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[–]mdadm 19 points20 points21 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone
I have a serious problem with this. Pathological people pleaser.
I'm working on enacting some changes which will put me in a 'sink or swim' situation to sack up as all other methods I've tried to rectify this irritating trait have failed.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]lulsause00 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Replying so i can remember this, thank you.
[–]1ireallyamnothere 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
A few years ago I adopted the attitude of "If I haven't pissed at least one person off each day I probably wasn't doing my job."
I'm not saying to be an asshole, but recognize that the probability of not making everyone you meet happy is close to 100% and sometimes the fact that they are upset that they didn't get their way is just a sign that you are doing the right thing, especially when you work in the world of IT security.
[–]UnpluggedMaestro -3 points-2 points-1 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pissing off hackers are probably an especially good thing for people in your job. I'd hate my IT Security guy try to please hackers everyday.
[–]redpillhead 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You should give, No More Mr. Nice Guy, a read. I reread it recently and it really helps me to recharge me selfish batteries.
[–]TRP VanguardYouDislikeMyOpinion 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Can you give an example?
[–]mdadm 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not really -- its more of how I view the world. When in a group setting, I'm always sensitive to how everyone else is feeling, and will try my best to make sure everyone is comfortable etc.
Will go out of my way to make things better for others, only to never have them reciprocate.
[–][deleted] 32 points33 points34 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This was an excellent list of a) traits I try to cultivate in myself, and b) traits I find frustratingly lacking in women.
[–][deleted] 16 points17 points18 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
12 - They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything
In particular.
[–]Wiskie 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Only one I'm good at is #11. :\
[–]SarahC 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A fantastic chance to pick one of several places to start!
[–]shadymilkman_ 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thought it was a pretty good list. Good post.
[–]googly_doosra 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea shove it up your fucking asshole.
A bunch of pointless, feel good bullshit. People always attribute success to their own strengths, personality, character, and their "alphaness" while discounting luck, or the help they got along the way. This is why once somebody hits it big, they become a republitard conservative. "Its all my money, I EARNED it, I DESERVE it, all mine mine mine".
Conversely, you can only fail so many times before you start giving up. Look up reinforcement in psychology. You can't be "mentally strong" and use your awesome willpower to become 10kceoaday because "anybody can do anything".
Luck plays an enormous role in individual success and the difference between otherwise similar people's lives.
Fuckin a right it does. But people who luck into wealth, or good jobs thinks its all them. They are "special".
when the reality is generally that there are hundreds or thousands of equally talented people who work just as hard, who weren't in the right place at the right time or don't have the exact same freakish genes or opportunities in life or whatever -- who didn't win the lottery.
Yep. But don't interrupt the Tony Robbins circle jerk. Anybody can do anything. Its just about working hard. If you work hard, you can do anything...
fucking idiots. I don't know where people get the nerve to assume that those who are less successful than them are that way because of a lack of effort, or intelligence.
[–]choice_for_men -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
I think (9) is pretty much irrelevant to the topic. Luck plays an enormous role in individual success and the difference between otherwise similar people's lives. Individual circumstances (like who your parents are, what genes you have, whatever lottery balls do or don't bounce your way) vary widely and are beyond anyone's control. Acknolwedging the inequities in the human condition and being a little bit bitter about getting shafted in spite of hard work, when you see other people getting loads of goods handed to them for virtually nothing, is not a sign a weakness. It's a sign of awareness.
[–]mitomart 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
The way I understood #9 was that you shouldn't envy others or resent their success, even if it was handed to them. It's the complete opposite of the reddit hivemind that can best be described with: "ramen noodles amirite? the rich need to pay more taxes. here laugh at this guy who got into an accident with an expensive car."
[–]choice_for_men -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I guess I take issue with the "success comes with hard work" bit. No, it doesn't always. It makes you more LIKELY to succeed on average.
But plenty of people who work as hard as anyone still get handed shit sandwiches, and plenty of people who barely work at all get a disproportionately high amount of spoils, because of luck or randomness. Celebrating the randomly lucky people is not, in my view, a sign of strength -- it is more like submitting to groupthought that these people are somehow better than the less lucky, when the reality is generally that there are hundreds or thousands of equally talented people who work just as hard, who weren't in the right place at the right time or don't have the exact same freakish genes or opportunities in life or whatever -- who didn't win the lottery.
