Ex-girlfriend didn't make my son visit me after a fight for Father's Day.

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June 16, 2019

My ex is the mother of my son. Last week we got into an argument but not something to the point where I thought she would be vengeful about it. Saturday she had to bring him home to see me and my father who came back from oversees (he's never seen him in person). After the fight, she didn't return my calls or texts. This morning, coming home from work I see a text from her with only the words "Happy father's day". I wanted to patch things up with her after my son was born and be like those power couples but I see it's just not going to happen. I sent her a text already saying that I can't accept that kind of behavior. She's self obsessed to the point where she talks about herself in the third person sometimes.

Should I just accept that I fucked plugged crazy and focus on myself from now on or try to understand where all this is coming from and patch things up.

Post Information
Title Ex-girlfriend didn't make my son visit me after a fight for Father's Day.
Author SesameStreetPimp
Upvotes 73
Comments 25
Date 16 June 2019 02:03 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/242218
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/c1a7n6/exgirlfriend_didnt_make_my_son_visit_me_after_a/
Similar Posts

[–]umizumiz87 points88 points  (5 children) | Copy

Are y'all working from a custody agreement?

If not, be secretive, then draw one up with a lawyer to heavily favor you.

Then it's all on her to prove her shit.

No, you shouldn't just focus on yourself and leave your son with his plug crazy momma. And you don't try to understand it either.

Be a little more than civil, but not quite "patching up" when you deal with her. Even if you already have a custody agreement, you can still file to change that shit without her knowing. Let her get served. Happened to my ex-wife.

She was asking me 3 days prior to the first court date if I was "really going through with those papers".

Make these crazy hoes defend themselves and their crazy actions to a judge, when it comes to your children. You're talking about letting that boys memory be Momma came and got me on Father's Day and Daddy just kinda did his own thing after that.

Come on, get it together.

Get that bitch put in the hospital for a week if you know she's crazy enough to fail their entry questions. I've had to do that. Because when it comes to that boy, you're gonna wanna say you did everything you can but some crazy whore woman outsmarted ya.

Which won't happen, if you decide to start the motion for that damn custody agreement.

I'm telling ya, it's money well spent. I cannot explain to you how much of a pussy puller "single daddy" is, Christ Almighty.

But you gotta start acting now.

You can ALWAYS reconcile later on, but what she is doing to that child is reprehensible. I despise actions such as those from personal experience with a young crazy mother and a father who, unlike you, GAVE UP and left town after he graduated.

Because she was a cunty she-devil wanting to make him pay(or daddy up), that was all it took to abandon a son.

I have definitely rambled.

TLDR; I will find you and rip your balls off if you allow your son to be tossed around like a puppy dog, with you never knowing if he's gonna be at your mother in law's, or if your whore ex actually stayed home with him tonight...

Strike powerfully. Strike decisively. Strike silently. Strike unemotionally. You're taking the fucking reigns in this boy's life, and you're gonna make sure he's a damn good man when you're through. Start with the courts, quietly.

Aloofness - "Huwha?! It says 100% with you receiving supervised visits at my discretion? No no no, I'll have to talk to that lawyer; I WOULDN'T DO THAT TO US."

Don't get back together with her. But always remember that you can, and that responsible custody of your child is a completely separate matter than y'all's crazy ass parenting scheme.

Good luck, brotha. You got this.

[–]SesameStreetPimp[S] 17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm following through with family court, get and do all what I need to make sure his life has me in it. I'm done with the mother. Can't be with someone who never sees themselves in the wrong.

[–]umizumiz16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy


But don't tell her that, though.

You MUST game her more than ever right now. You have to CONTINUE GIVING HER THE TINGLES, but constantly staying right on the other side of "patching things up".

Make sure she knows it's all for y'all's son, which it is. I mean, she KNOWS y'all will get back together someday anyway and she also knows it's gonna be hard to continually prove she is the one raising the boy and not mil, fil, neighbor, friend, etc. It's "easier" for y'all to just let you take the most responsibility, like you always have, and you will ask the judge NOT to make her pay child support and daycare costs(even though that's what you're going to ask for, 100% domination, make it seem impossible to overcome your "soft" demands without her being willing to cooperate.

