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How do I go about making friends and expanding my network? (serious)

Reddit View
June 30, 2019
86 upvotes
  • I realized something about myself these last few weeks and it's just that mostly my life just revolves around meeting and dating woman when it comes to the only aspect of my social life. It's not that I don't have a life outside of that, but I don't have anyone to hang out outside of my activities.

  • I'm now in my mid 30's and I want to go out and have adventures and have fun. I can't seem to find anyone or make any solid connections with anyone to do these things with. I'm trying to come up with a solution to this.

  • I'm not afraid to put myself out there. I have many hobbies, I lift and do cardio 5 to 6 days a week, I enjoy painting, I play online poker, I love photography and occasionally will go shooting. I enjoy hiking and traveling. I play video games, I work on business projects. I currently do a lot of these things by myself. I have a trip coming up in a few months where I'm flying to another country by myself. I don't let my lack of friends stop me from living my life, but it gets lonely.

  • So I think it's time I step out and figure out a solution to this. Because I often find myself feeling bad about myself on the weekends particularly. I can go hiking, then work out, then try a new place to eat, come home and still have a whole day left ahead of me, but I have nothing to do. I miss having a conversation, about anything.

I was thinking this would be a good way to help:

  • Attend "Meet-Up" Groups (Social Groups, Just go have fun)
  • Attend more Networking events for my profession. My job covers my expenses to attend networking events, so take advantage of this

Is there anything else you guys suggest that I can do to put myself out there more? Anything at all?

I don't mind being alone, but sometimes having some company or just someone to talk to is nice that doesn't just revolve around dating. I want to go explore my city with someone, go ride bikes by the beach, try some new food, go out for a drink. Whatever, you know.

What is the key to meeting people?


Post Information
Title How do I go about making friends and expanding my network? (serious)
Author Givemeallyourtacos
Upvotes 86
Comments 26
Date 30 June 2019 05:01 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/243980
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/c7gsu0/how_do_i_go_about_making_friends_and_expanding_my/
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Comments

[–]Notagain635255 points56 points  (6 children) | Copy

You need to star approaching GUYS. Yeah, approaching men. Guys that for some reason you find interesting. Strike a conversation with them.

[–]Greaterbird38 points39 points  (5 children) | Copy

Sounds like a good idea but I'm not sure what to do after the making out step. Do I play the bottom or does he? What if he finds out I'm not gay?

[–]celincelin3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

What if he finds out I'm not gay?

Doesn’t matter, a bottom’s a bottom.

[–]0471224466429 points30 points  (4 children) | Copy

Watch RSD videos on YouTube about social Circle. Especially RSD Luke.

Start by taking a 90 days going out at night and meeting challenge. It’s impossible to not make friends through this.

Get contacts and add em on your Instagram and Snapchat.

Once you have enough friends rolling. Try to organise small container parties at your places every week.

Creates immense social circle and pre selection.

Social media like Instagram and Snapchat helps a ton.

[–]Givemeallyourtacos[S] 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

Thanks very much, I will check out the RSD videos this afternoon.

For social media, like Instagram and Snapchat. I don't use Snap, but I have Instagram, all my photos like (30) are never pictures of me. They're usually pictures of my adventures or something, but I RARELY post. I feel weird about posting or creating stories to show people what I'm doing. I ask myself before I post is this something that provides value or is interesting enough to post, most often the answer is no. So I don't post. I feel like I would be "Showing Off" and looking for validation. Food Pics or Activities I'm doing solo like hiking or w/e

Another reason is while I do want to post more often now and create stories and shit I feel because I've been so radio silent online for the last few years starting to post more is projecting the attention and I don't want to come across like that.

My next trip coming up, I won't post more than maybe 1 pic or 2 but I'm never in them. Selfies are a weird thing for me.

[–]NastyBlueBalls4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why you dont post pics of yourself? Why it feels weird? You worry too much about wt other ppl think it seems

[–]1TyroneTheDriver2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Me personally I can't stand social media. I can't stand taking pictures of myself. It makes me cringe even thinking about it.

[–]047122446640 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need stop posting junks. Starts postings your pics along with the adventurous things and hobbies. Post pics with friends doing cool. No reason to be cringed or shy.

Remember! People doesn’t give a flying fuck about you. They care about the content you produce.

This is the world we live in right now. People who says social media is fucked up are old ones.

[–]Capt_Am6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Watch this: https://youtu.be/H6n3iNh4XLI

Then go out and practice. Literally have a convo with ANYONE. Male or female, old and young.

At our age, it's difficult to have friendship the way a younger person would have. Peers are all busy with their lives, and old friends are hard to connect. What I've found is that my definition of loneliness changed: it is no longer "me having a lot of time to myself", but more "I'll be lonely if who I am is no longer relevant." I got rid of all social media (except Reddit, obviously) and it helped a lot with that. I no longer do things because I have to "catch up", but only do things that pleases me. Part of that means I'm only spending time with people I value, and to be honest, it's not a big group. However, those times I do hang out, it's always a blast.

I'd tell you invest the alone time in yourself, but you're old enough to know that already.

