Have you broken off an LTR because you felt you needed to grow?

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June 11, 2019
99 upvotes

I’m in a great LTR of 2.5 years but I feel held back. After improving myself and working on my mind, body, and money I feel like I’ve eclipsed my LTR and the relationship is becoming dull and routine. I find myself wanting to keep improving even more, finding new women, exploring new things to develop and grow as a man.

I feel like I haven’t grown into my full potential yet and she’s holding me back even when she’s done nothing wrong and has been genuinely a joy to be around.

I’m 24.


Post Information
Title Have you broken off an LTR because you felt you needed to grow?
Author nabosch
Upvotes 99
Comments 37
Date 11 June 2019 05:43 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/241554
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bz8m9v/have_you_broken_off_an_ltr_because_you_felt_you/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationship
Comments

[–]Howdoiusesync59 points60 points  (11 children) | Copy

My phone died when trying to answer this.

First I have been there in this stage in two parts of my life.

First time was when I felt genuine Love from a girl because of my character and how I carried myself.

The girl came from a rich household, I was broke as shit 19 i believe. Had those thoughts when even in Love.

Secondly, after a plate that was the main one and we we're fairly close and she was pushing for an LTR (at 22)

The first hurt like shit, fuck I pushed her away because I couldn't do it myself, i don't blame myself because I was young and naive but I felt something that it ending had to be done in order for me to grow.

The second I had it in my head the entire time and I was really happy with the girl and how she treated me but things got out of hand with her asking for much like always wanting to spend time with me when I needed to work on my projects.

The more recent one, it hurt but not as bad. The reason being is because I was bold with my options no going back to her. Though I invested very low n her and she had more of an emotional investment in me I had to do it for myself.

It will suck for a bit maybe like a month or so. But you will have to cut all contact if you want to clear the extra RAM in your head for yourself. Secondly after doing that you will see small improvments and you will laugh and it will motivate you to keep going. For you, it's an LTR so i'm assuming you'll lose some social connects. That is something you have to weigh but if you are really about it you know you'll make more despite whomever thinks you're an assholetm . Had to do the same and it left me alone. I needed that more than anything. Lost some friends because ya know those dudes waiting in the shadows for that quick pussy(sorry but true), those fake friends only to be cool with you because of the girl you're banging. Fuck them. If you have a purpose you want to pursue i say go fucking for it just remember you made the decision you must be bold with it. No doing worse than what you are at. Feeling missing your ex fuck you, you're on to something else. Thinking you fucked up, go fuck yourself you indecisive bitch.

Hey, if all works out she'll hit you up. Trust me I was skeptical about all this shit when I was even here for a year. Focused on myself 100% and I feel like myself, like the teenage arrogance is back and it honestly feels like something worth fighting for.

[–]AntiSharp 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

‘My phone died’

Meta

[–]That_Deaf_Guy1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

source?

[–]ramjaz33 points34 points  (2 children) | Copy

Did you grab a girl by the hand and ask her for her charger because your phone died?

[–]Atheist_Utopia18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

lmao at how fast that post became a meme

[–]nabosch[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn, thanks this is exactly how I'm feeling. Really making me think.

[–]PincheeWhey0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Focused on myself 100% and I feel like myself

By this, do you mean you were single while you focused on yourself? No plates, nothing during this time?

[–]Howdoiusesync1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I tried to have one or two plates that were there when it was available for me it just boring. I can’t explain it really but when I would be with them I would think about what I had to do next and what I have to work on more.

Then kinda just stopped and stayed single. I still game IRL but nothing like tindering and shit on social media it's a waste if time. Plus because if the plates I had they showed me how many thirsty ass dudes there were and I just decided for them to come to me that's what I strive for.

Edit: I also do think begining in love and shit is very valuable. I'm single and really like it. A majority of some of my old friends wouldn't only be in LTRs because they couldn't be alone. Goes for just slaying and having plates just a buffer.

[–]PincheeWhey0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What did you feel you had to focus on if I may ask? Just some examples. I’m currently going through a similar situation.

