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Cheating, divorce and lost new girl. Need help.

by swampbarbarian | July 19, 2019 | askMRP

15 upvotes

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Want to pass my situation by you guys....I’ve been married for 5 years and with the same girl since I was a sophomore in college (15 years total). We broke up a few times in our relationship and I had a few short term relationships during those times.

We got married and soon my marriage was coasting and not exciting anymore. We went to counseling and my heart wasn’t in it. I felt doubt even getting married in the first place. About last year at this time I got involved with someone from work and we just clicked. I knew I was going to cheat right off the bat. We went on work trips together and had a blast.

I knew these feelings weren’t going to last forever because of the guilt I felt. After about 5-6 months I told my wife and came clean. She was and still is very devastated. It was brutal. However my feelings for the girl at work kept growing and she assured me that I could take time to sort things out and she’d be there.

A few months passed and I mentioned to her that I was going to get a divorce. My marriage wasn’t repairable. Over the last month or so the work girl began distancing herself and becoming very cold/not affectionate. I knew something was up but she wouldn’t express her feelings. Finally last week she says that she is tired of being in a relationship that isn’t completely open and her feelings have changed and that she’s met someone else.

This was and is devastating to me. Instead of just grieving the loss off my ex wife I’m now heartbroken over the work girl. I’ve been popping Xanax nonstop and can’t sleep or eat. My buddy turned me on to trp and I’ve been reading up. Any help or advice would be awesome? I’m in a bad place, thanks.


Post Information
Title Cheating, divorce and lost new girl. Need help.
Author swampbarbarian
Upvotes 15
Comments 39
Date 19 July 2019 02:13 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/245978
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cf820y/cheating_divorce_and_lost_new_girl_need_help/
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Comments

[–]redwall9225 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

You went for a branch swing that didn't work out. Lots of women do that. Tons of guys on this sub are with (stuck with?) a wife that went the failed-branch-swing-attempt route.

Sounds like your ex-wife needs to learn some OI and NGAF and move on with her life. You should point her ex-wife to this sub.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tons of guys on this sub are with (stuck with?) a wife that went the failed-branch-swing-attempt route.

The big difference is the cheating wife will never tell you... even after the branch breaks

OP, drop the zanax with the help of a doctor. It’s a tough one to come off, so get a medical pros advice .

[–]weakandsensitive19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

lol

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for showing the entire community what male branch swinging looks like.

The only way to improve from here is to admit to your own bullshit.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (6 children) | Copy

Well... you did a lot of shit wrong here.

We got married and soon my marriage was coasting and not exciting anymore. We went to counseling and my heart wasn’t in it.

  • You went to counseling despite not wanting to

About last year at this time I got involved with someone from work and we just clicked. I knew I was going to cheat right off the bat. We went on work trips together and had a blast.

  • You cheated with a girl at work (never a great idea).

I’m now heartbroken over the work girl.

  • And then... you developed oneitis for the girl at work

I knew these feelings weren’t going to last forever because of the guilt I felt. After about 5-6 months I told my wife and came clean.

  • You told your wife about the girl at work

Finally last week she says that she is tired of being in a relationship that isn’t completely open and her feelings have changed and that she’s met someone else.

  • You expected work girl to develop feelings for you despite just wanting a fun exciting fuck buddy

So to summarize:

  1. You became boring in your marriage
  2. Your wife reflected you
  3. You went to couples' counsel for some fucking reason
  4. You then cheated with a work girl because...excitement
  5. You developed Oneitis for work girl
  6. You left your wife for work girl
  7. Work girl doesn't like you anymore

So how to fix this? you don't... you fix YOU. Lift heavy, read the sidebar books, and become a high value man.

This was and is devastating to me. Instead of just grieving the loss off my ex wife I’m now heartbroken over the work girl. I’ve been popping Xanax nonstop and can’t sleep or eat. My buddy turned me on to trp and I’ve been reading up. Any help or advice would be awesome? I’m in a bad place, thanks.

So YOU left YOUR wife and YOU are grieving? Why the fuck did you leave then? Christ. You do not have your shit together. You don't know what the fuck you want. You need to figure that out. Stop EXPECTING things from other people - they don't owe you shit.

I know a thing or two about anxiety. This post may help in recognizing some of the problems you have and what the process looked like for me to overcome it.

[–]11111v111111 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Perfect response. Also, stop with the opioid abuse immediately (or properly ween off of it). That is going to make your life hell.

[–]UriahTheChosen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[2. ⁠Your wife reflected you] I need to internalize this

[–]rnsbrum0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oneitis is one hell of a disease.

[–]Perfectinmyeyes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good post! No more input needed.

