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"Will you love me if I'm fat...?" Questions.

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July 10, 2019
20 upvotes

My wife of 15 years, 41yrs old, is having some minor health issues. Nothing major. Things have been great between us. I've been lifting, we've both been eating better than we ever have. I'm 43 and in the best shape of my life. Anyway, So last night she's telling me how she got her period and I'm helping calm her down about other stuff (she's high anxiety,) when she finally throws the "will you still love me if I get fat." Now I gleam a lot of wisdom from the sidelines of this subreddit. I'm reading the sidebar and actually am entertained by a lot of the problems some of you folks talk about. "sucks to be you bro" I say, and I carry on with my day. I'm by far no pro at shit-tests, but the long pause before I said what I said was worse than what I actually said, which I can't remember exactly. The question completely blind-sided me. OH yeah, I said "You're my girl or something, doesn't matter. That's not what set her off.

She was fine now, back to baseline, but she was very upset, saying things like "I guess I know my place here, I'm only useful around here if I'm fuckable." Now I have nothing against over-weight women, I'm friends with some, but as far as my dick goes, I'm just not biologically attracted to them. I told her that to ask me that was unfair because she's not fat, I don't find fat women attractive and if she was to let herself go that much it would be a sign of disrespect. She said now she's worried that if she gets fat and I leave her for a younger hotter woman she'll be alone the rest of her life because no one wants to be with a fat single mother. Like I said Things are fine now, this morning she asked me what I think of her outfit, do her shorts make her ass look nice, so I know she's still seeking validation from me, which is good. Admittedly I don't know much about Dread yet. (There's so much sidebar information really, you can't just know everything immediately, it'd be nice if we could!) But is this some level of dread I accidentally entered here?


Post Information
Title "Will you love me if I'm fat...?" Questions.
Author yarmysmardarm
Upvotes 20
Comments 46
Date 10 July 2019 03:05 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/245072
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cbhu73/will_you_love_me_if_im_fat_questions/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
single motherdread gamelift
Comments

[–]WesternhagenWinner22 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy

She was fine now, back to baseline, but she was very upset, saying things like "I guess I know my place here, I'm only useful around here if I'm fuckable."

Perfect opportunity to say, "No, I also like sandwiches" instead of all that word vomit you unleashed.

[–]mrpthrowa15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Or even:

"I guess I know my place here, I'm only useful around here if I'm fuckable."

shrug "Yeah"

[–]Blue-Kool-Aid3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This guy autisms.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret25 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

I told her that to ask me that was unfair because she's not fat, I don't find fat women attractive and if she was to let herself go that much it would be a sign of disrespect.

And there it is, the mouth opend and a dick got stuffed In. You engaged the hamster.

This is just the standard woman script. It's an opportunity for Amusement mastery.

Litteraly laugh in her face, that's a cleche question.

[–]yarmysmardarm[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, Vomit is right. I only said the I don't find fat women attractive part. Not the disrespect line though. Thank god!

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

"hell no, are you planning to get fat?"

You DEER'd like a little bitch about blah blah I'd love you anyways. Don't do that.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, your autism is showing. You don't owe her answers to everything she asks. Flipping the script is STILL the best way to handle this: "Why you planning on getting fat on me?"

[–]boy_named_su5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I'd love you. Like a sister"

[–]SepeanRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Questions aren't meant to be answered. Talk around it, have fun with it, tease her.

If you absolutely have to answer it (and you shouldn't), just do it instead of this BS with trying to make her feel better. And even then, being playful with it works best.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

S. T. F. U.

“Oh come now, you can’t be serious ?” Kiss on the forehead.

Side bar. Lift.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why are you so panicked about her being upset?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

Faggot question and faggot answers.

Bitch wouldn’t be asking this if her man was in shape.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (3 children) | Copy

Bitch wouldn’t be asking this if her man was in shape.

I found the opposite... the more in shape I'm getting the more I get the "would you love me if..." questions. Easy enough to flip the script have her on the defensive or laughing.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Coming from a married woman that is a comfort test.