[–]mitomart 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't think it should be celebrated either, but the way you write about this topic gives me the feeling that you have some very strong feelings about people who have always had it easy. It seems like it bugs you so much it's preventing you from being successful.
I know a guy I went to school with whose family is filthy rich. Like hundreds of millions of dollars rich. I see him around town in all kinds of exotic cars (even the Bugatti Veyron) and, even though I know he wouldn't have all of that if he were to start from scratch, I still don't hate him for it. I might hate him for acting like a douche, but not for his family being super rich and allowing him the luxuries that come with it. I might hate his parents more for raising him wrong, but not for them being rich.
I also have a client who is super rich. He came to America approximately 10 years ago and started out valet parking cars for a living. I know his family isn't/wasn't rich before and just from interacting with him I can tell that he has the right mindset a successful person should have. Pretty much everything listed in the article.
I look at their wealth and it helps me work harder to achieve my own success.
[–]gg_s 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
Luck has little to do with it. It's all about resources (time and money) and strategy. People getting shit sandwiches are buying linear money with time (employment). People who supposedly barely work are buying exponential money with money (investments).
TRP is all about sexual strategy for specific results. Financial strategy is no different. Is luck a factor? Slightly. But given equal parts discipline, effort, and time, most people can realize the benefits of an optimal strategy. (Hint: employment is a terribly inefficient wealth strategy.)
[–]googly_doosra 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
(Hint: employment is a terribly inefficient wealth strategy.)
you are a fucking retard. If you have nothing useful to say, fuck off. Employment is a very good strategy to feed yourself, buy a home and pay the fucking bills. Just because you have some secret strategy for "non-linear" money (which you don't share because you are so fucking awesome), doesn't mean its viable, or even remotely interesting for the 99.999% of other people. Take your "hint" and shove it up your ass, idiot.
Everybody can't be a beach bum, some of us have to work to pay for your fucking lifestyle.
[–]mitomart 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
In my other comment where I mentioned you seem to have some deeply embedded resent, this is exactly what I meant.
Edit: just realized I replied to someone else, but I think the same can apply here.
Some just have it easier than others. Life is not fair. Even though you are not a millionaire you are still better off than people in the world who might be literally starving.
Even when shit gets bad for me, I always think about how I have a roof over my head and I never go to sleep with an empty stomach.
Once you start being a bit more positive with your outlook on life, you will be helping your chances of becoming successful.
[–]googly_doosra -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
you still believe that "hard work" makes you successful.
you still believe that people are aren't as successful (success in North america means having money) are not smart enough, not intelligent enough, and don't work 'hard'.
if you want to worship money, and those who have it, thats your choice. you just don't accept the argument that success isn't causal. work hard = be successful, it doesn't work like that.
and it has nothing to do with the ultra wealthy driving veyrons and ferraris. I don't want all that. I want my due. I just want my due for following my fucking life script.
I don't know how old you are but you should try talking to some young people. Tell them they don't have jobs because they "didn't work hard enough", and are "entitled". Tell all the unemployed science and engineering graduates that indians from the third world are much much smarter than them, coming from a third world degree mill. Thats why they don't get jobs....some degree mill in bangalore is clearly superior to a western education.
I have a feeling thats what cock suckersl ike you say. "You are not entitled to jobs".
People like you would rather kick people who are down, and shit on people only slightly below them on the totem pole, in the hopes of impressing those who are wayy up on top.
An entire generation of drunken, drug addled fuckers lucked into immense wealth and lived during the height of western prosperity (baby boomers, early gen Xers) and then they tell us, we are "entitled" and "don't work hard enough".
[–]mitomart 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Being successful is entirely open to interpretation. For me, being successful means spending time with my family and living comfortably without having to worry about bills. Not being super rich or driving a veyron (which I'm sure you wouldn't mind either). Around the world success is almost always directly linked to money since money is what secures your basic needs in life as well as the entertainment and other luxuries one might enjoy.
And about this "due" you speak of. I don't know you, but since you took the liberty of making assumptions about me, I'll do the same about you. What have you done that makes you believe you are entitled to your due? Just because you went to school and got a degree does not mean you automatically get a job. Who wrote your life script? Aren't you in charge of that? It's never too late to change the ending of the script.
I said it before and I'll say it again. The only thing holding you back is your attitude. I tired to explain it to you in a nicer way in my previous comment but you have immersed yourself so deep into your own negative world of thoughts that you automatically fired back with rage and direct attacks without even knowing who I am.
