Best friend (24M) has proposed to single mother (42F) he’s known for 5 months

ramaga · 2019-05-12T17:20:01+00:00

Everyone on this sub knows how the trainwreck you describe is going to eventually end, so I'll address the question of whether you should attend the wedding.

In a word, yes.

Despite the fact he's about to ruin his life, your friend is still that--your friend. If there's anything my 40+ years have taught me, it's that you should cling to your friends for dear life. They're hard to come by.

If your friend did something to hurt you, maybe then you'd stop being his friend and supporting him, depending on the severity of the infraction.

But the wedding is hurting him, not you.

Go to the wedding. If you don't, your friend will hold it against you forever.

(And on a pragmatic, getting-your-dick-wet note, weddings are a great place to pick up chicks.)

Retstortion · 2019-05-12T16:10:47+00:00

Lmao, RIP.

Neymars_Lawyer_AMA · 2019-05-12T16:42:06+00:00

You can warn him but its pretty pointless. He's gonna have to learn a very hard and painful life lesson.

TopOccasion29 · 2019-05-12T17:45:43+00:00

Lol go to the wedding. Have some fun and celebrate with your friend. He'll learn the hard way like most men do and will come back bawling his eyes out when the whole thing becomes a disaster. I would've thought he would chose a better prospect like a young woman his age with no kids or baggage but he decides to go for a divorced single mother of 2?...ewww.

As long as he isn't disrespectful to you, be there for him when shit hits the fan and throw redpills his way. Been there before. My buddy was dating a 36yr old single mother of 3 from 3 different men LMAO. I warned him he didn't listen, but when shit hit the fan and she played him like a fool, he was devastated. I was there for him, he was my friend and he didn't do anything disrespectful to me.

HumanSockPuppet · 2019-05-12T17:29:04+00:00

Advice: Be the best man. Support your bro.

Then buy popcorn.

wontonloup8 · 2019-05-12T16:14:38+00:00

Oh boy.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2019-05-12T17:50:54+00:00

It’s almost as if she was the predator and he was the prey.

There is no "almost" about it.

What should you do? Go, celebrate, etc. You're not going to see him much after the wedding...Until the divorce, that is. Also, he's going to gain a lot of weight and turn into a ball of pudge from eating crap food and not exercising. And he's basically paying "rent" with the money he's putting toward her mortgage. Not that he should GET put on the mortgage, but that's what it amounts to.

There's so much "wrong" going on here, but you did your duty as his friend and told him not to stomp on his own cock and he did it anyway. He's finished. Be polite, enjoy the reception, and catch up with him when it all comes crashing down.

Bruchibre · 2019-05-12T18:20:48+00:00

One minute of silence for lost brother.

Damn she could be his mother, she's 18 years older. In the end it's just an odd couple, look at the French president.

You told him what you thought. You've done your duty. Now yes, attend the wedding, he's still your friend.

Live and let die.

Whisper · 2019-05-12T19:09:19+00:00

You cannot play Captain SaveABro. He will not listen.

No one can be saved from anything until they realize they need saving.

FereallyRed · 2019-05-12T16:19:59+00:00

We all see this trainwreck in slow motion.

But all he sees is a clear track, sunny skies, and the best pussy he's ever had.

You can't help someone who is adamant they don't need help.

Read this.

Now this...

“The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.”

And this...

“Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club!"

finally....

"No lieutenant, your men are already dead."

surrealismen · 2019-05-12T16:53:36+00:00

just be there for him when he falls. thats the best you can do.

thoughtful_duck · 2019-05-12T18:26:12+00:00

Same thing is happening with my childhood best friend as well. He's 23 and met a 33yo divorced single mom and is absolutely obsessed with her. And this is coming from a guy who redpilled me from the time we were teenagers by saying that "true love" is an illusion.

He's studying in a great uni doing his masters in engineering and doesn't realise that this woman just wants to lock him down and she's performing an act to manipulate him. You can't explain this stuff to him. He's too far down the rabbit hole.

beginner_ · 2019-05-12T17:25:27+00:00

Edit: he has just asked me if I would attend. What would you do in my position?

Take one for the team. Attend, bang her and film it and show it to him. /s

Even that would probably not make him change his mind.

