How to switch from aloof and quiet to outgoing and charismatic?

i-am-the-prize · 2019-06-14T17:17:25+00:00

Really look into her eyes. Even in a small group setting (happy hour, 3-6 people). Spread your attention around when telling your part/your stor(ies)y, but when you speak, don't look at the ceiling, don't look at your hands, look directly into her eyes - any of the women at the table who interests you, even the one that doesn't to get the other one competitive for you to focus on her.

In my single years, I lost count of the number of women who self-ASD'd with me in the morning "i've never hooked up first time..." or "omg, my boyfriend better not find out..." or "my cop husband will kill us both if this gets out" (yes really) and all threw out some version of: you looked right into my eyes when you spoke to me, i felt like we were the only people in the room (even in a public place), and I felt special, etc, etc.

So charismatic isn't just being jovial, confident, clear it's also a lot about body language and feeling like what you have to share /matters/ because you matter and your experiences are badass.

[deleted] · 2019-06-14T17:00:35+00:00

Girls like to talk, ask them open questions, best topics are movies, music, animals, art (if you are that type, will make her horny), anything with emotions, never talk about politics, mathematics, computers, etc. Take her too zoo, galleries, cool events, it must be adventure, not cinema. If you want to take her for coffee take her somewhere you know people (social proof), you want a date that you will enjoy also, its not interview for job(sex) its your fun time. If she sees you are having fun she will start having it too. If you see atomsphere is dying take her hand, smile and say lets go, then take her somewhere else.

swervoooo · 2019-06-14T11:58:02+00:00

Read Models by Mark Manson this will really help you with that.

MCFiletMignon · 2019-06-14T15:45:51+00:00

I'd try to figure out why you'd say you 'gotta turn up the extroversion'.

What compels this idea?

If you act fake, people will perceive you as fake.

[deleted] · 2019-06-14T13:59:27+00:00

Practice makes perfect.

Alcohol used to help a lot, but I’ve since given that up.

WeddingCrasher91 · 2019-06-14T19:03:41+00:00

I am in the situation. I have no problems interacting with girls 1 on 1. My problem lies when the situation includes a group of males

TFWnoLTR · 2019-06-14T17:19:28+00:00

I'm similar in that I'm more introverted and aloof, but I don't have this issue you're talking about.

If you're running into awkward silences on dates too often, the simplest solution sometimes is to know a few jokes. If shes all stiff and uncomfortable because neither of you have had much to say, getting her to giggle and loosen up a bit will help get her talking and put you back in the listener chair where you thrive. It helps to have jokes with some layers, so you can try and find which part she caught a laugh from and work with that.

If shes also the quiet type, and its making it seem impossible to get her talking about herself, you need to have a go to subject or three that you are passionate about and can talk about at length. This has the added benefit of showing some of your depth as a person after coming off as rather impenetrable, which rarely fails me as a method of gaining attraction. It doesnt even have to be anything nessisarily cool, just dont do something like video games or football. I've actually had success talking about the modern space race and showing videos of some interesting parts of a launch. Showing videos on my phone is also a useful excuse to get close and touch and shit, but I'm getting way off topic. The reason this really works for me is because during the discussion it reaveals some hidden but serious ambitions of mine, and most women love an ambitious man.

Do those kinds of things to get her feeling comfortable, and be natural about it. The reason it doesnt feel natural when you do it is because it isn't. You're not supposed to "turn up the extrovert", you're just supposed to nurture a connection she feels with you. Sometimes that connection just isnt there. Don't let it get to you. Don't feel the need to be fake.

lokilis · 2019-06-14T23:25:40+00:00

Sit back and be quiet, but listen. Show that you're paying attention by asking brief questions, or sharing an amusing anecdote. Those small bits are enough to appear engaged.

Corvus_Uraneus · 2019-06-14T16:39:55+00:00

If you want to be interesting, be interested. Pay attention to what she is saying, respond with open questions that shows you're paying attention.

YourShadowScholar · 2019-06-15T10:08:26+00:00

Can you suck your own cock?

Having fresh cum in your mouth is a good way to want to keep talking while out in public.

MattyAnon · 2019-06-14T12:52:29+00:00

asking all these questions

Don't ask questions, talk in statements.

So how do I find the right balance?

It's a balance. You'll figure it.

Title	How to switch from aloof and quiet to outgoing and charismatic?
Author	StoneHurk
Upvotes	27
Comments	25
Date	June 14, 2019 11:24 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/c0iyau/how_to_switch_from_aloof_and_quiet_to_outgoing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-switch-from-aloof-and-quiet-to-outgoing-and.242014 https://theredarchive.com/post/242014