Damnit - Infertility and Me

johneyapocalypse · 2019-04-23T20:12:29+00:00

So the off topic portion:

I'm a closed adoption as an infant. Actually had my parents lined up before I popped out.

I can only imagine how my life was 1000% better because of them and only think of my adoptive parents as my parents. The other people were just the sperm donors who had the good sense to give me up rather than keep an unwanted baby.

RP portion: But as for how you are feeling bad about it. It's really out of your control. It's a natural thing for us to tie our feelings of manliness to our virility. But keep that shit to yourself, therapist or male friends. Don't whinge to your wife about those feelz or it can fuck her perception of you because of YOUR perception of you.

Now you're not saying she's fitness or shit testing you about it, but like any other illness or issue she'll treat you like a bitch if you act like a bitch.

SorcererKing · 2019-04-24T04:22:54+00:00

Ok, I don't know your particular story, but since no one else is asking, guess I will.

Do you have your shit unfucked before you either bring another kid into the world or adopt one that needs a good, stable home? Why are you trying to have another kid if you're hanging around here?

helaughsinhidden · 2019-04-24T13:16:28+00:00

u/LongRoad_518

FWIW, my wife and I did foster care for a family friend who is on meth and has a little girl same age as our youngest. Both him and the baby momma were supposed to make a last ditch effort to get clean, get jobs, and get an apartment. They did none of those things and in fact got pregnant again. For some reason, none of her extended family wanted to step in either. When she came into our lives she was almost feral. We thought possible FASD or brain damage even. After 9 months in a stable home, she blossomed into a beautiful and well adjusted little girl with no remaining signs of any kind of disorders. Good love is what she was neglected of the most and we gave her that. To keep her with her brother who was about to come, my wife and I decided that with 5 other kids, we simply couldn't adopt both when he came so the county feverishly sought adoptive parents that were willing to take both kids. It took a while and our hearts were broken more than once as she had to say goodbye a couple times.

We learned a couple things about the foster care system that I feel compelled to share with you.

There are a lot of kids in need. Most of them are like us when we come to MRP, misguided, mistreated, uneducated, and feeling largely unloved.
The people who do foster care are both great and awful. The ones who are GREAT usually only do it once and adopt the kids. That's how it should be honestly.
MOST of them are career foster homes. They are great too in a way, because they made their mission to let kids who are bouncing around life, bounce in and out of their lives too. They don't bond deeply though and kids need that. So, they are both great and not.
Some are terrible. Honestly, if you don't like kids, why do foster care? I don't know the answer but for some f-ing reason a lot of people do it and do not bond, are not nice, and sometimes abusive.
There are a lot who try it to see if they are cut out for it and decide they aren't. Our little girl went into two homes that were first timers. The first treated her like getting a puppy and didn't make it two weeks. The second was a family with fertility issues and treated her like an absolute miracle gift from God. I'm getting emotional.
There aren't enough. Even more of the shitty ones would be good, honestly. The systems need people who will be the kind to try once to see if they can do it. They need ones who will just do emergency placements when parents go to jail or are in the hospital. They need more to be temporary for a few months when parents go to prison or treatment and are granted a second chance. They need more who will take over when parents die, give up, or should have their parental rights revoked and be sterilized.
ALL kids need a red pilled man as a father. A man who doesn't get butt hurt, who leads, owns his shit, handles himself, can handle a woman and kids.

If you know you can handle the potential of having your heart broken, pray about it.

redwall92 · 2019-04-23T20:29:25+00:00

...feelings...

I could put a few in the mail for you, but I'm firing blanks already. I had my tubes cut. My feelings changed a lot. It was a decision that was in my control.

I'm not sure there's much for you other than to process your situation in the here and now and then put it behind you unless you take one of your options and plow forward. Main thing is you decide what "forward" means. Hear your wife's opinion, take it into account, but you make a decision from your frame.

Sounds like you've got your options laid out. Maybe some here will offer something else to consider. The insurance coverage opens things up. However, the open-ended nature makes this space of tension drawn out. But also, the open-ended nature makes it possible for you to keep pursuing what you want to pursue. Tension for you to feel, sit in, and then plow forward with or without.

If it's out of your control, then it's out of your control.