[–]Howdoiusesync1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No worries man I'm glad I can help. Honestly I'm just very competitive. It would be "damn I'm over this girl's house and I might stay over fuck I gotta hit the gym in the morning or later that day instead of waking up earlier" Or " I worked on x today but I wanted to know this about about x, i wonder if that would work" then would forget about it when I get home. I just like doing everything I can to get better. Best thing I've learned really is that if you feel this and you put things like people before yourself it effects your emotional and mental stage to not be in the moment. Sometimes when on grind mode other people have to take a back seat. If they don't like it whelp they're not right for you.

[–]ThinSpiritual21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do it. Guilt is not a reason nor a driver, and the longer you drag it the more miserable you'll feel. Don't be passive aggressive, it breaks frame and you'll subconsciously collect tiny pieces of "evidence" to justify your thinking overtime -- this will ruin the relationship eventually. It's better to break up on a good note, just tell her you love her but you want to move on. Take the blame so that her hamster doesn't have to (you'll avoid drama that way).

Frame this situation with "Will this matter in 5 years?"

No? Then do it.

[–]_Pandaphile_16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

I left my 8 year marriage for this very reason. I had grown so much since discovering my desire for self-improvement that I was no longer the man she married. It hurt, sure, but the positives far outweigh the negatives (at least for me).

[–]redbananaboard12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

I've been there brother. It's a natural consequence of being on the pill. I let go of a great LTR of 5 years because of what you describe. I was 27 at the time. A year later, I got an amazing job and was making above average income for my country. I'm obsessed with MMA and I was able to train more and better. I had several, leads, dates, plates during that year. After messing around I got a girl I shared my limited free time with under my own terms. She was of course hotter, smarter, and didn't interfere with my goals. Got more muscular. And I could go on and on with the amazing benefits of leaving your LTR that it's holding you back. My advice is that if you feel like this. Let her go, trust me girls don't want you to do shit. My LTR girl would give me shit for working 10+ hours on my websites and ideas. She would complain that I would train and sparr so hard I would be a zombie on the weekends etc. If you're here I'm certain you're an ambitious motherfucker who wants to be a better self. Go for it and have fun. It's the best thing you can do. Eventually, you'll have better girls in your life. And most importantly, you'll progress a lot towards your goals in ways you won't if you stick to your LTR.

[–]nabosch[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great comment, exactly what page I'm on.

[–]ViperG0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

2nd the great comment

[–]Ryabemo8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

A question tho, how does she hold you back?

[–]apskidb6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

sounds like she's demanding a lot of attention

[–]OkCellist21 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Instead of supporting him perhaps she wants him to stay at the same level? I'm not sure but that's my guess.

Also the fact you cant go be social without them feeling insecure can be a factor.

[–]Ryabemo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I mean this just means he has no control over the relationship instead of her being a drag. She’ll be a brick to his self improvement if he lets her.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, but after I’ve taken the red pill I realized I should have demoted her to a plate.

[–]hansieboy102 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know how you feel because I’ve been in that situation and I chose to break up. Not only will hurt but you might be thinking you’ve made a mistake afterwards. If you keep strong it will be worth it for sure.

If you decide you wan’t to stay with her you should think about ways how you can grow. Maybe some you-only days without contact. It’s just a example but I hope you get the idea.

Goodluck.

[–]OkCellist22 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup. You can't be with someone who you vs re outgrowing, it's stifling for you and painful for them. I've had to do it twice to both amazing a great girls that I liked very much but it was the right answer

[–]0io-4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

With a girl that's genuinely a joy to be around, rather than breaking it off you might try being more demanding instead. Let her know that you want threesomes with another girl or whatever it is that you actually want.

Before you say she's holding you back, make sure she's actually holding you back and wouldn't try to do anything you want to make you happy. You might find out she's down for anything and isn't holding you back at all.

[–]bakamoney1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. No one can "hold you back" if you genuinely want to improve lmao.

Half the cases are people too lazy to do it and looking for a reason.

Half the cases are people too bored of the ltr and too pussy to do it straight up and looking for a reason.

Both cases are fine. Own that shit up though. Atleast to yourself.

[–]inkoDe3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not even a trp person in the sense it is used here, but a relationship should never hold you back from exploring life and yourself. That goes for a man or woman.

[–]atarian1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I actually just broke up with a LTR for the same reason. It hurt a lot afterwards for about a week, but I'm doing a lot better now. No regrets.

