Chapter 17: The Domestic Goddess

”Because she glorifies her work, because she loves and serves her family as a goddess, the respect her as one. She is the queen of her household, bringing a sort of glory to her role as a homemaker.”

Qualities Of The Domestic Goddess

Does Her Job Well - Takes pride in your work, going beyond the bare minimum. As was discussed last week, lean forward towards diligence. You do not need to be perfect. You just need to earnestly do the best that you can.

Is A Good Manager Of Time And Values - There’s no point in being the perfect housekeeper if you are neglecting your children. There’s no need to be the perfect mother if you can’t find time to manage the other chores. It’s not about being excellent at any one thing, it’s about figuring out what counts and when, and balancing your time.

Adds Feminine Touches To Her Homemaking- Give your home the cheerful touches of a loving women. This could be fashionable curtains, pretty tablecloths, or aromatic home cooking.

Adds Warmth To Her Household - Fill your home with love and warmth and happiness. This warm presence is what everyone needs to feel at home in their house.

Honors Her Position In The Home

”She looks upon her career in the home as the most important career in the world. Creating a happy marriage and family life and raising honorable children are the greatest contributions she can make to the well-being of society.”

Is Happy In Her Role - She gets deep fulfillment from the appreciation and praise from her husband and children. If she finds success and meaning from outside of the home as well, she should not depend on it for fulfillment.

How to find Happiness in Homemaking

Accept Drudgery Not all housework is pleasant and wonderful. If you don’t like some of this work, face it honestly. You are not going to talk your way out of it with positive thinking. This is life though. Ever occupation has its monotony. Do reflect on the parts of the jobs that you do like and try to get through the rest.

Don’t Become Crowded For Time Feeling rushed, or saying things to yourself such as “I don’t have enough time.” is a huge joy killer. It reinforces feeling frantic and unpleasant about a task. Managing time is a skill that is important to those whose work within the home and outside of it. It’s not possible to add more hours to the day but it is possible to eliminate time wasting activities such as redditing, gossiping, or talking on the phone. Observe your children playing, or imagine the unhurried way that a little girl will play house. Ask yourself what is more important than finding joy in your everyday life. There is quite a lot written on time management strategies. I’m fond of setting a timer. Sometimes I will want to relax and watch tv on my day off. Instead of binging through 4 episodes, I will stop after each episode and work for 15 minutes. If I have several things I need to do I’ll set times for 30 minutes and switch tasks occasionally. You could also eliminate activities and obligations that are preventing you from fully reaching your potential in your domestic role.

Go The Second Mile - This heading has a very personal meaning for me. I began running many years ago and it is one of my favorite parts of my life. I commonly run distances between 5-10 miles and no matter what the distance, I always dislike the first mile. During the first mile I am not “in the zone” yet. I think to myself, “it’s hot, I don’t have enough time, I’m already hungry. I can do a shorter run today and a longer run later this week.” The rolodex of excuses is quite long. Once I get past the first mile, my legs are warmed up, my lungs are warmed up, and my brain shuts up.

The author is discussing that if you are going to go the first mile with your domestic work, go the second mile as well. Don’t just make the delicious meal, arrange it beautifully on your seasonal dishes. Don’t just dust and vacuum, use the air freshener, or cut fresh flowers as well. Don’t just do the laundry, but take pride in keeping the closets and dresser drawers tidy and display things with care. If you do just enough to get by, you won’t go far enough to find the joy.

Fundamentals of Good Homemaking

Concentrate - Some parts of homemaking can be performed while day-dreaming, or listening or watching something, but you could be more efficient if you focus on the tasks that require focus, and enjoy your downtime activities when you are finished.

Simplify - Managing a house is hard work. Too much stuff will make a mess. Try to minimize things that aren’t used or aren’t valued. If your house is cluttered, embark on the journey to declutter. Separate things that need to be Thrown Away, Donated, Put Away, or Kept. I highly recommend Marie Kondo’s Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I loved the show but I have heard that the book is much better if you need to do the work.

”In Simplifying a household, everything should be either useful or beautiful”

Organize Things -Have A place for everything, and everything in its place. Always put things back into their place and have everyone in your family do the same. Keeping shelves organized and keeping the contents of storage boxes labeled and visual will also be useful. I also try to never travel from room to room without picking something up that needs to be put away.

Organize Work and Commitments Using a calendar is essential to organizing all of your commitments. This can be electronic or paper. I’m fond of using google calendar and sharing it with other members of my household. There is also a function where a weekly schedule can be printed so that other members can view it. I have also used a colorful blackboard whether small notes about schedules, planned meals, or needed items that are running low can be jotted down for everyone to see.

