Plate I’m talking to brought up a guy she’s interested and wants an LTR with

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May 4, 2019
71 upvotes

Gonna keep this short.

Fucked and we just chilled afterwards. We laid together and got really close to one another. Eventually I go home cause I have plans in the early morning and I thank her for the good time once I get home.

However, she hits me with the short replies, bland responses, and when I ask her what’s up, she tells me that my time spent with her reminded her of some other dude she’s into and wants an LTR with.

I responded by saying, “I hope things work out for you and your other guy”, then stopped responding to her.

I’m not looking for anything in my relationship with her, but she told me that she wants to start dating the guy and she might tell him how she feels about him pretty soon. I’m not sure on how I should proceed after she dropped all that shit on me. I’m thinking I should soft next her for a bit? Or maybe even hard next.

Any input would be appreciated, thank you!


Post Information
Title Plate I’m talking to brought up a guy she’s interested and wants an LTR with
Author DJ-MBENGA
Upvotes 71
Comments 60
Date 04 May 2019 08:00 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/237169
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bkiwrw/plate_im_talking_to_brought_up_a_guy_shes/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipplateclosesoft nextinghard nexting
Comments

[–]WoodWizzy8742 points43 points  (1 child) | Copy

I doubt there’s another guy. She’s putting the feelers out to see if you want to actually date

[–]porn-chicken10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is probably it. OP is taking what she's told him at face value when she's really just trying to be cute about attaching strings to their relationship.

[–]TheRedPillRipper101 points102 points  (13 children) | Copy

stopped responding

Your reply was perfect. I’d simply text her logistics from here out. e.g. ”My place. Thursday 9pm. Bring pizza. I got the vino.”

If she doesn’t meet up leave it up to her to reinitiate contact whilst you’re on to the next.

Godspeed and good luck!

[–]TRP Vanguardnicethingyoucanthave41 points42 points  (12 children) | Copy

Agreed. Only thing I'd change is to leave out the "9pm" bit. It sets you up for a shit test. I've had a lot of success with: "come over tonight, I need to show you something" and if she asks what, I say, "a good time"

[–]mangoat12 1 points [recovered]  (11 children) | Copy

How does it setup for a shit test? What if she says she’s busy or working? I usually ask if they’re free at a certain day/time but not sure if that’s effective, seems to work for me

[–]TRP Vanguardnicethingyoucanthave16 points17 points  (7 children) | Copy

Girls are going to be late. It's not even necessarily that they're jerking you around. It's just the way it is. I'm sure you've encountered this too.

Remember that shit tests aren't usually conscious acts. Women feel an instinct to push you, and they feel better/more secure about the relationship when you demonstrate your value, and worse about it when you roll over. So she's going to be late. She's going to be late more than once. Eventually all of this accumulates in her subconscious with the label, "meh, it's not a big deal, he's not a big deal, because I always come and go as I please"

Now, if you have a good way to "pass" this shit test, please let me know. I personally don't have one. If you could pass it, then you'd be in her subconscious under the label, "he means business; I'd better take this seriously and show up when he said to show up" - that'd be ideal, but I haven't figured out how to get there.

What probably isn't going to work is calling her out on it. That's going to sound whiny. You tell her 9. She shows up at 10:30. If you say something like, "no, you can't come in because I told you 9" I don't think that's going to make you seem high value. It makes you sound like a kid throwing a tantrum.

I'm serious though, if you have a better plan, please do let me know.

This problem with specific times is something that pops up a lot. It's why people suggest that if you invite a girl to meet you out somewhere, you make sure you're out with friends rather than sitting alone waiting for her like a low-value chump. It's also why if you're going to cook dinner for a girl, you don't start cooking until she gets there. You don't want her to arrive and dinner is there waiting for her, like you're serving her rather than demonstrating value.

