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What exactly is it that all these supposed “asshole” boyfriends do to make their girls so fucking mad?

Reddit View
July 1, 2019

The reason I ask this is because even though I can’t imagine being emotionally invested enough to get into a literal screaming match with a woman over whatever, I can’t help but be morbidly fascinated by what leads up to these volcanic emotional eruptions.

I feel like that ability these guys seemingly have to create strong emotional turbulence in women is an interesting tool to examine and I’m wondering if anyone has examples of it. How exactly does it even start? What is it just like a difference of opinion that swiftly escalates? Like she tells him to pick up a shoe or stop scrolling on his phone or something and he says “nah nigga” and it’s off to the races?

Is it really just as simple as him casually existing while simply not doing what she wants him to do? Is it really even the guy himself or just an emotionally volatile girl being a girl in general?

Within my personal flavor of frame way over here, I just can’t for the life of me picture exactly how these intense fights between other couples get heated up. In my experience, if me and a woman have a conflict of interest about something, then I just do what I want and that’s the end of it. If she wants to get goofy about it and go do something stupid then that's on her. There’s not gonna be this big drawn out theatrical clash full of mutual name calling and hand throwing between us, because who the fuck cares? Who has time and energy for that?

This relationship dynamic is truly not my style at all, but nevertheless, the results speak for themselves. These perpetually pissed off chicks stick to these guys they fight with like their cocks are made of gorilla glue and gain an addiction to complaining about it all the way to the end. Suffice to say I'm curious. What are some specific ways that these passionate couple fights begin?

Post Information
Title What exactly is it that all these supposed “asshole” boyfriends do to make their girls so fucking mad?
Author Onidramon
Upvotes 109
Comments 66
Date 01 July 2019 11:32 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]44361066 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

I think that they genuinely don’t chase the girl because of her lower smv. They don’t put her on a pedestal. They use her and throw her like garbage, and she gets obsessed over it and tries to get them back to be validated and not feel like garbage.

Whenever a lower smv girl shit tests me and I nuke her or simply withdraw attention, I simply guarantee the lay, because in my mind she’s not worth it. She will want to come back to prove that she’s worth it.

[–]latinasonly13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

example please ! (shit test and nuke response or withdraw) thanks bro!

[–]lobstesbucko21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not the guy, but I was walking downtown with a girl I had been seeing for 2 weeks at that point when she mentioned out of nowhere that one of her ex's was apparently extremely attractive and could be a model. My response was "Yeah I've dated a few models before. They bored me. Hot but no brains." That last sentence said while staring right at her. Then I just kept walking at my regular speed, and since she was 5'1 and I'm 6 foot she practically had to run to keep up. And she did. Never mentioned an ex again the whole time I was seeing her, and she was desperate to get fucked by me later that day.

[–]umizumiz150 points151 points  (7 children) | Copy

Mostly they're just lies made up the girl to give them plausible deniability.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev81 points82 points  (3 children) | Copy

^ This guy gets it.

No Hamster accepts responsibility. They also do it for sympathy, co-miseration.

[–]thrwy7547911 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

And, rationalizing the breakup as necessary.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

That too but I think there's genuine emotional investment in it. Not the lofty, loving kind of investment but definetly a possessive sexual type of investment.

In many cases, there's something quasi religious in it. It comes from the same human need to believe in a higher, caring, protective authority. Assholes are confident and have a pretty dominant dynamic over the women who fall for them. Subconsciously, if chad doesn't like her that's like their father doesn't like them. That's how those guys toy with them, they put all sorts of doubts on them. It's just human weakness and a need to believe.

Women who fall for those types of men very often have daddy issues, unsurprisingly. They have no idea what it's like to have a father who cares about you and suddenly Chad shows up, does his push and pull games, put all sorts of hopes in their heads and that's how they do it. The push and pull games work because deep down they probably don't really believe a man can really like them. Chad doesn't, but gives them hope. Give people hope and they'll do pretty much anything. Getting shitted on makes Chad get off? These girls will do it.

Sorry for the Freudian undertones, but the human mind works in a funny way. It's not for nothing that your hypothetical unicorn must have a stable father figure.

It's a fucked up thing to do but I can't say I feel sorry for those girls. They are equally as sociopathic as the assholes they are drawn to. The attraction comes more from fear and insecurity (the whole sadomasochistic dynamic has to do with this too).

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No Hamster accepts responsibility.

Can confirm.

[–]hmsthinkingmeat8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Or to be a victim - so they can manipulate you into doing what they want.

[–]volvostupidshit3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

So they can draw the knight in shining armor spirit lurking inside you.