Snowaey · 2019-05-12T16:45:08+00:00

yea start making his tombstone

SupremeBBC · 2019-05-12T16:58:11+00:00

Man City just won the premier league op. I’m depressed as fuck

loloLogic · 2019-05-12T18:53:39+00:00

Tell his parents if they don't know. Tell fucking everyone. Let the chorus of reason and disgust sing from the heavens

drqxx · 2019-05-12T17:33:21+00:00

Rule #2 Don't raise bastards!

thoughtful_duck · 2019-05-12T18:38:09+00:00

As others have said, there's really nothing you can do. Male and female hamsters go into overdrive when a third party tries to break up the relationship. I always pretend to be optimistic/supportive even if I know it's going to go down in flames. Making them feel like they're in a Romeo and Juliet situation just makes the relationship last longer.

I am fairly certain she was his first sexual experience

First sexual experiences have a bigger impact on the psyche than people think. I'd wager that even if he breaks up with her, his next girlfriend will also be older.

FieldLine · 2019-05-12T19:43:53+00:00

I was a groomsman at my friend's wedding a few months ago. You aren't going to change his mind, so celebrate his happiness with him while it lasts.

menial_optimist · 2019-05-12T16:28:45+00:00

If I was in this position and was asked to be the best man, I would refuse. Of course he would sever the friendship, as most weaklings choose pussy over friends. You should treat this as your friendship being put on the backburner. It's possible that within however many years it takes for things to self destruct, he will call you up again and admit you were right, at which point you should be supportive. This woman is probably pulling out all the classic manipulation techniques and he, being inexperienced, is failing to pass every one of them.

xx-Rain_Maker-xx · 2019-05-12T17:28:39+00:00

It seems almost no one has answered your question. There's nothing you could do to prevent that wedding, he's already fucked. Nonetheless, be very brutal to him and tell him he's destroying his life. In spite of this, I'd go to the wedding. He's your friend, and your duty as friend is to be there.

scanfan2022 · 2019-05-12T17:22:25+00:00

He's a lost cause OP.

aucunejus · 2019-05-12T17:30:48+00:00

there could be a best case scenario happening in his case, but there are so many variables its very unlikely.

Beegoop · 2019-05-12T19:48:57+00:00

Pour one out for this idiot.

Go to the wedding, try to have fun, dip out when you're done. You risk losing him as a friend if you try talking some RP sense into him since he's that fucking whipped and taking care of kids that could be his siblings.

On the other hand, he may come around, but it doesn't matter because no matter what a marriage can only end in one way. Hard lesson for him to learn, a valuable lesson that cements the knowledge for you.

Not much you can do except watch it slowly crash and burn.

F_Dingo · 2019-05-12T19:53:26+00:00

Time for a fucking intervention. How many mutual friends do you have? You need to have a frank, man-to-man discussion with him. His head has gotten blown up by pussy.

[deleted] · 2019-05-12T18:03:54+00:00

xx-Rain_Maker-xx · 2019-05-12T17:22:35+00:00

What is more depressing about this post is that this guy's friend is attractive, lifts, has a career, and a job. Yet, he could only lose his virginity at 24. The standards women have nowadays are just getting ridiculous.

goomerall3 · 2019-05-12T16:29:19+00:00

Fucking he'll...

whatdidyousaynigga · 2019-05-12T18:11:27+00:00

Lmao please say sike

Casanova-Quinn · 2019-05-12T18:51:10+00:00

If he's oblivious enough to do this, you can't do much other than hope the inevitable divorce happens sooner than later.

Ivabighairy1 · 2019-05-12T19:39:48+00:00

Go! Have a good time. If he gets cold feet make sure your car is tuned, full of gas, and the battery is good for a quick getaway. Nothing you can do about it so make the best of it.

Protocol_Apollo · 2019-05-12T18:02:21+00:00

42?? Jesus Christ, at least 32 is alright (far from ideal but a little workable)

All I have to say is this:

Shitshow incoming, take cover!

chazthundergut · 2019-05-12T17:55:33+00:00

I would tell him that I think he is making a terrible mistake, but I would attend the wedding if he asked me to because that is the good friend thing to do

UsefulPsychology · 2019-05-12T20:21:42+00:00

Holy shit

benedictineasu · 2019-05-12T21:09:42+00:00

Clown world

Siccunt99 · 2019-05-12T21:11:27+00:00

Best case scenario(almost impossible),he goes full alpha with her,handles her well and get stuck with 60 year old hag in his early 40's,he'll probably be whiping her ass by the time he is 50.

