Not sure if these are signs of depression or what? Will try to make it as short as possible without much details.
I am way too much in my head, want to fucking stop thinking about everything. Please help my inner voice to shut the fuck up and let me be active. I'm 24, yes I've been lifting for many years and love it, it actually helps keep my sanity in check.
My entire bluepill life got destroyed and swallowing pill literally shattered everything I believed in. I was deeply catholic for most of my life. You know, I was waiting for my perfect girl for marriage etc. Thought God has a plan for us and all that stuff. Now because of all the knowledge I have, after I saw true girls nature and how things really work out in practice in life, I am thinking about everything about my past. How I wish I made a lot of things differently and wasted tons of opportunities, really cannot stop thinking about it and in last weeks I cried more on my own than probably in last few years before. Life seems to be so shallow right now for me, like I have nothing to work towards for
And because of it, I lost my passion. I no longer enjoy most of things in life and I have no fucking idea what I want to do. What's my mission, what's my goal. Sure I want to have money, travel the world, be strong and healthy, fuck women, but that's it.
I have nobody to talk to about it. Sure I have buddies, close male friends who I can talk to about everything and they will help me. But they won't understand RedPill philosophy and everything going on in my head. When I try to talk to my dad about something, he tells me to get married.
On paper I kinda made it, have 2 fwbs right now, my own place, own business. But I have a life crisis, lost 90% of my savings because I lost motivation to work, invested some and lost, was travelling for many weeks abroad, spent on rent in last 1,5 year and was lazy fuck. So if I won't kick myself to do things again, will have to move back to my parents soon.
I used to be hella disciplined and motivated when I was younger, so I know I can do it again. But it's always when I had a plan. When I genuinely wanted to do things because I enjoyed them, or because the end goal was important for me. And now I have nothing like this. Decided to write here, maybe some of you can understand me and help. I probably don't want to read more books, I'm already too much in my fucking head and read most of the sidebar. I want to start acting and stop visiting this site to focus on myself. It's like I hit some rock bottom emotionally and mentally, thinking about sense of life, meaning, my true desire, just trying to find myself around here and I feel lost
Before RedPill I was ignorantly happy with my life, but had zero success with girls. RedPill fix me with girls and now I have no problems, but it destroyed my inner world and I can't find happiness in life.