So what I'm suggesting is that you simply avoid the issue entirely. Don't mention a time, and don't remind her (chances are, she'll text you right before she heads your way). This is not a date. Invite her, then just forget about it. Also, your suggestion about making it a Thursday is perfect, because that's likely not a day when you'd be doing anything else. If you invite her for a Friday and she shows up at midnight and she's been out having fun all night, and you've been waiting at home - you just lost the game.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Our approaches are wildly different. I'm an absolute dictator with my time, and will say "no worries" and ghost forever on the first cancelation or 30min lateness. Might miss a few opps but never waste time.

My frame is really straightforward, no need to give her a window of time. I only do 30min to 1hr first dates, 2nd on the weekdays usually at my place, 3rd is when she becomes a plate or 1/2 night stand.

Agree with the rest.

[–]deathbya1000cocks0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

If you don't mention a time she'll also think she can just come at any time she wants to. How is it any different from 'meh, it's not a big deal, he's not a big deal, because I always come and go as I please'? It sounds like walking on eggshells either way.

When you say 9 and she shows up an hour later she better have a good excuse and not make a habit of it. I might have other plans for 11.

If they're late you open the door say 'hi, you're late.' don't mention any more. If she makes it a habit just cut the girl off. If you value your time so should she. How many times is she going to show late at work before her ass gets fired, she knows how to be on time.

[–]TRP Vanguardnicethingyoucanthave2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you don't mention a time she'll also think she can just come at any time she wants to.

Yeah. She can just come any time she wants to. You're granting her that. And like I said, you invite her then just forget about it. Go on with your day.

Because the alternative is demanding something that you can't really enforce. At least, I haven't seen a good way to enforce it.

It sounds like walking on eggshells

"Walking on eggshells" is what people do when they're afraid of a consequence, right? Like, you walk on eggshells around someone with a temper.

My position here is, if you demand a specific time, you're probably not going to get that specific time, now you're forced to react to that. Letting it go is bad (we agree) and mentioning it is just drawing attention to the fact that you didn't get your way - also not good. So instead, you just take the time issue out of the equation. There are no eggshells because there's no consequence.

I might have other plans for 11.

So? Man, you're acting like I'm suggesting you cancel your other plans. I specifically said go on about your day.

Any time I've had a booty call, she's texted me when she was on her way. It's okay to tell her you're out or no longer available. Her loss.

Her: "are we still on? I can come by now?"

You: "nah, I'm in the middle of something. I'll text you tomorrow. bye."

[–]deathbya1000cocks0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

If I did what you do I'd feel like I'm hamstering my way into thinking it's fine they show up whenever because 'I give them that option'. But really 'they're not showing up on time anyway' so I might as well change my standards to make everything OK. But really, you want them to be on time.

[–]TRP Vanguardnicethingyoucanthave0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Do you feel that "agree and amplify" as a means of passing a shit test is hamstering? Maybe you should always call out every test. Maybe you should never let anything go.

[–]deathbya1000cocks0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Whatever man, some 'shit tests' just ain't worth my time.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

By setting exact perimeters, you're giving them a boundary to intentionally mess with. If you say 9 PM, it's both a test and insult if she arrives at 9:15. It removes some of her power to simply say tonight, because no matter what time she arrives, you win.

[–]ElvisDimera0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Then what do you say when she says "what time tonight?"

[–]BREWcoin1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe it’s a shit test if you propose a time first, then they can counter with a time later and see how much bending you’ll do.

[–]bruiser1856 points57 points  (28 children) | Copy

She’s a plate. Who cares? Stop texting her and shit. If she brings up this guy say “aw that’s so cute, you have a little crush!” And then continue as normal.

Disregard the guy. Keep fucking if you want, until she gets with this guy.

[–]jymb0c12 points13 points  (26 children) | Copy

Why stop fucking her if she gets with the other guy? Isn’t the idea that plates are just a root to you and she likely is fucking other guys?

[–]bruiser1821 points22 points  (18 children) | Copy

Because once she gets in a relationship with someone she is likely going to stop fucking OP. Unless she is a cheating whore, in which case OP may continue to fuck if he chooses to.