Organize priorities Sometimes we just can’t get to everything, and in this case we should know what our priorities are to get the most important things done. Infants and small children will always be high on the list. Shopping for food is not something that can be ignored- though it can be delegated. Keeping a clean kitchen can be more important that tackling big projects in the garage. Write out a list of your top six priorities and make sure you aren’t losing time by focusing on non-essentials. Next write out a list of less essential or occasional jobs. Work on that second list only when you have the time.

Work Now that you have simplified the clutter, and have organized your calendars and prioritized the most important areas of focus, you will have to put it the work. “Put on your apron, roll up your sleeves, and get to work.” Try to have fun while you are at it.

Make Him Comfortable

”With all of your diligence in homemaking, allow your Captain to be comfortable. Remember, his home is his castle. Let him hang his coat on a chair, lie on his bed without concern for the spread, stack his papers on his desk, put his glasses on the dresser, and his shoes by the bed.”

This does not apply to children. The children should be putting things away and learning to keep tidy.

Motherhood

The Domestic Goddess delights in Motherhood and bearing children. She has a natural instinct to care for and raise her children.

Although this can be a very beautiful way to express your femininity through motherhood, I also think it is the most important aspect of your values that need to match in a relationship. If you want many children and he does not, that’s a huge reason to full stop. Likewise, a childfree couple can be just as happy and traditional, if it is established early on that both want to live that lifestyle.

Meal Preparation

A reliable, nutritious, and delicious meal is a very fond and common memory in family life. Elaborate meals are not necessary, but filling your home with delicious aromas is a wonderful warm touch. It takes time to prepare a good meal, and practice, and knowledge of your family’s preferences. It truly is an art. I could dedicate a whole post to meal preparation. One of the ways I like to accomplish this is to have Routines, that are Flexible.

For example, I make a salad for lunch for me and my Captain 4-5 times a week. There is a go-to salad that I make that has quinoa, black beans, avocado and salsa dressing. There is also seasonal salads that I do. I’ll make salads with strawberries and feta cheese in the spring, and lentils and sweet potatoes in the fall. But if you really analyse it, many of the salads have a similar composition. There is a base of lettuce. There is usually a bean (Black bean, chickpeas, kidney beans) There is usually a grain, (Lentils, quinoa) There is always a meat (2-4 ounces of turkey or shredded chicken) There is always a hard boiled egg and a wedge of avocado. There is always a nut (Pepitas, sunflower seeds, shredded almonds) There is usually another crunchy veggie (celery, red bell pepper) and then there are many difference dressings. Viola! There’s a million different ways to make a salad. I prep 4 of them at a time. They last for 2-3 days.

Next I’ll think about dinner. I try to choose a different vegetable than I was adding to the salads, and I also seek out seasonal items here. Maybe if lunch was a lighter salad with bright strawberries and feta, I could make a smokey curry dinner, or chili. If lunch has been a spicier Mexican salad I could make a light dinner with lemon fish and asparagus. I also just make chicken a lot, because there's a million ways to make it fun, and because I really don’t eat pork or beef that often. I’m also a big fan of just taking a bunch of veggies, rice, meat and sauce or cheese, and baking it into a casserole and calling it a scramble.

The Housedress

”A housedress is a cute cotton dress, made comfortable enough to work in, usually worn with an apron.”

Another easy topic. I like to dress up! and I somewhat struggled to transition into a housedress when I moved in with my Captain. Really simple cotton dresses can be found cheap on amazon. I just chose a dress with a simple line, that is long enough to reach the knees. For the apron, I got a little fancier and ordered an apron that looks like the beach from etsy. Have fun with this!

”When you wear a feminine domestic-looking house dress and apron, there will be no doubt in the minds of your family about who you are--the queen of the household.”

Housekeeping, a Matter of Character

Please don’t allow a weakness of your character such as laziness, self-centeredness, lack of organization, lack of knowledge to stop you from growing into a domestic Goddess. Use perseverance, ask for help, and humble yourself to enjoy this important and necessary role.

Don’t Let Life Become Too Narrow

If you focus only on keeping your home, and raising your children, you may end up becoming so narrow in your viewpoint that you cannot enjoy yourself when you have a break, or an occasion to socialize in a larger setting. It is important to continue to cultivate your friendships and hobbies outside of your home. Keep your interests extended beyond just your home, read widely and develop an interest in other people’s lives. You can also broaden your horizons by participating in physical hobbies, getting outside, traveling, being of service to others. Earlier you were cautioned to not lose time caught up in inflexible and time consuming hobbies, which is true, but you still need time to focus just on you.

Assignment

List in order of importance your six most essential responsibilities. Check with husband and children for their ideas

List your strong points in domestic skills

List your weak points. Create a reasonable plan to Improve. You could try a SMART goal. Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Timely.

Read from the Bible Proverbs 31:10-31

Read Introductions to Human Qualities, Femininity, and Chapter 18 The Feminine Appearance

Resources

The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

FlyLady.net

Make a Home Management BInder (Google for great guides and ideas)