently 30 days on no porn/no masturbation. Altough i noticed that when i feel down and have no things to do i may look on some porn pictures. Something to work on.

You're right with seeking approval. i'm tired of that shit, it's leeching me of force to live. What would you reccomnd to write in the journal? I mean what specific aspects of my day.

[–]throwawayred2130 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sent you a DM.

[–]Li0nhearted0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm interested too in the self managed CBT

[–]forsaken_in_the_dark8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

You sound like you have no mission. What's your mission?

[–]KaRzual[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Create great body (by lifting), master knowledge about human's behaviour (college, books). I would say these are the main two. Sadly 60% of my time i think about women like im fixated about them.

[–]forsaken_in_the_dark4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This could be a problem. This seems to be like an addiction then? I don't know how to solve it. I'd look into getting more hobbies, maybe learning an instrument or stock exchange.

[–]1rad_dynamic3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I honestly do not think that these are real missions. Sure, they are really great interests, but I don't think they are missions. Watch this video explaining how to find your purpose and mission.

[–]dusara2171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Neither of these missions are higher than yourself. As human beings, we are hardwired to seek meaning by serving something that transcends our own pettiness. You need to find a Mission that you can be passionate about, and, speaking from personal experience, mere self development won't be enough of a Mission. Find a career goal and pursue it with everything you have. Find a way to serve your community and create a mission out of that.

TRP is largely based in a perspective on evolutionary psychology. You hit the right switches in a woman's head, and she will be attracted to you due to her own evolved biology. One of the switches in the heads of every man is the purpose switch - and it can't be flipped unless you find a mission to strive for that is larger than just you, even if that means just being a good father or son.

[–]Reprimanded_Duck9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

"Physical Stamina is the root of mental toughness."

I used to be a social outcast-- completely awkward and terrified around girls. But I didn't want to be a loser so I chose the hardest path in life. I study Engineering, I work out avidly, I diet, and I'm hoping to some day join the Marines as an officer. I embraced discipline and through that I gained in mental fortitude.

By taking the hardest path I could in life, my life has become easy. I mean this in the sense that I am no longer below my peers. Naturally we grow into the shoes we wear and the lifestyle we live. When I started college, I was a timid, skinny weirdo. Two years later I'm a funny guy with lots of friends, a great job, good with girls, and I'm built like a silverback gorilla. I've surpassed most people who once would have intimidated me, but am now either on their level or above them in a humble, stern older brotherly sense. When I meet someone who is an overachiever and inspires me, I work hard to get on their level. Piggy backing off their methods and disciplines.

You can do it OP. Especially in your 20's. Make yourself attractive and you'll find a girl who cares about you and makes you happy. It hasn't happened to me just yet-- I got my heart broke by a Russian girl a couple months back that sent me into a depression, but the rebound has made me stronger and it was a loving and wonderful relationship while it lasted. If you want something in life, develop a strategy to get it. In your particular case, I would suggesting growing muscles, forcing yourself into intimidating social situations like approaching girls for their numbers, and grow a mullet.

[–]KaRzual[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Lifting is so fucking important. I started my mass cycle yesterday, im so excited about getting bigger and stronger, no need to worried about that. About approaching, when i'm not in mood (60% on time) i just can't come to a girl. I ffel not enough, i feel that i don't deserve her. That shit paralyzes me.

Hope you get over this girl, cheers.

[–]Reprimanded_Duck 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

In this case, you probably need to find peace with yourself and your inner conflict. You need to find out why you don’t have any confidence in yourself. If you are already in great physical shape and you have good facial hygiene, hair, and posture— then it’s simply your mind that is not right. Try reading the book “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius and the Bible, specifically psalms and proverbs to begin with.

[–]KaRzual[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Took Medidations from the shelf. Ready to read today.

Thank you too, happy to talk to people like you.

[–]reddit309 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

and grow a mullet.

LMFAO why.

before RP i was rocking a half ponytail like geralt of rivia and it ended up just looking dumb as fuck like a mullet. whyd u suggest his?!?! lmao

[–]Organicital7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Attachment leads to suffering. Buddha.