[–]EnemyAsmodeus5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also it's usually temper tantrums that they later paint as a completely different story.

The real story: "how could you pull out right as I'm about to cum..." with tears

The story they tell everyone else: "he's always not doing what I want - the other day he just stood there reading the whole time and totally didn't notice what I had done for him. He's such a douchebag and an asshole all the time... I deserve so much better..."

Beta male response to her sobstory: "why do you keep dating this asshole who treats you so badly all the time?" ...

Girlfriend response to her sobstory: "oh you do deserve better honey, he'd be nothing without you..."

She feels better after that talk, goes home super happy and loves her boyfriend. The story is now "wow she's so dedicated to her boyfriend, even when he treats her bad she goes back to him... she's so loyal and forgiving what a nice girl..."

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev119 points120 points  (4 children) | Copy

Keep your girlfriend/plate in "slightly irritated" condition for best results.

[–]Bear-With-Bit36 points37 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's really their equilibrium.

[–]SICFJC13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. That equals emotional investment.

[–]alpha_in_progress10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

How do you do that?

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Through mild subversiveness and playful teasing.

[–]Yashugan0036 points37 points  (1 child) | Copy

"asshole" is a term women use to redefine what happened and shift the blame.

It conveys the message that she was horribly mistreated. Since women call ALL ex-es assholes, this just can't be true. It's a kind of pre-emptive gas-lighting that stops people from analyzing too deeply what HER involvement was in the breakdown of the relationship. Anything that reflects negatively on her could cause problems, or worse, lead to introspection. So she nips that kind of talk in the bud.

Now there is a double reward for doing this: thinking about how she was dumped makes her feel bad (/ her questioning her value), so she's in need of comfort tests now. Which is perfect because she's the perfect little victim of abuse and it triggers the protective instincts of the male providers.

Men by and large are not assholes to women, we're the target of a collective smear campaign called "all men are pigs"

[–]hedden934 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. This guy gets it. When my ex cheated on me she texted all her guy "friends" that I was "being an asshole for no reason." Only way to justify to her friends and potential mates is that her relationship of 3 years ended cause I was an asshole. In reality I was actually a nice guy beta bitch that she used to manipulate and cheat on. Women get rewarded for playing victim role and they would get shamed for cheating on their boyfriend so she lies to everyone to protect her social status and get more male attention.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed50 points51 points  (6 children) | Copy

Female hamsters feed on drama.

Doesn't matter what kind of drama.

[–]throw_this_far_awayy11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is the truth. Look at what's on tv while you are at work. Nothing but drama drama drama.

[–]omega_dawg9318 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy

my dad ALWAYS said, "these soap operas been running for over 50 yrs on tv... and you think women don't need/want drama?"

[–]CosbySauce 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

They need that daily dose. I'd rather give them something to complain about than have them invent something of their own.

[–]omega_dawg935 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

rollo did an essay on that called, "indignation."

basically, if you don't give her a daily dose to get her emotions going, she will make/bring some shit up all on her own.

[–]ThinSpiritual3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

A woman will fuck a guy she hates instead of a guy whom she feels nothing for.

[–]Standgrounding0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ice Poseidon(Living embodiment of drama) then should be a Casanova of his own then. I wonder how is he not?

[–]frick-a-frack21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

Guy won’t commit after she sucks him off repeatedly == asshole

Guy won’t commit after she lets him pound her ass repeated == asshole

Guy won’t jump through hoops for her every request == asshole

[–]rnsbrum1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thats something that pisses me off. She doesn't give her all to you because she genuinely loves you, she gives you all those treats in the hopes that you will get addicted and commit to her, so that she can get pregnant.

[–]Protocol_Apollo13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s all about frame and who’s operating in whose frame

Also, real “asshole”boyfriends are very rare.

When men call someone an asshole, its is a just a term for men to undermine their competition (other men)

When women call someone a slut, they are trying to undermine their competition (other women)

[–]nobody_thinks32 points33 points  (11 children) | Copy

they need it. they grew up in dysfunctional households. it is almost fetish role play.

What are some specific ways that these passionate couple fights begin?

girl has behavioral problems. gets mouthy. drinks too much. flirts with other guys. guy keeps her in check, but she keeps pushing the boundaries. finally she goes one too far. he says something cutting to her. "do that shit one more time and I'm going to dump yer ass at 711 like a cheap whore." she tells him he has a small dick and that she used to fuck his cousin. guy loses his shit and tells her she's a whore and a clown show. girl goes off about how he's not a real man and she's always bored. they scream at each other for an hour or two. girl finally calms down and realizes she desperately needs dick. guy dicks her down. then she's all submissive and like i wuv u. cycle repeats a few weeks or months later.