[–]helaughsinhidden6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

... grieving .... heartbroken ..... popping Xanax nonstop and can’t sleep or eat ...... I’m in a bad place, thanks.

Suck it up and own it.
You created this mess, you gambled and lost, you are reaching your own rewards. If you fail to embrace the suffering, you will never learn from it. You looked to the women in your life for validation and excitement instead of knowing your self worth and being the source of the excitement and it all crumbled. Sounds like the only person that thought you were exciting was the mistress because you were cheating and that fun evaporated when you mentioned divorce.

Feel the pain.
Get off the pills, grieve, get angry, process your shit, and move on. The feeling of pain is there to help you not make the same bullshit mistakes again, let it do it's job. It's weak to hide from the fallout of your mistakes and doesn't do you or them any good.

Good news
You messed up bad enough to be blessed to find out that you suck. Better to learn it now than to mess up more peoples lives for a couple decades. This means you are probably humble and teachable. That's what it's going to take. You've been fed a lie about what it takes to be happy and how to be a man. You've been chasing happiness, satisfaction, and fulfillment in women instead of developing those things internally. Once you do, all those other things will come easily and abundantly. Jesus says " But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you". This wisdom applies here too, seek being the best version of yourself and the rest will come naturally. Read the sidebar.

Start lifting.
It's the first advice you'll get that in here because it's the most important. It's a healthy and safe outlet for your stress, anxiety, depression, anger, or whatever feelings people have these days. Start a program like StongLifts 5x5 and be in the gym with other people in it 3 days a week minimum. The effect that it will have on your mental health, physical health, hormonal balance, appearance, confidence, and overall well being can not be understated. I was one of those guys that read all the stuff and applied knowledge, but until you do this, it.... just... won't .... click.

[–]nadasurf1120 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the feedback. My buddy posted this original thread for me because my account wasn’t working. I’ve been lifting a ton it’s really the only thing making me feel good right now so I’m definitely going to keep it up. I know I hurt people and it’s one of the toughest parts about the whole situation. I know this is something to grow and learn from it’s just tough to see through the clouds right now.

[–]swampbarbarian[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for the feedback. I’ve been lifting a ton it’s really the only thing making me feel good right now so I’m definitely going to keep it up. I know I hurt people and it’s one of the toughest parts about the whole situation. I know this is something to grow and learn from it’s just tough to see through the clouds right now.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Who gives a fuck who you hurt, that is in the past. She may well have fucked somebody else too so stop your belly aching. And if she has, it wouldn’t stop her from acting as if she took the high road during her shock and awe emotional reaction to what you owned up to. In other words even if she did cheat, she would not tell you if that made her feel better.

Stop with this (I hurt somebody so bad) bullshit. Here is the rub: if you were high enough value she’d find a way to share you. Read this sentence twice and let it sink into your blue pill head. Soak it up mother fucker it’s the gods honest truth.

“I was one of those guys that read all the stuff and applied knowledge, but until you do this, it.... just... won't .... click.” We are talking about lifting.

This is an important point. Lifting and diet is 80% of the red pill IMO. The rest is just a toolkit to stop being such a pussy.

[–]tom-anonymous13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

As others have pointed out, your actions and frame are that of a woman who branch swung and it didn't work out. You are so focused on your pain, you have no idea how much pain you caused your wife and this other woman. All because you lost yourself and didn't focus on your mission in life.

I'm not going to feel sorry for you. You messed up and hurt people. I know how it feels to be on the receiving end because it's the original reason I came here. It makes me even more annoyed when I see men do this (because we should know better).

Your only choice is to start lifting and get your head together. Get your emotional intelligence up to a masculine level. Right now you have the emotional state of a child who is needy and dependent on others. Study read pill.

[–]RStonePT5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

you have no idea how much pain you caused your wife and this other woman

This is outside the scope of the subreddit

I'm not going to feel sorry for you.

no one gives a shit

Your only choice is to start lifting and get your head together. Get your emotional intelligence up to a masculine level.

This is generally vague and bullshittable advice that has nothing to do with your ranting, and this sounds like a chick wrote it.

Ops fucked up, but you're nowhere near competent enough to articulate why.

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It makes me even more annoyed when I see men do this (because we should know better).

What?

[–]WolfofAllStreetz5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You idiot. You were sefish and now karma is floating back around. The oneitis is whats killing you. Probably should of hit the eject button at counseling if you didn’t want to lead and fix your marriage.

[–]hack3geRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Beta cheats, catches oneitis, other woman realizes he’s a beta and bolts - news at eleven.

You are a straight up fucking disaster - welcome to the land of the real mother fucker.