Learn to except the uncertainty of life. You have the choice to control your own destiny.

Read some stoic philosophy.

[–]MisplacedSanityP5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Some of this will be simply maturing and experiencing more of life. Also, your brain isn't technically fully developed until your mid 20s. I certainly felt the way you felt when I was in my early 20s(25 now). I wish I could help in the interim, I hate seeing destroyed men, but I got out of it not through effort, but just through as I said before, maturing and having more experience. Be happy you found TRP. By the time I found it, I had already gotten out of the phase you are in right now, but it sky-rocketed me from nihilism and accepting life sucks to actually leading a life I look forward to every single day.

[–]KaRzual[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, kind words.

[–]weweboom 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

i don't have any advice for you but people on this subreddit are going to say mean things to you about this lol

[–]KaRzual[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's fine as long as it's constructive criticism

[–]1redhawkes6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yea, better create a pillow fortress in your mom's basement and wear tin foil hat, that's how your feels won't get hurt.

Stop adding noise if you don't have anything constructive to say.

[–]naroadi4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

When you get those feelings of not being enough or when you worry about what she thinks of you just do something you like or something to improve yourself. Everyone here is gonna tell you go lift more, but other things work too. Learn a new skill, read a new book, play a video game. When I worry about those or when someone is not answering my text i simply try to move on to the next activity. Dont express those feelings to your gf. Never. She'll lose all the respect she has for you. Also you can request affection and still hold frame. Find a balance that gives you the least discomfort. Good luck man, I know you're gonna be fine

[–]KaRzual[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Thank you. I found that finding balance in romantic relationship is hella hard.

What about expressing dissapointment? I feel angry when i dont have sex before going to sleep. That pisses me off very much.

[–]naroadi1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Multiple ways of solving this. Make sure you are clear when you initialize it. If you get denied often make a reward/punishment system based on your attention.Try discussing it casually or make flirty jokes about it. As an ultimate stand you have to think if its worth scavenging this relationship or not. If it is read about dread levels and follow them, if not. Find someone better

[–]KaRzual[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would say that dread works poorly in that case. She feels unwanted when i deny contact for 3-4 days. After taking the pill talking with gf about getting sex seems like a wack idea.

Jokes? Yeah, best one i think. And is it worth it? Well, we come to scarcity mentallity...

[–]naroadi1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Then, yeah. Try to find that balance of holding frame and being affectionate. Be the best version of yourself and the anxiety and needing of love should be gone too

[–]Justanotherredditt4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I grew up with helicopter parents who, no matter what I tried to do to please them, would always find something wrong in what I am doing. I was punished for what they felt were inadequacies, and if I ever made a mistake they would rub it in my face and say “maybe next time you will listen to your parents.” This feeling of inadequacy was reinforced through the breakups with various LTRs (the breakups probably had to do with my feeling this as well).

You cannot put your happiness in the hands of anyone else except yourself. When you expect for your girlfriend to give you this unachievable feeling of being wanted and loved, you’re setting up your LTR for failure. She will also start to resent you because she will not be able to fulfill your needs to the extent you seek, and it will bother her. When you expect for people to make you feel a certain way, or to act as you see fit, you will always be disappointed, and it will only break you further.

You have to understand that whatever happened to you in the past forms you into what you are today, but that does not mean you must continue to act in the ways that bother or are destructive to you. You hold that power. The fact that you recognize your faults here is a huge first step. The next step would be to be mindful of your needy behavior and your expectations and to keep them in check. After you do this for some time, you won’t have to keep them in check anymore because you will have changed your perception and actions, it becomes second nature.

Discipline. You already proved to yourself that you can implement it in other areas of your life, it’s time to start implementing it into your emotions.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I agree and i know it. She can't give me happiness, it's my job to. I'll focus on observing my needy behaviours, any other tips?

[–]Justanotherredditt1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Really what I did was cut off contact from all those who seem to have opinions on how I live my life. This gives me the opportunity to live life as I see fit, without having clucking chickens in my head trying to give their 2 cents. Your situation is a bit different then mine but I will say that the best thing you can do is notice when you feel needy and are looking for validation and just say to yourself “stop”. After a few weeks/months, your brain will literally shut these feelings off. Discipline will save you.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, another new aspect in my 'change arsenal'.