[–]failingtheturingtest6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

You're quite actively alone. Half your list of activities are solo. And not just "can do this alone" but "must be alone to do this".

Stop finding comfort in solo activities. Online poker is doubly bad. It's an online, solo activity that also gives you a gambling hit.

Meet up groups are ok. But often filled with socially awkward people. Never made a friend from a meet up event, even though I eniores the event.

Professional networking events are great, but I've only make professional acquaintances there. These are great, but still not my social circle. And there are a LOT of pushy entrepreneurs there that shit me. You're not the next fucking Elon Musk, Habib. And i'm not fucking interested in your "totally original google ad words marketing business"

Where I've made the best social circles, sports and bars. Single, professional, successful blokes love doing the things I love doing. So I get out to shit like climbing, squash/racquet ball (I'm terrible) and I go to nice pubs and bars. My requirement for a good bar is stools at the bar, good music quiet enough to chat, and bartenders that you can talk to. And talk to EVERYONE.

[–]antidoxdevice0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

though I eniores the event.

what?

[–]noPTSDformePlease1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

enjoyed.

it says "even though I enjoyed the event."

[–]_Ulan_3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

I socialise regularly in my town and I meet some guys in their 30s that are in the same situation. The reason why we don't particularly hit off and become friends is :

  • There is simply no connection between us . That could be your case since you spent the last ten years of your social life towards meeting women. I need to feel that I'm talking to someone who see life like I do.

  • The guy is predictable. This is the worst and many many guys are like that. Either he is too simple (he talks work, hobbies, anecdotes. No surprise or anything else) or he is too extreme (does all the sport, talks a lot about himself, compare anything to him) There is nothing worse than knowing what the guy will say next.

  • Bad eloquence. You seem well-spoken so that's not your problem.

  • Selfish. Hanging out between guys, it's nice to pay each other's drink and have each other's back.

  • Doesn't know where he is going. Discussion become short-ended if the guy has no special ambition or goal. One I know a guy's goal 8 gear to discussion towards what drives him. If nothing drives him then ... Nothing to say.

[–]oldschooltx0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

On the flip side what are the traits of a good friend for You

[–]_Ulan_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I could list many things but the main point is that we like to hang out with someone who values us. I naturally tend to seek admiration, so I enjoy being around someone who thinks I'm great. Reciprocally I value people who enjoy their life and are positive even when life gets rough.

[–]dtyler860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve been wondering the same and we share a lot of interests as well as age (32). You in Florida? Haha

[–]banquos_horse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are you trying to learn a new language by any chance? Is there a big foreign worker or foreign student population in your area?

Language practice meetups are a successful way of meeting people in my experience and foreign students/workers (in my experience Europeans and Brazilians) are by definition going to be looking to make new friends because they have just left their old friend groups. Volunteering is also a good way to meet people, volunteer for fun things like festivals.

[–]teabagabeartrap0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Had the same issue and as streched it is already in this sub, I recommend meditation.

It helped me find a thing that I have passion for... motorcycles.

I had like 20 things, but not all are that important. But now I know which one is for me. And I can say I found a lot of social circle, but no friends. 150 ppl in whatsapp and when I needed some hands here for roofing, all of them declined. And then by pure luck some of the bikers I know came along, one did a call and voila 6 ppl on the roof. Those instagram people are nice to know and to share time with, but I found out for myself, that only those will get friends, that look into the same direction as you. If you got a clear direction for yourself (photo?) then I would advice to start a photo party once every 3 month and invite models and shooters and always have 1 theme prepared, like half an hour of "presentation" and then photoparty with drinks und stuff :D The people you are on a wavelenght will stick in your life...

[–]Irtotallynotrobot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, I have a running quota of people in my head on a weekly basis. Interact with at least 30 people regularly, acquaintences are fine. Interact with at least 10 new people per week.

Playing the numbers game helps a lot. Go to the bar and start talking to people with the only goal being to just meet them. New friends are the natural consequence.

[–]celincelin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have many hobbies

Unrelated: pick just one and get good at it. You can still have your entertainment.

[–]no_delay10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Been there, overcome same barriers. Try this: - never decline an invite.

  • anything that keeps you in the house on your own, drop like a bad habit

  • drop activities that are isolating ie hiking solo

  • build a summer bucket list and do it, even if you have to be solo

  • talk to everyone

  • do Jordan Peterson past & future authoring series.

[–]MountainFact90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Poker table is easy conversation; but if you're like me at the 5/5 and 5/10 tables in Commerce, it's either jaded pros or degenerates. Though there are some great people here n there.

But to answer your question, think like a dimensional narcissist. As much as I love discussing Bach/Dostoevsky and other relatively deep matter in my head, most people simply can't comprehend nor wanna hear that shit. So I tell them what they do indeed want to hear and make the conversation about them, it's so easy to shoot the shit with anyone if you make it appear like you perceive them as an awesome individual. Even if they are not, their friends might be and they could be a useful resource of some sort down the line. Humans are insecure and weak to validation; anyone is fair game in my head and should be the same for you, it's like shooting fish in a barrel.



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