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Probably found my main issue with women

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youtrain6969
May 3, 2019
126 upvotes
askTRP

So I think I finally realized my main issue with women tonight. I went out to a bar with a few of my friends. Played a few drinking games with some girls and talked to some more girls here and there. Looking back on it, a lot of them showed interest in me, but I just refused to show my interest in return. I feel like I do this to protect myself and feel like I have “the upper hand”. But within like 10-15 minutes they’re off taking to/hooking up with another guy.

What can I do to stop cockblocking myself by refusing to show immediate interest in these girls? Is it a psychological problem I have?


Post Information
Title Probably found my main issue with women
Author youtrain6969
Upvotes 126
Comments 59
Date 03 May 2019 07:00 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/236981
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bk5i0j/probably_found_my_main_issue_with_women/
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Comments

[–]DeborahBinLaden87 points88 points  (2 children) | Copy

You’ve identified that you can see the problem in retrospect; work on being in the present. When you’re more aware of what’s going on you can practice what you’ve learned here about push/pull, teasing, kino etc.

[–]KetoSandwich-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

That’s great and all but what if he had a really awful experience with a woman when he as a kid and is subconsciously cockblocking himself to protect himself from getting really hurt?

Also, why the fuck would you pick up women at the bar, that’s like begging for a crazy chick, or getting STD’s. Maybe he’s subconsciously cockblocking himself because he knows how easy it is for a woman to “accidentally” forget her birth control pill and then get pregnant and then get big daddy government to force OP to pay child support for the next 20 years.

[–]Simpman40 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol fuck up dude, he’s not thinking that

[–][deleted] 82 points83 points  (3 children) | Copy

you're expecting the girls to do the work for you. doesn't work that way. you have to do everything. pursue, physically escalate, make them aroused. yea.

[–]tossoutjack8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Now hold on, it does just at an extremely lower frequency.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

i think i get what you're saying but care to elaborate on "extremely lower frequency"?

[–]harbinger19453 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

For me it can be every weekend or every 3 months(which is incredible given my physique last year)

It's basically equivalent of luck, and it's much better if you approach a girl that gives you that "look"..or even better approach everything in your sight(I am not that far yet).

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock33 points34 points  (3 children) | Copy

you show your interest through your EYE CONTACT - When talking to them you can make it know you want to shag their brains out via eye contact - can the girls can tell

[–]rubenescaray19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy

Underrated comment right here.

Eye contact is one of the most important factors of seduction, she has to feel through your eyes your desire.

[–]tossoutjack11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is funny because this is how I tell if a girl is into me lol.

[–]rubenescaray1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It goes both ways my friend.

[–]deathhandmachiavelli26 points27 points  (4 children) | Copy

Its not because you want to have "the upper hand" stop coping.

It is because you are too shy and too inhibited to make the moves. You are also guarding your self esteem in case they reject you.

I can tell in the short paragraph that you wrote, that your fear of rejection is there. Part of the reason is because the coping explanation "I do this to protect myself and feel like I have the upper hand" and the fact that you did not try with these girls.

How do get over this? Just make the moves and see what happens. Just do it.

[–]LSDparade3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ahhh this is what I needed to hear! Thank you.

[–]0mnipath1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What you wrote here accurately describes my situation as well. However, it doesn't really bother me. It just feels like the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Now maybe that's me hamstering it away but the problem is that it doesn't feel like it. I literally feel fine. The downside is that I have 0 action.

[–]NDMagoo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't at least try, your future self will never forgive you.

[–]_DonDraper_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. I used to "withhold interest" all the time in the past and it was definitely due to a lack of confidence. To be honest, I couldn't just try and do it, had to improve all other aspects in my life, as I also had some general anxiety at that time. In retrospect, cockblocking yourself like this is the dumbest thing, as it's rarer for a woman to blatantly show interest first.

[–]Thunderbird9349 points50 points  (14 children) | Copy

Run forward game. If you think she's hot tell her without being subtle about it. Be overt as fuck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3-5e0OOLKQ

You can tell Hathaway is turned on by his forwardness. Women are subtle, men are overt. Don't play games, just tell her the truth in the context of escalation

[–]SoulRedemption13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

Its funny that I saw this exact video titled differently about how men are rude. Or something along those lines. The last part was cut off.

