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RP books on fatherhood

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June 4, 2019
10 upvotes

One of the pillars of my current mission is to prepare myself to be a solid father. I’m wondering if there are some good books out there on fatherhood that you guys would recommend?


Post Information
Title RP books on fatherhood
Author suprathepeg
Upvotes 10
Comments 15
Date 04 June 2019 12:47 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/240734
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bwif64/rp_books_on_fatherhood/
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[–]screechhaterRed Beret20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

No.

Quality time with a lot of patience. Serious quality time. Shopping is not quality time. Turning the electronics off, dinner time with everyone sharing the day is.

Specifically, do as you “demand” they do. OYS, stay fit, etc wardrobe. Yes. Never even crossed my teen boys minds to wear baggy or ass hanging pants.

Time. Time. Time.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Take ownership of your child, and of being a Dad. Always remember that you're not a babysitter, or an assistant mom or Mom's assistant, but a full parent and your child's only Dad. Decide on what aspects of your child's development you want to lead, and what times every day are Daddy Time, and take full ownership and authority of those. Take your kids away daily for Daddy Time to give them your undivided attention and you theirs, and to give your wife a break and daily time to focus on being a woman and wife instead of a mother.

[–]Goobergus_Gubbins1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Take your kids away daily for Daddy Time to give them your undivided attention and you theirs, and to give your wife a break and daily time to focus on being a woman and wife instead of a mother." Brilliant. I essentially gave up most of my friends and hobbies for 20 years and spent that time with the kids. Never regretted it, and Mama was able to have an actual social life like a real human being. Sometimes the guys on RP forums describe a routine that would take 36 hours a day. Just goofing around with the kids going out for a cheeseburger builds a hell of a lot of value.

[–]lololasaurus9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Father of 7 -

CR Wiley's "Man of the house" is pretty good on a lot of this. It's from a Christian standpoint, but I wouldn't call him blue pill.

Some other advice:

Lift.

Talk is not only cheap but worthless... Unless it's the kind where you're connecting with them on a deep level. Often. Can't even count how many times my eldest daughter and I were up until 130 talking about life. I'm gonna miss that next month when she moves out for school. But she's got a good head on her shoulders, and can discuss philosophy, theology, logic and rhetoric with a clear mind. Not that this is the benchmark; but I don't know many 19 year old girls that are actually interesting to hold a conservation with.

As others have said, set the example. Don't go telling them what they should do, YOU do what you want then to learn to do.

Memories. Make memories doing things together, yes do the big camping trips and stuff but do something EVERY day, if you can. Your car broke down and you have to fix it? Do that, do it together with joy and an upbeat attitude and frame and emotional stability, because you're family, you're a tribe, and you get to spend time together. There's a time for video games, yes, but you want to raise men and women that can stand by you because they are competent and masters of themselves. Dangerous people, who are also self controlled.

We love to sing together.

You are responsible for everything in your home. That doesn't mean it's your fault, but YOU are responsible. That's what red pill men do. We take responsibility for ourselves and our ship, and we're raising up captains and XOs.

You set the tone for the house, and likely their lives. Do you sluff off responsibility? Plan on them doing so too. Do you own your stuff? They will be more likely to if so.

Master your emotions.

Only make rules or limit kids if you have to. Don't tell them to do stuff you don't need to. This will prevent you being forced to discipline kids for stuff that didn't matter to you, but you must always back up your words when you actually do say them. Your house should be a garden of "yes", so when you say "no" it matters a lot and it's taken seriously. That isn't to say raise undisciplined brats with no limits; instead of having to constantly steer them away from degenerate garbage fill their lives with good stuff.

Some family events are just required because that's what our tribe does. For me that's dinner together, and church. They don't have to believe it but they can sit still for an hour a week, politely listen, and humor me. Pietas was one of the chief virtues of the Romans and for good reason.