She'll keep fucking dudes, thoroughly convinced you "understand her" and that you are once again the safe little beta bitchboy who foolishly took on extra financial burdens and responsibilities for Y'ALL'S relationship.

She won't even go to court, why would she? She'd have to pay a lawyer, or you'd have to pay, and come on...

You wouldn't BREAK UP THE FAMILY, now would you?

Yes, you would and you will! You are the foundation of that family, just because she chooses to leave the family behind doesn't mean she gets to take anything with her.

You make her earn every scrap of attention of yours, and you make sure that boy talks to his momma everyday.

She don't want that boy. It's Father's Day, and she used him to make a point.

"See? See what I can do? You're gonna be sorry when I file for government assistance and put you down as the father. Don't even think about 5050, not with my baby. You're gonna be sorry."




Hubris, I guess it's called? The pompous attitude that a woman uses when referring to the children during breakup conversations. That, "nah nah nah boo boo, you can't catch me!" They think all they have to do is show up dressed nice and they win.

Almost, but if they have no reason to show up then why would they?

[–]Bedtimeshine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What were you thinking EVER getting in an argument with her

[–]Flesh_Pillow51 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

LISTEN TO THIS FUCKING MAN MATE. His literally saving you. I beg. Listen to this great man

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Jeeze. Way too much work.

[–]red_philosopher14 points15 points  (5 children) | Copy

If she's in violation of a court order she can be imprisoned for contempt of court. You could also call the police and make a report of parental kidnapping. Especially if you share custody. :o

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

I guarantee you the cops/DA aren't going to treat a mom not turning the kid over for a single visit as a kidnapping or contempt of court. Half the divorced women in the USA would be serving hard time. It's unfortunate, but that's the reality.

I knew a guy whose ex was bringing their daughter around sketchy druggies, neglected her, and skipped 4 family court dates with zero punishment while he was shooting for custody. He was still paying his lawyer 250/hr of course. This is how the Matriarchy works.

[–]red_philosopher4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The more reports get made, the more it matters.

[–]Farseer1502210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's sad but hopefully not the norm

[–]rpMadler0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Even if they don't treat it as parental kidnapping or contempt of court, reporting it creates a record which may be useful eventually.

[–]Planner_Hammish0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Call your representative if the cops refuse to act to enforce a court order.

Also: amber alert for kidnapping if all else fails.

[–]lukeyj_gtfc5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ultimately it's worth reflecting on use of the courts. If you can't rely on good will from your ex, it requires an independent actor to make the decision. Meditation is usually the starting point if she is receptive, if not, court.

It ain't easy and it costs but it depends how sustainable you perceive your arrangement to be. It can heat things up so don't proceed for minor things, as it'll probably cost more than it gains.

[–]throwitdownman4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man, that’s bs. This must drive you insane. I hope your son is old enough to realize parenting is complicated. If he’s young, buy him a Nintendo Switch or something. It’ll make him happy, plus distracted long enough for you to sort it out with lawyers. Kids need things to be happy about, and him having positive memories associated with you will make his childhood, more like an actual childhood.

Posts like this make me realize girl problems are nothing compared to mother-of-my-child problems.

[–]dj10416 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just remember that everything you do should be in the best interest of your son. If she’s being petty then you should be responsible and don’t stoop to her level Document everything with time stamps.

One of the most common things that fathers do in this situation is give up fighting, and the courts always twists that into the father not caring.

Custody battles suck, and I’ve even had to to testify is some between two friends who were the parents.

Make every moment count because the older your son gets and if your ex is as petty as I think she is she’s going to bad mouth you in front of him, and teach him to resent you all while using your son as bait.

[–]Nushuktan-Tulyiagby2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You know the answer to your question.

