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Navigating "I need you to communicate"

by nodoxsavefreespeech | May 26, 2019 | askMRP

15 upvotes

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So I'm about two months out of a relationship that went south. Things were great for about 3 months and then started to go downhill. I am pretty aware of what happened. We were in my frame to begin with and then shifted to hers. Not a surprise things went south upon this shift.

Outside of maintaining frame and state control, one of the bigger issues I am stuck thinking about is how to deal with the demand you get from every woman to "communicate". It's such a total bullshit demand that always harms the relationship. What I mean is that every time I "communicate" by opening up and sharing my thoughts about the relationship I am usually met with immediate dismissal and whatever it was I shared ends up being thrown in my face at some point. Total fucking trap.

Yup... STFU is the way to go but this, too, can backfire. I just read over /u/sepean's "10 ways to fail at MRP" and it really hit home. I have about half of what he spoke of internalized but tend to slip on the other half. It's tough. I am definitely frustrated at how myopic women are allowed to be in relationships. But I digress...

I really liked the following part of that post:

> Anything she says about you and your marriage is all deception and traps, it’s shit testing. The only thing you should listen for is hooks for your A&As. Other than that, you don’t need to give her answers and under no circumstance should you actually do anything based on what she says.

I was hoping I could get some of you to discuss that quote a little more with me. For the most part, I get it but was hoping some of you could share some anecdotes and wisdom to help me navigate being a "communicator" but not actually fucking communicating.

How the hell are you not communicating and/or listening to your women and laughing in their faces when they get emotional?

My guess is that this is something that gets established early on in that you subtlety communicate that you're not falling for their emotional traps. AND THEN YOU STICK TO THAT FRAME. Sound right? I always seem to get worn down by my SOs when they are behaving well and the relationship is going well. I tend to want to reward her by giving in. Stupid. I know.

Anyways... thoughts?


Post Information
Title Navigating "I need you to communicate"
Author nodoxsavefreespeech
Upvotes 15
Comments 26
Date 26 May 2019 03:14 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/239744
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bt911t/navigating_i_need_you_to_communicate/
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Comments

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine30 points31 points  (13 children) | Copy

“every time I "communicate" by opening up and sharing my thoughts about the relationship I am usually met with immediate dismissal.”

Yes, it’s a total trap. Never listen to what she actually says. She doesn’t really mean communicate like you or I think it means. They don’t know how else to describe it so they just say communication because that’s what blue pill mainstream always preaches.

She means she wants to FEELZ connected to you. She wants to feelz attraction towards you.

Why is she even bringing this up is the realz reason you need to address.

Are you gaming her, teasing, fucking with her? Are you leading the family? You should be “listening” to her a little everyday. Not like a fag, but like a man. Ask her bout her day, when she starts bla bla bla about Becky being a bitch at work or Jim from accounting being a jerk, let her vent that shit out... let her feelz it.

You must let her vent feelz in a controlled way, if not it will blow up in your face. Even your loyal dog will piss all over the house and fuck it up if you don’t show some attention every once in awhile. Women need to be treated like dogs.

Just cheer her victories and boo her villains, if she’s still talking, put your finger in her jeans and pull towards you and start kissing her, squeeze that ass, etc. and then get out of there. Don’t get stuck in the trap of beta listening like an emotional tampon. Be doing shit around the house as you ask her.

When I was Beta, I would listen and communicate all fucking day with her and she verbally raped me and somehow I always got shamed...

Now, as an alpha, I don’t do any communication or listening, only from my frame in a gaming kind of way. Ask her bout her day for like 5 min when I get home from work. Funny thing is now that she gives me credit for listening... ha.

Talk, flirt, play with her, prank her, talk about the future with her, tell stories... she wants to FEELZ them, game the fuck out of her. Only then will she feel connected to you. She needz to sense a strong alpha frame. She needz to sense that you are the Prize and that you have a plan. She doesn’t want any responsibility nor make any decisions.

Do it from an alpha frame - you define the meaning of the interaction. You’ll never hear “we need to communicate” again.

