Peter, don't you know who you are? (How to remember being a boy)

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April 21, 2019

You guys remember in the movie Hook when Peter has to re-member how to pretend and imagine? He has to cut through all the bullshit he's picked up as an adult and remember how to be a boy again. I was reading Book of Pook and realized I've been missing a major piece of my own Red Pill puzzle- I take myself too fucking seriously. Maybe some of you can relate to me - both of my parents were teachers and education/intelligence were highly valued in my house. Both parents were big readers, and I read a ton as a kid. I was also constantly praised for being so "mature", not just by my own parents but other adults (also mostly teachers, because for whatever reason teachers seem to hang out with other teachers). I played some sports as a kid, I skateboarded and always liked being out in the woods, but I look back and see how imbalanced my childhood was. I don't think I ever really got to be a boy. People have always called me an old soul and I used to think it was a compliment. Now I realize I'm just boring. Which makes my wife boring, and my wife doesn't want to be bored. So despite the fact that I've been consistently lifting since September 2018, I've lost a ton of weight and look better than I have in almost a decade, I'm spending more time with the kids, I'm gaming my wife, I am still missing the care-free, boyish approach to life.

My question is how did some of you guys fix this? I'm spending a lot more time with my kids and that has helped but I feel like I need that Peter Pan moment where I "remember" how to be a boy again. Like I feel robbed of that piece of my boyhood, so how can I find it again as an adult?

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Title Peter, don't you know who you are? (How to remember being a boy)
Author UrsanChief
Upvotes 14
Comments 31
Date 21 April 2019 11:25 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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liftthe red pill

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret11 points12 points  (9 children) | Copy

My question is how did some of you guys fix this?

By finding joy in the process. The struggle is the best part.

That and a fat dose of narcissism. Self love helps. I love being me.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

either i never grew up or have narcissism down pat, because it's a daily struggle not to just go be a care-free boy every day

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Narcissism in men is like estrogen. To much or to little and you have nothing but problems. Get it in the sweet spot and you are golden.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's narcissism down pat, of course.

I'm going to be extra care-free today. Trouble's-a-brewing.

[–]UrsanChief[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

I hear what you're saying. My suspicion is I just need to keep at it, like maybe this isn't a "problem", just something to notice, be aware of and keeping on struggling. One of those things that gets worked out in the process, if that makes sense.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Get your adrenaline flowing, dude. If you're too tight-assed to want to get your adrenaline flowing - or don't know how to get your adrenaline flowing - then push yourself to do it one time.

Just do it. Get out there. Go skydiving. Go jet skiing. Go kite boarding. Go snowboarding. Go mountain-climbing. Go shoot a machine gun. Go drive over a car. Just go.

Once you've felt it - especially if you haven't felt it in ages - you'll want to feel it again.

Adrenaline is the key to finding that inner child.

[–]UrsanChief[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck yeah, that's definitely a key I'm missing. Good advice.

[–]FoxShitNasty834 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I 100% understand where your coming from, going from a miserable, too serious no fun moody cunt to Mr fun to be around won't happen overnight. The focus has to be internal, truly ask yourself what will make you happy... In this moment and the next and the next. Fuck everyone else. Find your happy, define your frame. This shit isn't easy but it's worth doing and helps cultivate and build a new mindset. Enough drivel it's paddling pool out with the kids time... I have been eying up the wife, she is going in clothed.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

We all have regrets. I had a fantastic childhood. However, I drew all the wrong conclusions from a high school relationship that got to close. As a result, I didn't go near woman from 19 - 27. Thoes are prime years to develop sexually as a man. Just like you, I find myself missing or lacking in what I perceive to be the male experience. It's all bullshit.

Everything that's happened to you while growing up are bricks in the foundation that your adult personality rests on. If you try and rearrange that foundation now, it will all come crashing down.

To choose one path is to give up another.

Love yourself, even the shitty parts and the mistakes you have made. At least you are here living a life of truth.

Back to the gym faggot.

[–]UrsanChief[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the advice I didn't know I need. Thanks.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Play. Just play with your kids, play doing your hobbies, have unstructured time to just enjoy whatever it is you enjoy.