[–]Sonny_Luna-5 points-4 points  (17 children) | Copy

I suspect people upvote you because they want to believe, as you seem to, that cheating makes her a whore. That doesn't make any sense since a large number of women cheat.

[–]bruiser1810 points11 points  (6 children) | Copy

You are right, women who cheat are actually high quality women!

Oh, and that’s right, that means a large number of women aren’t whores! It’s almost like AWALT doesn’t exist or something. Weird.

[–]Sonny_Luna0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You are right, women who cheat are actually high quality women!

Cheating doesn't mean she's low quality, it means YOU'RE low quality.

AWALT

You haven't internalized TRP because you're still in the anger phase. You haven't accepted reality.

[–]bruiser180 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

To some degree aside from your last paragraph, you are right. The higher value you are the less likely your woman will cheat. However there are still plenty of cases you read about alpha guys being cheated on in situations like their girl traveling, going to school etc.

[–]Sonny_Luna0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ok, so you're saying you can't have perfection. I thought that should be obvious to everyone.

[–]Datanami0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Awalt precisely means that women can and will act under certain conditions. Saying she's a whore implies that some women don't act like this. They all do. Thus they're not whores, they're just women.

Anger phase.

[–]muddynips1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Implies

[–]Datanami0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, I'm not a native speaker. Edited.

[–]RedTrenGod1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

That doesn't make any sense since a large number of women cheat.

Ever heard of AWALT, faggot? A lot of women are whores.

[–]Sonny_Luna0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

A lot of women are whores.

Only towards you. Because you're not high value enough to retain their interest.

You're not good enough yet.

[–]RedTrenGod0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I’ve been in this game probably since you were still sucking your mothers tits son. This has nothing to do with me, or anybody in particular. Women will cheat with higher perceived value men than their current man, given the right circumstances.

Still though, any woman who has previously cheated is a low value whore in my eyes, even if she would not cheat on me.

If you believe that just because you are high value there is no chance you will be cheated on with some other ‘Chad’ while your girl is in Cancun for a week, you are wrong. Unlikely, sure, but it still happens.

[–]Sonny_Luna1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’ve been in this game probably since you were still sucking your mothers tits son.

That's not relevant. I bet you're wrong anyway.

This has nothing to do with me, or anybody in particular. Women will cheat with higher perceived value men than their current man, given the right circumstances.

That's what I've been saying.

Still though, any woman who has previously cheated is a low value whore in my eyes, even if she would not cheat on me.

Doesn't make sense to me at all. Low value men can expect low value treatment. That's why we encourage men to increase their value. Are you following along yet?

If you believe that just because you are high value there is no chance you will be cheated on with some other ‘Chad’ while your girl is in Cancun for a week, you are wrong. Unlikely, sure, but it still happens.

Jesus. I guess you old timers have a tough time keeping up since you're imagining my argument rather than listening to it.

[–]RedTrenGod0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I’ve got a lot more experience than you have son. I have personally seen high value dudes’ girls cheat on them with guys of lower perceived value. You will read plenty of stories on here about such. Increase your value all you want, as you should, it does not give you immunity to cheating. Some girls are more likely than others.

Take care bud, keep on working.

[–]Sonny_Luna0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve got a lot more experience than you have son.

I guess you're not smart enough to process that experience into applicable knowledge.

I have personally seen high value dudes’ girls cheat on them with guys of lower perceived value.

Sounds more like you aren't really sure how to interpret value. Like I said, that experience didn't do much for you.

You will read plenty of stories on here about such.

Not in the 8 or so years I've been frequenting TRP.

Increase your value all you want, as you should, it does not give you immunity to cheating.

I never claimed such. You're having a hard time keeping up.

Some girls are more likely than others.

Fair enough.

Take care bud, keep on working.

Thanks. You, too.

