Stop judging other women

HB3234 · 2019-07-20T20:49:00+00:00

I didn't expect this level of wisdom from a warmongering dried grape but here we are! Judgement can deprive you of wisdom, opportunity, and joy.

I especially like your emphasis that being nonjudgemental does not mean being undiscerning. You can decide someone does not behave in a way you want in your life, while still choosing to believe they are doing the best they can with their background, the knowledge they have, and so on.

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2019-07-21T02:21:31+00:00

Fantastic thoughts, and adding to it, judging other women puts the feeling of hate inside of you. This kind of negative and critical thinking can really suck out personalities and your brain can simply circle around being harsh and hateful.

Triggering is the perfect word for it, and it very plainly explains why I had judgmental thoughts in the past. Usually it's towards SJW's or forever single women in their 40's, and yep, you nailed it - they triggered my fear of being alone forever. Triggering basically ignites a fear or an envy.

But we have to all learn inner strength. We can't go on in life hating or judging others, even if they're basically representations or manifestations of our unconscious personal insecurities. We will grow older, we will eventually have children and not be the hot young single, or we'll have to return to the workforce even after a stint of being a SAHM/SAHW. Some women will thrive in the corporate ladder and some women will find that their lives have flourished being a SAHM and accepting a peace with the fact that, they'll never have the independence or satisfaction of career success, but they'll enjoy a quiet life of domestic duties and family. Consequently, career women can relish in their freedom and ambitious drive and knowledge of how to navigate the world independently. There's actually a blessing in that lifestyle of being alone, in some ways.

Essentially, we simply have to accept ourselves and our choices and our LIMITATIONS, as well as accepting that of other women.

bananasmatter · 2019-07-20T20:20:32+00:00

This is really good. Thank you. I have the habit of judging other women, especially when they are doing something bad or as you said triggering. What ticks me the most is when I see slutty women but when I read your explanation as too why it was a slap in the face. Thank you for the slap.

thetruthurts94 · 2019-07-21T04:03:38+00:00

Honestly the women on this sub have been the most judgmental I've encountered in my whole time being on reddit

SeattleHotBlonde · 2019-07-20T22:20:12+00:00

I believe that as women, when you yourself, completely stop judging other women is when you have achieved true self-love and care. Additionally, it shows in all facets of your life.

Of course we are not immune from judgement as humans. It’s ingrained into us, typically by our culture to always believe the worst first, and rarely if ever, praise the good we see. Look at the news for example!? I stopped watching mainstream news almost a year ago, and I have to say that it has made a great difference in my lifestyle. I try to share this tip with others, and the handful that have followed, all say that they see exactly what I was referring them too.

Additionally, we can only strive to be able to be better, and more valuable than the day before, or even (5) minutes before the present.

dangernoodle88 · 2019-07-21T12:43:55+00:00

I love this post. I have become so much happier after making a conscious effort to release my own judgments and separate myself from judgmental people. It's just so much hate and negative energy that can only do you harm.

I have a relevant story - back in my BP days my very Catholic roommate and I both went on second dates one weekend. I did not sleep with my date despite his insistence, but she did with hers. She shamed me for "being a tease" and I ended up crying over it because I was young and still learning how to confidently say no, and felt guilty over it. I later realized that she was just ashamed of herself for giving in, especially when her "sluttier" atheist roommate did not, and trying to transfer that shame to me to feel better. That's the basis of why we judge others - because we are afraid to confront painful judgments of ourselves.

artemis286 · 2019-07-21T07:17:05+00:00

This is wonderful! I always tell people, I make choices for me, and me alone. I'm someone who doesn't struggle with judging (at least, not any more than the next person), but I really have tried to eliminate gossip from my life. Now I can't stand to be around it.

I've found that even being around people who constantly tear others down to be emotionally draining. The mindset that I try to have is that I truly have no idea what goes on in the lives, minds, and hearts of others. And I assume that most people are doing the best they can with the skills and capabilities that they currently have. And most of the time that turns out to be true.

It's a drain on your emotional energy to be concerned with the lives and choices of others. For example, we just had our baby naturally at a birth center. My sister on the other hand, plans to have all the drugs. I literally couldn't care less. Our natural birth was for me and me alone, I have no concern about how others handle their own individual journeys, and I want them to be empowered to make the choice that give them the best experience possible.

Women tend to spend so much time competing and comparing. Call me a hippie (and this has religious influences as well), but seeing others as full humans, with flaws of course, but still with inherent value, and worthy of love, changes the way I interact with others. Loving others truly does make you a more beautiful person, and it shows.

organicsunshine · 2019-07-21T11:36:25+00:00

Shame is powerful and meant to hold people to societal standards. When shame goes away, anything goes and the masses must swallow it or the script flips. There is no pride in shaming others, no power. But it is a necessary evil to maintain healthy standards of normalcy.

playful_myth · 2019-07-20T23:55:04+00:00

I absolutely agree. Great post.

bohowana · 2019-07-21T00:46:49+00:00

all of this ❤️

LateralThinker13 · 2019-07-22T14:40:01+00:00

When you find yourself judging another woman for her choices in life, ask yourself why?

Because if you don't see what others do, and evaluate the repercussions on them, you can't do better for yourself.