But the actual best acenario would be her cheating on him while her kids give him shit,and he becoming redpilled and loosing bit of money,time and soul.

Noctis_Cloud · 2019-05-12T21:16:18+00:00

I’m sorry, but your friend is a dumb ass

[deleted] · 2019-05-12T22:49:13+00:00

The real issue here is why. why has he chosen such an older woman with kids, when his options extend to better situations?

find the root cause in his psyche. which is going to be very hard to do without driving him away because he is currently brainwashed. there is something about him, about the belief system he has developed, that has presented a hook to a predator like this old bag.

if you can find that hook and indirectly get him to question it (which is the work of a fucking psychologist so good luck) then he might be saved.

but I'm 99% sure that's not possible now. not based on what you described.

so try to love him like you would a victim of brainwashing or a victim of kidnapping. even though yeah he is ultimately responsible. and when she finally gives him the heel be there to lead him through the pearly red pill gates.

smhfamswag · 2019-05-12T22:49:41+00:00

what a retard

Sylvester_Sterone · 2019-05-12T22:57:46+00:00

Go and have a great time. Don’t even try to change him. Meet some cute girls at the wedding

atrejomtnz · 2019-05-12T23:23:24+00:00

My friend did something similar. In short, I did tell him that I disagreed with his decision but if it was what made him happy them so be it. If they divorce, your friend will, hopefully, learn a lesson like my friend did. But yeah definitely attend.

ogkushinjapan · 2019-05-12T23:54:35+00:00

Ask him to divorce rape her haha. Never try never know.

[deleted] · 2019-05-13T00:44:17+00:00

I wonder what advice a lawyer would give? Don't adopt the kid? Make sure he has separate accounts? Make sure there's a pre-nup.

Because this little house of cards is going to burn down soon.

Sendmeloveletters · 2019-05-13T03:16:00+00:00

I will never forget the “how could you let me do this? I trusted you” look my best friend gave me, moments after wedding his ex-wife.

In the words of this friend, whom I failed:

“If a man is younger than 30, it is your duty as his friend not to let him marry anyone. Especially if he says he loves her.”

If you don’t tell him, no one will. One day he will know the truth. It will be when you tell him, or when she shows him. If it is too late for him now, he will remember that you warned him and he ignored you and you will be forgiven. If you say nothing, will you forgive yourself?

Mintopforte · 2019-05-13T04:04:57+00:00

Sugar momma

I-am-ed · 2019-05-13T04:41:48+00:00

well what if its true love?????? ;))))

lmao

ngyuhnang · 2019-05-13T05:00:21+00:00

There’s nothing you can really do about it sadly, him being beta also shouldn’t be the reason you ain’t going to be his best man. Be there for him when he needs you.

mrjackoldman · 2019-05-13T05:21:10+00:00

Yikes. Can you find some way to sabotage their relationship?

I know it's dirty, but if you really have the best interest of your friend at heart, that's the only way to save him.

adeptintact · 2019-05-13T05:50:10+00:00

Sad for your friend. Give him a copy of the rational male book.

Nis_law · 2019-05-13T08:00:11+00:00

Dude. Make your intentions clear to him. That you don't agree with what he is doing but you'll support him and be his best man. You know how this ends, when it does, make sure to show him this sub and support him through thick n thin. It will be one of the best wedding gifts.

ass-my-eat · 2019-05-13T13:09:53+00:00

That simp is about to be harvested.

Herdsengineers · 2019-05-13T13:10:15+00:00

Attend the wedding, if he asks you to be best man, etc. do it.

That said, if he ever opens the door to your honest opinion of this decision, give it in. Don't give it in an asshole sort of way, but give it none the less. Just wait for him to open the door and indicate he's open to hearing it first.