[–]AndemanMan2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

you will get stronger. one of the most important things I was ever told about lifting and exercise in general is that 'shaking is good'. when your muscles are so depleted that you cannot lift the bar without trembling violently, never mind you think you look pathetic and weak, it is only then that your muscles come back stronger.

continue to practice, continue to assert your emotional strength until you shiver. you will be stronger next time. one day you will be invincible.

[–]KaRzual[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man, throwing shit at us makes us just stronger in the long run i guess.

[–]DerpJungler2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

What i got from this is that RP taught you little, or you didnt externalize the theories and knowledge correctly.

You said youve been on the sub for 3 years and you have a year old LTR. Did you play the game before entering the relationship? Did you experience different women etc? A common mistake some guys do, is using TRP just to get THE girl, their "crush" or however betas describe a girl that makes them blind. If you slept with other women you would understand ABUNDANCE mentality, which would also result in those feelings - described in your relationship - go away.

On the other hand, maybe your gf is not supportive enough etc. But fuck that, you dont need female support. Women exist to give us good sex, provide value to our lives by making our time enjoyable and in the end, carry our children. If your girl doesnt fulfill you, find another girl that will.

I know, this sounds like "basic dump your girl and stop being a bitch" type of talk, but its not. You must search inside and find out what you REALLY want from your girl. Otherwise, youre wasting your best years on a scrappy LTR while you could be fucking other women and living your damn life. Find what you really want.

Lastly, fuck therapy, my brother (4 yrs older) have been going to therapy after his girl dumped him, and therapy made him even more blue pilled. Get your emotional stress out at the gym. Hit the damn iron, have sex, read books ("The subtle art of not giving a fuck" is my recommendation here) meditate and find what you want from your life and how to get it.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you. I started playing before i entered the relationship and i still do. It just hurts me. It's tiring. I know why and how TRP principles work but i can't say it's easy to implement them with my background.

I did experience sex with only one woman before. Kissed with few others. Whats stoping me from approaching and going full ape is that feeling of being not enough. I KNOW that i'm relatively handsome and clever guy, but i FEEL i don't deserve these girls. That's the problem right there. Any idea?

[–]DerpJungler1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

but i FEEL i don't deserve these girls. That's the problem right there. Any idea?

I feel you. I used to have the same problems for MANY years. (18 - 22). What fixed it for me is, like mentioned before, Lifting. Lifting raises your testosterone and serotonin, which as a result, will make you feel happier and more confident. Confidence is key, and to build confidence you need to hit the gym, work on self improvement (mental aspects as well), and keep trying with women. Have a DGAF attitude when approaching/chatting/engaging. If she rejects, no biggie, on to the next one. PUAs have a lot of techniques on this topic but a simple advice is to accept rejection, use it to your advantage (by working on your mistakes etc.) and keep going.

Raise your SMV by focusing on self improving (both physically and mentally) and with time, you will find the sweet spot.

There's a thousand posts on the side bar and daily posts in TRP sub regarding approaching girls and successfully winning/engaging/seducing them. Use these theories - tailored to your strengths and preferences - and go have em! If it's a supportive, LTR you're looking for, the only way to find it is by taking chances with multiple girls, spin plates until you find the one that FITS. But never prioritize looking for LTR material girls, your priority should be sex and having fun first, then it's up to her to WIN or lose you.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great response, thanks. I got sidebar read at least one time. My looks aren't my problem, it's all in my head.

Started my mass cycle yesterday, i'm so excited, i hope i can get that confidence boost and get to work on approaching.

[–]Hot_Pink_Knob2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You clearly have abandonment issues, I'd go see a professional. But the best thing that can happen to you, and I hope it does, is that your girlfriend leaves you. Why you may ask? Well you're going to realise that absolutely nothing is going to happen to you. Yeah you may be depressed and lonely for a while, but you'll live, you'll grow stronger and learn new things about yourself, you'll survive. Also you're pretty young so that explains a lot, I was like this too with my first girlfriend, but I feel like you have more deeply rooted problems, which is why you need to see a professional.

