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Tips for Marriage Counseling

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April 29, 2019
23 upvotes

The wife wanted to go to marriage counseling to "work things out." We've gone to 3-4 sessions and they mainly consist of her complaining about all the things I don't do or do wrong. A complete waste of time if you ask me. Anyways, what are some tips on how to handle this situation? It's pretty hard to DARE in a counseling session.


Post Information
Title Tips for Marriage Counseling
Author themerovingian01
Upvotes 23
Comments 42
Date 29 April 2019 07:19 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/236617
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bithr3/tips_for_marriage_counseling/
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Comments

[–]helaughsinhidden68 points69 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah, I got some tips.

If you are going to counseling because she asked, you failed.

If you are reading books to improve because she asked, you failed.

If you are walking on egg shells around her, you failed.

If you are trying to make her happy, you failed.

If you are turning your life around to keep her happy, you failed.

..................If you do anything FOR HER, you FAIL.

Stop going to counseling and tell her without being a victim. Just state it plain and simply as matter of fact. When she asks "why not?" just tell her you are going to the gym instead. Then actually go to the gym. You've clearly been trying to make this woman happy. That makes them miserable. No woman wants to be the center of your world, they know how shallow they are and if your main goal is their fickle happiness, you deserve to be hen pecked to the point of getting angry.

The old ILYBINILWY is the check engine light right before your oil pan explodes off the bottom of the motor. She's poking you for signs of life. Luckily women have extremely short term memories. So while she will not remember the two weeks in Fiji anymore, if you turn yourself around, she also won't remember all your beta blue pill crap either after time. If you can make it that long, the check engine light is already flashing after all.

What should you do? Stop being told what to do and stop looking to her for your validation.

LIVE YOUR LIFE AS IF..... THE RELATIONSHIP IS 100% DEAD.

  • Start working out AS IF you are gonna start picking up new women.
  • Start dressing in clothes AS IF you plan on meeting up with a hottie later.
  • Start fixing the house up AS IF another woman is coming over to see you soon.
  • Start planning your week AS IF she isn't going to be there and do whatever you want, whenever you want to.
  • Start to deal with her AS IF you don't care she's unhappy, angry, sad, etc. Like all her words are false and only said to manipulate your emotions. Laugh off everything, agree and amplify, or act like you didn't even hear it.
  • Start to act AS IF your feelings can't be hurt at all. Action hero, Tony Stark style guy that is absolutely stoic.
  • Start to act AS IF you don't care if she approves of you at all, like a man would that already has a side piece and doesn't care if the wife leaves.
  • Start taking all your actual anger out AS IF the answer is found inside the 45lb plates in the gym. Like, if you lift them just one more time, the answers to all your problems will magically scroll up the mirror like credits at the end of a movie.
  • Start planning events on the weekends with friends AS IF she isn't even invited.
  • (Almost forgot) Start hiding all your finances AS IF she's trying to steal them in court, because she will. Talk to a lawyer about this one.

Details are all found in the sidebar.

The good news is that you are in the worst position you can be in. The only way it can get worse is if you stay EXACTLY where you are. Do all those things and you are poised to either have a great rebound in your new life without her OR she will start to see you as the prize and snap back in line. One month of authentically towing the line in alpha mode erases 1 year of that weak ass beta behavior you'd been churning out.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is some of the best advice yet. Thank you.

[–]mountainbiker1784 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This a gold mine. Perfect advice.

[–]Trtntrenbrah36 points37 points  (3 children) | Copy

she’s already divorced you.

this is just a show... to say to everyone ...see I tried.

post history.....fuck dude.

[–]GoodWillFunky7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Second this

Avg counseling session 150$ to 200$

Most of the most important sidebar books less than 100$

Gym membership avg 60$ a month.

Invest wisely OP

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve mere seen one successful marital counseling situation (long term)

[–]MisfitPL94 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

100% this. Its what my ex did.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

A complete waste of time if you ask me.

You answered your own question. If you aren't finding value, don't go. If you're afraid she's going to leave because you don't want to go to counseling, then, well... you have more work to do anyway.

[–]donmcde14 points15 points  (5 children) | Copy

She thought she could marry a betabux for the sake of her children. She thought that as long as she secured the paycheck for the good of her kids, she'd just grit her teeth and endure being married to you. She's realizing that can't the rest of her life like that. She wants an out while preserving her social standing. That's why she told you to go fuck a younger woman, but got mad when you were too obvious with it. Just bring her your paycheck. That's the entirety of the relationship she wants with you. Keep paying for her lifestyle. Fuck other women, she doesn't give a shit, just as long as the paycheck keeps coming in and you're not embarrassing her socially.

You're too stupid to pick up the hints and keep trying to make it work. She can't live with a beta constantly trying to get in her pants. She tried for her kids but holy fuck, she could do it for so long because she started throwing up in her mouth whenever you made a move. She's working on her exit plan. She can say she even tried marraige counseling. Your friends and family will sympathize with her. Just pray to whatever you believe in that the judge doesn't agree with her as well. You're going to get divorce raped. Start working on your own exit plan.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

That is one thing I am worried about.

[–]SailorAground4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Well cease your worrying because it's already been set on motion. She's probably already talked to at least three lawyers and is setting things up. Go through your finances and feel phone bills: All those random payments? Those were for consultation fees. All those strange phone numbers she kept calling? Those were to set up the consultations.

You better get hot on finding a lawyer and getting your war chest ready because she's gonna rake you through the coals. If you handle this divorce smartly, it will end your life.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I control the finances 100% and have not seen that but I will keep an eye out.

