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Young guy, no sexual desire, someone give me some insight

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overcomplicate
May 24, 2019
61 upvotes
askTRP

This is not the sub I wanted to ask this on but It’s been removed from several subs and I need advice by tonight, if you fellas can’t help that’s okay , I can’t post with a throwaway here so people i know will see this but fuck it at this point.

Here’s my situation, I’ve been out of a relationship for like 6 months now, in the last 4 months I’ve met and lost several different people I was interested in because I could not fuck them.

I am only 21 and it was really surprising the first time because it had never happened before, and since that first failure 4ish months ago I’ve tried to fix this by completely not looking at porn, taking vitamins and eating healthier, and working out, I’ve maintained all of this for several months because it does make me feel healthy and better but it does not help me get hard still.

I’ve been able to have sex 3 times and I was on some recreational drugs every single time and that’s the only reason. My problem isn’t with actually getting blood to my dick I’m just not interested in sex, I haven’t felt ‘horny’ without being on Xanax in months (I don’t use it a lot don’t worry). I find the girl attractive but I have no desire to escalate, and when I force myself to my mind wanders off to something else and I can’t get hard because I’m on autopilot and not into what’s happening.

What can I do here? I actually had blood and urine work done recently for another reason and I asked them to confirm my testosterone was normal and it is.


Post Information
Title Young guy, no sexual desire, someone give me some insight
Author overcomplicate
Upvotes 61
Comments 48
Date 24 May 2019 03:11 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/239532
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bsi35p/young_guy_no_sexual_desire_someone_give_me_some/
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testosterone
Comments

[–]X--Man61 points62 points  (4 children) | Copy

If you arent interested then just take a break. There is nothing wrong with a break, and clearing your head. Continue to improve yourself, continue to stay away from porn. No idea how long your relationship was, but if it lasted for years then this could take a little time. Don't force it.

​

Otherwise: Get off of autopilot with the women. Tease them, tease yourself. Get in to it on a mental level and not just the physical and the physical will come easier. Coming from a relationship you may be used to a comfortable routine, get in bed, roll over, have sex, done, repeat. Reset all of that. Start fresh.

[–]fichgoony2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Going off of the top comment. You may just be asexual. Based on societal standards you are meant to have sex with whomever but if you have no desire to do so, then you just gotta find someone who is similar minded or find some other arrangement.

[–]Tousen7117 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think that’s a stretch. He’s just depressed is what it sounds like.

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Interesting,

[–]1rad_dynamic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

agreed. go on a sexual hiatus. decline all sex that comes your way, no matter what.

[–]boom_bostic27 points28 points  (2 children) | Copy

Here’s what I find odd—if you’re not interested in having sex....then why are you here asking us why you can’t have sex?

I would have loved to have been 21 yrs old and had little to no desire to have sex. I could have accomplished so much other things that actually would have mattered in life. If this is, in fact, the truth...then you have been gifted a superpower that will give you an edge over 99% of other 15-30 yr old males (& probably females too).

[–]overcomplicate17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

I guess I could look at it as an advantage. the reason I’m asking is because I used to enjoy sex and want to enjoy it again, I do ‘want’ to have sex I just don’t get in the mood if you can imagine that. I know it doesn’t make much sense it’s a weird feeling for me too

[–]GiraffeOnWheels2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've kind of dealt with this. I had a lot of fun flirting and teasing women but when it came to closing the deal it just didn't really interest me. I've come to realize I'm not really much for the random hook ups. I like to know her and have it be more than just random sex. I wish I hadn't spent so much time thinking sex was the big thing or goal with women. You see that motivation posted so much and in pop culture though you start to take it to heart.

[–]HB323410 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

Is it possible you are still, on some level, depressed or anxious since your breakup? The fact that you can feel horny on xanax (not a drug known for raising libidos) makes me think you might need some time to self reflect, meditate, go on some long hikes, etc and drop some mental strain that is interfering with your libido.

