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Signs of neediness

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NaughtybutNice17
May 18, 2019
83 upvotes
askTRP

I see a lot of people saying to not show any signs of neediness. As a newbie to TRP, can you tell me what are some signs of neediness that I and other newbies to TRP need to avoid. (Both irl and in text)


Post Information
Title Signs of neediness
Author NaughtybutNice17
Upvotes 83
Comments 60
Date 18 May 2019 11:03 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/238787
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bq2tsb/signs_of_neediness/
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Comments

[–]Hambone_Malone102 points103 points  (2 children) | Copy

Give her enough space to miss you. Don't always initiate conversations or times to hang out.

Edit: The thing you want to do is to create a life where you actually have options, you actually have things going on and you're not just some pathetic chump looking at his phone worrying about her pretending not to be needy.

[–]blysol1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I never initiate conversations unless I want to make plans with a girl. Thoughts?

[–]Ill_mumble_that5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

THOTS

Women don't approach. You are doing it correct, however if they don't respond to you, do not reach out to them again until they contact you first. Instead, message a different girl.

[–]volvostupidshit99 points100 points  (3 children) | Copy

Always texting. Always wanting to hangout. Always wanting to know what she is doing. Basically what you do when you have no other options or things to do.

[–]nicksaiz6527 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy

Overtexting is a classic, gotta text for logistics

[–]Ill_mumble_that1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep it simple and short:

"9:00pm. The f shack. Bring a double cheese."

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can't stress this enough. Texting is the #1 trap guys fall into these days. It seemed like such a gift to introverts when it started getting big in the mid-00's but just made the social scene worse. Text her too often and you'll end up in the emotional/ego support rolodex. It's made the orbiting problem exponentially worse. Back in the day if you were orbiting a girl at least you'd be out in public developing social skills and one of her friends might take a fancy to you.

[–]ZabuzAli37 points38 points  (0 children) | Copy

As well as what some other commenters have said, neediness also manifests itself in less noticeable ways. I recommend reading No More Mr Nice Guy to not just eliminate neediness with women, but all your relationships.

[–]omega_dawg9317 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

... or if there's a girl you're tired of dealing with, act needy, and she'll give you the "this isn't working out for me," speech.

then, you just leave and she has no reason to go all psycho on you. it was her decision... even though you faked it.

[–]Ill_mumble_that1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Beta male it up to get rid of alpha widows and psycho chicks.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

As a newbie to TRP, can you tell me what are some signs of neediness that I and other newbies to TRP need to avoid. (Both irl and in text)

Caring too much about anything

Trying too hard

Being too attached

Trying to make things work

Always setting up (or agreeing to) another date straight away

[–]krunchtimer5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Problem is -- I've practiced some of the usual tactics of not showing neediness, and sometime it creates a situation of a girl throwing a lot of annoying comfort tests (IE: "I don't feel that you're really into me" and shit like that.)

[–]uwotm89110 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yep, and you just have to provide a little comfort to move forward. That’s the position you want to be in.

[–]Ill_mumble_that1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's where you want them. They will lick your asshole to make themselves feel desired. Then u give them a doggie treat for good behavior.

[–]Cholo4Trump0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Comfort tests means you are in a position of power. It is always better to operate from that frame than the other (position of neediness)

[–]VigilantSmartbomb15 points16 points  (9 children) | Copy

There’s a red talk and it’s like when do you love your lover the most? And some top answers included when I’m able to miss them. Play the game young buck. 😤

[–]PincheeWhey1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Link to the ted talk?

[–]VigilantSmartbomb14 points15 points  (7 children) | Copy

oh forsure!!

https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship?language=en

It's about the science of how to keep desire in a long term mostly monogamous relationship. Very blue pill, but it's the science of blue pill so it's kinda rational in the irrational sense so maybe it's considered purple pill? but at the same time it doesnt fit the standard definition of purple pill (where you believe red pill is right, but still choose to do beta blue pill stuff) I think if anything were to give credit to blue pill it'd be this. I'd say someone can still be an alpha blue pill, have the pair bonding, and still be true to one's inner maleness lol but that's just my perspective and I think I'd be against the grain on this one. I've just always considered the wise-king to be the ultimate male archetype, and there's definitively "blue pill" tendencies in there wrapped around alpha traits, and I dare someone to say a wise king isn't a true man while saying a red pilled out jester is the same. I'd beg to differ. I feel like Red pill attracts a female, holding frame can "keep" them, but after connecting, since so many people naturally go blue pill afterwards, wouldn't biology suggest that to be natural, how can a woman feel comfortable and give your child good health if she's worried about you all the time like red pill suggests? I don't think you can run a nation with strictly red pill tendencies, and I feel as though that's the true model of the rational male. The rational male who's integrated the irrational. I think the psychologist Jordan Peterson touches on that aspect, integration of different aspects of the continuum that makes us who we are.