[–]CavAv8tr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Now that is a reply I needed to hear! Kind of in the same place right now, and I while intellectually I know what you are saying is right; I am having problems emotionally internalizing it...

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

which is why you need to see a professional.

Yeah i mentioned that i'm going through a therapy for over a year now. But yeah, after my first gf left me (we were 2,5 years together) it fucking hurt. But from the perspective of time? I'm grateful for that - first, she was a dumb bitch (but gorgeous), second, it learned me to deal with loneliness while being alone. Now i struggle with loneliness being in a relationship.

[–]NoFaithInThisSub 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Hey listen man, i don't know you, i probably will never meet you, but hear me out:

You are awesome.

As good as parts of TRP is, it's really not enough in life. For me, the major gaps are filled with Christianity (The Bible is a fairly RP book if you look into it without a modern feminist perspective.)

You need a major goal in life, outside yourself. Once you find this purpose, you will start lining up everything to produce a great force to drive towards that goal/s. This will include diet, training, sleep, mindset changes. Maybe you need some solid male influence to guide you, father figures and such, maybe you need a counselor, a prayer, a kind word, something or whatever. Do not let emotions rule over you and your thoughts.

Remember, you are awesome, you just don't know it yet.

God bless you. Stay strong.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you kindly for this response. I miss solid male influence in my life. Diet/training/sleep are constantly worked on and improved, however finding a "father figure" outside of own father is pretty unclear for me.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

holds your back

Everything is going to be ok.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks mate, i needed that. In the long run everything will be fine.

[–]rizzyfromthe92 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you really want to be comfortable, sounds like you're really soft, sounds like you don't want to be a man.

Fuck THAT. Embrace discomfort, grow into that man you want to be. Crying about how things aren't how they should be isn't going to change anything.

[–]dusara2172 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Happiness can't come from outside of you, it can only come from the actions and thoughts you choose. I would highly, highly recommend you do some reading up on Stoicism and get an understanding of how to be happy regardless of circumstance. TRP is a tool to use for sexual strategy and learning how to succeed as a social creature, but no amount of social success will make you happy unless you have your own Mission and Purpose to strive for. If you do nothing else for your happiness, read Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning." It is essentially a field-tested manual about how to live a good life in the face of a world of suffering.

Read Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Read the Enchiridion by Epictetus. Read the Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Read the Dialogues of Seneca. Understand that happiness is not something you pursue, it is something you discover within you.

[–]1redhawkes3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

This is a prime example of why using RP for bp goals is going to bite your ass.

Bud, read on codependency. Im tired answering this question that pops up every other day for a kid that looks for mommy in his ltr.

Also, Rollo's Mental Point Of Origin and Internal Locust Control. You're still young.

[–]KaRzual[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, i agree, im codependent as fuck. Time has come to change it.

[–]Agnael 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

if you don't like it then downvote it and don't enter just to comment unnecesary mean shit

[–]1redhawkes1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Why taking advice from someone that doesn’t follow what he preaches.

Another hint, if you think that up/down votes have any meaning here, you’re in the wrong sub.

Another one, build pillow fortress in your moms basement, you’ll be safe there.

[–]Agnael 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

I'm preaching to not be mean to a guy that is just trying to cope and improve himself

[–]1redhawkes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tough love motherfucker. Iron sharpens the iron.


[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dude named Red Hawk Freudian slips about eating too many grasshoppers.... we got your number buddy!

[–]RedsealBlueshift1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I feel for you man. I come from a similar background and I experience the same emotions sometimes, and I also had a bunch of shit from the military to work through. The first thing to understand is that it’s going to be okay, it really is brother. You’re stronger than you know.

In my experience, that love and support that you crave can only come from two sources: yourself, and good, strong male friends that you can call your brothers. Focus on developing your own strength first:

  1. Journal at least a little everyday, focusing on your current feelings, goals, and what you are grateful for. I write just a few sentences while I have my morning coffee.

  2. Become more physically active. Working out, hiking, walking around the city, starting any martial arts, are all great choices.

