Dealing with extremely narcissistic wife

SBIII · 2019-05-09T14:05:33+00:00

You're a Beta Provider.

You've had a dead bedroom for effectively your entire marraige = You handed your balls over to your wife and are afraid to ask for them back.

Your weight and BF hasn't changed since your first OYS = you don't lift properly.

You spend your days working from home in your underpants and smoking pot = you're a fucking loser.

Your office is a mess = you don't own your shit.

You lack the discipline to develop your business into a proper company = you're a fucking loser who doesn't own his shit.

You had a main event on your 10 year wedding anniversary. She didn't have a main event. YOU did = You are fucking bitch.

You told your wife about Fight Club = you're a fucking idiot.

You started MRP 2 months ago = you're a newb.

And now you want to know how to break the cycle of your wife's behaviours?

How about you sort your own shit out first and see what happens then? You created this mess, you fix it. That starts and ends with you. Take your balls back, stop acting like a fucking bitch and get your act together.

HerukaArisen · 2019-05-09T13:53:15+00:00

She, she, she, she, she. Maybe your wife is a narcissist, maybe she's not. In my opinion, the approach is the same as for everyone else: STFU (doesn't seem to go too well atm), lift (hopefully not just pull-ups) and read (what have you done so far?). I understand that it sucks being in your situation, but the only way out is to start concentrating on what you do and not what your wife does and, especially, says.

[deleted] · 2019-05-09T14:27:06+00:00

Well , now that you labeled her a narcissist you can clearly relax about it being your problem right?

Narcissism is a spectrum, they all have their touch of it just by the nature of the feminine and solipsism going hand in hand.

It changes nothing other than it looks like you are "sprinkling on a little alpha" and expecting more than a sprinkling (if any) of difference.

She married a beta to provide (not fuck), she's mad you don't want to be one anymore as you aren't fuckable in her eyes yet.

Either she'll respond positively to your changes or you move on as she's broken. Either way you need to be worthy of any women's attentions before you'll get an ounce from her with the handicap she's set you at.

At this point my mission would be to get in as best shape as possible and be out of the house as much as possible and build a new life.

You can always still beta-provide divorced (the court will make sure of that) but at least be having a romantic relationships other than with just your hand.

helaughsinhidden · 2019-05-09T15:35:51+00:00

WOW.

I don't think she's capable of understanding that a relationship is a two-way exchange

No, she is actually communicating quite well as a matter of fact. One of the first lessons here is to pay attention to her ACTIONS, not her words. Her actions are communicating that she is not in this relationship anymore. You are Isaiah Thomas at best to her, maybe Carmelo Anthony. IT is ON the Denver Nuggets but sits on the last seat on the bench and is given zero minutes despite being an MVP level player 4 years ago. CA is essentially off of the team but Houston has not fully released him from his contract because of money.

You need a wake up call. According to u/SBIII's research and memory, you are one unattractive, lazy, weak, needy man that is stuck in his wife's frame.

This morning she's raging, demanding an apology (for what ... I'm not sure really)

She's not saying what she wants an apology for because it's hard to ask you spouse to apologize for giving up on themselves and becoming a fat, lazy, beta. That's why she's raging every morning. It's GROUNDHOG DAY everyday for her and the nightmare that her husband became is still there.

We're in some crazy power struggle but she continues to dig her heels in and refuses to enter my frame.

You have to have FRAME first. Then live in it instead of hers. Advice beyond those steps is still too advanced for you.

SIDEBAR LIFT

EDIT: Don't beat yourself up TOO MUCH, (but do it some). If you take real steps that take you from a level 9000 human waste to level 8992 she will see that change in direction. A little hope can go a long way. Her sleeping in another room is an indicator that she stopped holding her breath. You need to start dressing daily, gym 3 times a week minimum, shower, shave, and get an office outside of the house. The woman can't miss you if you never leave.