[–]blackhorse62 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Always get a parenting plan set up with the court, never let a mother decide when you see your child my guy. If she refuses to abide by it, take it to the court for contempt charges. Most lawyers will do payment plans, pay for their time and get your rights protected. Children need their dads, don’t let the mother cause so much chaos .

[–]klo21452 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just know that if you ever do give up you're not a bad person. We live in a society that hates fathers and forces them to defend themselves in court for basic parental "privileges " that aren't even 1/10th of what fathers are supposed to do and traditionally did in the past.

If you're going to fight more power to you. But you're fighting in a courtroom and system that hates you.

[–]_-resonance-_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m a single dad. The parenting agreement is everything. Essentially, the woman is exploiting fem-centric society and your own child as leverage against you. I know a bro whose soon-to-be ex-wife is brainwashing the child to think she “misses mommy” so that she the kid will get less time with Dad all so Mom can maximize child support payments to her. How sick is that.

I remember when my ex wanted to bring our kid into court with her (even though I was with the kid just as often) on one of her parenting days to garner sympathy and support from the judge. “I’ll just use my kid as a prop; no big deal.” Thankfully that’s not allowed.

I wouldn’t rule out your ex completely, no matter how crazy she is. If I knew then what I know now, I believe I could have maintained a nuclear family.

If you execute the legal proceedings to your advantage and do so with decorum and tact, without any condescension or vendetta against your wife, you may actually be able to regain frame in a way that is attractive to the woman. See, the women know American society/culture these days is on their side. That’s why they can use the kids as leverage; but really it’s all about them trying to seize frame. She might as well be saying, “What you gonna do about it, bitch” Sneaky way to take frame. You may have lost it for other reasons, but any man who has kids without a parenting plan in place is at risk for the woman using the kids and fem-centric society as a means to take over frame control. Nothing you can do about that since the law defaults to Mom, until you get that parenting plan.

My suggestion is to really focus on the image you present, not just legally but with the woman as well, during your re-seizing of frame. If done correctly, over time she may submit to you once again and you could turn this around. The fact that she is pulling this shit shows there is still emotion there, so DARE don’t DEER, STFU, and OYS.


[–]Project_Zero_Betas1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's self obsessed to the point where she talks about herself in the third person sometimes.

Surest sign of NPD

[–]A_Direwolf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]craneonacrane0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Daily reminder to not give women too much power. They will trample over you the moment they are able to.

[–]Planner_Hammish0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well I can't speak for your situation, but I can relate:

My birthgiver is a petty narcissist with feminist tendencies and an inability to manage money. She is perpetually the victim (unless she is boasting). Ultimate manifestation of "rules for thee but not for me".

She pulled this shit with my dad constantly. Forcing him to move visitation days from Wednesday to Thursday then to Tuesday then to Wednesday. She denied our access to our father on occasion, but the most egregious time was when we were supposed to spend six weeks with him over the summer. She refused to let us go with him unless he gave her an hour by hour itenerary for the entire six weeks, complete with addresses and phone numbers.

My dad refused to speak ill of her, yet she was not held to that standard; she would constantly put him down, and as I got older and sick of her shit, she would say "you're just like your father" with a viscous voice.

My only regret in this regard is that my dad didn't tell me about her ways. It made me feel like her behaviour is normal and acceptable. And as such, i didn't have the skills to cope with all the bullshit. With 20/20 hindsight, I wish my dad had told me about her true nature, ways to cope, and strategies to protect myself. I would have been much more likely to advocate for myself in the courts. I felt like a pawn that my birthgiver is prepared to sacrifice to hurt my dad.

I didn't talk to my dad for a decade (whole teenage years). Mostly because the poisoned well, and because he was frustrated with the situation and I didn't like the way he handled it. But now we chat every day, making up for lost time. I haven't spoken to my birthgiver in 7 years, and probably 16 years since I've had regular contact.

In short, her behavior damaged me, and damaged the relationship with my dad. A child has a right to access their father. And now she will die alone, living a miserable life absent of joy.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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