[–]overcomplicate2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’ve certainly considered that but I don’t have any feelings for my old relationship, and I don’t really feel anxious when I’m trying to have sex, just complete disinterest really. I used to be able to start escalating and get lost in the moment and enjoy it, now a girl can actively be trying to have sex with me and my mind is completely elsewhere. I need to see a doctor I guess, even if my test is normal something else must be wrong

[–]HB32340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Depression isn't always active feelings of sorrow, grief, fear, or anxiety. It can have passive symptoms instead for some people, like a disinterest in things you used to enjoy, or a feeling of just going through the motions. This may not be it, but it is worth considering talking to your doctor about too.

[–]boom_bostic1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is true. Good point. I initially thought of depression as well.

[–]kabuto_mushi14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy

I’ve tried to fix this by completely not looking at porn

That's a good move, did you look at porn/masturbate a lot before? Go Google "nofap flatline effect", it happened to me too and it could be your answer....

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

How long did it take for your flatline to go away?

[–]biohackninja2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m a NoFap aficionado as well. The flatline can last for a few days or weeks... It really depends on the person. The last one I had was 2 weeks. That was harsh.

[–]kabuto_mushi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It took a couple months to be honest. I was having sex fairly regularly during that time which probably prolonged it... and it's not like black and white either. Your brain off porn makes arousal more intense when it happens, but libido more quiet at normal times when there's nothing to get excited over. You get used to the idea that sexual stimulation isn't a Google search away anymore.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

go on r.testosterone and read the wiki. get your blood tested exactly like it is written there. get all the necessary levels. all of them. then post your results to the sub.

[–]ixyfang0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This. Everyone else is a well-meaning dumbass for failing to rule out a physical / organic cause.

The other organic cause is Dopamine. Attraction = Desire = Motivation = Dopamine.

[–]xSickBoyx-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seriously this has to be higher up and would be my 1st course of action.

[–]DerpJungler2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What's the rush man? U got out of a LTR, it's fine, take your time.

No1 is forcing you to fuck girls every day. (unless you placed a huge bet with your mates).

Anyway, keep doing what you've been doing and try to make it as interesting and attractive to yourself as possible. Keep lifting, eating healthy, relax/read a book before bed, sleep well and stay away from porn.

One day you'll come across a stunning HB10 and you'll be like "bruh fuck this i need to get my dick wet", then take a look at your pants. Oh shit, you're getting a boner just by watching a hot girl on the street. Then get your head straight - and back into the game.

Every professional player needs to take a break, in order to make the game enjoyable again.

[–]WearDoWeGoNow2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Are you on antidepressants? SSRIs kill desire.

[–]Pooptrition1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This. If he’s on prescription xans, he’s probably on the full chemical lobotomy.

[–]overcomplicate0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nah the xans aren’t prescription I don’t take anything other than an acid reflux pill and vitamins, I’m making an endrochonologist appointment based off the feedback I’ve gotten

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ask to check prolactin and thyroid levels if you haven't already. This can sometimes be caused by pituitary issues.

[–]boy_named_su3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

How much are you lifting?

[–]asktrp44334 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Increase test in the way that's most palatable to you. Google how to do that shit.

[–]damaged_goods4202 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Test e brother

[–]rockyp320 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

U still fapping?

[–]Cientocincuenta0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was a late bloomer also. Healthy, but a few years behind in sex related stuff. People mature at different speeds, specially if you live with your brain only and not your body. You're not gonna get an erection without desire. And desire is not negotiable, ever, not even with yourself. Take this time to improve yourself. It's not a law that you have to be sexually active (or half reddit would be in prison).

Maybe you fucked up your head a bit with porn, (those girls just do ehrything) so you need heavy-heavy stimulation to get aroused. Is that rings a bell, stay off porn for a few months at least. Perhaps you're bi? if so, maybe you see the men in porn, and that helps in the arousal, and with a girl only, you miss something.

Hope it gets better, bro.

[–]goblinboglin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Testosterone being normal nowadays can mean levels of 300 ng/dl....

Get numbers. I bet it's hormone related.

Get on TRT.

[–]ChadTheWaiter1000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are you eating enough healthy fats?

[–]TheTastelessBatman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Happened to me. Lasted a few months and now I'm back. Just embrace it. Do other things. Grow mentally. Read books. You'd be surprised how much time you have when you stop chasing women. And once you get your feels back, start playing again.