[–]throw_this_far_awayy19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

Except some actually go out and get dicked down by other men to show the bf that's what he gets for treating her that way.

[–]nobody_thinks5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

all types of crazy shit throw_this_far_awayy

[–]Tousen714 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good breakdown.

[–]nobody_thinks0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

thanks Tousen71

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow so true

[–]ElijahBurningWoods1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Aren't you supposed to walk of when she starts throwing shit at you?

[–]nobody_thinks3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

this is not recommended behavior. just an archetype that repeats.

But FWIW in an LTR, no. You have to engage her and go toe to toe with her every once and a while.

[–]ElijahBurningWoods0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So the most important thing here is that you need to make her feel emotional (happy, sad, angry, ...). And that's what's going to make her feel aroused?

[–]nobody_thinks0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

no its not going to make her feel aroused per se but in an LTR it will keep her satisfied emotionally and build connection.

[–]blimp110 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

sounds like you have had this experience

[–]nobody_thinks2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

naw i dumped her at the 711 and that ended that :)

[–]AuberyBitoni31 points32 points  (2 children) | Copy

For me it's all about holding frame and having your own life, she is just an addition to it, not whole my world is about her. If I'm out with friends or am at the gym, I will not check my phone. It does not mean I'm ignoring her, I'm just busy and she should have her own life.

If she decides to throw a cold shoulder at me for that, I won't care. She will be mad at me and call me an asshole but who cares, I've done nothing wrong and soon after she realizes I won't pull up with her bullshit she will come back. I will not tolerate any bullshit. If she fucks up, I'll make sure she knows and not break frame.

When she invites me over to one of her dinners with her mother and my friends have planned something cool, you bet your ass I will skip that boring dinner with her mom in a heartbeat and she will be mad. Sometimes I lightly flirt other girls, not to cheat on her, but to keep the dread game strong.

So to answer your question, it's all about holding frame, doing what you want, she is just an addition, girls will call you an asshole if you say no sometimes and have no time for her. It's all part of a relationship. Sometimes fights are necessary IMO so you can show her you won't put up with her bullshit.

[–]reggae-mems4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Damn. You do sound like an asshole

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

he sounds like a guy who knows what hes talking about.

I sense that "fuck that I dont put up with shit from bitches" kind of pride in his words. but I feel the same way. I think it comes from that underlying frustration that comes from years of being blue pulled.

[–]distantoceangrey16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you want to be considered an asshole to women just tell then truth and don't accept anything but the truth from them. Women despise the truth.

[–]hedden932 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women are so used to guys validating their emotions and behaviors that of you call them out they will be shocked and probably even a little turned on

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Holding frame. He sticks to his plans to go on a bros trip or go out to the bar or maybe work on his hobby instead of doing something dumb with the gf. She will play the selfish asshole card. If he doesn’t give in then she will eventually come around and like him even more for his strength.

My friends that do give in to their wives are absolute pathetic shells of human beings

[–]addwater3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be chad

Ignore them

[–]juliank474 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being (a lot) less emotionally invested in the relationship than her will drive a girl crazy. She’ll be very submissive when you are with her and you can get her to do any fucking thing you want, pleasing you is her only desire. When you’re with friends, family or generally having a good time WITHOUT HER, she will get mad and the shittests will start coming. This happens because to her, you are everything in the world, meanwhile for you, she’s just another girlfriend/whatever. She is replacable, you are not. This kind of relationship makes girls act even dumber than they usually are and they’ll start random fights just for the hell of it, bring up old stories where you did this/that and, call you an asshole a lot.

[–]Obnoxiousjimmyjames2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s called the “Fight & Fuck” couples are addicted to the adrenaline rush of conflict, and they bang it out after. I had a relationship like that once she had massive anger management issues and was always ready to start a fight. The sex was incredible but overall it was a very exhausting relationship & Im glad it’s over.

[–]RedSkeller2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Basically what they can't manipulate they discredit

[–]DTron23322 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

They have emotional investment, more power in the relationship, or just higher SMV. Think about it.. is a girl going to really get worked up over some guy who’s beneath her? Fuck no. A guy that gets called an asshole and still does what he wants still gets her pussy anyway, compared to beta bitch boy who does anything she says.

[–]Foolishoe2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Step 1: Ignore red flags on a loud, bossy, opinionated plate that should never make it beyond FWB

Step 2: Treat her 'better' at first, then slowly withdraw 'obedience' [typically an instinctual feigning or pandering to her wants] as you allow your balls to return to your personal possession, after a few fast months of hardcore nonstop sex, butterflies, and rainbows.