How about you lift, STFU and drown your sorrows in some protein powder for the next 12 months and you might realize the gift you were just handed.

PS - and for fuck sakes when your ex comes crawling back do me a favor and remember iron rule 7.

[–]NaAF12246 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’ve just defined your entire situation in terms of two women. What’s wrong with YOU? Obviously a good bit since the train wreck that is your personal life is clearly symptomatic of some larger issues in YOUR life. You allowed yourself to be bullied into a marriage you didn’t want because you didn’t have the balls to speak up, and you probably thought you were being a good person doing it despite the fact that you just wasted 15 years of a woman’s life who was faithful to you. YOU’RE devastated? Stop feeling sorry for yourself retard, this is all your fault. The women aren’t the problem here, the problem is you. Stop trying to get your side piece to come back and start unfucking yourself.

[–]Rogue684866 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes you need help

Stfu. Read the sidebar books and lift.

Stopping giving a fuck about your cheater girl friend. Oneitis is bad.

[–]stoicstephen5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

This right here is the result of a feminized society.

It's still all your fault OP, it always is.

[–]vplatt5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

OP is definitely responsible for this mess. But how is this the result of a feminized society?

[–]stoicstephen1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Do you think that in the 1800's or early 1900's men acted like this?

He acted like a women, purely out of emotion. He was like a princess going with the flow of whatever is most emotionally gratifying/ comfortable.

The feminine is the river. The masculine is the rock. He was the river, or more like a waterfall.

I'm also guilty of this, in the past emotions ruled me, but now as I get even more in touch with my inner masculine, I can stand still and observe and act accordingly, not emotionaly.

[–]vplatt2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Isn't that pussy-speak for having justification for his actions? The very act of blaming society (river) for your faults is the fault. If you're trying to say that society now condones having affairs because men might suddenly get over emotional and start fucking anyone who will have you ... then, no. That's never been true.

[–]stoicstephen-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm not victimizing myself or OP.

I'm talking about cause and effect.

I'm the only one responsible for what happens in my life, good or bad.

[–]vplatt4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've seen a lot of victim talk in the RP forums and books and every time Tomossi or others refer to the "evils of feminized society" or the like, I want to throw up.

I was beta AF for many years because I simply chose that path. I was lazy, but I more or less understood the trade-offs up-front. I just don't understand guys who think going that way could ever be blamed on society, feminized or not. It's all very #firstworldproblems-ish victim-speak.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So you cheated on your wife... and now your heartbroken because your side-piece cheated on you.

Crazy.. Google; Karma

[–]Channel_oreo2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I up voted you so people can learn from your mistakes.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are mind fucking it all to death.

Pussy is well, pussy and as you just experienced, keep your fucking mouth shut and your thoughts to yourself.

Welcome to manhood 101. Manhood 102 is plate spinning. And, realizing it takes serious discipline to not fuck it up, or god forbid, get oneitis.

Welcome to MRP.

Get your shit together. Get off the Xanax and start lifting. Hop over to the main sub and OYS. Get to work

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't divorce your wife for another woman.

The same lame ass will mess up the new relationship once the new car smell is gone because YOU didn't change.

[–]rnsbrum1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

STOP TAKING PILLS! The comedown and withdraws are awful! You can use weed, cigarettes, mushrooms and LSD though, just don't go too far.

You took a gamble and you lost. It is natural to feel that pain, ride it out. Make sure you set NEW goals for yourself. Go to the gym and eat healthy, get some sleep.

What kind of a man can't get over a woman? It isn't the end of everything. You are your life, you are the commander and warrior, NOT SOME FUCKING WOMAN! You can't rely on another person in order to be happy. If you do, you are shooting yourself in the foot, because eventually that person is going to go away, and you are going to be left all alone and crying in a corner like you are right now.

BE STOIC, MASCULINE AND SERENE. That girl was outside of your control, there wasn't anything you could've done about it, so stop worrying.

[–]IncitingDramah1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit...

This a dumpster fire, and your crying with a hand full of matches.

Theres some solid advice here. Like others have said though, you're first and only step to take is OWN YOUR SHIT. You lite this fuck trash bag on fire, you have to put it out buddy. If you cant be honest with yourself, you're just going to keep being a faggot.

Take the advice of these guys. Stay away from pussy, until you're not a pussy yourself and have your life in order.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I could have told you your cheater girlfriend was going to leave you from a mile away. Not because she’s a cheater, but because you were acting like a little bitch and putting way too much pressure on her.

No singular comment from any of us will help you .If you really care to solve your problems, you need to read the sidebar and start lifting..

[–]sidepiecebandit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Give less fucks

[–]razenha0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's your own damned fault.



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