  3. Develop a progress oriented mindset. It’s not always about results, sometimes the best a man can do is take one step forward, and if you can’t do that then you fucking crawl. There is honor in this. You can proudly say, “I’m not perfect, I’m not the way I want to be yet, but I’m a better man than I was yesterday/last week/last month.” Be forgiving with yourself, yet stern, and always aim to improve.

Hope this helps brother. Take care of yourself.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck me, but that's the message that's full of love. Thank you for that.

I see that journal is an important thing, few of you guys mentioned it.

[–]RedsealBlueshift0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Journaling keeps you focused on your goals, and aware of where you currently are. I prefer to do it in the morning because I can start my day with intention. Read back through your entries from time to time and you’ll develop understanding of yourself and others, and from understanding comes growth.

[–]bestsparkyalive1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good on you for opening up like this. It’s a big step in the right direction my dude. There’s a lot of valuable stuff here for you to soak up. Good luck on your journey.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, i needed a space to speak up. I'm glad that you guys helped me. Many material here.

[–]GooeyLoveJuice1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

  1. You want unconditional acceptance, trust and loyalty? Get Male friends. You already know you will never find that in something with a vagina.

  2. Process your emotions in a constructive way. Exercise or write music - put them to work.

  3. No one will ever love you as much as you love yourself.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

RP basics. My problem isn't not knowing them, but rather still craving it emotionally. How did you develop self love?

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]Goal10der1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would read about ego death. Sorry to add another thing in this thread, lots of great ideas above. Read and lift forsure. Have a few role models you look up too. There have been many men in your position who grew up to be very successful. Find them. Learn there stories. But back to ego death. Read up on them and meditate. Ego death has helped me take things less seriously. Have more fun in the moment. Non duality by Paul hedderman is a good YouTube video to watch. Best of luck, you badass mofo!

[–]KettleLogic1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm no contact with my mum as well. What therapy are you doing? If you aren't doing CBT ask about it. CBT is Red pill as fuck.

For the here and now if you find yourself crumbling daily set up a worry hour. It's a time reserved specifically to falling to shit. This trains yourself to delay onset the depression then all of a sudden you find yourself missing the worry hour or not needing it. Boom you've controlled your emotions in constructive way.

Finally, dude it's fine to have weakness you just have to not burden those you love with it. Handle it yourself in stoic meditation. It's for you and your therapist.

[–]BusterVadge1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

CBT (cognitive behavior therapy not cock and ball torture). It is what you need in the long term. In the short term focus all of your energy into your mission, as other men here have stated.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Already a year on it. Feeling kinda still but trying to move forward with it.

[–]3chazthundergut1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You will never find your happiness from a woman. Never ever ever. She is incapable of being the emotional support that you need.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I get it. It's just sad i can't lay back sometimes with her and tell to myself "fuck it" and relax.

[–]yumyumgivemesome1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

In so many ways, I think we all truly crave security -- that goes the same for men and women. Of course, we all crave security in different ways. For some it is physical safety, others it is financial comfort, others it is being welcomed by a group of friends, others being unconditionally loved by another, etc. And most of us crave a combination of several of those. In fact, I would hypothesize that we all need most of those, but we usually don't notice the ones that we have always had.

Talking to others is a great start. Simply knowing that you're not alone is extremely powerful. In comparison with your psychological state, TRP is sort of a brute force fix. That is, TRP advises continually working to improve yourself and making changes to your world that you think would benefit it. I have no doubt that following that type of advice will improve all of our mental states. Unfortunately, it doesn't address your situation specifically. It sort of gives you something powerful and healthy to focus on while figuring everything else out.

[–]KaRzual[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I got very much help from this thread, for which i'm grateful. It is brute force, but damn, how needed brute force.

[–]AquaticTurtle981 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The truth is things might or might not turn out okay . But with enough positive reinforcement your subconcious will change and these thoughts will go away. Time is the only cure. Keep going to therapy , do what YOU love, and read into stoicism, it really helped with my anxiety. Things that are outside of your control shouldn’t affect you. Life is rough buddy, however its not only lows but highs as well. Take care and love yourself. Ego above all. Cheers man.

