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Have you ever accepted a friend-zoning after dating, i.e. continued to give her attention after she said “let’s just be friends,” and lived to regret it?

Reddit View
June 9, 2019
60 upvotes

This is an actual question. I am asking for the sake of my own academic understanding of this dynamic. How did it go?


Post Information
Title Have you ever accepted a friend-zoning after dating, i.e. continued to give her attention after she said “let’s just be friends,” and lived to regret it?
Author thedonuts352
Upvotes 60
Comments 42
Date 09 June 2019 10:22 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/241404
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bypyjj/have_you_ever_accepted_a_friendzoning_after/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat106 points107 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yes, it was a mistake. It sucks watching her go through dudes, knowing she’s fucking and sucking them and you’re basically one of her girlfriends now.

You will never fuck a girl that does this again. She no longer sees you as a man.

[–]mojokabobo49 points50 points  (2 children) | Copy

That's why when my last ex tried to friend zone me, I told her emphatically, "NO. If you want a chance with me in the future, your chance is NOW".

Surprisingly, after she asked to become friends who could one day in the future have another chance together (which I rejected because I REFUSED to become her beta orbiter), she went to the police and issued a protective order against me. Amusing, since I told her that I wanted nothing to do with her ever again. I suppose she decided to give reverse psychology a try. shrug.

[–]Nergaal25 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

she went to the police and issued a protective order against me

WTF???

[–]Greaterbird20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

Girls never have to approach, so they also never learn to handle rejection.

[–]Mr-Ed20933 points34 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, in most cases the friendzone is malicious and abusive. Women only do it to weak men who they've assessed will buy such a shitty deal off of them. Your intrinsic frame must present yourself as a man who does not tolerate unfair exchanges; in all matters.

If you want to understand the root of it all, consider that the exchange between men and women, around dating etc; not be thought of in a social friendship sense. Instead it's akin to a relationship which centres arround a fundamental desire of all humans, sex. Relationships of money and power can be considered in the same vain.

It would be stupid to keep going into work after your employer told you, that you would not be paid anymore, despite that you may have enjoyed the company of coworkers. Relationships that center around sex, money, power are always volatile because they're fundamentally a competition.

[–]pete-repeat51 points52 points  (1 child) | Copy

The reason why it doesn't serve you to do this is because women need attention the way that you need sex. So if she stops holding up her end of the bargain, you do the same.

If you choose to remain friends with her, you'll become her orbiter. Women love to have orbiters because each orbiter is a back up plan for her. They typically don't have sex with orbiters or date them, so you're giving away your precious attention for no ROI. This is always a situation where it is better to cut your losses and find a new bitch.

[–]caspertheghost57898 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women love to have orbiters because each orbiter is a back up plan for her

Ok, now this makes a ton of sense...

[–]BiasedBavarian14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Like once when I was 19, but I figured out pretty quickly what she was trying to do which was use me to go out on dates and buy her food. One day soon after, I changed my number and never spoke to her again. In the event that a girl tries to friend zone me now, I’d ghost immediately. Friend zoning someone you were once sexually actively with and expecting him to comply is the most disrespectful thing a woman can do

[–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar46 points47 points  (1 child) | Copy

They don't actually want to be friends; they want you to go away. Saying that is their way of helping you save face.

[–]Pooddit15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck this hurts because this is what I am going through right now. Alright, I'll move on.

[–]Mandisi775 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. She just wanted me for attention and validation while I was hoping she would eventually change her mind. In essence she was using me.

After finding the red pill I've realised it's best to always move on to other girls and forget she exists.

[–]TheRealBrotherLouie6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude where's your fucking dignity? Most girls are boring as shit, and being an orbiter makes them worse

[–]the13thmonk4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

She uses to fill emotional voids, shoulder to cry on, and as a mental backup plan to further her own mental frame

[–]dark_rabbit2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes. Still trying to get rid of her. She keeps coming back.

[–]Classy_Amir0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Having the same problem... It's been almost a year and she still keeps coming back. What has been your plan to make her stop?

[–]escapethesolarsystem2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I might be different here, but I always accept friend-zoning after dating. If she wants to stay "friends", that's fine with me, just don't expect me to put in any effort. I'm not going to be a vindictive cunt and talk shit about her or block her on social media, and I will make minimal effort responses to help her or answer her questions if she needs it - like I would with any casual friend. However, she will be a "last priority" friend and I make sure she feels it.

It does depend on the circumstances of our break-up, a little bit, but that's my basic rule.

[–]Gordon-G4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Correct response would be...”no thanks have enough friends” .. then walk away, move forward and don’t look back. If she wants to re enter your orbit later that would be ok but on your terms... dating, no friends!!

[–]askmrcia3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Or you can "sure we can be friends" and choose to never contact them again.

Feel free to hi and make small talk if you see them around your social group or whatever, but don't be trying to ask them to hang out

[–]BigDickEnergy12312 points13 points  (11 children) | Copy

No. Use her to game other chicks.