[–]catriel250 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My 2 cents here: You can have "normal" levels of testosterone, but they can be low anyways.

​

Start taking 50 mg of zinc each day and peruvian maca. Trust me, you will be horny as hell.

[–]Aureliusbutlifting0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

From reading your other posts, it sounds like you're lacking honest deep connection with people in real life. Every post has an underlying "depressive state". Find some real, honest friends, with similar interests (including psychedelics). Minimise your drug use, start reading and cultivate a healthy mindset. Find a true purpose in life, like others have said, and focus on that for a while.

Long-term drug abuse is not healthy. Loneliness is not healthy. As humans we crave connection, if you cant get that from family then find some good male friends. Look after yourself.

[–]overcomplicate0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for your insight, those are the moves I’ve been trying to make over the last few months and I’m still working on them everyday, I did fuck up my left hand at work recently but I’m still excercising in the ways I can. My hobby or purpose right now is a trade school I do during the day to learn welding and hvac

[–]Velebit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Anhedonia because of low testosterone or hidden depression. Hidden depression is a systematic depression: you do not exhibit crying and self depriciation but you just lack motivation and drive because you see a pointlessness to it all.

You likely need to step away from stuff that is targeted to r selected people.

[–]tkoubek0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe your testosterone levels are low hence your libido is also low.

[–]mvorbrodt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

check your testosterone levels

[–]GAndGMethod-1 points0 points  (9 children) | Copy

Even if your testosterone is "normal" its probably not. The way docs judge it is a fucked up broken system.

Hop on some gear and you will really feel what "normal" feels like.

Also try to get some wellbutrin. Its an anti depressant that makes you feel like a god and have a insane libido. It feels like ecstasy when you first start taking it.

My test was normal before to, after hoping on gear I now realize how much I have been missing out on. I'm hard or at least chub for 95% of my day now. I have to cum at least 3 times a day in order not to go insane.

Feeling that hunger for sex also really helps your game. Women can sense that shit. When your horny, they will become horny. Mirror neurons.

[–]karmato7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have ~700 ng/dL Test naturally and low libido.

There are other hormones at play and also ratio of hormones to one another here.

If I was OP I would see an endocrinologist. Like you said, regular doctors will judge anything > 200 ng/dL as normal.

[–]PunkSmell7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy

Shitty advice!

OP, don’t “hop on gear” at 21.

Get your free testosterone, SHBG, estradiol, and thyroid (TSH, fT3, fT4) tested.

[–]GAndGMethod0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

ifs hes 21 and already has low t symptoms, really no reason to wait. its only going to get worse.

[–]damaged_goods4205 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Eh I'd get bloods first, but absolutely hop on TRT if he's truly low test (<300 ng/dl)

[–]Final_Pantasy3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I was at 440 and felt like this guy before getting on TRT. I would have plenty of days where I wanted to fuck, but sometimes go weeks where I had no interest in fucking my 21 year old 7/10 Asian qt gf that was begging me, stripteasing, and trying to suck my cock while I slept to get me to fuck her.

It was sad.

Once I hopped on the T-train, it's been non-stop horny horny need sum fuck and a huge boost to confidence and gains in the gym that should have been there from the start considering I had been there 2 years and could hardly bench a plate.

[–]PunkSmell1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

No! Steroids, if not taken “responsibly,” can fuck up a whole lot of thins—thyroid, liver, kidneys, heart, brain.

[–]damaged_goods4202 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Steroids, if not taken “responsibly,” can fuck up a whole lot of thins—thyroid, liver, kidneys, heart, brain.

Yeah no shit hormones in excess can fuck up your organs. There's nothing wrong with injecting test to put yourself at the higher range of normal though. I feel and look great on TRT, and furthermore would trade "perfect" organ function and die at 70 vs rotting from the inside at 90. Pick your poison i guess.

I should note that testosterone is the safest hormone you can put into your body and has been extremely well researched. Test is best.

[–]overcomplicate0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Is gear the top supplement you’d recommend?

[–]GAndGMethod0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

all you need is testosterone.

Do your research, took me half of year of learning before i jumped on.



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