Step 3: ????

Step 4: Screaming when you laugh at her asking you to do shit she doesn't need you to do, but just wants you to do because she is:

A: Lazy

B: On the other side of the room

C: A bitch

[–]wonderdog88881 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s not just girls. Plenty of guys get so worked up and jealous for no reason they beat and sometimes murder their GF.

[–]batfish551 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's all shit tests and frame control, and some girls going nuclear more often than others.

It all begins with you not agreeing with or not acquiescing to her world view. She'll say you're being mean. That's how you know you're doing it right. It just escalates from there.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

They hit them right in the Oedipal Complex, that's what.

[–]StoneHurk1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bro science explanation:

You know how cigarette smokers or drug addicts get withdrawal symptoms when they don't get their fix? They can get cranky and become very irritable.

When a girl is calling a guy an asshole she's just moody at the moment because she's having a withdrawal symptom from his dick. The next time he fucks her, she'll be a good mood again and stop calling him an asshole.

[–]xicougar1061 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm literally right in the middle of this. Saturday, she wanted me to help her sister move and go to some sort of party with some of her friends. I'm the "asshole" who doesn't value her or the relationship because, instead, I helped my old man swing a 1,200 Lb (544 Kilo) I-Beam into his garage for an engine hoist & gantry system.

My arithmetic was this: Her sister has at least 3 orbiters I know about and who would show up at her beck and call (and did). My old man is over 60, doesn't have a swarm of helpers, and, while he is excelsior with his hands, it's a TWELVE HUNDRED POUND FUCKING I-BEAM SUSPENDED 15' (5M) IN THE AIR. Of course I'm going to help him. Did I want to play her sister's bitch and hang out with her aloof friends? Nope, but that's not why I chose against her plans. There was a very real danger that was more important.

So how am I going to handle the fight tonight? Start polite. If I can get her to calm down politely, it's easier. She's not going to let it stay polite, but that's where I start. When she gets hostile, I agree and amplify. "Yes, I'm the asshole for blowing you off in order to make sure my old man doesn't get hurt. That's me, right here! I deliberately chose not to be 'just another' of your sister's helpers so that I could be my dad's ONLY helper on a dangerous project. Man, I am such a jackass!"

If she stick to her usual script she'll say, "I'm not saying you're an asshole, I'm just upset that you didn't choose to spend time with me!" At this point, I'll bring up her standing First Friday of every month girls night in. "Should I feel hurt that you're not choosing to spend the 5th with me? Yada Yada Yada"

All culminates with me saying if she wants me to give up all my other things to spend time with her, she has to vacate her social schedule to be available to me. She flat-out won't because it's all that's filling her time, and she'll back down.

[–]TheDopestPope4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like more explanation than is needed. Just tell her you needed to help the old man and leave it at that. She doesn't own your time so there's no need to justify your choice

[–]Jollyester0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Yes, I'm the asshole for blowing you off in order to make sure my old man doesn't get hurt. That's me, right here! I deliberately chose not to be 'just another' of your sister's helpers so that I could be my dad's ONLY helper on a dangerous project. Man, I am such a jackass!"

You are adding aggression. Simply repeat the point that you were worried about your dad, mention how much your father matters to you. You spin it right it becomes and awww story and you get brownie points.

[–]X--Man0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Someone else said it. Misery loves company.

[–]throw_this_far_awayy0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

OK, I can give you a couple good examples. I've been in ltr's since 8th grade till I got married at the age of 25 and am still married to this day.

Example 1 - LTR with a now ex.

ex - We never go anywhere, Can't you take a break and enjoy life a little. Let's go out and do something.

me - I have a lab tonight and a mid term in 2 days. I don't have time for this. Just go with your friends and have fun.

ex - Fine, what eva! (she leaves and slams door on the way out)

me - (answering the phone later that night) Dude your girl is down here hanging all over some random dude drunk out of her mind.

ex - (30 minutes after returning home drunk at 1:00am trying to give me a hug and a kiss) What you act like you don't want me anymore?

me - Well at least take a shower and wash up after having some dude swet all over you and throw his tongue down your throat.

ex - F-ck you, at least he acts like I exist...

--- it gets worse from here, but you get the picture I hope. ---

Example 2 - Married about 3 years in just after having our 2nd kid.

wife - Do I look fat in this outfit?

me - Well yeah, a little.

wife - F_ck you!

--- it gets worse from here, but you get the picture I hope. ---

I got more examples. It's been a long life.

