714,030 posts

Wife is too RP perhaps, help with blended family.

Reddit View
June 3, 2019
13 upvotes

It's been a while since I posted a question. Just for background - been at MRP for nearly a year. Relationship with my wife is the best it's ever been after months of self-improvement on my part, but there is one final shit test that I can't seem to get through - or captain the fuck up and lead. I could use input. My wife has generally fallen into her feminine frame most of the time and enjoys being lead.

Wife loves RP marriage. She is also RP herself quite a bit. I have a son from a previous relationship (12yo). She has slowly grown to resent him. For the same reasons that a cucked stepdad would, plus the fact that she can no longer shit-test me about anything that I do for the most part because my SMV is far above hers, and I own my shit. I don't get shit tests about me anymore.

She has never once lashed at him, but expresses being cucked often in private to me. Things such as: I gave up my career for him (she did not), he doesn't talk to me ever (she doesn't inititiate any conversations), he is always up his mom's ass (BP behavior).

Son has no ill-feelings at all towards my wife. I think he actually likes her better than me to be honest.

Relationship between wife and I is increasingly better and this is the last hurdle to overcome, if it's possible. She regularly brings up leaving now because she can't handle being a stepmother. This is vastly different than when we got together 7 years ago.

How does a captain deal with that one? She has put in no effort to read books about being a stepmother even though she bought one, and refuses to let go of any resentment or anger at all about the past. I ask these questions because this is the one thing holding back my marriage from being exactly what I want.

Edit: One more question - what is MRP's stance on counseling or therapy for this topic of blended families only and stepparents? I am apprehensive about suggesting so given the "well we went to therapy and tried to work it out but it didn't" statement that most women would give.


Post Information
Title Wife is too RP perhaps, help with blended family.
Author HornsOfApathy
Upvotes 13
Comments 29
Date 03 June 2019 03:10 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/240680
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bwbqpz/wife_is_too_rp_perhaps_help_with_blended_family/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
framesexual market valueshit test
Comments

[–]KoolAidMan798025 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy

You wish her well and reinforce that your son is and always will be number one in your life. Keep an eye for any bullshit behavior towards your son that goes on when youre not around.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

“She has put in no effort to read books about being a stepmother even though she bought one”

Feelz. You expected follow through?

“refuses to let go of any resentment or anger at all about the past.”

Feelz. You expect her to act like an adult?

“MRP's stance”

We’re not a cult nor an activist group. Give less fucks.

If it’s getting better, she’s dtf and sweet most of the time, treats you and your son fine, just treat her childish comments as a shit test.

“one thing holding back my marriage from being exactly what I want.”

Poor baby not getting exactly what he wants? Tell MCT more.

[–]redwall926 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Poor baby not getting exactly what he wants? Tell MCT more.

OP actually responded to this line by line to your comment - even this last line here. I'm no flaired autist in charge ... buuuuut ..... Methinks OP's not up to snuff on AM or similar. This is DEER to the max.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

> Feelz. You expected follow through?

No, even at the time I never expected her to follow through. Including for context.

> If it’s getting better, she’s dtf and sweet most of the time, treats you and your son fine, just treat her childish comments as a shit test.

This is where it gets confusing for me. Things are better. She's DTF most anytime I want. She's sweet to me, but avoids my son all the time (so I guess that's treating him fine?). Her comments have escalated now: she's told her mother and father and even inquired about moving back home. I look at this as escalation to get me to back down, but I don't know.

> Poor baby not getting exactly what he wants? Tell MCT more

What I meant by "one thing holding back my marriage" is that everything else about our relationship is the best it's ever been. This is the final test I must pass to bring it full circle for my vision.

[–]PillUpAss3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like she wants more praise and recognition from her captain. Up to you if you think she’s earned it.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is interesting and I hadn't thought of this before. I like to reward good behavior, and there are numerous good things that I think go unnoticed that she does for him. Thanks. Recognition could indeed create positive feelz and encourage good behavior.

[–]Chump_No_More2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Her relationship with your son is not your problem to solve.

She doesn't have to love (or even like) him, but she does have to respect that he is an equal priority in your life, as is the kid that you share with her.

Her behavior is predicable as she has no maternal connection, sees him only as a drain on her resources, and expresses her frustration through feelz. Treat them like you would any other emotional outburst... in your Frame.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Her behavior is predicable as she has no maternal connection, sees him only as a drain on her resources, and expresses her frustration through feelz.

Great insight here, thanks. I had not thought of hypergamy being a driver of this as well. I've just thought of it as jealousy until now when you frame it that way.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

/u/Chump_No_More hit a nail here I reckon, I would see a step kid the same way. It's not my fucking genetics.

From her standpoint it's absolutely hypergamy, and a constant reminder that you pumped a load into another woman.

/u/PillUpAss is also correct saying that she's looking for some recognition.

Remember if her communications have gone OVERT and she's threatening ultimatiums - it means 1. Her covert communications have failed and she has no choice but to go overt (assuming it's not just a shit test/comfort test which you should recognise) 2. The ultimatium is being delivered because she feels she has absolutely ZERO leverage or power in this.

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do you have children together? may be that's what she wants.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. 2yo together.

[–]redwall922 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Her relationship with your son is on her/him. She knows this. He is learning this. Not sure what your talks with him look like, but the phrase "not sure ... ask her" would be high on my list of phrases uttered when he questions you about why she's doing such and such.

If she wants a shitty relationship with him, then that's what she'll have. I'm sure that bothers you, but does it bother you too much?

Have you read books on blended families? Personally ... I'd steer clear of therapy for this. I'd look for some books on the topic and get an outside perspective that way. Then look at your family and see if you can find areas that you can work on and lead in.