0kool74 · 2019-05-13T13:26:47+00:00

Sometimes there comes a time when you just have to cut people loose because their life is so toxic and low value. You know what's going to happen dude. This shit is gonna blow up and he's gonna get destroyed. And where's the first place he's gonna go? Right to your front door saying some bull shit like "I can't believe how this happened" and you have to pick up the pieces.

Now, you can do that if you want, but just realize that you're not required to subsidize a lack of intelligence. If he's that fucking stupid that he can't see this train wreck......yeah, me personally, I just can't associate with people that stupid.

Andgelyo · 2019-05-13T22:40:49+00:00

LMAOOOO. The true sign of a beta male who has no options.

A friend of my mine is doing the same thing. Best of luck to the lesser men

[deleted] · 2019-05-12T17:56:40+00:00

I wish him the very best!

kfd_capital · 2019-05-12T18:22:31+00:00

Theres a way to help your best friend if you get another buddy to assist, but you and that buddy's story better match.

Haki_User · 2019-05-12T19:51:19+00:00

To be honest, what he expects of you is pretty clear.

He didn't tell you he's thinking of proposing and asked for your opinion, he told you after he proposed, which means he just wants you to be happy for HIS decision, and doesn't want your wise council.

Having said that. I think you should nevertheless talk to him, because if you don't you'll definitely regret it, just be smart about the words you choose. For example you can say it in the following way:

"Friend, I am really happy for you, and happy to have you a friend, I'll support you through whatever decisions you have to take throughout your life. But as a friend I'd expect from you to step in and tell me when I'm doing something that you don't think is good for me, and I will do the same.

I am happy that you are happy, however I believe that you have hastened up a little bit in this engagement. I don't think the age difference is an issue because that's a personal preference, I do think from experience of mine and experience of other people that 5 months is not enough time to get to know a person and make a decision as major as marriage, I'd advise you to take your time, live in the moment, enjoy your free love with this woman, and then after a year or so propose to her why not, just give it some more time before taking the big decision"

Yeah. Some shit like that. You see OP your are a surgeon operating on your sick best friend with a scalpel, you have to be careful while advising him not to make him defensive and not to wound him whilst delivering the advice you ought to deliver as a friend, in a friendly manner.

[deleted] · 2019-05-12T22:27:14+00:00

this shit really is like unplugging from the matrix. As someone who has bathed in TRP for 5+ years your post doesn't even seem real to me. Sit him down and show him this shit, specifically try to find posts + rational male stuff about single mothers. Show him CoachRedPill too. If it doesn't "click" in his mind i dunno what to tell you. She's gonna trap him with a kid guaranteed if he doesn't snap out of it.

fr33wh33l · 2019-05-13T03:08:06+00:00

I don't really get the problem. He's happy? She's not mistreating him? All else is speculation. Keep an open mind and be happy for your friend.

Ryabemo · 2019-05-12T17:12:31+00:00

lol....

double_red · 2019-05-12T20:02:20+00:00

Just show him a picture of French president Macron with his mummified wife to make him see what it's going to happen to him.

Joking aside, from the moment you raised your concerns to him, she knows (women sense those things) and thinks of you as bad influence. Sooner or later she'll brainwash him into cutting all communication from you, not just choosing someone else as the best man for their wedding. You can't do anything to prevent that though. Let him learn his lesson the hard way.

AtlasCuckd · 2019-05-12T23:40:15+00:00

In 6 years he'll bang one of the daughters. Nice catch

On a more serious note, if this guy was truly RP he'd be playing her to cash in on half of what this lady owns. It's a game the females play oh so well. Too bad we can be fucking idiots sometimes as men, like in this case here.

Be a friend, be there for him

Throwawaytrptrp · 2019-05-13T00:32:47+00:00

Be the best man? Yes

Attend the wedding? Yes

He’s your childhood buddy. No matter what his personal decisions are and if you think they’re right or wrong. Always support your friends.

You try to give him a warning? You’ll be the one who doesn’t want to see him happy.

Be a yes man here.

Title	Best friend (24M) has proposed to single mother (42F) he’s known for 5 months
Author	thoughtful_duck
Upvotes	192
Comments	135
Date	12 May 2019 04:07 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	askTRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/238152
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bnqlkc/best_friend_24m_has_proposed_to_single_mother_42f/