[–]i-am-the-prize3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup, agreed. The more in-shape I got the more this type of hint/question. Finally she laid it out there: "would you still love me if i gained (more) weight?" (she has gained some since meeting 20+ yrs ago)

my insta-answer: "as long as at least 51% of the new weight went to your tits I'd be fine with it" with a wink and a smile. Couldn't smack her ass, sadly, as she was sitting and I was standing when she asked it.

So, it was a comfort test; but instead of "oh baby, let me count the ways" I had fun with it. She smiled back and hasn't asked since.

Edit: oh, and trust their actions, not their words.... a month after this comfort test, she started eating what I eat (and not what she used to eat) and guess who's down 8# in a month and feeling sassy for herself? In her own words: "you look better than when we met, I have to improve myself!"

[–]Brushyourteethm81 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Could be a comfort test.

What was the tone of the question? Sincere/anxious and when she may be genuinely doubting if she can keep you around would imply comfort test. Bitchy, playful or provocative would be most likely a shit test

[–]mabden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife told me, repeatedly, "If my stomach ever sticks out further than my tits, shoot me."

Her, "I guess I know my place here, I'm only useful around here if I'm fuckable."

You, "Weight has little to do about it."

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Admittedly I don't know much about Dread yet. (There's so much sidebar information really, you can't just know everything immediately, it'd be nice if we could!)

Fuck I just finished reading your vomit post. You're pre-emptively DEERing here. STFU. And it's not hard to get the overview of everything... NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP gives you the foundation and you can (if you tried) read them in 1-2 weeks.

[–]Vegasman200022 points3 points  (21 children) | Copy

What do you guys with fat wives do if they just cannot lose the weight?

My wife is 5' 200 lbs. She sincerely does try to lose but she has Hashimotos Disease and it makes it virtually impossible. Not impossible but very hard.

I am working on myself, taking MRP seriously. Lifting and eating better. Early stages but have dropped 2 inches of gut while remaining the same weight (presumably adding muscle). Reading the entire sidebar and recommended reading (finished Rational Male, NMMNG and currently on Way of the Superior Man.)

I know the path outlined for me. But I am curious is any other of you is in a similar situation: I don't want to leave, love her, but am not attracted to her. If MRP and my getting my shit together doesn't get her to lose the weight then it seems as if I am between a rock and a hard place.

I am willing to own it and take responsibility, and so far I have noticed her responding to my efforts. I upgraded my wardrobe, starting using cologne every day, lifting. Her response was a shit test (which I failed by not STFU- it's a work in progress). But that night I caught her looking at new clothes for her, much more stylish and modern than her current "hide the fat" clothes.

I can envision getting to a point where my SMV is higher and I could leave. And if she stays the same with a sincere effort I will easily be tempted to say "I will give it more time." And then time passes...

Anyone else dealt with this?

[–]go-RED-go3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

What is she doing to try to lose weight? Nutrition, not fitness, is the most important part in this case, expecially with Hashimoto. She should try paleo diet, avoiding gluten, diary, grains, sugar and processed foods. She should focus on fresh (uncanned) fish, healthy fats/oils and green vegetables. Do some reasearch about it or hire a nutritionist. You will see in time if she's really sincere in her weight loss efforts.

[–]Vegasman200020 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

She is Paleo now, keto before that and been dieting and exercising for two years with virtually no progress (10-15 lbs)

[–]Non_Merger3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keto/paleo/other high fat & low carb diets make it easier to lose weight (i.e. fat) because you aren't hungry all the time like on a "normal" calorie restricted diet of normal macros. However, you still need an overall reduction in calories consumed. If not reduced, then nothing will happen. You'll just be eating a keto/paleo/etc. diet while maintaining that weight.

Look into the autoimmune protocol. It is specifically for people with autoimmune problems.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

If she has a diagnosis of hashimotos why isn't she getting treatment? This is a simple thing, the thyroid hormone must be replaced, one pill every day, one hour before eating. It's called synthroid. One 100mcg pill will replace all your body can produce for one day. This is no excuse for being fat.

If she is taking synthroid and she's still fat, it's not because of hashimotos, it's because she doesn't care to lose the weight. If she's not taking synthroid, she's the worst kind of person, the kind that watches as they get sicker and weaker and do absolutely nothing when a single pill would get her back to normal. Which one is your wife, and why does your wife think that you think either case is an acceptable course?