If she expresses that she wants to leave because of your son, then I'd wager she's probably just spouting her feelings at the time. I've got five kids, and I hear from time to time how much my wife wishes she hadn't had kids, or hadn't had so many kids, or hadn't had kids so soon, or didn't have these kids, etc, etc.

Wife needs a place to vent. Sounds like she's bringing her A-game in many aspects. So providing her an outlet to vent is fine in my book.

It might be helpful if she had another woman in a similar situation to talk/vent to. My wife has a really close girl-friend she talks to all the time. Best friend I have, that woman is. She hears so much from my wife. I love that girlfriend to death. Sounds like your wife might need a close girlfriend to unload on sometimes. You would greatly benefit from that.

[–]hibloodstevia2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Use the red pill, praise her when she does something with your son, ignore when she's ignoring your son.

Extend your Shields around your son, make her treating him poorly or indifferently the same as treating you poorly or indifferent.

[–]mrpthrowa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The threat to leave nuclear test should be met with the only option - to ask her to leave straight away.

Whenever it's fielded, distance yourself. That in and of itself should create some dread.

Distance yourself a further distance every time it's fielded.

Eventually she'll get the hint, or you'll distance yourself enough that you'll leave her.

[–]Tampadev1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe she's looking to branch swing and needs an excuse to get out. So she's looking for a "make or break" scenario where you are forced to choose the son and dump her, thereby making her look like the victim.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Been at this MRP shit for a while, highly unlikely at all. I make plenty of $ and she fucks anytime I want and with great enthusiasm, my SMV is at least 2 pts higher. She knows I'm a high value man.

I mean, always a possibility tho but highly highly unlikely.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

This is standard to be direct. You just have to make sure It doesn’t get out of hand. I suspect you are DEERING when she bring us your son, which will perpetuate it.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I almost entirely STFU and fog. No DEERing recently that I can remember. Maybe that's the issue.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe if you can give an example or 2 of your fogging that might help

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her: You don't understand, it's blah blah, it's so hard - and did you see what happened? He didn't even talk to me. I can't do this anymore. I don't feel comfortable in my house.

Me: Hmmm. Yeah babe. I saw that, you're right... it's not that comfortable right now for you.

Her: I just can't do it, blah blah, I hate being here sometimes.

Me: Yeah, I can totally see that. It must be hard.

Her: blah blah blah more feelz.

This is generally how it goes. I go between being like Tim Allen from Home Improvement (Think: grunts, mmhmms, yeahs, huh? oh!) as an engaged STFU, then to fogging as you see before - basically agreeing with her until she spouts out some real bullshit about my son, which I'll STFU for. She will sometimes backtrack after she realizes she's said something out of line but I don't correct her.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

plus the fact that she can no longer shit-test me about anything that I do for the most

Looks like to me she found a new way to shit test you.

Treat these as nothing more than shit tests. Same methodology applies.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

It is all the same - she can't rattle his frame about himself so she is creating drama somewhere else to get some feelz / tingles.

OP just needs to manufacture some drama sometimes and he will be fine. Tease the fuck out of her, get her all riled up, give her something he doesn't give a shit about so he can redirect the shit tests and then fuck the shit out of her.

Women thrive on a range of emotions and when you they don't get that they will stir up some drama of their own.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks gents. I agree its shit testing in a new way.

I've been told to create more drama every now and then before. I'll pull out the list of pranks

Not that its logical - but interesting - what does she really have to gain at all besides feelz? She could leave, yeah, but she knows I'm far superior to anything she'd get in the marketplace.

Is it really all about getting feelz? Is it that stupid?

[–]Xtinamina0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Is it really all about getting feelz? Is it that stupid?

I'm cracking up. Feelz are translated as you "understanding" her. It's how she feels a "connection" to you. So it seems stupid on the surface, but the roots are deep and mean so much more to a woman.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you want my honest opinion - yeah its that stupid. Look at what happened to /u/red-sfpplus with Mandy - he fucks her good and shes happy and she still will create drama. Read the thread https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bgjdt1/the_pushpull_game/

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Comfort tests.

Lift. More lifting and then some more. Read. Read. Read. Let thy eyes bleed from reading. Then read some more

[–]boomcheese440 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He lives with you both? Theres no maternal connection, he's not hers. As long as theres no disrespect, you can't complain.

[–]adeptintact0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I believe you are not being the alpha or captain of your ship. She is dominant and you're living in her frame.

If she saw you as the prize, she would not give you shit about your son. If she saw you as having a higher SMV, she wouldn't risk pissing you off by complaining about your son.

Red pill theory states that the sexual strategy of a woman is to mate with the highest status man. This is regardless if he has children or not. The idea of her being cuckolded is nonsense and only applies to men, not women. Men and women are different so you cannot apply the same reasoning to her.

I have a son from a different woman than my LTR. She makes every attempt to have a good relationship with him because she knows it is important to me that she does. She doesn't give me shit about him because she wants to be with me, and doesn't want to upset me. That's what you have to instill in your wife. My advice is to up the dread and lead her more.

"The strongest woman and the most strident feminist wants to be led by, and to submit to, a more powerful man." - CH

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

she can't handle being a stepmother.

This may be your mistake. She is NOT the step-mother. She is your wife. Your kid has a mother who is in the picture and it isn't the woman you are currently shagging.

Maybe she should try being friends with the soon to be teenager rather than being the mommy?? It's not her job to discipline a kid who is not hers and you might want to consider setting it up with her as the kids advocate/ally and you as the disciplinarian/Captain/father. That might give an opportunity for her and your son to have a positive relationship even though it is not Stepmom/Son.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter