Divorcing a narcissistic wife with refusal to work syndrome

red_philosopher · 2019-07-12T22:20:24+00:00

Just get a divorce already. Holy shit. How many empty promises does it take for you to get it through your thick skull that she's not going to do anything to improve herself or her life or yours? She wants to be a housewife? Cool. She sucks rocks at it because she's fucking lazy. She gets a job and gets intentionally fucking fired? You work 80+ hours a week and she sits on her bitch ass and plays video fucking games all day long? You separated and her way of dealing with it was fucking trashing your house and destroying your fucking stuff.

Get. Rid. Of. Her. Now. Holy. Fucking. Shit.

RP_COGuy · 2019-07-12T21:57:30+00:00

Yes. My first wife was a total narcissist. I was total blue pill then, so I ~~didn't see~~ ignored all the red flags and thought everything would be fine and it would all eventually work out, because isn't that what's supposed to happen?
Much of what you described is just like her. Didn't work, wouldn't keep easy jobs, didn't get fired, just quit on a whim. The sabotage and slander also fits.
You need to play it very cool and don't tip your hand. I would arrange to move while she's gone. Depending on your state, that could be a huge benefit. You should also talk to a divorce lawyer because every state has its particular quirks for property, alimony, etc. Start stashing money away like yesterday. Most importantly, you need to set everything up and get all your ducks in a row before giving her a clue that anything is going on.
Be prepared to flush everything and start over in a different city or state. It also might be strategically practical to move to a different state long enough to establish residency there and file for divorce there. That will depend on various state laws around divorce, dividing assets, alimony, etc. You don't want to be stuck paying for her lazy ass after the divorce. Feel free to PM if you want to discuss it more.

kellykebab · 2019-07-13T00:16:00+00:00

You don't have kids. She's a piece of shit. Kick her to the curb.

mismm · 2019-07-13T02:04:44+00:00

So your wife

is not attractive
is infertile
is not smart
doesn't work, doesn't study
doesn't do housework

Did I miss anything?

RoccoPinkman · 2019-07-12T22:14:09+00:00

I have tons of experience. You are the problem but you don't understand. Head over to askMRP, read the rules and post there. You will find quality answers. Buckle up buttercup.

thebadguy89 · 2019-07-13T00:20:55+00:00

she seems like an emotionally abusive cunt (judging by what she did while you guys separated).

Agreed with the other guy who said to start saving money and potentially move. You need to prepare for complete and total war. A bitch like this will NOT let you go easy. You are her sole source of income and she will do everything in her power to keep you. most likely she will do crazy shit, scream and cry and threaten suicide, threaten to kill you, and even try to physically attack you if you don't comply with her demands. She will most likely blame you for everything wrong in her life and try to make you suffer as much as possible (since she knows her life is miserable, she will want yours the same)

I'd advise make sure all your valuables are safe in a location she doesn't know about, get a new phone, new address, cut off all shared accounts (phone, bank, utilities), anything she could potentially have access to, BEFORE you give her any indication that you are planning to divorce her. Then you can just try to handle all the divorce stuff through third party and not in-person. Still, she might try to stalk you, at which point you'll want to have a restraining order ready.

good luck

Tact1cal_Pandaz · 2019-07-13T01:24:00+00:00

Jesus Christ, what nationality is this chick? Sounds like someone from south america

RoccoPinkman · 2019-07-12T22:13:18+00:00

I’d post this in askMRP

volvostupidshit · 2019-07-12T23:01:14+00:00

You need to get rid of her for your own sake. Even if she somehow managed to get a long term job she will resent you for making her do it and will eventually cheat on you. Just get her out of your life unless you want to make your life painful.

Irtotallynotrobot · 2019-07-12T23:31:20+00:00

For sure divorce. It's gonna be good for you. Make sure you take every step to protect yourself then serve her the papers. No discussions, no last chances. She's had years to change her ways, don't give her a chance to pull one over on you.

HurricaneHugues · 2019-07-13T03:17:21+00:00

What more advice do you need besides get a divorce lawyer?

dynospectrum7 · 2019-07-13T01:34:44+00:00

If you don't mind, what country is she from? Probably using you for citizenship.

rockyp32 · 2019-07-13T03:05:43+00:00

Probs a video game addict. I’m one of them and honestly it makes everything in life seems very boring and start to lose interest in everything else so yeah you kinda end up like a zombie that only gets enjoyment from one thing

travlingsomewhere · 2019-07-13T00:33:04+00:00

OP I don’t think this is a good place for advice. A lot of the people here have zero relationship or life experience and can’t give you proper advice. Many people here are under 20 also. You may be getting life advice from a 17 year old who still lives with their mom.

Also people on Reddit always assume and suggest the worst.

IMO you should divorce your wife though. Just build up the courage and tell it like it is and stick to your guns.

I’m in a similar situation with my GF.

_-resonance-_ · 2019-07-13T01:30:35+00:00

Happy happy dance time bc you don’t have kids. Dude. CELEBRATE. This is truly amazing. What an idiot that she denied the college you offered to pay for. She could have bettered herself and then divorce-raped you, but instead you can strategically plan your exit. Congrats!

JedYorks · 2019-07-13T01:37:19+00:00

The real problem here is that you have to work 7 days a week not to be homeless.

J-Rezin · 2019-07-13T02:22:50+00:00

Quit being a faggot and dump this stupid hooker you call your wife. Terrible reflection of yourself. Just man up and get on with it. Pump some weights and slay some strange. Divorce is liberation. There are other women.

WorkingHardAtIt · 2019-07-13T00:23:56+00:00

In my experience women need to be forced onto a good thing before they actually realise how good it is.

Sell her phone/laptop/TV. She might protest that she has the ‘right’ to these things, let her know all rights come with responsibilities, and that she has the responsibility to pay for them.

This path has the double benefit of removing pacifiers and gaining much needed income.

Often the told turkey removal of pacifiers is a bucket of cold water over the head. It is a reset button that allows her to finally see clearly. If you manage to do it, it will be a brutal first week but will subsequently get better.

Let me know if you decide to do this.

BobbyPeru · 2019-07-13T01:28:22+00:00

You sound like a chick labeling her as “narcissistic “ and not doing anything about it. You vetted terribly. The fact that you said you can’t afford IVF tells me you would have done it by now or it was still an option if you had $.

STFU and get an attorney: don’t say a fucking word to her until you serve here with papers. Find out all the details and get ahead of the game. Does she have citizenship?

rockyp32 · 2019-07-13T03:04:57+00:00

I hear you man but think about how much ur sacrificing to maintain this relationship she’s not even putting work in for? It’s like she’s ur slave master and ur the slave. I know what you felt for her and how good the relationship might of been but don’t fear cause you can experience that with other woman believe it or not. But now your jsut beating yourself down to support her. Picture your life single you can go back to working less and get more free time and meet new people and new woman. I know you don’t want to leave her in the dust but that’ll give her a wake up call btw after u dump her ignore her cries about here getting her life back together

adam-l · 2019-07-13T07:54:10+00:00

No children --> divorce her.

It's a no-brainer.

Glad you are getting out of this, things can only get better. Do your research on the particularities, and go ahead.

Tiway22 · 2019-07-13T01:38:30+00:00

You will want to speak to a lawyer. It would be wise to get divorce papers and/or a restraining order while she is gone.

Also, do you have any proof of the abuse/house trashing you could use? You may even be able to escape the lease or move without repercussions with a restraining order, as well as be favored in divorce court.

Whatever you do, don’t attempt to do this amicably with her in the house. It doesn’t sound like that will work out too well. She crazy.

Ideally:

She visits her country You file for divorce You file a restraining order You move to a new apt Let her know while she’s gone that it’s over

zxcvb7809 · 2019-07-13T01:46:25+00:00

Yeah may buddy did the same. He tried and tried and tried to get her to take care of herself and make a better life for them. She ended up leaving him on some crazy ass feminist career woman bull shit. He was heart broken, but he is doing better than he ever would have if he had stayed with her.

zxcvb7809 · 2019-07-13T01:57:13+00:00

At some point you have to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. That includes the actions of people on your team. Your team is anyone you associate with on a regular basis that isn't family IMO. I tolerate family because I think it is important to have some kind of a safety net and for kids and all that.

Since your wife is not performing at a level that you think she needs to perform at, you need to do something about it. You can't control her but, you can control her impact on the quality of your life.

If I were you I would divorce her. The way I see it ( for most people ) you are working because you are to broke to not work. Your 20s are your prime earning age. You can make the most money, it will collect the most interest and you have the most flexibility. If there was any point in your life at which you would want to carry around a dead weight, it would not be now.

Two_kids_in_a_coat · 2019-07-13T02:14:14+00:00

What’s your question? You have a gross worthless wife that brings nothing positive into your life and you don’t even have kids. Why have t you divorced yet?

GoldenHusky · 2019-07-13T07:08:11+00:00

They say marriage is all about tolerating each other and working things out together... Not with your wife bro. Not with your wife.

When you look at someone through rose colored-glasses, all the red flags just looks like flags.

You seem like a very good man. Willing to work long hours to provide.

Spend the money on yourself and rest more.

Someone worthy who appreciates your hardworking-ness will come along.

Unlikely_Composer · 2019-07-13T08:48:08+00:00

Dude you’re gonna die one day.

If you don’t get rid of her, you’re literally allowing a lazy bitch to fuck your life up, steal your goals from you, and you’re giving her a free ride through life.

She’s not a good person. Get rid.

temerity18 · 2019-07-13T09:16:39+00:00

She might magically be able to get pregnant as a last resort to keep you her slave. Watch your back bro. And your swimmers.

Yashugan00 · 2019-07-13T09:53:12+00:00

Yeah, cancel her return ticket.

linkschode · 2019-07-13T11:44:27+00:00

Fucking hell. Every single person here is saying the exact same thing.

If you don’t do anything you are committing a heinous crime against yourself, your own family, and your future wife who is out there waiting for you.