[–]illusiveab5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Someone should frame this. This is very good and concise advice.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

/u/mrChad_thundercock nails this one

Read it several times OP. You think you have frame, but you have none because you are way too serious, which means you are in her frame. When she says she wants to communicate, tell her to come closer with a grin... grab her ass, pull her in tight, and say “you like that communication girl?” Until you can pull that off, you got nothin’

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yah and to add to your reply - you've been on fire of late - they shouldn't fucking worry so god damn much if they're not connecting every goddamn minute of every goddamn day. Christ. No one needs the mormon siamese twin treatment. My wife doesn't feel connected to me? Good. I can do my own thing in peace, which I would have fucking done anyway. That bug her even more and get her all agitated, even hot and bothered? Even better.

So many people here always so bent over their dumbass wives' dumbass behaviors. Christ, these fucking dudes need to realize they are not on perpetual trial in front of their hormone-driven judge, jury, and executioner; instead, they are - well at least they can dream of becoming - judge, jury, and executioner themselves.

And then perhaps their panzy-ass dreams can become more like mct realities.

[–]HerukaArisen7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

When a woman wants to "communicate", it doesn't necessarily, and most probably, mean she wants YOU to talk. She just wants to share her feelings and connect with you. If you can hold your frame, it is perfectly OK to let her do these things. You can even use it to your advantage.

There is a great section on active listening and assertive speaking in the book How to Stop Feeling So Damn Depressed by Jason B. Horwitz. That chapter is really worth the price of the Kindle book even if the main topic of the book is not relevant. I'll post here the steps on active listening:

1) Start by biting down on your inner cheeks so you don’t interrupt.

2) Listen for the feeling and emotion.

3) Directly ask others what they are feeling.

4) Repeat back to others the feeling they said they are having.

5) Do not offer a solution or clever advice.

Notice, how this says nothing about taking the content of the talk seriously. It doesn't mean you cannot pay attention to what the person is saying, though. Also, I would say it is perfectly OK to sometimes share personal things with your woman. Just don't do it all the time, don't expect her to take care of your personal shit and don't bore her.

[–]SepeanRed Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

How the hell are you not communicating and/or listening to your women and laughing in their faces when they get emotional?

You just do it, man. And sure they might get more angry, but then you tease them a bit more and go do something else than talk to her. And you know what happens? She goes “that first emo shit test, he passed that, and then I brought the heavy shit testing by getting really angry and he held frame, that’s so sexy!”

Don’t worry about her getting angry.

Note though that if she’s comfort testing, don’t treat it as a shit test. “You need to communicate more” is likely a shit test, but if she is talking about how she feels rather than what you should do, it is usually a comfort test.

My guess is this is something that gets established early on in that you subtlety communicate that you're not falling for their emotional traps.

No way. You’re free to change your mind, change the rules, the way you act, whenever you want to. Don’t let her goad you into her frame by demanding concistency or whatever from you.

Don’t mistake her pushback or anger as a sign you’re doing something wrong. It isn’t. It’s perfectly fine that she shit tests you and you shouldn’t let it get to you.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mistaking her anger and getting my ego hurt was the hardest for me. In my BP mind, I was doing everything right, how dare she be angry? I took offense to her anger because I felt like I wasn't leading properly. Don't let your ego get in the way. Who gives a fuck what she says, you aren't responsible for her feelings.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Today I took my family to ride bikes and get donuts. My wife sucks at riding bikes, hiking and being fun with the kids because she didn't grow up with it. She got bitchy because everything made her uncomfortable and scared. She shit tested me and I made fun of her. She got more angry and sent me a long text. I ignored it. I didn't apologize but started fucking with her more and didn't take anything she said seriously. I pretended nothing happened and soon she forgot and joined my frame again because her bitchy one was lonely. Instead she asked me for help and leadership with planning dinner. Kisses, ass slap and she is on her way to the store to prepare for dinner and memorial day party tomorrow. She forgot all about it and will 100% be sucking my cock hungrily later tonight.

Last night she was all pissed I wouldn't get off the couch to go "check and make sure she did a good job waxing her pussy and asshole " and tried to pick a fight. I watched a show until she came downatairs and completely ignored her. Ignoring me didn't work so she decided to suck my cock instead. At first she wasn't doing a great job so I made fun of her and she sucked it like a porn star and I juiced in her mouth. It's all just mouth noises.

