I know all women are supposedly bad and I've avoided them after my mother used every maternal and female tool as a weapon while not actually providing my needs. She did this to all men, and avoided any responsibility by crying or being a hoe. But, I still feel drawn toward older women who are mothers. I can sense they have maternal qualities that my mother lacked, that I need closure on.

​

I have no emotional processing abilities. I cannot work my way out of an emotional situation and flow from moping to suppression in an endless cycle. I think this is due to not being heard and helped work through the emotional problems of life as a kid. I just stewed in the misery until I gave up and suppressed it when no one helped, but it left a feeling of not being someone to care for. People just say "man up" which I do, but I don't actually know how to get what I need from myself or others, or even what those needs are. This leaves life being a dull, unrewarding thing.

​

I feel I need the support of a maternally intelligent woman to get me on my feet. There is a kind of respect that forms for a woman with this quality. I don't need a mommie, but I do need the female gender to redeem itself and some guidance that I didn't get before. I have no desire to turn into a emotionally dominated wet noodle of a man. I don't want to worship women or put them on a pedestal.

​

I cannot date women until I believe that they can actually be respectable beings, at least as mothers to their own children. Accepting AWALT, a woman who aims to get attention by being responsible rather than manipulating emotionally and eroding a man's boundaries and respect, and who loves her children more than anything else (and not in that weird narcissistic way where she constantly virtue signals while not actually even being certain the child is okay), is someone to be respected, at least for those qualities.

​

Women are sneaky, though and will demonstrate all these qualities to fool you. I don't know how to tell the difference, or even if there is. Do women do this TO get men to take care of them? When the man stops taking care of them, do they stop loving their kids?

​

My father was weak. Was this all what I was supposed to learn from men? I don't like opening up emotionally to men, it feels literally gay.