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Trying to get started with young kids

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June 19, 2019
8 upvotes

I need to get my shit together, I need to make changes to myself. I am recommitting myself to getting more healthy, working on hobbies etc. but the hang up is that we've got two kids, 4yo and 10mo, that are needy as FUCK. Those with young kids, how the fuck do you tear yourself away for 'you time' without the SO feeling like you are abandoning them? I want to be an active dad with my kids, I want to be a spouse who pulls his own weight but after all of this I feel like there is just no time left after working 8-10 hour days 5-6 days a week.


Post Information
Title Trying to get started with young kids
Author tomsellecksferrari
Upvotes 8
Comments 28
Date 19 June 2019 05:33 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/242765
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/c2k0iw/trying_to_get_started_with_young_kids/
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Comments

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

You sound like a woman, OP.

Get your shit done. Get some time management skills. Get faster on stuff. Make your to do lists every day and get them done.

Want to work out? I pull into the gym parking lot at 5am, and I see these old farts leaving the gym after a full workout... those old guys have already figured it out.

And stop doing unnecessary stuff. Leave childish things behind and become a man.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–]honorocagan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is great.

[–]helaughsinhidden4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

the hang up is that we've got two kids, 4yo and 10mo, that are needy as FUCK

Any excuse is good enough for someone wanting to quit or say it's too hard for ME, but don't blame your kids for your shitty life. Own it yourself. If they are actually that needy, it's because those hours that you are spending with them are shitty ones where you aren't making the most of your time.

Get real with yourself. How much time you looking at porn, playing on your phone, surfing the web, talking about black people being racists, and other pointless crap that isn't making you a better person? IF you were the best version of yourself, the wife and kids would feel the love and support from just an hour a day of your time.

As a man speaking from experience, the PMO cycle alters your personality too. Makes you less engaged with people because it provides a false reward without any effort. Start by going nofap, keep off of your phone at home, and see their neediness drop significantly.

[–]UrsanChief2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you aren't becoming a better version of you, if you aren't following your mission, taking care of your health, spending quality time with the wife AND kids, you've already abandoned them. You aren't pulling your weight if you're slacking in these areas.

That said, I personally have 4 free hours every day after work. I work 7 days in a row and I get a Tuesday, Weds/Thur and 4 day weekend (Fri-Mon) off a month. I have to prioritize based on my MAP. Currently the high priority is my health followed by quality time with my kids (I have a 2, 7 and 8 year old and one due in September). So I lift 4 days a week and we do our best to do family dinners every day. A lot of times my kids workout "with" me- they count my deadlift reps for me or try to do pull-ups on my squat rack. Days off work are typically for house maintenance and other chores and I include my kids in a lot of that.

Figure out your weakest areas and create concrete steps you can start taking to work on them. Make a timetable if you have to, showing where all of your free time is, and definitely don't leave hours on the table by refusing to get up early. Your wife should see the positive effects these changes bring and eventually, after much shit-testing, understand that you are committed to lifting, to time with your kids away from her, to your own hobbies/goals. If you don't put you first the version of you your family gets is just a shitty one.

[–]redwall922 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't learn to get your head out of your wife's ass while she's in this stage with young kids and stuck at home most of the time, then you'll learn how to after she's found the freedom that older kids will give her and when she's pursuing other "interests" down the road.

how the fuck do you tear yourself away for 'you time' without the SO feeling like you are abandoning them?

Why do we care what your SO feels like?

I want to be a spouse who pulls his own weight

Who determines if you are pulling your own weight? You? Or your SO's feelings?

You've got some reading to do.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

there is just no time left after working 8-10 hour days 5-6 days a week.

Fuck you.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

only 8 hours, those were the days

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Pretty easy... you take time for yourself. That’s it. Wake up earlier. Work out when the kids are asleep. Take the kids out without your wife. Find some hobbies and get out for an hour here and there. I don’t understand this abandoning your spouse thing. Is this something she’s said or your thinking she’s thinking? Own your shit, take care of your kids, but you have to put yourself first.

I added up the time I spend on improving myself - around 12-15 hours a week. This is lifting, activities, and reading. Cut out tv. Cut out video games. There’s a lot of time left over!

[–]bourbonhipster1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I leave my house (that I own outright) at 545 these days, so I can work on a side project before I start my 8 hour work day session and then lift several days a week after that, and spend a few hours eating, cleaning up and spending time with kids. My girl carries the load while I'm off doing all those things. That's the role she prefers. This is the role I prefer. It needs to be understood that is the split of responsibility. Can't feel guilty. Take time to spend with the kids selectively when you aren't distracted. They respond to it similarly to women.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

24 hours in day. Sleep faster faggot.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sleep faster faggot.

fucking hilarious. MCT strikes again.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I need to get my shit together, I need to make changes to myself. I am recommitting myself to getting more healthy, working on hobbies etc.

I cant speak with authority on the other shit, but I can when it comes to getting into shape. And if you are new here, lifting and getting in shape is the best bang for your buck.

I'm 42, I have 2 kids, 4 and 6. Every hour from 6am to 8pm is spoken for, they are all taken. I am in shape.

If you want to get into shape in your current life configuration then you have to use hours that are NOT spoken for.

after working 8-10 hour days 5-6 days a week.

Ya see, AFTER working 8 - 10 hours a day. You are selling your best hours for money. We all have to sell our time for money but at the very least, use the best hours for yourself.

The hours at the beginning of the day are not taken. Wake up 3 hours early and go to the gym. You will be tired at night, no doubt, but thoes are Netflix, and "getting shot down by your wife because you are still a faggot" hours. Who cares about those hours. Once you are in condition you can modify your routine but for now, this is the level of commitment you are going to have to demonstrate.

Because its hard.

Hard is what we do here.

Faggot.

Train in the morning.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week. That's 168 hours a week. You sleep for 56 hours and work for 50.

That leaves you 62 hours to do what you need to get done. More time than a fucking working week, so don't tell us you ain't got time. You're just a lazy, time wasting, fat fucking cunt.

Fuck off with your pathetic excuses.

No time. Fuck you.

[–]Bushpilot8170 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You have to quit being a “nice guy” and take care of yourself. You can’t help others if you don’t take care of yourself first. If you can’t even do that, how do you expect anyone else to respect you?

To really improve the lives of others, you have to become the best version of yourself FIRST, then you will actually be of some value that you can give back.

As for the kids, they’re a lot tougher than people in general give them credit for. Don’t pander to their whims and they will learn to be independent little badasses. I know. That may be a lesson you have to teach your wife too. Although you may not be able to do that until she respects you as a leader.

Your job as a parent isn’t to be their friend and make them happy all the time; it’s to raise them up to be capable adults that can survive on their own. That doesn’t mean you can’t be a fun and awesome dad who they love to spend time with. It does mean you make the rules, set the boundaries and enforce them. Trust me, they will love you more for it.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't find time to lift, nothing will get done. NOTHING will get done.

Get this ingrained into your brain.

Lifting comes first.

Everything else is second place.

"My health is extremely important to me now. I'm going to lift."

AND FUCKING GO.

What's the worst thing that can happen, she divorces you because you care about your health?

Fucking shit man, get it together.

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I struggled with leaving the wife alone initially with the kids at night too, feeling guilty for leaving them and my wife. But guess what, she does just fine if I leave for the weekend, and so do the kids. Your wife and kids will be just fine.

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Gym 5 am. Don’t worry you’ll get used to it after a week. I don’t even need an alarm clock anymore.

Beyond the gym...socially...if you’re still saying you can’t have 1 night a week out for your own well being than you’re two times a fag. Toughen up your frame buttercup.



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