Is it normal to go through swings of big ups and downs when your on your journey of self improvement and becoming the best man you can be ?

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June 19, 2019
165 upvotes

So i use too feel as if because i was short and small, looks young and feminine, and had small hands i will never ever be sexually attractive. I use to jackoff 6 times a day, use to be a complete loser.

Ive come along way, im far from where I want to be but ive come along way. I now have says where I feel sexy as fuck, than on some days ill feel almost as bas as my original depressed feelings.

Its gotten so much better, but after almost two years of self improvement and still cant get laid i feel like will it ever happen sometimes.

I understand these are just bad feelings that dont represent the truth. But are these periods of ups and downs normal?


Post Information
Title Is it normal to go through swings of big ups and downs when your on your journey of self improvement and becoming the best man you can be ?
Author slimjimjohncock
Upvotes 165
Comments 47
Date 19 June 2019 11:54 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/242746
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/c2g1wk/is_it_normal_to_go_through_swings_of_big_ups_and/
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Comments

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen167 points168 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes. Life is not a straight line.

[–]TRPaccount10165 points66 points  (1 child) | Copy

“Most people tiptoe their way through life, hoping they make it safely to death."

Don't tiptoe, take the leaps. Sometimes you land on slippery ground, but that's a part of the real journey.

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well put

[–]01741 1 points [recovered]  (18 children) | Copy

I hope so. I'm 90 days sober after drinking myself stupid every night for 8 years.

Sometimes shit doesn't feel real. One minute I'm literally high on life and an hour later I'm so low and depressed, that I don't want to get out of bed or do anything.

I'm focused on recovery and getting my life back together, and I somehow managed to find a girl who is cool with all of my BS problems (including my dick not working properly, part of the recovery process, or maybe it's just my nerves at this point I don't know anymore.)

I'm 34 and will be going back to school soon. My life is much better sober but I'm much more depressed now than when I was drinking.

[–]Tidalnightmare 1 points [recovered]  (10 children) | Copy

Mate, I was 34 when I got clean. Same as you, a decade gone.

I am 7 years clean now, and transformed myself.

You will too. Do not go back to it.

[–]jaw86255 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy

I’m 30 years old and 27 days clean. Had 3 years previously, been drinking and using again the past 3 years. In my youth I had a major opioid problem. This time around it was uppers and gabaergics.

I have avoided sex this past 27 days. I was using speed and GHB, both of which took sex to another dimension. I’m a bit nervous now about doing it sober.

I’ve never made it past 3 years, how does it feel at 7? Do you have any reservations?

[–]Plazma_doge 1 points [recovered]  (6 children) | Copy

I am 30, did speed for a year and a half and weed for 2. Quit speed 4 months ago and weed a month ago except for one night 2 weeks ago. I have considered GHB and getting back on speed or weed, can you or anyone else say why I should not?

Also lifting for 40 days now.

[–]Lothras5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Here's my two cents on drugs:

Like everything in life, taking drugs is a trade-off between your short-term and your long-term quality of life. On one hand, drugs make you happier and they (arguably) temporarily improve your quality of life for a couple of hours, but on the other hand they also limit you and can have serious effects on your physical and mental health, especially when taken more regularly. There's also always the considerable risk of getting to one or multiple substances, which you really want to avoid.

Personally, I use weed about once a week because it helps me enjoy art more, makes me more relaxed around people and helps me to appreciate the moment (which is something that has gotten way easier for me to do even in a sober state now). However, I also take breaks, to some degree for tolerance (though that's not really an issue at once a week) but more importantly to just make sure I don't get addicted.

One other thing to consider is that just like video games and porn – two of the most used examples here – weed is an easy way for your brain to get some Dopamine. In my opinion, you should generally try to cut down on the cheap Dopamine sources, i.e. things that reward you without you having accomplished anything.

If you want a really short answer, this is it: No, you probably do not need to completely quit weed. However, you need to regulate your use carefully and get the rest of your life together before you can use it safely.

[–]Plazma_doge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for taking the time to answer, this was very helpful.

[–]jaw86253 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

GHB is great but very dangerous, and I would avoid it if you have an addictive personality (sounds like you do). When I first used it I thought it was a magical substance and seemed pretty harmless, but once I had a supply of it I was dosing all day every day. At that point it fucks with your sleep, I didn’t get a good nights sleep for 2 months. Stopped going to the gym because of that. Never mind the car accidents, the waking up in weird places in your house, face planting into your food....

Speed is not good for obvious reasons. Weed is whatever, but it’s better to just be sober

[–]Plazma_doge0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Looks like I won't be doing GHB. Idk why speed is bad, I was doing 20-50mg/day and it helped me to stay away from gaming and start enjoy life more

[–]jaw86252 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If taken long term, speed also can seriously down-regulate your dopamine receptors, and possibly lead to Parkinson’s. Drugs are a cheat code for life, but you’ll always pay a price in the end. Better to just improve yourself naturally.

[–]jaw86251 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I mean if it’s prescribed and helps you that’s one thing. I was snorting adderal and smoking meth, staying up for days at a time and fucking tons of women. By the end of a run I’d be hallucinating and delirious. Nasty stuff.

[–]seniorthrowayp0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Glad to hear it's possible. I've only lost 6 years to booze, but can never shake the feeling those 6 years in my early 20s were critical and I'll always be at a disadvantage at everything.

[–]Tidalnightmare2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

They were not critical. You can make any era of your life the one that counts.

[–]trancedj21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

If I may....

What you’re experiencing is all the shit you tried to bury with substances. All those emotions will come to the surface. The key is to acknowledge them, try and find the root of why your feeling this way (not always possible nor necessary), then use those emotions to fuel your day. Feeling angry? Lift. Feeling sad? Lift. Already lifted? Meditate. Already meditated? Write in your journal. Already wrote? Take a walk. You get the idea.