[–]Thunderbird9311 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

I hear you. Thats what pisses me off most about life. Why is truth harsh and uncomfortable while lies are comfortable and palatable? In regards to escalation I take the truth route. Helps me screen

[–]GirTheRobot 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Wow this is such a great video holy shit. That guy should've held frame. She obviously wasn't offended you can tell by the look on her face she was enjoying the interacting and the teasing and the playfulness (watch her actions, not her words). If the man hadn't DEERed and hadn't apologized for being offended (and if this wasn't all on camera) he would've hella passed a shit test and made her super hot.

​

Doesn't help he's a real good looking guy, neither.

​

But that's it, boys. That's the look they give when they're playing along. The "fake surprise with a smile 'how COULD you say that?!' " look. I mean what he said literally wasn't offensive at all. "How much weight did you have to lose for this role?" really?

[–]Thunderbird932 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Glad you enjoyed the video bro. I remember seeing Bilzerian talking on an interview about how he tells the truth. Granted he pays for chicks company, but lets face it, dinner and wine, drinks at the bar etc "Theres no such thing as a free lunch."-Econ 101. Point being, Dan was talking about how one of his hoes asked him if he fucked her friend and he confirmed it. Think of that competition anxiety.

[–]Psychological_Radish4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can tell Hathaway is turned on by his forwardness.

If only he didn't flub it up afterward.

On a side note, let's just take a second to admire how goddamn hot Anne Hathaway was in her prime.

[–]lifeisweirdasfuck19 points20 points  (5 children) | Copy

Fuck. I have the same identical problem. After studying myself for a while I realised it has to do with the ego, yeah.

  • tying up your self esteem on women’s reactions

  • outcome dependence (pretty much the same thing as the aforementioned point)

  • scarcity mindset

  • lack of positive momentum (this is key here. Once you start approaching 1, then 2, then 3 girls a day you will solve 99.9% of your problems regarding to approaching).

I remember times when I approached 28 girls in a single day. And now I can’t approach even one. Why is that? Well, loss of momentum.

We are creatures of habits. We repeatedly do what we do.

If you get used to approaching one girl a week, then one girl every 3 days, then one girl a day, the results of compounding will bring you a playboy sex life I guarantee you. It’s simple mathematics.

I’m working on that too.

[–]tossoutjack2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I used to have the same problem, but it was because I was lazy. I was like fuck if it’s going to be this much work I don’t even want it.

[–]lifeisweirdasfuck5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

it’s going to be this much work

Self-defeatist attitude.

It's not much work. You are just focusing on the possible bad instead of the possible good.

I lift 6 days a week and if I think about it in a rational manner, talking to a chick should be laughable.

[–]tossoutjack-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was just used to the text any of a dozen girls come fuck and they drove to my house we fucked they left. Anymore effort than that was out of the question for me lol. I’d rather go make money. It was just a different time in my life. I was super busy. You couldn’t even get me out of bed for less than $200 in profit.

[–]Antonella001 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for this

[–]Thinkingard15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are not physically escalating.

[–]Loop_loop55 1 points [recovered]  (6 children) | Copy

Of course it’s a psychological problem, it’s not a physical one.

Watch pickup artists on YouTube and see how they operate. Stick to the philosophy here, but pickup artists are good at demonstrating how to react and talk to women

[–]O_Duderino13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

Any recommended channels?

[–]RossDDMarshalls4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

SquattinCasanova is the most legit one I've found so far. He actually lifts too and admits that it's a big part of game.

[–]27cloud1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

How do you know they aren't staged like the prank channels?

[–]Loop_loop55 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

If you know enough about game you can tell if it’s real or not

[–]27cloud0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'd still be suspicious because actresses can be convincing.

[–]CainPrice9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You only partially identified your "main issue with women".

You were at a bar, loosely interacting with some women. In your opinion, the women "showed interest in" you...but then you "refused to show ... interest in return".

You're lying to yourself and to us. You -think- that a few woman -may- have been receptive to your interest, but you're not actually sure. And you were too timid and chicken-shit to take the risk and actually try to escalate with a girl, which you have decided means that you, the big masculine guy with the "upper hand", decided to "refuse" to show interest.