[–]Sero-Flex1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Becoming a member of a tribe has helped me immensely with a lot of the issues you’re struggling with. It’s been killing me to be away from my martial arts gym and my teammates these past few weeks (broken collarbone). Being a part of a focused goal oriented group is massively beneficial to mental health in this day and age just as it’s always been throughout our history as a species.

[–]McVaghunter0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If I'm not important to my gf then I have no reason to live

Being this blue pilled after 3 years of lurking TRP, smh
It's just pussy, you enjoy it while it's your tur... You know what, fuck it, you haven't learn a thing in 3 years, you're not gonna start now. You're blue pilled... Embrace it, I guess.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are not right. I learned many things. Being codependent and needy is something very deeply rooted in me. That's why i wrote that post, time has come to change it.

And we are all blue pilled in some cases, you are not black/white either.

[–]_Ulan_ 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy

Although I am sorry for your situation here is some constructive criticism.

There is a cognitive trick where one's brain envisions a fictional situation, and finds it better than the outside world.

  • Someone holding a secret will think about sharing that secret with his friend, he'll imagine the comfort of getting the secret off his chest. His mental will be extremely sad to return to reality where he has to keep his mouth shut.

  • Someone with a GF will think of connecting deeper with the girl. Letting go of his feels and emotions. As soon as the imagination starts rolling, it is very difficult to resume to your current life. It feels like he's got deprived of this happiness just by cutting off this temporary dream.

  • Someone with a routine job will briefly picture his life if he won the lottery. He will picture himself having a sweet cocktail by the beach, and returning to his boring old life is the most painful feeling.

The patter is always the same : Your brain starts a mental wank where it can get all the good chemicals running, but it can't finish off because it's only fiction and real life is calling you back. It feels like stopping half-way during sex and starting to work on an accounting spreadsheet.

The first important point is that you should remind yourself the value of what IS REAL. If you were playing a game of monopoly with your friends, and you "dreamed" that you had 20000$ extra to but all the houses in that street, that would be stupid. Real life is a GAME, you can't decide the rules but you were made for this game, actually you EXCEL at it.

The second important point is that you don't need to fight against your imagination. If you like to imagine yourself with a loving mum who cooks meals for you every day, then GET TO THE END of that dream : How long til you get bored ? How long until you wish other people see you like an achiever rather than momma's son ?

A lot of people who dream about all sort of things don't dare to reach the end of that dream and realise that "resting in peace" gets boring and unrewarding. It's great to use your brain to explore options, projects opportunities. But you have to get to the end of it and not fall for the illusion of comfort.

[–]KaRzual[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Wow, that's profound.

Point one - i think that lifting and studying is real. Making myself better.

Point two - To let it be? Imagine it without limitations? The time has come to end the dream. My relationships hurt becouse of that. It's enough. I don't want to be a kid anymore, i want to grow to being a man. And by writing this i think this is my main unwritten goal. Become a MAN.

[–]_Ulan_ 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Point #1 : Yes, and even though it's not as great as your comfortable headspace, if fcking real and that's gold ! A thousand dreamed lives aren't worth one's real life

Point #2 : What I was trying to explain is that it is toxic to think 'I'm not allowed to dream anymore' and whip yourself until you stop. Mental projections & imagination works like attraction : You can't control it and you shouldn't. But you can channel the result into something useful.

I personally find it near impossible to create motivation out of thin air. I naturally get those uncontrollable moods that pop up in my head : "I want hot girls", "I want social validation", "I wish I had a highsalary", "I wish I was loved unconditionally"

And my job is to shape them into something useful. "Hit th gym", "Go to an open mic night and get experience", "Push that extra mile at work", "Treat myself with the love I deserve"

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I can understand these 3 first moods and ways to "fulfill" them. However "I wish I was loved unconditionally" is only possible by being loved by yourself. How do you do/practice it?

[–]CavAv8tr1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ulan is bang on! Have you heard of "mental rehearsals"? You think about the optimal outcome and then rehearse the actions required in your mind. This is highly effective (it's a less spiritual wankiness version of "the Secret" i guess).

I used to mentally rehearse every mission when I in the army. from Physical Fitness tests, to the range, to flights.

