Hello. I’m a lurker at married red pill, but this is my first time posting. I did a search and couldn’t find a case like mine.
Here’s the story. I’ve been married for 2 years and have an 18-month-old daughter. My wife is not necessarily a bad mother, but she is inattentive towards the baby and not a great role model. She is the primary caretaker and does the least amount of effort possible to take care of her.
For example, when the baby was learning how to walk/ run, she used to fall and crash into things all the time. One day the baby was running towards a wall. My wife was standing right next to the wall. Common instincts for any human would be to stand between the wall and the running baby who’s about to hit the wall. Instead, my wife does nothing and the baby crashes against the wall and starts crying a lot. She also does stuff like give her junk funk for breakfast instead of a cereal fortified with iron, which the baby needs, because the baby didn’t like the taste of the cereal. Other times she’s standing next to the baby and the baby is calling her and she’ll ignore the baby and pretend she’s busy doing something else. When confronted by me, her first reaction is to lie or to make an excuse. She’ll even lie to make it seem like she was “the good person” at the sake of the baby’s health. Her uncaring attitude with the baby happens every single day.
I’m personally a fit guy. I’ve been fit all my life. I go to the gym 6 or 7 times a week. But I have no game and don’t know how to flirt. I don’t know how to approach attractive women in public. Though I don’t have that much of a problem when I have alcohol in my system and I’m in a bar. I’m also generally a clean person. I do most of the cleaning and cooking around the house because I’m cleaner and a better cook than her. I work harder. I’m not a lazy person, but she is. Most of the time, I take care of anything that needs to be taken care of immediately. Whenever she leaves a mess somewhere and I ask her about it, she also has some lame excuse for that.
Sex isn’t all that great. I always have to ask for it. I know I could take the lead and be more aggressive with it but sometimes I feel like a pervert with my own wife for wanting sex. I know it’s wrong for me to think that way, but it is what it is. She’s also not a “nurturing wife”. There’s not a lot of difference between being with her or having a female roommate whom I have sex with from time to time.
In general, she’s lazy and likes to play dumb when it comes to taking care of the baby, me, or the house. But if it’s anything work or career-related for her, she’s very sharp and effective. She’s an engineer.
I have tried “punishment” by removing my time and affection but it doesn’t seem to faze her. She’ll just surf Facebook or message people on Whatsapp or watch Netflix. She can do these three things forever.
I have no problem with working hard for a year to raise my SMV and nexting her, but I do not want to leave the baby alone with her. And my wife knows that I wouldn’t just leave because I care too much for the baby’s well-being. I’ve never told her I wouldn’t leave because of the baby, but she knows. I don’t care what my wife does or doesn’t do for me. But I do care how she treats the baby because the baby needs her.
I’d be very grateful for any recommendations in this case. If I decide to next her, what about the baby? If I apply dread, would it make her take better care of the baby?