A backstory first. My cousin was divorce raped hard a couple of years back. He and his then wife moved up North because she wanted to be near her parents with two kids in tow. My cousin found it difficult to make the same kind of money up North and the very clicky communities very hard to break through. In the end, for the last two years of the marriage (now with three kids in the picture), he spent the working week staying with his Mom and Dad to work in London and traveled back during the weekends.

Anyway, there came a day where he was sent divorce papers to his parents house. Simply put, there was a bit of a court battle with regards custody and the courts ruled in her favor. My cousin pays child support, spousal maintenance and the mortgage on the jointly owned house which the ex wife and kids stay in which he isn't allowed in anymore. Added to that, about 6 months after the divorce, the ex wife moved her new fella into the house which my cousin is paying for.

The long and short of it is, pretty much all my cousin works for is to pay his ex wife and the mortgage. He has limited contact with the kids as he can't afford the train tickets up there every weekend (nor to pay for the kids to come down). He still lives with his Mom and Dad and probably will do until he's 51. He can't petition for an order for sale of the house until the youngest child is 16; that's when he's 51.

A pretty sad story by all accounts.

It get's sadder!

The kids (in a rare occurrence) visited their Dad last weekend. After very reluctantly accepting some donations from a few family members, he could give the kids a bit of a time while they were down, show them around London and do a bit of sightseeing and take them to a concert on Saturday. We all thought the wife would scupper the plans (she has done before), but not this time it seems.

Anyway, Sunday morning the family is round to visit with the kids too, say hi, let them know we exist kind of thing. I was talking to his 7 year old about school and just asked how she was getting along. During the conversation, she said "Phil keeps telling me to work hard in school too!" (Phil = Fake name used = my cousin = her Dad).

I just said, "Phil talks to you about school?" She nodded her head. "Not 'Daddy'?" I inquired. She just shook her head and said, "No, Phil!"

I quickly realized that all his kids call him by name. They don't call him Dad. I left it alone and moved on. I didn't want to cause a scene. But he had overheard us and his face just told a million stories. It cut him, but he didn't let on too much.

I talked to him last night about the visit; he called wanting to sort out how he could pay me back what I gave him to take the kids out (I really don't want it back, happy to help).

We start talking about his daughter calling him Phil and not Dad. Well, there comes the waterworks of contents under pressure. He's basically fucked until he's 51 paying for all of this. He doesn't get to have a life. He can't even afford to move back out of his parents place despite drawing an enviable salary from his job! And his fucking kids call him by name! They don't even call him, Daddy!

None of the kids like the new guy living at their home; they don't call him Daddy either thankfully. I didn't hear this from the kids, but apparently the 7 year old is going through the lows and highs of the mixed up home and the fact that Daddy went away and now this guy is just there. The older kid is having problems in school, I'm guessing lack of Father figure. But trying to instill discipline in your kids when you're 300 miles away is a bit of a tough game.

The other plus side, it seems the kids actually enjoyed spending time with their Dad. Even though they can't quite call him that for some reason.

My cousin is the only reference point I need as a reason never ever to get married. I have no idea how as a species we are meant to procreate given this rise of ugly girl-power! It really is a mystery. Even when you do wife up someone you believe is the right girl, she could turn nasty on you in an instant and you're fucked, living with your parents until you're 50 odd and not a pot to piss in.