RStonePT · 2019-05-09T14:16:34+00:00

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redwall92 · 2019-05-09T14:18:09+00:00

What power are you struggling for?

Is the 3yo your oldest? If so, then it'll have to work, but having a 14yo daughter is really helpful for my own mindset.

Take a step back.

If your 3yo (or my 14yo) were to go lock herself in her room and want all the time and space in the world, would it really bother me? If your 3yo (or my 14yo) were to huff and blow words about how I didn't greet her correctly when I got home, would it bother me?

Why is it different with your wife? Greet her if you want. Or don't. Personally ... I'm a greeter when I get home. Not because somebody has deserved it, but because I'm home. I've been away for the day, and now I'm home. I want to be the man who greets warmly when I arrive, so I strive to be that man. I hate being the guy who has to discipline and clean up messes as soon as I get home. So I strive to NOT be that guy as soon as I get home. There will be time later to get things cleaned up if they need it.

I'll say it again ... What power are you struggling for?

We're in some crazy power struggle but she continues to dig her heels in and refuses to enter my frame.

Any advice that can help break this cycle?

This seems about right here ... There is no spoon

mountainbiker178 · 2019-05-09T13:54:37+00:00

I haven't followed your OYS posts. We've got a lot of tools in our RP toolbox for dealing with this. I assume you're well versed in them (amused mastery, she amplify, fogging)? You chuckling is a good sign you understand she's the oldest teenager in the house.

Do you have an exit plan? At what point is all of this not worth it?

[deleted] · 2019-05-09T14:36:10+00:00

A lot of guys come here and say my wife is a narcissist, my wife has BPD, my wife is a psychopath. It doesn't matter. 95% of the time she is just a woman. You may have a narcissist, you may not. I don't know based on your post and I'm not a psychologist.

What I can say is I thought my wife was BPD... she's not. She's just AWALT with emotions. All the 'issues' SHE had, it was me. It was all me. 100% ME. It still is ME when there are issues. She may get upset or emotional, but if I don't engage - guess what, she works through her own emotions and gets over it 10x quicker than if I actually argued. Arguing is for women - don't argue.

You're not even committed to dread level 1 right now.

From OYS

Lifting: Going ok ... not making it to the gym as often as I'd like. I do enjoy it when I do and am definitely getting stronger and seeing my noob gains.

God damnit... LIFT 3x per week minimum. Unless you're dying in bed sick there's really no excuse here. This is fundamental. As in the very first thing you need to start.

We're in some crazy power struggle but she continues to dig her heels in and refuses to enter my frame.

You don't have frame. You're still in her frame. This whole thing is about her. You don't know what frame is. Also you need to realize and reflect when you're in HER frame and why. I know when I'm in her frame, because I worry about what she's doing or not doing or what not. It's hard to break out of that... but each week it becomes easier and easier to live in YOUR own mind and not hers.

Any advice that can help break this cycle?

Lift, STFU, and sidebar... get serious about it. Seems like you have a fair amount of time, you should be through most of the sidebar books by now. You should be lifting at least 3x a week on a set program (not just fucking around in the gym). You should be eating better to fuel your lifts.

FoxShitNasty83 · 2019-05-09T14:10:39+00:00

Fuck, sounds familiar. Worry less about her and more about you. Do proper weight lifting and get out the house regular. When my wife attacks me or insults /gaslights don't engage just laugh, agree and amplify or fog. Or "yeah","nice","I love badgers" then stfu and leave.

The root cause is that your a bitch, hey I'm a bitch but the good news is you can fix it. Understand that you need to have an exit plan. The juice may not be worth the squeeze.

[deleted] · 2019-05-09T15:02:30+00:00

My wife has all kinds of fucked up shit wrong with her but as you know it doesn't matter. RP works regardless of what flavor of woman you are married to. RP saves the man and not the marriage. You might have fucked up so bad for so long that you need to focus on an exit. Lucky for you, the go plan is the same as the stay plan.