Women use men for validation all the time. Why not use her hotness to your advantage to fuck hotter women?

Either that or ignore her and there's a huge probability of her gaining attraction towards you.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat31 points32 points  (6 children) | Copy

Nope. You’ll be seen as a dude that can’t sleep with her and is a friend zoned bitch. It will actually lower your SMV.

[–]BigDickEnergy1237 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Hot women tend to be friends with hot women.

While I do somewhat agree with you, just hit on other girls with her around. Don't act like you like her. Pay more attention to everyone else when she's around.

[–]latinasonly1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

dont act like you like her - EXACTLY. you should not like her in a romantic/sexual way if she does not like you in the same manner ! you should still interact with her in a freindly, civil manner if she is doing the same . if you act butthurt it will make you look weak

[–]drakehfh 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Hot women have hot friends but they also talk to each other. If you are a weak man to a girl, you are a weak man to her hot friend.

[–]dani098-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Obviously you’ve never had a woman WingMan for you

[–]latinasonly-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

whether people make you look good or bad is largely independent of their actions but totally dependant on your reaction to their actions . its easy to tell if a girl respects a guy or not. of she tries to belitle you and you ridicule her , it makes you look good . generally girls where i feel a cold vibe from, i distance myself from them , because not only does being around them make me look bad , it makes me feel bad

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Either that or ignore her and there's a huge probability of her gaining attraction towards you.

I've seen people say this but it has never been true in my experience.

[–]BigDickEnergy1234 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

If a girl has absolutely no attraction to you, there's pretty much no possibility of them changing their mind.

If they have the slightest attraction, but are on the fence then it works like a charm.

Idk man, it might just be ancedotal evidence, but my past three girlfriends have been basically from ignoring them.

I show interest and then they show less and less until I ignore them/stop replying completely and then it's like fireworks or some shit.

[–]Snowaey2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

the guy you're replying to is prolly not a high value male

[–]A-Buff-BBC-Blackbelt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Anecdotal as well but the pullback method has worked like firework magic practically every time I’ve used it. It’s really easy to see dwindling attraction in a woman and as soon as I start pulling back attention, it’s like they’re scurrying to get my attention back.

[–]Greaterbird1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The only time to consider that is when you no longer have feelings for her. Exes can be fine as fuckbuddies as well, but if you're wanting her and orbiting around when she's not into it then you're just being a little bitch and securing yourself in the lower position. Never be "just friends" with a girl you are attracted to.

[–]GGrub81 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I never consider a former sexual partner a "friend".

I do, however, play along sometimes just to witness more AWALT examples.

If a plate breaks but she still wants my attention, if I find her to be of any use (i.e. she's rich or has useful connections) I just say "sure sweetie why not" but I never actually orbit her and never initiate contact.

Most of the time they don't initiate contact either, but in the event they do I immediately steer the conversation into "come over and let's have fun". Sometimes they'll accept and want to fuck, other times they'll reject.

Either way, ending things on a good note with a plate even though you don't give a damn about her is a good move: at worst it has no negative impact and at best it can give you some extra sex.

[–]jm511 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Woman giving sex = man giving resources. (Resources includes time and attention.)

A female slut gives her sex for no resources in return.

A male slut gives his resources for no sex in return.

Women value male sluts similar to how men value female sluts.

[–]yungplayz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Still friends with most my exes, and I don't regret it a dime.

If you're staying friendly because you hope that'll bring them back, screw that pathetic shit. But if it's a genuine friendship for the sake of friendship, like you got with your male homies, then ain't nothing wrong with that.

[–]archaic-guy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Apply Britffaul Law to women

[–]Ivabighairy10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

All betas have

[–]caspertheghost57890 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Everything you all say here is true as fuck but have you all gone to a subreddit called "Dating Advice" ? They all say the complete opposite thing over there "be friends first....", lol.

[–]uptimex0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Soft next, you show a little bit of a dissapointment and just go away find another girl. Some time ago the first one can come back with a suggestion to drink some coffee. Underlying intention is.. to meet you to claim your friendzone again. You reject saying you are going out with a girl or gf today. That moment, she understands that you have some value, and game changes a little bit. I mean you can reverse things but it is hard to do and not worth.

[–]PolesWithGoals0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Never been in this scenario, but it just sounds miserable, man

[–]128bitworm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not sure. I usually put them in the friend zone first and then ignore them. Being solitary helps. They are a lot like email spam, unwanted but always there.

[–]frontiermarine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

attention = sex for women.

Imagine a girl that just shows up to your place almost everyday to fuck you.But you never call her or take her out on any dates, yet she still continues to sleep with you and never complains about your lack of effort.

You are basically this girl when you accept the friend-zone. Giving away free attention and she doesn't even have to work for it. There will come a point where you've given away so much of your free attention, she doesn't even see you as a guy anymore, you've turned into one of her girlfriends.

[–]redpilllogin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have never experienced this because I'm polarizing as fuck. It's either we're fucking or we're not. No in-between, though I feel like I could use some female friends.



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