Let the emotions surface and just acknowledge them. Don’t try and ignore them or worse drown them again with booze. You’ve been through some shit. We all have. Seek the lessons in your experiences and grow. You got this bro. And remember, try not to take any thing in life too seriously, none of us are getting out of here alive. Rest when you need to and push yourself when you can.

Best of luck.

PS - your brain will heal itself given enough time. It could take a year or more. You may want to seek a AA group and partner with a buddy. Therapy may also help you discover your blind spots and the reason behind your emotions. Just be warned that therapy can keep you trapped in your past if you let it so don’t look to it as a life-long necessity.

[–]Top_Ozone4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Needed this today, thank you for this.

[–]kaolin2242 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Those swings are your brain trying to correct its chemistry after all those years of abuse.

Relax, try and focus, and realize it's just the drugs. Seek help if you need to, but don't follow that rabbit of despair.

[–]jaw86251 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That depression will come and go, although much less often as time goes on. I had 3 years at one point; and around 6 months is when I really started feeling good again. By 18 months life was better than I could have imagined. That feeling would still come on very rare occasions, and one time after making a lot of life changes it took me back out

[–]thrwaway100190 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I’m on day 130 something of not drinking. I relate man. A lot. Like a hell of a lot. If you need someone to hit up and talk to about it don’t hesitate to shoot a message my way. I’m starting to get past the point you are in I think. Keep pushing though. Day 120 was easier than day 90 for sure.

[–]Redditgoodaccount23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's important for you to internalize that you are that hard working and self improving motherfucker, not the lazy mf. That guy never existed, if you're doing this now it's because that's your destiny, not the old one.

[–]acp_rdit13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

still cant get laid

Self improvement is only part of it, you also have to grind your speech skill. Are you practicing social skills; meeting people, starting conversations, being positive and humorous? Are you going to parties and gatherings and pretending to enjoy yourself and talking to everyone there?

Big muscles don't mean shit if you look at your shoes when you talk and are scared to say Hi to people you don't know.

[–]bignflfan6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

THIS!!!! Even ugly dudes can get laid of you can talk.

[–]slimjimjohncock[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Im trying to practice my social skills every single chance I can get.

Sometimes I feel like ive destroyed my social anxiety, and sometimes i feel even more awkward than ever.

[–]Tidalnightmare12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Totally normal mate. The tough times hone your steel.

[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, wide swings are the norm. I've gone back and forth from abundance of pussy to scarcity, from flush with cash to deep debt, from notoriety to obscurity, and back, and forth.

[–]Jflacroix7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Completely Normal. Don’t give up. You are on track for success and you will get there!

[–]Tousen714 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Needed to see this question asked and answered.

[–]Cirmit5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Is water wet?

[–]slimjimjohncock[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not if its retarded water.

[–]geezthathurts1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

yeah,but it is always neccesary to aware of slip. feel the slip and put back the grip

[–]SupremeBBC1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's all good homie. Just process those things on your own and not with a woman you're seeing and you should be fine.

[–]FloydRix0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes you zig-zag to success

[–]thor20050 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I sure hope so. I've been sitting here wondering if I have BPD or if I'm actually in control and this upswing is the result of the small improvements I've made to my lifestyle.

I always have this feeling in the back of my mind that things might crash and burn at any moment.

[–]uwotm8910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Everyone has times when insecurities will shine through. Focus on what you can change and improve on rather than dwelling on things that you can’t.

[–]kaolin2240 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You don't go in one direction when sharpening a blade.

It also takes time and patience to hone one that needs a lot of work.

Once you get to the next level, you realize the journey to self improvement never stops.

[–]bigdudecfc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It is a nesesscity,the fact that you can tell the difference when your emotions or perspective has been altered proves your growth.one step backward two steps forward rule.

[–]bestsparkyalive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It’s called life ...

[–]bourbonhipster0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Every day is a struggle...

[–]slimjimjohncock[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Every day is a winding rooaaaddd

[–]StopGaming12340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I had the same problems. I am also a rather small guy with a young face, no beard etc. (Get estimated at 17 while actually 24)

Sometimes I get very conscious about myself, especially about my height. Other times I feel so confident that I don't care.

The lows have gotten less, but they are still there sometimes.

but after almost two years of self improvement and still cant get laid i feel like will it never happen sometimes.

No amount of self improvement will help you with that if you don't put yourself out. I had girls that were far out of my league because I was the one talking to them and making a move. When I found TRP I didn't work out, I didn't dress well and I had horrible hair.

What truly made a different was having the balls to actually do bold and forward moves.

[–]redbananaboard0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's just the way it is man. Sometimes you feel like a rockstar. Other times you feel as if life is beating the shit out of you. What's important is that you never stop moving forward no matter how shitty life gets. Gotta trust your process and embrace whatever life throws at you.

[–]slimjimjohncock[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Does it ever get to a point where you reach ultimate flow and you feel good most of the time?

[–]1walawalawa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I just took a suit to the tailor's instead of throwing it out. I was amazed at how even after a few years it looked weird on me but after having it re-tailored it looked great.

Think of your life this way. You need to take the original material and adapt it and update it. If it's worn out, throw it out and get a new one.

[–]astonboi010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely. Since I discovered the red pill I’ve noticed that I get frustrated when I lose frame but the fact I recognise those mistakes is evidence of improvement. You have to remember that progress isn’t linear.

[–]innerissuesorjail-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

the attention seeking in OP's post is real

[–]slimjimjohncock[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, and you bit it. I win.



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