Read Warrior Mindset

[–]omega_dawg930 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

as i was told as a young man...

"men are not given anything in this world... you must work for everything you want including love."

your mother's love is the only guaranteed love you'll ever have but since that's lost, you need to NOT look for that unconditional love from any other woman.


don't waste your time trying... looking... searching for some girl to love you on that level. she won't & she never will. the love you receive will be conditional and based on your contributions to her life. see briffaults law.

my advice: focus on you first and above all others. then, before it's too late, do what you have to do to repair your relationship with your mom.

personally, i love my mom but i can admit that even tho i do love her, i really don't like her. we need each other so we make the relationship work.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy


Grasping that is very important. I try to do that every time i feel not getting "enough" affection from my gf.

Speaking of my mom, we had a major fight. My dad told me how she cheated on him with my own uncle. She spoke some very harsh and vulgar words on my previous gf and didn't even thought to just say sorry to me...

I know how important it is to have a decent relationship with mother, but in some cases it's nearly impossible without her wanting to apologize.

[–]omega_dawg931 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

women are gonna be women... they're human. and yes, even moms can disappoint you big time.

if she cheated with your uncle, that's all I'd need to know in dealing with her. she's obviously an "in the moment, nothing matters but how I feel" person.

but then again, AWALT.

[–]slaterhuckle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You should read that book No More Mr Nice Guy

[–]OfficerWade0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I learned to say this in therapy...

I know how you feel

I felt the same way

What I found is , you just have to be happy with what you got. Never regret a day in your life because you never when it’s over

[–]1Bigfatblob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus and gym sounds like your best option son. Take a deep breath and trust there will be a better day. Find a community to get social interaction from other than your girl, that itself will make you stronger and being away from her more, more attractive.

[–]Abnull0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like TRP hasn't helped you that much. Your still suffering from the core beta insecurities.

You have placed your girlfriend as your self worth. Dumb bro. If anything TRP should have taught you that girls are emotional and unstable. Do you want to place your self worth in something emotional and unstable? No wonder you are feeling fucked up.

What you need is to gain some self respect. Do things in your life that a version of you that you respect would do. Start with dumping your girlfriend. Ether that or getting a second one.

It also sounds like you don't fully understand TRP. Read Rollos three books.

Point 2: Girls can be loving and caring, for the right guy, a guy they respect. They can be almost everything you want them to be if you are a man with balls and determination.

Don't listen to butt hurt guys on askTRP about how a woman can never really be yours and she will always leave you. Maybe if your a little wimp.

Girls work like this. They need to respect you to be attracted to you. This means you need to be uncompromisingly you. And you need a ton of balls. If a better guy comes into her life that she respects more than you, it will put her respect for you into contrast with her respect for the new guy. While she may respect you the same, it will feel to her like she respects you less and she will start to lose attraction.

The fix is to be a fucking g in the first place and don't care if she leaves or not. Not caring if she leaves will get you ultimate respect.

Girls are simple. Gain some balls, and some self respect that is based solely on you and nobody else.

Another life saved.

[–]un_knownguy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First of all I think you need to learn to love yourself, and stop focusing your women as your main goal in life.

Also you must know the reason why women seem to be able to cope with these things better than us is a matter of options, it's very hard to match women when it comes to options available, you could either try to get to their level of options and work on yourself like a crazy man, or take into account your limitations and current situation and respond with an asimetry response.

[–]Nudelwalker0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

hey, beeing a man doesnt mean you should not show feelings to your woman. Redpill is truth, but not all of it and not always. I experienced with my hot GF that the moment i opened up to her and talked about my feelings it made our relationship so much deeper and we bonded so much.

Try it.

I know i will get downvoted here but try it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Make brothers in arms.

