Today marks my first year since i took the pill. To say the journey was hard is an understatement - to give up decades of beliefs and conditioning towards becoming a better version of me made me feel like Cypher (The Matrix) " I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is Bliss".
But no turning back now.
This has been my streak so far:
- Went from XXXL (that's three X's) to M/L in sizes (that's almost 15% Body Fat Loss.
- Started to work on my hair and my personal grooming (new for someone who didn't even own a hairbrush).
- Meditation unearthed the 'Woman' residing in my soul who used to whine, bitch and complain about everything at a moment's notice. She's still there and prone to episodes of appearance but more and more there is a calm and collective manner in which I'm approaching life.
- Career improved 2.5X (judged by income I'm making now) as i took on more responsibility and more importantly, developed (over time) a "have to get this shit done" attitude where previously i was more of a 'What Can I Do' kind of guy.
- 'No-Fap. No Video Games. No More Porn.
- First time in my life I understood what 101's mean. I'm still not attractive and still too much body fat (nearly 27%) but because of a better and toned skin and improved personal style, I still attract at the least 5's. Two 3's (cute but fat) even sent me nudes.
- Went out with 1xHB9 and at the end of it, she was the one wanting another date. Stroked my ego a lot. No f-Close though.
- Went to a technology event and got 21 phone numbers, 8 WhatsApp conversations, 3 dates (1 with a green-eyed beauty that in another life I would have fapped to for months over). Still no F-closes.
- I'm more confident and more sure of my self then a year ago.
Now the next stage in evolution where i need your help:
- My frame doesn't hold - Pressure (esp. from boss) of any kind and i crumble into a Groveling Beta. How do i develop this. I've read all sorts of posts and books and still can't seem to develop the 'dominance' roosh talks about.
- My beliefs are limiting my growth. Over and over i catch myself spouting negative things about myself. I would love ideas on how i can change these.
- I Lack "Substance" - everything that comes out my mouth is a cliche, something i read or someone else's words or pre-existing beliefs. Because of this i'm often accused of being childish (note that this has nothing to do with my performance at work which is always above par).
- Respect from other men. It's improving but I'm still at the bottom of the feeding bowl.
This is probably the most original document i've written in my life and well most of you will realize it's probably still not good enough. What do i have to do further to be the RP Chad people talk about? Where am i going wrong?