[–]classylassy285 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

If I had gold I would give it to you. You are definitely an intellectual.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Not often I get those sympathies on this thread! Super appreciate it. Just trying to share my perspective lol 8-)

[–]Ill_mumble_that1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Suggestion: use paragraphs

[–]VigilantSmartbomb2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Suggestion: suck my dick

[–]Ill_mumble_that2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok. But I have some conditions. Only if it's a nice one and you're attractive.

[–]PincheeWhey1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for the link and thanks for sharing your perspective. Very interesting stuff.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Of course! Glad to have it received, thank you all for your perspectives as well!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you are needy you will appear needy. Pretending will only last a short time until she sees the chink in your armor.

Start becoming the person that isn't needy for female attention and things get alot easier

[–]Aymane2211 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

So lift and groom?

[–]volvostupidshit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

and take up hobbies, get busy with your career and mission

[–]Bored3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

  • Initiating conversations without any direction
  • Tolerating rude behavior or being mistreated
  • Express interest in everything she's interested in
  • Bending your schedule to fit hers
  • Not having anything to do if you can't hang out with her

[–]1redhawkes4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Neediness = overinvestment. Fit that into everything you do and you'll get it pretty fast.

[–]1XXXMersenne2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Neediness is more a feeling of lack that you have and that then stains any actions you take from that place. A confident guy in abundance can call his plate everyday and joke about stuff that happened for a few minutes and it'll be fine, no BB flags set off etc. Why is this?

  • She can sense he doesn't need to do this but is doing so for his own enjoyment.

  • He's closer to talking to himself when on the phone together; he's not going off her reaction or opinion but sharing this moment of self-titillation with her.

  • This is very pleasant because he's not trying to TAKE anything from her through approval & validation, or (excessive) Time & Energy. In other words its a low investment & net positive for her to answer since she doesn't have to DO anything, just enjoy the (him enjoying his own) show.

 

On the other hand your classic chode will call his first fuck every day why? Because he's:

  • Insecure about his identity as an attractive man and will thus want her to confirm this for him by answering his calls and doting on him.

  • Doesn't have much else to do so opts to stimulate himself with a combination of the above point + idle chit chat of nothing in particular.

  • Is still plugged into the BluTrix and believes importunate displays of affection will arouse a appreciatory reciprocation in the woman. No.

 

You fix this by looking into what might be causing the bullet points (+other characteristics) of the former chad and embodying them the best you can - this activity alone, as well as going out and meeting new women should solve the problem of any novice to intermediate level neediness.

Further than that is in Elite player territory where you're meeting the odd girl once every 6-12 months that really takes your fancy for building a family, deeper companionship and so on and so on.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Oneitis

Initiating calling/texting more than her

Get busy, then you won't be needy

[–]Soon_As_I_Nut0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oneitis for sure

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Neediness is when you've nothing good going on in your life, so you reach out to other people to fill that emptiness in your miserable life expecting to feel better.

Needy people are fucking annoying and deserve to be hurt so they learn from there mistakes, but most of them never learn.

[–]ciaranbd1876 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

What a delightful sentiment

[–]Kurush559 1 points [recovered]  (7 children) | Copy

This topic is one of the most highest rated posts on TRP. Go find it.

[–]iFunnyPrince6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy

I think TRP is still unavailable on Reddit mobile

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten12 points13 points  (5 children) | Copy

No. It's quarantined

Open in desktop browser and click continue. You can request the desktop version of a page on your browser settings

[–]SoulRedemption2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Its available on Mobile

[–]iFunnyPrince0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I actually tried that but it still forces me back to the app, doesn't even ask if I want to open in-browser or in-app when I try to access TRP. Maybe it's my web browser lol

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Are you on android

[–]iFunnyPrince0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yessir. I assumed that I accidentally clicked "always open in Reddit" or something, but if I Google something and a Reddit result comes up I still get the decision. If I try to access TRP it takes me to Reddit before I can even change to desktop format iirc

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Use reddit is fun

It has a prompt to opt in

[–]thrwy754791 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The best tool to develop—not just in the case of neediness—is self-awareness.

When you start out, you'll have to stop what you're doing, think about what you really want, and understand why you're doing what you're doing. Is it going to help you get what you want?

As you become better at it, you'll sometimes get "in the zone", or reach a "flow" state, where you'll be immersed, yet totally aware of your actions.

Things will click. Though you'll never flow all the time, the idea is to be able to reach such a state, and stay in that state for as long as possible.

This is done through self-examination of your thoughts and actions. Step out of your body, and try to understand the sources of your thoughts and actions. What wounds are you carrying? Everyone has needs and wants. Are yours clearly defined? Are your expectations of others realistic?

You're trying to get a better understanding of yourself, what drives you, and where you want to go in life. This will lead to the changes, if any, that you have to make.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The best tool to develop—not just in the case of neediness—is self-awareness.

The correct answer.

[–]uptimex0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I will come from general. It is a feeling of quantity over a single target. Feel the field, not just one girl, and always keep that feeling. You always play with the field, not with a single girl. From this perspective you will never be needy.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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