In the past, I would have communicated a ton, gave her ammo, got into a huge fight and ruined the weekend for the kids and I would have left to go do things on my own. Treat her like a little whiney girl and carry on. None of its real, it's just marriage theater. Have fun. Oh, and be really attractive.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret8 points9 points  (7 children) | Copy

Slap ass. Kiss her forehead.

Worth more than a thousand words.

[–]Redpillbrigade176 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

This. Also, always be ready and willing to let her walk away. If she throws a verbal storm at you in the beginning (could last for months as she struggles to test you before and as she falls in love with you) and if/ when she crosses a line, calmly look her in the eye and say “look, it was a fun night. We talked and I listened to you and beyond a certain point it’s just not fun anymore. I’ll drive you home/ open door/ it’s time to leave” end of story. You’ll see how quickly she changes the tune once you show you have a pair of balls, and you’ll put in with AM, funny witty come backs, verbal jiu jitsu only so much.

If she throws an even bigger storm then and there then she’s clearly not good for you anyway. Let her ass walk. You should not put up with that drama and consider it a failed test on her part. Set the rules and expectations early on. Then calmly and charmingly stick to them.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Or the other side of this is needed comfort. Hug kiss on forehead and slap ass. Sometimes bitches fail and negative hamster about how much they suck and fail their alpha that they get bitchy. It's a defense mechanism. A hug and a tiny bit of comfort mixed with a pelvic thrust, something about her fat ass and desiring to fuck her works wonders. Just did it 5 minutes ago and her mood changed instantly. She chillen again.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yep. I patented this move. I call it intermittent reward cycling. It’s how casinos get gamblers addicted to playing. Every once in awhile, they hit and get a few bucks and a rush of dopamine. But not knowing when the next hit will be, they just keep playing and playing waiting for their next hit.

Random rewards work. When you train dolphins, you just can’t reward it with fish every time it jumps out the water.. because it quickly figures out no matter what, it will get the fish. So they don’t try anymore. But if you randomize the reward, it doesn’t know when it will get it, and will try it’s best and jump higher and higher each time.

Also what makes chicks attracted to the bad boys. He treats her like an asshole most of the time and every once in awhile he does something nice...and all her friends say. “awe.. look how nice he is! He’s so sweet!” and she agrees. She keeps coming back for more dick. Plus, she really loves those bad boy triggers. That’s why you need to start modeling those same triggers he has.

Need to mix in the comfort sometimes.

Game theory and prisoners dilemma is in play too. Mmslp has an entire chapter about this. The nice guy comes from from work everyday playing his nice card, she soon realizes he will always act like this no matter if she is nice back or is being a bitch.. so she decides to just treat him like a doormat instead because it’s easier and she can control him. Goes back to the mice with the lever.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, who is more fucked up, us or the dolphins? Man we play a silly fucking game.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The kissing forehead is awesome... To me it communicates "calm down little girl" the equivalent of ruffling a boys hair. Now fuck off and make me pie.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. Fucks their mind.

[–]Nuwanda2062 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Would you waste time “communicating” your feelings, ambitions, goals, frustrations, etc.. to a 3 year old? My guess is no, they won’t understand and they don’t really care. When a kid tantrums and cries and asks you “why?” They are just seeking attention.

Same thing here, the “I need you to communicate” could be translated to “I’m bored, and you aren’t making my pussy tingle,”.

She’s shit testing you, and if you do open up about your feelings, you’ll epically fail.

Remember men communicate overtly, women communicate covertly, her concept of “communication” is not the same as ours in their brain.

[–]Redpillbrigade172 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Apply these simple rules and practice practice practice.:

  1. A quiet woman is a bad sign.

  2. Ignore everything she says and watch what she does.

  3. Engage with the emotion behind what she’s saying not with the meaning of the actual words she says.

  4. Listen. Always do 20-30 % of the talking. Let her do the rest.

[–]RisingUpAgain1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

“I need you to communicate,” is womenese for “listen to me for a bit while I ramble,” just fog it away



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