What helped for me was taking two weeks off of internet and tv. No excuses, just promise yourself no screens and stick with it. You get bored. This is good. You’ll start finishing your projects and then look for other stuff to do. You’ll find things that are fun.

[–]UrsanChief[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I like the tech sabbatical idea. And probably not just for myself but the whole family could use a few consecutive days off.

[–]coinbaserep4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

I can relate to what your saying

I grew up fast

Been with my wife since I was 19. N count of 6 Responsible teen and while my friends all went to Cancun in our youth I stayed back because the my job was so damn important at 19

Fast forward. 2 kids a house and a business I built over the last 10 years. I am all work and no play

I had a mission to build a big company with employees and systems

I had guys at 30 ask me if I am into sports or anything like that and my reply was no

One euphony moment was when the guy asked if I did anything fun or was I all business all the time. That was when I was 32

These guys played hockey and drank beers and were loving life

Meanwhile I was running a crew of 4 with payroll and overhead to worry about

This year I stopped all that

My business is just me now. I take more time for my family and me there’s more to my mission now than just money and career

I need to fill in the gaps and start being fun.

My wife is antisocial as a result of me. She has no friends. She goes to work comes home and takes care of her family. (Great)

But anytime we get invited somewhere with other couples I tried to make plans and she balked at them making an excuse as to why she didn’t want to go

I need to work on the entire family being more fun

[–]UrsanChief[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

We're in a similar boat (30 this year, 3 kids w/ one on the way, spent my 20s trying to make a life for my family). Just keep plugging away at it. PM if you want.

[–]coinbaserep0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I was just say to my wife that Your 20s are pissed away 30s you build your career and buy shit 40s your stable with everything you need while working towards savings and retirement

Somewhere in there we have to add some fun

At 37 I have savings , a house that’s worth 100% more than I owe (equity) 2 kids , unicorn wife (until she’s not) Self employed (I control how hard I want to work) But going through a early midlife crisis asking myself what’s next? Is there more?

I don’t want to more money to buy more stuff so where do you go from here

Just fill in the days with things you love doing I guess

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just fill in the days with things you love doing I guess

It's more than that... you're like pavlov's dogs... you need something to look forward to, and so does your family, and most especially your wife. And by something to look forward to, I mean something a little more exciting than... retirement.

Put those things in the calendar, make sure they're fun, make sure many of them get your adrenaline flowing, share the plans and the timelines with your family, and go do them.

Here's some of what's in my calendar:

  • Jet skiing with son and friend. Today.
  • Pet Sematary with son and friend. Today.
  • Avengers with family and kids' friends. Next week.
  • Day off with wife to play. One random day next week.
  • Costa Rica for a tree house adventure. Next month.
  • Celebrate parents anniversary on west coast. Month after that.
  • Universal with son and cousin. After that.
  • Skydiving with my son when he's old enough - six months.
  • Hong Kong. End of year.

For most of those... the non-adrenaline rushes... 3/4 of the fun is the anticipation of what's coming.

That's what you boys and your families are missing: adrenaline and anticipation.

[–]coinbaserep1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with you

Thanks for the ideas

We are already taking our oldest son out of school this Friday for avengers

We are planning our 10 wedding anniversary right now for September as well and summer vacation

I take random days off during the week when my wife is on her day off and we get to spend it alone hiking , lunch dates

But yeah life needs to get funnier for sure. We just have to stop being so lazy and start planning things. We are both guilty of it. But it’s my fault

[–]Southboundcrash0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Seems like you should have grown your company and employees to be more hands off and let it become passive if you wanted to work less

[–]coinbaserep0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh I tried. Problem was I couldn’t grow(create) my employees talent it had to be fostered through skilled trades schools and apprenticeships.

We are hurting for tradesman and I couldn’t recruit them (it’s a huge problem in our state and all over the country)

50 dollars an hour plus perks and benefits wouldn’t attract the talent needed. (isn’t anyone looking or wanting to leave there current employer)

I am still on the lookout but for now I am doing it all my self. Been 6 months trying to hire. It’s brutal

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

“wife doesn't want to be bored”

Yep. They just wanna have fun. So fuck with her.

You have to be able to turn work mode off and on. Time for seriousness and handling business.