Finally, 5' nothing and 200lbs is absolutely morbidly obese. She needs to get to a weight loss clinic and get phentermine. Being on legal meth is about as easy as a diet can be.

I can envision getting to a point where my SMV is higher and I could leave.

I can't imagine how disgusting you must be to have a lower SMV than your wife. You should also get on phentermine.

See a doctor. Get on goodrx.com. Cut some coupons, get some stupidly cheap meds, and fix your shit.

Edit: I checked your post history. Also google "the sinclair method" and ask your doc for naltrexone while you are at it. Quit drinking so much.

[–]Vegasman200021 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sorry, my SMV isn't lower. I meant high enough, not "higher". I am 5'7" 160 but skinny arms and dad bod belly. But salary is high and net worth over 7 figures.

She is taking synthroid.

You have given me some things to think about- she has tried a lot but bounces from one thing to another and I haven't really thought about self sabotage

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

she has tried a lot

I bet she makes a big deal about doing something, gets a pat on the head, and then gives up after two weeks. That's the usual, people can keep it together for two weeks, after that, they give up.

She is taking synthroid

Well, then she doesn't have a "glandular issue" she's just fat because she likes to eat.

haven't really thought about self sabotage

Self sabotage doesn't exist. People always do what is in their best interest. Always. You might not understand or agree with their value system, but to them, they are making the best choice of the options available to them. You should think about why she values eating over taking action to keep her husband attracted.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

No. Never dealt with a morbidly obese midget.

She should be in the circus.

[–]Vegasman200022 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Will get her a trapeze for her birthday

[–]1nt3grity1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My SMV has become higher than my wife. I'm going to continue to improve me until I'm a super high value male. If she is still providing the sub par sex I get now then I will have a hard decision to make. Bottom line is to focus on improving you, sounds like you are way out of shape.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

You have to figure out what is make it or break it for yourself. Don't worry about that though - fix yourself.

Life is hard - if she was on a desert island without food I'm sure she could lose the weight. Sucks to be her but life sucks sometimes.

[–]knuglets8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

My wife is 5' 200 lbs. She sincerely does try to lose...

Do you think any woman would stay with you if the roles were reversed?

[–]Vegasman200022 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

No. But that's beside the point. I beta'd my way here- she is a good wife mostly, it's just the lack of attraction and impetus. I

I have scrawny arms and legs and dad bod belly. If I were her I would get fat too and not be attracted to me.

[–]coinbaserep2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dad bods and mom bods are all the rage now 🙄

My wife has a mom bod after 2 kids 5’4 122lbs 36c tits and an ass you can bounce a quarter off and get 2 dimes and a nickel back

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing like some fiat currency to brighten your day.

[–]mrssmithhh1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Carnivore diet. Doing the carnivore diet long-term can do amazing things for health (which will help hashimoto’s and her weight will be a body-proportionate reflection of good female health). If you really love her, and she sincerely wishes to make you happy, then this could be a golden opportunity for you two to tackle her hashimoto’s together and to help her become a better version of herself. It seems like the only question you have to answer is what will make you walk away or not - what’s your line in the sand.

[–]RStonePT1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Try honesty. She may cry, but she's also more likely not to eat that dominos pizza right afterwards.

she seems to argue quite a bit about having to be sexually available and put effort into her appearance, why you think that is?

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Correct response:

Love you? Yes. But I wouldn't be attracted to you. Why? Are you planning on getting fat?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

No

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh, I forgot you were a chubby chaser.

[–]sars4450 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is my favorite shit test because it's by far the easiest one to handle. "No"

[–]coinbaserep0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her if she Plays stupid games she wins stupid prizes

My wife tells me “you would still be attracted to me if I am fat” I flat out tell her no I wouldn’t.

Then she tries to tell me “I would because I love her “

Met my wife when she’s was 130-140 she’s now hotter and fitter after 2 kids, sitting around 122lbs. She wants to be 110-115 but told her she was too skinny 112 and looks her best around 120

I told her straight up. 5 lbs 10lbs 15lbs. Not a problem. But if she let herself go and became a fat 40 year old wife like her coworkers . I wouldn’t be as attracted to you as I am right now

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

your go-to should always be either AM (amused mastery), AA (agree & amplify) or DA (disagree and amplify).



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