Cicero describes youth in the pursuit of honour: “How they yearn for praise! What labours will they not undertake to stand fast among their peers! How will they remember those who have shown them kindness and how eager to repay it!”. So look for a hundred praiseworthy things to praise your children for, for every one thing you criticize them for.

Discipline your kids. That doesn't just mean punish them, although there is a time for that. No, discipline is based on the word disciple. Look that up.

Develop gravitas. The essay is really good, and it's an excerpt from the book I mentioned.

Hopefully some of that is helpful. You'll have to find the tone you want for your house. It probably won't look like mine, but it might be even better.

[–]-Acta-Non-Verba-0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Excellent recommendations. Thank you.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Father of 3.

My advice: Talk is cheap. Let them see you lift. Let them see what a healthy relationship looks like between a man and woman. Let them see what a hard work ethic looks like.

[–]Punishermp64 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

No doubt, be the male example to your entire family. When I started lifting consistently after unplugging, all 3 of my kids wanted to watch and "work out" with Dad in the basement. Now I catch my 8yo Son doing pushups before bed by himself because he said he wants to be strong like me.

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

100% my boys 4 and 8 love to watch daddy lift. Mummy no longer belittles daddy and the kids are great at saying no unless daddy overrules. Can't demand it have to earn it

[–]WhiteNight2004 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I found that Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules For Life had some good insights on child-rearing mixed in with his other advice, such as the following:

Don't let your children do anything that makes you resent them. Don't bother children who are skateboarding (let them take risks, rough-and-tumble play is a good thing). Set your house in order before criticizing the world. Tell the truth. Be precise in your speech.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Children learn by example and thankfully you are the one to set the example. My goal has been to raise my kids so that they are RP naturals and have no need to ever learn otherwise. I teach them the value of investing their time in hobbies, education, sports, fitness, diet, etc. I've taught my oldest about stoicism and even some of the basics of WISNIFG. There are opportunities every where in life to reinforce RP principles which is why some men are naturals - they were just brought up that way.

Also as others have said - make sure you take time away with them just you and them - this is even more important once they get to around 4-5 years old if they are boys. Before that they are likely going to be attached to mommy but you still need to press to get time with just them to play. You have to make sure you are engaged and present and doing things that you get joy from. I make sure every moment I spend with them I treasure because they grow up so fast - even if its something as simple as sitting outside enjoying a fire and s'mores.

One thing that seems to have really resonated with my boys are the Warrior Kid books from Jocko Willink. It is a very good primer for RP basics without being too overt. It teaches them about fitness, diet, leadership, ego, discipline, etc.

[–]lololasaurus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My boys also really enjoy the Jocko books.

Extreme Ownership is pretty good too.

[–]capn_barnacles0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Strong Fathers Strong Daughters. Not really RP, but the themes are generally consistent.

[–]FlyingSexistPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m happy with “Parenting with Love and Logic” by Foster Cline and Charlie Fay.

[–]useful_stranger0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’d start listening to Jocko Podcast - and has lots of book recommendations too.

[–]Goobergus_Gubbins0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My kids are 22 and 24, both happy, friendly, and competent. They have empathy and commitment to making the world a better place, balanced with fun and standing up for themselves. We used an old book and video series "Love and logic." The gist: Allow the kid to take risks and own the results where the failure mode is acceptable to a reasonable parent. We also treated the kids as mini-adults. No baby-talk and smothering. Lots of jokes and pranks. Hands-on help with math, english, and social skills. We were pretty strict until age 10, then gave them a speech, "You know what to do now, we expect you to step up and take care of yourself. Let us know what you need from us." Essentially treated the household like a company where everyone has a role to add value. Note that you need Mama to be pulling pretty hard to make this work. Make sure to balance all that tough love with plenty of warmth and your house being a sanctuary from all the haters out there.

About a quarter of Rollo Tomassi TRM v3 Positive Masculinity addresses fathering skills, might be worth a read.



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