So without being nice anymore: Life is not fucking fair. No one owes you shit. There are starving people in this world who whine less than you. You got a degree and can't find a job? Tough luck, learn something else or keep at it long enough until you find one if that's what being successful means to you. I didn't have money to go to college after high school and instead of taking out student loans or flipping burgers I taught myself skills which were in demand and started charging a pretty penny for my services. Make yourself useful instead of sitting on your ass and whining for a handout. If you didn't have your head so high up your ass you would realize that I'm not the type of person to kick people down. I tired to help you but you already have your mind set.
And for the record, I'm 23.
No one owes you shit.
No shit sherlock. You think I don't know? You really think I don't know this? Conversely, I don't owe anybody shit either other than my closest friends. The next time you complain about politics, and how society is going down the shitter, remember that line.
"Nobody owes you shit".
Remember it, mother fucker. Remember that line the next time you whine about Obama.
It doesn't take a fucking genius to understand that the reason for homo sapiens evolutionary success was the ability to work together. As a team. As a well oiled machine where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. This is how you win wars, and build empires. My "due" is my place in this machine. Like I said, I don't want to be the biggest gear, I just want my proper place, where I can live up to my potential.
But now we have 23 year olds saying "Nobody owes anybody shit". Yep. Fun times ahead for the western civilization. And whenever somebody complains about having a hard time finding gainful employment, cunts and trolls on the internet come out of the woodwork dumping on the guy and telling him "nobody owes him shit". Really helpful. Plebs dumping on each other while income inequality grows to unprecedented levels. The billionaires deserve it you see.
People like you worship the wealthy and dump on people who are trying to earn an honest living because "nobody owes them shit". Didn't you ever hear the story about teaching a man to fish?
I'm 25, I have a day job, albiet a shit one. I am not whining for a handout. I started investing in 2010 when I thought I wouldn't find a summer internship. I've had mixed results, I'm learning.
I know "nobody owes me shit". But that aint no way to build a fucking society. I'm raging against the fucking cocksuckers who luck into prosperity telling those who have less than them that its their "fault".
I don't know what you do, and I don't care. Change is the only constant. Never get too high and mighty about your skills and services. A lot of people thought their jobs were safe and untouchable circa 2007.
It doesn't matter what you do. You are replaceable. This generation will have to live with that uneasy thought for the rest of their lives as stagflation becomes the norm. Unlike their parents, millennials are putting off purchasing big ticket items. They are insecure about their future. They don't know what life will look like 1,2,5 years from now. You can't count on your job anymore. Its a dog eat dog world, and the general prevailing attitude is "nobody owes you shit". Low consumer confidence will spell disaster for economies based on consumption, like the United States.
Bookmark this page. Come back to it 5 years from now.
[–]Endorsed ContributorLastRevision[S] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Point is that resenting other people's success is noise- it's wasted energy on your part; yes, some people are born filthy rich and naturally attractive, and you have to work for those things- does resenting them change that? It's noise- worry about you and doing the best you can do.
[–]choice_for_men -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't think self-expression is a waste of energy. If you feel resentful you feel resentful. Doesn't make you weak. The goal of existence is not to be an emotionless robot who values efficiency more than all else. Life isn't a constant war unless you decide to make it one.
[–]Endorsed ContributorMarsupian 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I dont think all emotions are equal. Resentment or being angry at something you cant change only gives unnecessary pain and possibly unproductive behavior.
[–]KublerRossWasWrong -5 points-4 points-3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
14 - They don't read lists like this
[+][deleted] -6 points-5 points-4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. Vague lists like this belong in the Self-Help section.
[–][deleted] 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TRP VanguardWhisper 12 points13 points14 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why hello, agent provocateur, and welcome to TRP. Enjoy your stay, do your best to get mistaken for an adult, and try not to run with the scissors.
[–][deleted] 26 points27 points28 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't care if a trained monkey wrote it, this is a pretty solid lists of traits to work on.
There are plenty of women more intelligent than me and would make a better decision when confronted with the same circumstances. It's the height of hubris to believe I'm more intelligent and can dismiss the opinions of every woman I encounter simply because a woman said/wrote it.
This isn't what TRP is about.
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[–]mdadm 19 points20 points21 points (7 children) | Copy Link
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