0io- · 2019-04-23T20:35:22+00:00

If your issue might be fixable, why not spend the next 90 days dialing in your diet to go off IBD treatment (lots of psyllium fiber?) and increase sperm quality, following whatever advice the fertility experts recommend. Clomid maybe?

Then recheck your sperm quality and go IVF if you can.

There is also something called a mini IVF that's cheaper and better for wife's health that might work for your situation.

WhiteNight200 · 2019-04-23T22:49:44+00:00

It was a big blow when I found out I was infertile.

Many couples have to ride the rocky rollercoaster of hormone treatments, conceptions, miscarriages, etc. when overcoming infertility. For me, it was more of a dark, bottomless pit that I had to climb out of, one slow stretch at a time.

I never told my wife, but I couldn't stand the thought of her conceiving with another man's seed. Instead, we chose to anonymously adopt another couple's embryos--it circumvented the spiritual and moral reservations we had, and allowed her to have the pregnancy experience.

While her pregnancy was the catalyst to killing our bedroom, I don't regret the decision. I love those kids as if they were my own.

screechhater · 2019-04-24T00:51:48+00:00

Have the doc shove his hand up your ass and check the enlarged prostrate

Or, get drunk, relax and blow a load in her and don’t let her get up and pee and all the other bulkshif excuses to be fucking busy.

Make sure you are getting enough sperm producing foods and hit the weights.

You are lifting, right ? El Fago le’ Feelings Maestro ?

weakandsensitive · 2019-04-24T07:15:16+00:00

Infertility Groups/Adoption is one of the non-profits I'm more than happy to donate to. They do good work in a broad area that doesn't get talked about enough. Adoption is a hard and long process. Good luck.

SeamusAwl · 2019-04-24T13:05:06+00:00

Option 4). Take high doses of d-Aspartic Acid (daa) at the start of her period for two weeks. I am talking two 3000mg pills daily. This has been shown to improve quality sperm counts and motility. Studies done on it show that a percentage of infertile men became fertile. But it is only a temporary. That is why I suggest to just do two weeks. Go for 3 months and then take a month break.

Westernhagen · 2019-04-24T15:13:16+00:00

What do YOU want? Do you really want another adopted / donor sperm kid when you've already got three kids? I can't help but think this strenuous, expensive effort to have more is really about what your wife wants.

nobsyoga · 2019-04-25T20:39:35+00:00

I'm kinda of in the same situation as you. I have infertility and my wife finally got pregnant with our first and she is due in October. We did not do IVF earlier because of the cost and did not have coverage for it under our insurance. We ended up being part of a clinical trail of a new ovulation stimulation drug and were able to use ICSI to implant my lazy sperm into her egg. I had to come to the grips a one point in my life that I would never had kids and would just have to live with that. My wife and I did foster care for a while, but depending on your state, that is not the best route to adoption. Many states give priority to the bio parents and both need to have their parental right sevard in order to have the adoption finalized. Really though, like others have said, this is completely out of your control. The science of male fertility is still a hit or miss thing, so maybe you can look for an IVF treatment that does the ICSI (where they directly inject your sperm into the ovum). As far as the donor sperm, you have to be careful about that since the laws on paternal rights could always change.

hibloodstevia · 2019-04-23T21:46:23+00:00

Inflammatory bowel disease? That's usually not a disease that lives in your body by itself, this is an autoimmune issue and is usually clustered with multiple other inborn genetic defects. Are you sure you really want to pass this on to your child?

See, I have a little theory. Low testosterone is a problem with many men, but I'm not sure it's actually the problem and it's actually probably just a symptom of the body reducing your reproduction potential due to what it sees as defects that should not be passed along.

I'm not saying you have low testosterone, but your sperm a not work very well for a very good reason.

I would take it as a sign and adopt.

adeptintact · 2019-04-23T20:17:34+00:00

From your previous posts, she's 38. Fertility drastically decreases after 35. It could easily be her issue.

My question is you have two kids already. Why would you be so desperate to use someone else's sperm or adopt for a 3rd child. You literally will be accepting of supporting someone else's child, aka beta bux. Don't be that loser.

Title	Damnit - Infertility and Me
Author	LongRoad_518
Upvotes	6
Comments	39
Date	23 April 2019 07:46 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/235897
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bgkruc/damnit_infertility_and_me/