You aren't fuckable or respected. You have zero power in the relationship. You are afraid of what she might do and she smells your pussy wafting through the house.

Build your own life, get out of the house more, make yourself the best version of yourself and STFU until you are that man. Expect her to continue doing all of this shit. Why would she stop if it has always worked? You literally JUST started and haven't changed enough. You need to slowly work your way through the levels of dread and you are still on level 1 or 2. Expect this to happen! Until you can get to 3,4,5 and actually become fuckable you shouldn't expect anything less than a Harpy bitch who treats you like shit.

simbarlion · 2019-05-09T20:00:27+00:00

Dude, my wife is a bit like this. You have to stop giving a fuck. It is literally the only way out.

Answer any of her shit with 'ok...'.

[deleted] · 2019-05-09T14:21:27+00:00

You have a long history as betabux, so it's going to be quite a while before she sees you as anything else. The good news is that it doesn't really matter how she sees you, the path forward is the same regardless.

After the kids go to bed she hides out in "her room" and avoids all interaction with me.

Sounds like the perfect time to start catching up on the gym time that you've been missing. Commit to getting on a regular routine and go... regardless of what's happening at home.

Grundlestiltskin · 2019-05-09T18:36:18+00:00

Your wife may or may not be a narcissist. You’ll only know for sure once you digest the red pill. So keep going and you can figure it out when you get there. You have a long way to go, we all do, but if you don’t give up you will progress everyday. By the way your response “Oh now you want my attention after withdrawing yours” was a beta answer as it shows her actions affect you. You should smile at her knowingly and say, “If you missed me, my door is always open for you.”

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2019-05-09T19:49:08+00:00

At least sack up and read/apply some of the material before posting this drivel. Why would you even let her continue for more than a few words of her diatribe. YOU are the one encouraging her to act like this because you have no frame, no boundaries, no MAP, and no balls.

_-resonance-_ · 2019-05-09T21:44:45+00:00

Remember to ease into Red Pilled behavior, one month for every year of your blue pilled marriage. Don’t go Rambo, but make sure you have a solid understanding of the tests, games, and psychological warfare she will rage on you.

tap0988534 · 2019-05-09T22:59:10+00:00

I don't think she's capable of understanding that a relationship is a two-way exchange

Nor is any woman. Your wife and situation aren't special, but the same as most everyone here at some point. The problem isn't with your wife, it's with you. Your wife is not capable of loving, respecting, or desiring you because of the way you think, act, and look. If you make the journey you will become a person that your wife desires, loves, and respects.

Any advice that can help break this cycle?

Start the journey that begins in the sidebar. Change your life.

screechhater · 2019-05-10T00:03:37+00:00

Quit pointing your finger at her and look in the mirror

Lift. Diet. OYS. Move forward. Frame, Mission. Etc. read.

JameisBong · 2019-05-10T17:13:29+00:00

If she is a narcissist, I don't think you can do anything beyond asking her to get help. Beyond that work in yourself and maybe at the end of your journey you will be ready to next her.

Cyprian_ · 2019-05-17T13:24:29+00:00

The comment you made to her "Oh now you want my attention after shutting me out for two months. I think you can figure out a better way to get it"

Screams of passive aggressiveness.

If I were you I would just keep working out, and act like nothing is up. Be polite, and act normal.

Avoiding her is just plain awkward.

effyouasshole · 2019-05-09T17:27:23+00:00

You don't date a woman with narcissism.
You don't marry a woman with narcissism.
If you are already dating/married to a woman, and you find out she is a narcissist, you immediately end the relationship. Then reflect on how you managed to miss all the red flags that lead you into this mess.

Its pretty straightforward.

Title	Dealing with extremely narcissistic wife
Author	MightBeNiceGuy
Upvotes	19
Comments	54
Date	09 May 2019 01:32 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/237742
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bmjvaz/dealing_with_extremely_narcissistic_wife/