Think of it this way. There’s a woman out there who is your future wife, either on her own or in a shitty relationship that isn’t working for her. She’s without you every single day, and for what, so you can sacrifice your short life for a disgusting infertile parasite? At the very least a shit Cunt of a woman should be able to birth children, this cunt doesn’t even have that ability. She’s less than worthless as a partner.

All she has are the puppet strings made out of your memories, and boy is she going to yank on those when you try and cut them.

I’ve been in your situation. I’m now with a woman who is unreservedly grateful for everything I do and provide, she does everything within her power to show gratitude in return like cook me dinner every day, offer to pay half whenever she can, regular sex and affection, washes the dishes and my clothes because I’ve been working 12 hours each day.

Sometimes I feel like I’m dreaming then I pinch myself and realise Shit, nah, this is how it’s supposed to be.

Take all necessary preparatory and anticipatory steps for cutting her out. Strengthen your resolve before you take any actions. Have a bunch of affirmations you say to yourself with your voice inside and outside to protect you from manipulation.

Good luck.

VigilantSmartbomb · 2019-07-13T12:44:33+00:00

You’re enabling an addict.

You don’t owe her anything, let alone being her Slave.

You don’t think she knows exactly what she’s doing?

She’s MAKING you believe she’s dumb.

Bro jump ship now, it might be the best think you could ever do for her is allowing her to wake up to reality.

VigilantSmartbomb · 2019-07-13T12:45:35+00:00

Yeah she doesn’t feel sorry or her actions would reflect that. My mom took on 2-3 jobs WITH kids to help my dad.

When she goes back, as soon as she lands, tell her not to return.

furcryingoutloud · 2019-07-13T14:32:32+00:00

You need to do more than just divorce her. First, you need to move out of wherever you live the moment she boards that plane. Secure your fiances and empty your bank account. Secure your belongings. Put hers into storage so you can give her her stuff back by just handing her a key and an address where to pick them up.

Once all your stuff is secured, file for divorce. Talk to an attorney to figure out the timing. But if you're going to make this work, you need to pull off a bunch of stuff and the timing is crucial. First step is to see an attorney, best money you will ever spend in your life.

If she stays in her country, make arrangements to have her stuff shipped to her. Or not, it doesn't really matter if she stays in her country.

DO NOT WAVER. You are not her keeper.

[deleted] · 2019-07-13T03:56:26+00:00

Don't divorce.

When she returns, either change the locks.

Or pack up your things, move in with a friend and block her from all numbers. You may lose the house (hopefully rented) but the benefit to your mental health will be much more than worth it.

Men have been dealing with this situation for millennia. Go out for a pack of cigarettes and never come back.

DarthBroker · 2019-07-13T11:16:10+00:00

Is she atleast fucking you good? Jesus

omega_dawg93 · 2019-07-13T02:16:43+00:00

in the words of the GREAT patrice o'neal (RIP), i am NOT mad at her for doing what she's doing.

ALL OF THIS SHIT IS 100% YOUR FAULT BUDDY... it's all on you.

you are 10000% in her frame... she knows it, you know it, and the divorce lawyers (she's talked to them already, trust me) know it too.

imo, it will be too tough for you to break her frame and have her enter yours... the one you described above, so you need to take the "L," move on, and find your happiness with someone else or pump & dump like most of us.

life's too short and modern-day life is too $$$ for the "leave it to beaver" lifestyle; those days are o.v.e.r!!!

and for a foreigner to EXPECT that... well, she's been having her "housewife in america" dream for years.

just out of curiosity... you didn't see ANY of this fucked-up behavior BEFORE you got married, or was she just a demon in the bedroom?

nobody_thinks · 2019-07-12T21:43:31+00:00

considering the typical modern woman, you don't have it that bad.

sounds like she is suffering from depression not narcissism.

if you want to try something before ending it, I would suggest:

getting her off social media and television
eating only healthy food
getting her into some physical activity (bike riding). in the gym she probably just get plowed by her trainer.
working on yourself. get in good shape. lay massive pipe.

the thing that struck me most in your post was:

yet feel bitterness and resentment over her for not taking any action to help me

this is totally blue pill. you are the man. you have the balls. your wife is an empty vessel. you must fill her with what you are. if you are nothing, she will fall into despair and destroy the both of you.

to a certain extent you are just struggling with female nature. the only things that are peculiar about your wife are her fertility problem (could be depression / nutrition) and her looks (maybe you could do better, maybe not).

cheers.

Daddy_ThunderCock · 2019-07-12T22:34:41+00:00

You didn't read the rules and you are a lazy fuck. You deserve to have a shitty wife faggot.

Title	Divorcing a narcissistic wife with refusal to work syndrome
Author	WittyMuffin
Upvotes	108
Comments	83
Date	July 12, 2019 9:34 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ccgzw7/divorcing_a_narcissistic_wife_with_refusal_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/divorcing-a-narcissistic-wife-with-refusal-to-work.245302 https://theredarchive.com/post/245302