[–]DarkWolfBG0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hello, there!
I feel you, I'm with quite similar background.
And as you I'm with the same mother love deficiency. Most men are. In our current world the strong families are too few, the mothers tend to neglect to their children or over-obsess with them, the fathers are not good role models, and the relationship between mother and father is not healthy. Given those circumstances it's almost impossible to grow a child which gender "energy" is centered.
My previous relationship was with a girl with which I fell in love in quite unhealthy way - with my mommy issues and her father's ones we were match made in hell.
She craved for any male attention and was feeding on it, and I thought that being nice, supportive and understanding can help her through.
When I felt that the things between us are falling apart, I started looking for answers. This was the darkest part of my life so far. Anxiety attacks, depression, I cried for the first time in my adult life. Somewhere in this time a friend of mine gave me Corey's book, and I entered the redpill world.
I tried applying the rules from it, building a frame and maintaining it, but the things were too FOBAR between us. I gathered all the balls I had and dumped her. She tried tricking me into continuing our relationship a few times, but since I got no confirmation that she'll meet my requirements, I rejected her.
One of the best decision of my life.
I'm together with my current girlfriend since a little more than year. Initially I thought that I overcome my deficiencies and will have no more issues maintaining my frame. Wrong. As I grow more attached I as you were constantly looking for approval, craving for her attention. When she was out with her friends for a night or few days I started getting anxious again. Loosing sleep, constantly thinking what is she doing, checking her location on maps (we share locations with each-other) and afterwards correlating it with her stories etc.
Long story short, I was on the same page as you are a few months ago. I even have a similar post here.
However, the thing that was a game changer for me was digging deeper into myself and understanding what exactly I was lacking emotionally. At some point i realised that was her attention. Even the thought that she may turn her attention to somebody else was straight hit directly in the wound. Showing interest in somebody else, being able to have fun without me, etc. For me that was the breaking point. Knowing exactly what I craved for, putting it in words. This moves it from one section of the brain to another which is related to knowledge not fear. There was a transition period of a couple of months before this happened, and I think I still haven't finish it, since I have some minor flashbacks, but now I'm really in my frame. Not just acting it, but being there.
Now I don't mind if she goes someplace without me, or doesn't kiss me on goodbye or whatever. At one point this was very hard for me, since she is not of the girls that hang on your neck constantly, doesn't show much affection and in general.
My 2 cents are - find exactly what are you lacking. Every time you feel it, call it. "I just want her attention/touch/etc." Find it, define it and name it. As I said purely on physiological level it moves the information from one section of the brain which is associated with fears to other, which is associated with knowledge.
Take a look into that it may help you additionally. It's Jordan Peterson's self help and improvement program that could help you a lot if you are into that kind of stuff.
Good luck and take care!

[–]BluBlac590 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

NEVER expect a woman to understand or approve of male behavior. Understand that no one can bring you happiness. Set some small goals and achieve them. If you really want a woman look for one that will be an asset to your life and not a liability. Go to YouTube and look for Eartha Kitt, on love and compromise. She was an actress and singer but her attitude is what many people need. There was no doubt about here confidence in herself. She was a Red Pill thinking woman for sure.

[–]senna85850 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I come from a similar background as you broken family father died etc.... from what I can see is that u have mommy issues and it’s transferring to your ltr best advice I can give u is before u get In a relationship know how to be alone u are looking for validation from women because u never got it from your mom? U have to be your own validator when u look in the mirror YOU have to be proud about what u see work on yourself achieve shit accomplish something therapy does not really help for men in my opinion, it’s too much time too feel sorry for yourself sorry if I’m being harsh but this is what I tell myself that’s my mindset I don’t allow my happiness be depended on other people.

[–]KaRzual[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You are right with mommy issues. I've come to this conclusion on therapy. How did you come to moment of self validating? What was the breaking point?

[–]senna85851 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

First I let go of my mother and gradually started improving myself I used to be addicted to cigarettes weed cocaine, sex, porn validation from women I quit all this by myself cold turkey started improving myself challenging myself and now I’m completely self reliant and confident growth comes from suffering and hard work as a man nobody gives a fuck. About you so start giving a fuck about yourself eat healthy meditate lift do martial arts and last but not least what I recommend u try for at least 3 months is semen retention it’s the most difficult thing I ever did but it creates huge amount of discipline and self respect

[–]KaRzual[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't masturbate, just having sex with gf like 3 times in a week. By semen retention you mean NOT having sex for 3 months?

[–]senna85851 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

At least 3 months

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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