So hopefully I get some decent advice.
Wife and I had issues found TRP/MRP and started working. I post to OYS, I lift, I've been STFUing, passing tests (or so I feel and seems). I've made l progress, but I want to continue to grow and make progress, any advice, brutal honesty, ect is appreciated.
The only unique part of this relationship is our son is severely special needs.
Things have been going well, until Saturday. Our son was in the room sleeping and our baby monitor went off, she went and handled it, and came back. The second time it went off I was reading and as it went off she said "your turn". I simply was trying to finish reading the last part of the paragraph of the book (maybe an extra 10-15 seconds, this was non-emergency) and didnt respond (I assume in a timely manner suiting her) and she just snapped at me "are you just going to fucking ignore me?!"
I set my phone down, told her not to be shitty with me, in firm tone. Got up, took care of kiddo, and then changed clothes and went to work out. When attempting to leave she insisted I stay with a compliance test "Wait, come here. Dont leave." Nope, I left to worship Odin in the iron temple.
Came back, trying to bring good energy. I told her I wouldn't fight or argue, and was in a pretty pleasant mood. She however was distant, obviously angry, and cold.
I maintained my attitude but withdrew attention from her.
The next morning I attempted a fresh start, and she was still clinging to this ridiculous event. So once again, withdrawal of attention and went on about my day. Even went as far to hang with the boys for a few hours that night.
Now for the interesting part, last night she left this elaborate page of a note detailing how she's worried for the marriage. How she wants love, respect, and compromise (interesting she says compromise, because I refuse to compromise on some shit I dont want to do). She also stated she doesnt want to have sex then go on about our separate missions (not sure what to make of that?) Long story short it was an emotional appeal for beta behavior and to give her power. Perhaps I've been failing comfort tests?
I spoke to her and stood my ground. She wants better communication, which I agreed to. She dislikes that I "shut down and refuse to fight". I told her that wont change because I refuse to spend energy fighting. She played very female games, basically saying that I go on about my mission and dont entertain her, told her that's not my job to entertain her, but I've invited her multiple times to join me on my journey.
She then hit me with a test, a hypothetical question. Saying she feels I only act closer to her if I receive sex, I told her yes that's the main way I feel loved. Never hid this, never denied this our whole relationship. She asked "What if I couldn't have sex for 6 months, or a year? Would you leave?" I answered honestly and said I didnt know.
I then took this opportunity to express my vision of how the marriage should go. I laid it out and asked if she would grow with me. She said she needed to think, so I shrugged and went on about my shit. A few hours later I asked if she had come to any decision. She had but the concern was my answer to her stupid hypothetical question. And then tried to correlate it to if I lost my job. (This happened in the past) and I sharply (probably a mistake here) reminded her that when this did happen she was disrespectful, mean, and cold.
This lead to her shifting into me being hung up in the past. Before feeding anymore into this mess I realized I was DEERing and decided it was best to just STFU. I refused to fight and told her to stop, and left for work with no affection given.
So, advice? How do I move forward, keeping my frame and keeping attractive traits? What can I expect? Critiques?