Your main issue with women is that you're not confident at identifying interest and you're timid and afraid to actually flirt or escalate.

Not that you're too manly and you keep "refusing" to show interest.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fear of rejection, lack of assertiveness, lack of confidence, not being comfortable with your sexuality, anxiety etc. These or some of these are your problems.

My best guess you are just lazy and afraid to make a first move. You must go for it. With full force.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

watch swingers

[–]frontiermarine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

don't overthink and just escalate with girls that are interested, i used to take the whole 'no validation' thing too far and i would end up cock blocking myself. If you can tell she's interested and don't do anything she's just going to think you're a pussy.

[–]LarsleDarsle1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I feel like I have something similar when I smoke up and drink at the same time except then I'm having too much fun socializing at a party that I prefer not to follow up on girl's IOIs. Is that strange??

Like I go to the party with the possibility of getting laid on the table and once I'm there and figure out who's into me I feel good enough that I find it not worth it to escalate and enjoy the party instead. I can't figure out if it's because part of me doesn't want to deal with girls or if I just don't see them as adding enough value to my night to make it worth it.

[–]DiosJ1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your scared that a rejection destroys your good mood.

[–]airmcnair061 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are subconsciously rejecting women based on old beliefs that you haven't let go of. Deep down, you believe she will reject your advances, so you end up rejecting her first. That's why you feel like you have the upper hand.

The Fearless Man on YouTube has a video about this topic and it's really insightful and helped me get over my subconscious desire to punish women in a similar way

[–]User-31f64a4e1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Work on the root problem

Somewhere, somehow, you have an idea about the process driving your behavior.
Your emotions can tip you off, but will require interpretation.

Here is the algorithm.
Next time you are in a bar, and get an ioi, note what you feel. Pay very close attention to your emotions. What are they?

Fear? Might be a concern about rejection. Might be you are afraid she isn't "the one" (not logical in PUA, but this is not about logic, it is about some incorrect model of reality lurking inside.)

Embarrassment? Maybe you think men shouldn't hit on women, maybe you don't want anyone to know you like her, etc.

Furtiveness? Maybe you think you need to conceal your attraction; you would have to unpack that yourself.

Desperation? That might indicate scarcity mindset.

Shame? Guilt? Intimidation? Undignified? Disdain? I have no idea what it is, but I suspect there is some idea, some model of reality, some concept, which combines with the IOIs to trigger your reaction.

Whatever emotion you feel won't be an answer, but thinking to yourself "Why am I feeling x" may unlock something for you. At root, you have some concept at odds with your ability to display interest quickly.

Is it a psychological problem I have?

Probably not, just some concept hanging you up.

[–]Incaahhh0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're clearly not giving yourself the upper hand so stop behaving like that. Work on how to keep a conversation going or just be genuine with what you want at the time

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're probably in the wrong place.

[–]OfficerWade0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Walk through open doors

[–]SalporinRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You probably don't show interest back because you're scared of being rejected in front of your social group. It's normal. Just gotta try to overcome it. That's why idgaf attitude is so important.

Just have fun and don't treat it so seriously. I've gotten rejected brutally a few times when I'm out at the bars with my friends but we just laugh it off because why should we care about what dumb thot thinks lol.

[–]PolesWithGoals0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Gotta our in the same effort they’re putting in, only then will you get results

[–]BumblingBeta0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You approach.

Abundance mentality.

Control the frame. Frame is everything.

Improve your game.

Above all, just approach.

[–]Oily13090 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I went out the other night in a club. Had a 5 sec long eye contact with a girl, she came into my proximity so I could approach her after.

I did that almost right away (she basically initiated the approach anyway already, so you cannot really "lose" anything). All I did was say hello and touching her hips in doing so.

Wasn't really difficult apart from just reacting to her approach. It's pretty easy once you established longer than usual mutual eye contact.

Now the other scenario is about approaching first before the girl gives IOIs (which basically is her way of approaching you). This requires way more knowledge than the first scenario.

[–]Juxxta10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Go mgtow fuck alimony



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