[–]HastaPronto901 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

There are tons of girls outside, but not that many decent LTR worthy. If she is the second type and you can imagine a future with her, don't do it! You can still grow in a LTR, a great ex president of my country met his wife in his teenages.

[–]Distractingyou0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This post lacks abundance mentality

[–]Andrew543210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Autist response. Abundance mentality shouldn’t ignore mathematical probability.

[–]ArtofCharm941 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Preface: 22 years old here. I was in a relationship from my senior year of high school to my junior year of college. I was her first love, her first time for all sexual experiences (yes it meant a lot to me at the time it still does and no I don’t believe that could ever exist again). It was a deep real genuine love that was mutual because SMV didn’t matter(I was in my second senior year of high school when I met her and a rebellious loser who couldn’t figure out which direction to go in life)

Anyway I met her and honestly I became really motivated to turn my life around. I was the typical white knight doing everything wrong and it brought me a lot of heartache. However, during my relationship with her I went from a Super Senior in High School to a 4.0 GPA Accounting major on a full scholarship after transferring from a Community College. Sounds great right? To some extent it was but now I’ll reveal the other side of the token a little over a year after I broke up with her. 4.0 Accounting Major! “You’re going to make good money and have stability”

Sounds good right? it sounded even better when I was imagining my fairy tale future with my ex girlfriend. I was going to work my ass off for a big accounting firm! Start off making $60,000ish and Make 6 figures in 5 or so years working 60 hours a week, to provide and protect my future wife(I got her a promise ring and everything!)

Where am I now? Well I’m sure as fuck not an Accounting major. I was in an accounting class last fall and for my first time as a single lad. After the first class meeting, I started thinking to myself “what in the holy fuck am I doing in this class, these people are all weirdos god for bid these people are my co workers.” I withdrew from the class changed my major, and decided I wanted to pursue what I always REALLY wanted to do but never believed I could. Become a Lawyer and attend not just any Law School but something a long the lines of Yale,Stanford,Harvard,Chicago,Columbia.

Ive studied for this test every single day(LSAT) since January 1 in preparation for the July LSAT. I’m currently practice testing above all the medians of the schools I listed above.

Not only that but I’ve been able to maintain a consistent diet(my mood isn’t all over the place as it was with a girlfriend) and am on my way to the best physique I’ve ever had (I’ve always lifted since I was 15).

I read at least one book a week

I meditate daily

I have better relationships with my family and friends.

I stopped watching porn and smoking marijuana.

I can go on and tell you if i believe it was worth breaking up with my ex to grow(I’m sure you know my answer). But this isn’t about me it’s about you. Good luck.

[–]Blaze-Bless0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, similar sounding situation but much less time it was 1 year. Definitely had alot of good going on but sometimes it's just not enough, and like alot of guys here say if you're thinking about ending it, then it should probably be ended. In the long run it'll be best for you and what's best for you is all that matters.

[–]omega_dawg930 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i dumped my LTR bc she needed to grow (the fuck up).

after letting her go, i had extra time to focus on things that i wanted to do personally & professionally.

you don't get time or energy back... so don't waste either on anyone. i don't even let the guy in my mirror waste my time.

[–]LuckyRedPill0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Not an advice, but I had the same question in mind today because of a recent breakup. Thanks for asking this here, couldn't ask it better and I got some good answers

[–]nabosch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

no problem

[–]the13thmonk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hope so

[–]FearTheSpartians0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I broke up my LTR of 5.5 years because i felt i need to grow. At this time i started studying abroad my hometown.

It was one of the best decisions i ever made. She had a problem with money and now 3 years after the breakup she still lives from hand to mouth. Also she doesn't developed futher, no better job, still to fat for her heigth and she still complains about it and want's to change but doesn't.

You are responsible for yourself and if you just see that she is holding you back you should break up.

[–]shamona930 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I feel you lack stability and confidence. Analyse  below: 1. What is your definition of growth? --> If its hooking up with new women then trust me 5 years down the line you  will still be a struggling and writing  such posts again somewhere :)   2. Are you really determined to grow? If yes you will no matter what, don't blame your partner for your laziness.

3.Has she been a contributor, has she been supportive and motivated you during your tough times? --> If No, you should move away from this relationship. -->If Yes, then you will loose a gem and its her who will be happier and more successful afterwards whereas you will only be lurking around.

You are 24 not a kid.



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