A few months back I got some separate bank accounts and started putting my money there.

I found her a new job so she doesnt work for my company anymore.

I took out $1M in business loans so now I have a lot more liabilities than assets on my balance sheet.

I had the house before we got married and have paid it down a lot so I got a HELOC to tie up all the extra equity.

I also have liquidated some stocks and funds and placed the money into bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies.

[–]SailorAground4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's cool, but it's obvious to me from your posts that you're not emotionally ready for this marriage to be over. That's okay and I've been there but there comes a point where you realize that all that yelling and fighting and nagging isn't fucking worth it. You need figure out for yourself if this cluster fuck is even worth saving and then you need to rip the bandage off.

If it was me, I'd kick that bitch and her brats to the curb. But that takes balls and a spine to do.

[–]Tbonesupreme0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bank accounts are discoverable, as they are tied to your SSN.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

"No, I am not going to counseling anymore". Read WISNIFG... today.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ordered it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. My wife used to pull the same bullshit and she stopped when I started saying no flat out. I refuse counseling forever, she can leave if she wants but I am not paying good money to those fucks anymore.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Counseling works 100% opposite to frame control unless you have a male friendly ie not male hostile counselor. And even then, it wont work as it doesn't do a thing for SMV.

I'd only go at this point if a judge ordered it.

Even without knowing a thing about rp why would someone with an ounce of self respect voluntarily go and give her a platform to lecture? Nope.

[–]WesternhagenWinner3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Counseling works 100% opposite to frame control unless you have a male friendly ie not male hostile counselor. And even then, it wont work as it doesn't do a thing for SMV.

And it also won't work because your wife will reject such a counselor as "not helpful" because she wants a counselor who will take her side in the "two-against-one tell the husband why he sucks" game.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

You need to proactively lead the sessions with your positive narrative and vision for your marriage, to bring the discussions into your frame. Always bring the discussion back to your narrative points every time you speak, as do the better politicians in public debates. By being reactive and passive rather than proactive, you're allowing your wife's frame and narrative to set the agenda for the counseling sessions, instead of yours.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good advice here.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes but if that advice actually works, your wife will quit going to counseling because she doesn't want to have a "conversation" that's not in her frame.

[–]Dialerstring4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

1: NMMNG and WISNIFG. 2:Slow your hamster down.

I read your post history and user SBIII read you your rights in your previous post. You really don't need anything else. Post in OYS tomorrow and shed more light on yourself.

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bhfitb/whats_next/

[–]VengefullyY0urs2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Marriage counseling is a checklist item for her to justify to her family and friends that she has tried everything.

It’s like a fat person justifying liposuction. They tried to diet, they tried working out, they tried supplements, surgery is there ONLY option.

You can not negotiate desire. If she is pushing you there, I would get a lawyer lined up.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can’t negotiate attraction faggot.

[–]ManguZa1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I was there. After three sessions i said to her that it was shit because it's all about complaining and not working to improve our marriage. I added that her complaining is just insulting and that i won't go anymore.

She went alone 2-3 times after that but that's it. She worked on things on her own and with me so it turned well. Hope the same for you.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Glad to hear you had some success in the end!

[–]H2orocks3000Probably NAWALTING around0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

For one- you seem to suck at emotional validation. It’s impossible for feelings to be “wrongly it dosent work that way. I don’t sense you expressing yours anywhere in this story,

I get the idea you only have a surface level relationship with your wife and if she has problems I don’t blame her.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm interested in hearing more about your thoughts on this.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

waste of time

get to the the bottom of it OYS This is where it all get's truly fixed

Did you say you lifted ?

[–]themerovingian01[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yes I lift.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You get to OYS ?

[–]themerovingian01[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not yet.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just say no.

[–]Redpillbrigade170 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Marriage counseling is the anti-chamber to a trial hearing in family court. When you go through that, marriage counseling will seem like child play.

[–]themerovingian01[S] -1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy

She cries and says shit like "i want to be in love." I'm not sure she even knows what she wants.

[–]pt58 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like a cry for help for you to be her captain.

There's a difference between "being alpha" and "not giving a shit." A husband that genuinely does take his wife's opinions into consideration but ultimately does what he wants to do anyway is the alpha captain/first mate dynamic. Not giving a shit about your wife, ignoring her, and leading your house into disarray is being a "drunk captain" that doesn't give a shit. She WANTS to "love" you. You just aren't enough of a man to be "loved" right now. Fix yourself by reading the sidebar, lifting, upping your dread game, etcetera.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

She cries and says shit like "i want to be in love." I'm not sure she even knows what she wants.

She doesn't love you. She's not attracted to you. I've read through every post and comment you made. You're just in denial, man. I can't say that I've seen such a clear case of a wife checking out before. She's totally gone, dude, and she's just going through the motions of being able to say that she tried with counseling. She tried to tell you what she wanted. It sucks, I get it. I just don't see this really getting better.

Edit: That doesn't mean she won't come around if you become more attractive. But as things stand, she seems on the way out the door. It's not a woman's scorn that should worry you, but her indifference.

[–]themerovingian01[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Very true. Shoring up my frame and STFU has shown some improvement in the last week or two.

[–]Jussie_Mullet0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Better to be hated than to be boring

[–]themerovingian01[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

As Roger Stone says it's better to be infamous than unknown.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She knows what she wants. It's the other dude. She said ILYBINILWY because there is another dude. (Athol Kay, Married Man Sex Life, pp. 15-16)



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