[–]latinasonly0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

so what was the aftermath of example 1 ?

and im guessing example 2 had no consequence

[–]throw_this_far_awayy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

so what was the aftermath of example 1 ?

My ex was a serial cheater. Traded up and dumped me for her boss at her part time job during my last year of college. When she left she didn't know she was pregnant. The day she returned my engagement ring she drove by in a nice new sports car he bought her. The new engagement ring he bought her was waaaaaaaay bigger then the little one I struggle to buy with 3 maxed out credit cards. Anyway by the time she found out she was pregnant she didn't know who's kid it was. Married Mr Deep Pockets a week after getting her test results. I'll never know the day he figured out the kid biologically wasn't his. I know they got divorced after 19 years. The kid is 23 now and my ex never wants her child to know me, the biological dad because she's mad and feels I didn't raise the kid so why should her child and I know each other.

and im guessing example 2 had no consequence

There are always consequences. We go thru this sh!t once or twice a year and little things like that can grow exponentially out of control. We have been to the brink of divorce a few times, but my wife backs out every time. Due to my being mentally broken in the head from previous relationships I've always known that what's here today is never guaranteed to be here tomorrow.

I have a friend right now finalizing his divorce because his wife and him could not agree on which church their kids should be raised in. From the outside looking in it's stupid as f_ck! But these trivial things have a way of taking a death spiral and end an entire ltr or marriage.

[–]mikayla_rivera0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol you act like men are completely incapable of having emotional attachment towards a women and women are all controlled entirely by their emotions without being able to use logic or reason. Quite the generalization, but I will play along.

Relationships aren’t black and white, it’s understandable that you’re confused because you’ve likely never experienced a serious relationship with someone that is built on trust and mutual respect. If the whole relationship is just about sex, I can completely understand why it wouldn’t make sense to you to care enough about someone’s feelings in relation to your own.

From what you say, it sounds like you’re putting up a wall between yourself and women likely due to feelings of abandonment, betrayal, etc that you experienced in past platonic or romantic relationships.

I will say that it’s really hard to let yourself be vulnerable with someone else and trust them with your true self. When you find someone who you respect, intrigues you, trust, and look to as a friend as well, you will see why couples can get into passionate fights with one another.

When you fall in love with someone else, your brain isn’t working right. As you mature, you get better about this but the first few times you fall in love, it can be quite intense. The crazy couple fights you see are usually more apparent in younger lovers who are less mature and more susceptible to letting their emotions get the best of them.

The love you feel towards a partner is not entirely different from that of a parent. Obviously there are things that don’t cross over between relationships, but we all hold on to things from our childhood subconsciously whether we like it or not. That being said, you will likely project fantasies/insecurities from your childhood onto your partner. Something that might make sense to you is a girl with “daddy issues”.

Say there is a girl who had a father who she didn’t have the best relationship with as a child. She is likely to look for father figures in men in her adult life to satisfy her lack thereof in her earlier years. If she becomes interested in a man and together they develop feelings for each other, if he doesn’t understand what it takes to make her feel loved, she could react in one of several ways. She could stonewall him, yell at him, be passive aggressive, or tell him how she feels so that he can understand what she needs from a relationship.

Assuming the man has feelings for the women, the first three forms of her expressing to him that he is not making her feel loved are going to confuse him. He may even become upset because he is not sure why she is being difficult and this could cause him to get upset because now he isn’t feeling loved in return. Couples usually fight because they don’t feel loved or understood, people get into monogamous relationships in order to fulfill a void within themselves, usually to combat feelings of loneliness.

If sex were the only factor that made the relationship worth while, there would be no reason to fight, especially if you don’t have strong feelings for the other person. When you do though, think of it like how you would fight with your parents. How would you feel if your parents said they don’t love you or are all of the sudden complacent about you, you would feel hurt and you may even fight with them because you want them to understand you. This is how romantic relationships work to, there is just another level on top that makes things more complicated.

[–]Lateralanouncer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

An Alpha male that fucked her and didn’t keep her (give commitment), as her SMV was to low and alpha males know pussy isn’t work much now days, she basically didn’t make the grade. In her mind, despite giving absolutely nothing worth anything to the man, she felt entitled to his commitment. So she decided to shame him. Ie It is his fault and all men are “assholes”.

It is basically a good thing to be an asshole. It has no reflection on your character.

[–]Lambdal70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There are two versions of that.

  1. Completey messed up girls with no self-confidence and self-worth need strong alphas to feel safe. They don’t care if they’re asshole as long as they feel safe.
  2. Guys that sound like assholes from what you hear about them, but they’re not actual assholes and they are also really good to their girl when you don’t see it

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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