What to do with my insecurities?

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May 25, 2019
6 upvotes

I stopped using drugs over a year ago and had been addicted to them for years. Every relationship I had I was using. And it really helped me NGAF but I couldn’t live that way anymore. Since being sober I have turned my whole life around. I am a huge work in progress still. Even more so than I already knew.

I recently entered a new relationship about 8 months ago and after reading and following everything in this sub and starting my MAP my life seemed to be at a whole new level. The way I was acting blew this woman away. It was something she had never experienced and something I have never given to anyone. Including myself. Since I have been steady lifting. Training in MMA. Saving money. And handling all my shit. I started a new career and thought I found my purpose but overtime it seems I am less interested in this trade than I had thought.

Anyway over the last month or so all these problems started happening in my relationship. And when I take a RP approach I have to look at myself first. And holy fuck do I have a lot of problems. Either I do or we just aren’t compatible like I thought.

Little things will happen and it will set an emotional response off inside me. I can’t hid it. I am annoyed and I wear it on my sleeve. It usually has to do with her doing little shit that a confidence secure man wouldn’t get upset over. But I do.

For instance she could be saying she was talking to some dude, she could be wearing revealing clothing, when she talks to people she tends to touch their arm. Etc. Little shit I know I shouldn’t get about. But inside I can feel myself turning red and getting worked up. I hate it

My question is how do I react when these insecurities come up. Do I just STFU and suppress them? Give them time and if it still bothers me say something? I want to work through them. But when I suppress them. They seem to keep popping in my head and I obsess about them, until I say something. Then I come off as insecure. I’m at a loss for how to handle this when it comes up.

I tried to stfu and go lift. But it’ll pop in my head later on. I tend to obsess about it and then I’m stuck in this Negative butt hurt state. My weakness pisses me off. Am I never to talk about these behaviors with her? How do I fix it if I don’t like it and keep obsessing about it.

How do handle myself first and foremost and how to handle her when I feel it? What steps should I take in these moments of weakness


Post Information
Title What to do with my insecurities?
Author starky000001
Upvotes 6
Comments 19
Date 25 May 2019 11:57 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/239695
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bt1dt5/what_to_do_with_my_insecurities/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (10 children) | Copy

My wife touches other people, she is latina and that's just a thing in the culture. She gets a ton of attention from men and women. I don't care because I fuck her constantly and she is always trying to win my approval and make me proud of her. I don't worry about her cheating or talking to men because I know my value.

If you are insecure about your woman it is 100% squarely on your shoulders. You are fucked and need to continue down the path of learning to ngaf. What are you so scared about? Why does it bother you so much? Answering these questions will help solve your problem with yourself.

Are you a man of value? If not, you have every right to be fearful about being cheated on etc. Up your value mother fucker.

[–]starky000001[S] 4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Dude when I read this it makes so much sense.

When I look at it deeper I think it’s a thing of respect. I want my woman to respect herself so if she’s doing things I find inappropriate it looks bad on not only her but on me being with her.

But when you frame it as. Be a man of value and focus on that it makes so much sense. In fact everything on here always makes sense but in the moment. I lose sense of it all for some reason. I think I am naturally an emotional dude. And I love to talk things out.

So when it comes to RP And my woman. I am trying to stfu and not be so emotional and I am finding it to be so fucking hard.

[–]witnessthenomorebp7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have to let go. You want to control shit that is out of your control and that's the biggest issue I found myself having to. If you stop trying to control the situation then you will control the situation. There is no spoon. It's easier said than done. You can't keep her. You can not keep her. YOU can NOT keep HER. But you can be worth keeping if you improve yourself. Only them do you get control.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She gets dick thrown her way constantly. A few months back this dude we know threw hard game at her during a party at a restaurant. I wasn't mate guarding so I didn't know until after, but I didn't feel the need to say anything about it to him. If I saw it happen I might have been a little more aggressive towards him because it was very overt and he knows we are married. He happens to be famous so he thought he could pull it off because he gets groupy pussy. We train together so I got to pay him back on the mats. Chances are he won't ever try again. If he did I would be more forward next time. Don't mate guard, it's fucking weak. Value > Strange for women. Don't be a fuck up and strange dick won't end up in your girl.

[–]tspitsatgp0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Oh fuck off it’s about you wanting your women to respect herself. Fuck off. Stop lying to yourself.

This is purely about your insecurities and mate guarding. You, little boy, get all jealous and butt hurt when your freshly minted girlfriend shows interest in other people. Other men. When she engages with dudes all of the RP material you have read sweeps into your head (revealing clothing, an arm touch! She must like him. Branch swing time!).

You are still a dancing monkey.

[–]starky000001[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

It’s not. It’s about what turns me on and what turns me off. And that shit turns me off

[–]tspitsatgp1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sure champ, believe what you want.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ego - it’s a funny thing...

[–]tspitsatgp0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Ha. How do you reconcile this comment with the weird ass creepy mate guarding behavior you exhibit when you try to brainwash your wife into believing that everyone is evil and you are the only one she can trust?

I smell bullshit, with a faint perfume of wannabe alpha.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It was a very poorly phrased comment. I chose not to edit or deer. Meh.

[–]tspitsatgp1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough.

[–]HerukaArisen5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're on the right track. You just have to give it time. There are no shortcuts or magic tricks, only grinding.

You cannot control how other people act, only how you yourself react to everything and how you move through the events in your life. This is basic Stoic shit. I would add that you cannot even fully control your thoughts. They come and go. Stop taking them and yourself so seriously. For the most part, your thoughts are surface-level shit with no great meaning if you just briefly manage to consider the whole.

Life is good. You're alive on this wonderful planet. You get to interact with these wonderful creatures who sometimes do stupid shit. But you can take it. You're a man. Learn to enjoy it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is really good. I bet you are a chill dude if you live this. Life is fucking good.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not normally a big fan of medication as a solver of problems, but have you ever been diagnosed as bpd? It would explain a lot and your self medicating through drug use could have been a symptom.

Main non medical advice to to learn to let shit go, Read your Marcus Aurelius, learn about impermanence and what it means to you and your relationship. Meditation is great for learning control, quick and dirty Combat breathing is my style not the chakras and crystal bull shit.

Main thing is to remember the problem, is probably you, not her, remind yourself of that and act accordingly. If your sure it's not you then it might be time to change women. (But its totally you)

Best of luck brother.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read “A guide to the good life” by William Irvine

[–]hack3geRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Holy shit you give way too many fucks. You may think you have unfucked yourself but it was all surface bullshit.

My take you are a giant pussy with no frame - you should know by now she’s not yours it’s only your turn. Be so mother fucking awesome that she worried about losing you since she could be replaced instantly.

Whatever you do make sure you wrap it before you tap it because fuck if you have a kid and get locked down in the state you are in.

[–]SuperCrazy071 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be so mother fucking awesome that she worried about losing you since she could be replaced instantly.

/end thread

In fact, this quote should end most askmrp threads.

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're insecure. It's on you; you know that.

You want an easy fix? Get a in relationship with a land whale. Nobody will want to talk to her. Nobody will want her touch. Nobody will give her attention. There ... problem solved.

There's no cheat code for the life you want ... unless you're happy with that sort of woman.

Keep working on yourself. Have the conversations with yourself. Your own ego and and how you let what other people think about you is what's killing you. Other people's evaluation of your behavior is how you are deciding whether or not it's a good/attractive behavior. Keep working to get to the point where you act the way you want to act regardless of the evaluation of others.

[–]BurnedRemains0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy



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