Realize that your days left here on earth are finite... and it’s ending one minute at a time.

[–]SkimTheDross1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Realize that your days left here on earth are finite... and it’s ending one minute at a time.

Wisdom right there.

Momento mori

[–]UrsanChief[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The thing with momento mori is, if you're trying to live it and you're a sullen cunt, you're doing it wrong.

[–]maxofreddit2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

First off, good on you for having the desire to change, and the fortitude to try... as many have echoed, it doesn't happen overnight, and it may actually constantly be a thing that you have to focus on until it starts to happen a little more organically.

Realize that this is what it's like for anything any of us do. When you first learned to ride a bike, it took all of your concentration until one day it didn't. Same thing with many things in life, including what you want to do.

Believe it or not, the best advice you can get comes from Mary Poppins, "It every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. Find the fun, and snap! the job's a game!" It sounds super corny (and it is) but holy shit it's some of the best advice for living a relatively happy and carefree life. Part of that is realizing that the vast majority of shit that we do every day isn't nearly as big a deal as we make it out to be.

Sure there's a time to be serious, and to be "realistic" and all that stuff, but making shit fun, even if it's just with your attitude, sure helps.

If you want to be more silly fun, try narrating things to your kids and/or wife. Folding laundry with the wife, say something like, "She picks up the single sock, but where is its match? Will it every be found? Wait! Her eyes light up! It's THERE!" Doing this every so often will make her both laugh and roll her eyes at you... the perfect combination. ;)

If none of that works, take an improv class in your town, everyone should.. it's legit life skill stuff.

[–]UrsanChief[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I think I've been skirting around the edges of this bit of it. I've worked on it a little learning to re-game my wife (and other women), and I've definitely gotten better at it since committing to spending more time with my kids, but I haven't given it the concentration it demands. I certainly don't feel as boring or stuffy as I used to but I've still got a good long road ahead.

[–]maxofreddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We're all working on something man! I battle fuck-around-itis constantly, I'm getting better, but it's always a conscious effort of me asking myself, "What else could you/should you being doing right now to move your life forward?"

I've found that it's quite literally never over/never done, but something I have to work at constantly. Luckily, the results are concrete, and the proof is in the results I get from action. ;)

Keep at it!

... with that said.. time to get off reddit !

[–]UnbreakableFrame2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do scary shit that gets your adrenaline pumping. Drive a little faster. Go cliff diving (but check for rocks, for fucks sake). Fuck a little harder. Share your opinions like it doesn't matter what people think. If you don't do martial arts or box and never have, you definitely need to give it a shot. No man should die without experiencing a few good fights, even if they are in a controlled situation.

[–]TitsWobbleAwayTwice1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Join a team and play some sports.

Go solo camping in the mountains.

Get out of your head and out of your same old environment.

[–]JCX_Pulse1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is one of my problems. I never do anything fun. Thank you for asking a question I didn’t know I needed asked. Now I get to find some adrenaline fueled answers.

[–]_-resonance-_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You still are a boy. Only now you have a job, wife, and kids. It’s a pretty awesome reality you’ve created for yourself, if you ask me. Embrace your independence, first and foremost, and your connection with whatever Higher Energy you accredit reality to. That way, you can never get burned. When in that zone, share the joy with those around you, like a kid shares a pop tart or a video game.

[–]virtualvirgincake20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When you act like a boy and treat women like girls they melt for you.

I have been out on dates where I've literally pulled a woman's hair, said she smells and ran away, only for her to run after me laughing all the way, kissing her when she 'catches' me. She was 28 and said 'you're just a big kid' rolling her eyes, but you could tell she loved it. It allowed her to be silly without consequences.

On how to emulate that, stop thinking. You know how to be a child as much as you know how to eat and shit inherently. Just let go and do whatever feeling takes you then and there. Dance with her, grab her by the hips/tits, gently pull her hair, call her childish names. HAVE FUN. But know when to be a man when it counts.

[–]callmeanubermensch0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'd say you should spend more time with children and old people. Children, of course, still have what you feel that you are missing, but old people also have been around long enough to realize what they truly enjoy and what isn't important. We tend to look at both groups of people and act like they have it so good because they have all this free time, but it's not the free time, it's what they fill it with.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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