[–]Datanami0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Women are just women. Get out of your anger phase, you seem bitter

[–]RedTrenGod0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Aye. And if you don’t think cheating is a sign of a low quality whore, then I don’t know for you.

[–]CharruaNative1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It definitely is sign of a low quality woman

[–]Datanami2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Every woman will cheat under the right conditions. There is no exception to this rule, hence AWALT. No need to call them whores, it just makes you look like an AFC. You are simply angry for whatever reason...

[–]GolfinEagle14 points15 points  (6 children) | Copy

There’s also some guys who know what it’s like to be cheated on and don’t want to be the other guy. Honestly it’s a safety issue if anything, that man is going to want to motherfucking kill you when he finds you.

[–]bruiser189 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

I used to fuck girls with boyfriends without problems. Still do sometimes, but do genuinely feel bad for the guy at times. I’d hate to be him.

[–]Monkitail8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

You probably have been, many times

[–]bruiser183 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck that. If you don’t get into relationships, you can’t be that guy.

[–]empatheticapathetic0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Knowing you have been, what does it really change at the end of the day? Assuming you already know not to get married and are responsible with your own assets.

[–]Wjourney0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hoes cheat, if not with you, with someone else. I dont see a problem getting with a girl who has a man, besides the obvious safety issue

[–]Zanford-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP's reply is better, yours would come across as slightly butthurt, esp with the exclamation point.

[–]Drainstink26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy

Trying to force you into committing or just being very open.
Do what you want, but not what she wants. If she is trying to gain commitment from you just soft next her for a week

[–]BornOnMay3rd6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well it's time to look for a new plate

[–]DerpJungler4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Old plate that wanted a relationship used to do this all the time.

As soon as we parted ways she started texting annoyingly saying she "met another guy" etc. I would say "whatever makes you happy" etc.

Next week she would confess that she was lying and we kept the same fuck - lie - confess - fuck cycle for a couple months until she was pushing for a LTR so hard that i had to ghost.

Bottom line: It's a huge shit test. You responded fine. Keep doing the same (unless you WANT to be in a LTR with her) and keep fucking her even if she meets another guy. That means she'll have someone else to cuddle and buy her dinner, while you get exactly what u want, no strings attached.

[–]SeasonedRP6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You handled it perfectly. It's one thing for her to say she wants more with you and ask where you two are going. It's another to specifically mention another guy and how she wants an LTR with him, and how time spent with you reminded her of him. That's extremely disrespectful. If she wants to come over and fuck and you're up for it, go right ahead, but I wouldn't contact her or consider her anything more than someone to hook up with. And if she hits you up and you don't feel like it, tell her to get lost.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why she's a plate. Act as before.. Indifferent and unaffected. If she goes she goes.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I responded by saying, “I hope things work out for you and your other guy”, then stopped responding to her.

So you handled it correctly and are finished. Go find another girl.

[–]catriel256 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

As far as I see it, this is a shit test. Girl tease you to see how you react.

[–]Zanford2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your response is great. You showed outcome independence. She'll either come 'back' to you (and likely not try to stoke jealousy again) or she won't (which is much better than if she did but was seeing/fucking the other guy simultaneously).

[–]fuckrbrasilmods1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Correct move. The way I see it, you already soft nexted her. Extra props for doing it casually, concisely and decisively.

You also managed not to give her what she wanted: a boost to her confidence by showing neediness etc, which would be subtracted from your own confidence and used to whatever purpose she has regarding this other guy or you. Women are often emotional vampires when it comes to validation.

[–]BuckNekkid182 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Next thread from OP:

I have a spoon and a bowl of cereal. What now? How do I eat?

[–]Houston2NYC0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She sounds like she likes to play games and that’s unacceptable. Hard next.

[–]HurricaneHugues0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Soft next for what? You literally just got done smashing her. What has changed? Nothing but her talking. Keep fucking the bitch

[–]Sake990 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her blatant choice for another is not enough for you to make a decision for yourself? What kind of man are you , seriously?



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