It's usually it's because this woman is "triggering" one of your deep unconscious insecurity you have about yourself.

That's a projection. It's a possibility, not a certainty. Also, you're conflating observation with judgment.

Her n count is higher than mine/She's not a virgin/ she rode the cock carousel

(Factual Observations)

what a slut who's going to marry her now.

Informed Opinion based on RP knowledge

(I don't feel so good about not being a virgin but at least my n count is lower than hers. I feel insecure about my n count, who's going to marry me now?)

Reasonable questions based upon observation of others in that situation.

She's a SAHM

(Factual Observation)

she must be lazy/doormat/no-personality

Assumption not based on facts in evidence

(I wish I could stay at home and do something I really like. I need to have a job to seem interesting and be relevant)

Projection/rationalization

She's a working woman

(Factual Observation)

she must be a horrible mother/wife

Assumption not based on facts in evidence

(I feel insecure about my own parenting/wifing abilities so it makes me feel better when I judge her as being a worse parent/spouse than me.)

Projection/rationalization

She's loud/rash/unfeminine

(Factual Observation)

(I wish someone would accept me for the way I am. I wish I could speak my mind sometimes. I wish I could dress the way I want.)

Conclusions based upon being inspired by other unfeminine person

I have exaggerated some of them but you get the idea.

No, I really don't.

People use shame to change others or to protect themselves from confronting their own inner insecurities. And as we all know shaming people to change just doesn't work or bring any lasting change but It does damage your relationship with the other person permanently.

No, actually we don't know that. Shaming others has been a tool for individual and societal adjustment since caveman times. It's still around and used because it works. Not always or well, but it does work. There are whole societies founded in part on shame (Islamic societies, and many Eastern societies).

The main problem in your examples isn't that people are judging. It's that they're coming to conclusions not in evidence. Thinking a SAHM must be lazy/doormat/no-personality is an assumption. Observing that Sally SAHM puts her kids in daycare and eats bonbons all day while not doing a lick of household work is an observation, and calling her lazy IS a factually accurate JUDGMENT.

I would argue that your advice is really, "Don't project your assumptions and insecurities onto others. Judge only by their actions. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and don't hold them to your standard, hold them to theirs."

Your examples are all over the place too.

ange-nocturne · 2019-07-22T22:57:53+00:00

Sorry but this doesn't make much sense. There are a lot of logical fallacies throughout this post but I won't go through them. Disagreeing with what someone does or how they live their life doesn't mean that you're secretly insecure or jealous, sometimes you just disagree. You have to constantly make judgements about the world and people in order to literally think. It's natural that a sub encouraging committed relationships is going to discourage promiscuity. "Stop being unnecessarily harsh" or "Stop being intentionally hurtful" is something I can get behind but to say we should never judge anyone is overly idealistic.

Edit: Also this post breaks rule 10. Quoting the bible and saying judging is bad because it's bad has nothing to do with red pill strategy.

RubyWooToo · 2019-07-22T14:50:04+00:00

Judgement is actually a very important and necessary ability to have... it’s a survival instinct. Judging someone’s behavior is necessary to keep yourself out of harms way, prevent you from modeling behaviors that would be damaging to yourself and those around you, and interacting with people that are toxic.

Also, I see nothing wrong with the emotion of “shame” either. You should be ashamed if you do something that brings unnecessary harm to yourself and other people, or degrades the moral fabric of society. If you’re incapable of shame, or feel that this is an emotion to which you should never be subjected, then you will never learn from your mistakes and you’re so selfish and irresponsible that you don’t deserve a place in polite society.

Guywithgirlwithabike · 2019-07-22T16:47:53+00:00

Shame is a potent tool for maintaining social norms, and it is particularly powerful against women, who are more social creatures and more prone to obey consensus.

If women as a group abdicate the responsibility of shaming each other in order to maintain social standards that are in the best interest of women, they place themselves at an enormous disadvantage - because I promise you that men will not simply throw away a tool that works so effectively.

If you want the dynamics of sexual relationships to tilt even further in favor of men, by all means, stop maintaining any standards in the ranks of women.

raspberryjam1 · 2019-07-21T16:46:16+00:00

Great post! Would love another one. I’m relatively new still to the RPW community and think highly of it, but get turned off when I see things like “Shit Post Saturdays.” I know everyone needs an outlet to voice their frustrations when they feel like the minority, but when I see things like this I wonder— Is this practicing the best most ladylike behavior? Is this grace? I would be curious to know how many BP women come across these subs with interest only to be turned off by petty unnecessary bashing that builds no one up on a truly solid foundation, but tears many down. I know it turns me off because it seems to go against the message of striving to be a good RP woman. Am I misunderstanding something because of my relative newness? Or is this part of the dark side of RP? I want to be a better woman, wife, and person. Thank you for the wise words, OP.

loneliness-inc · 2019-07-21T03:55:55+00:00

This is a bad post because your premise is fundamentally flawed. Fatally flawed.

Judgment is how we assess right and wrong, good and bad, useful and not useful, beneficial and harmful, etc etc etc. Without judgment, we cannot live in this world. We'd be toast in no time.
It's foolish and dangerous to judge every person favorably. Some people and some choices need to be judges harshly in order to have a sane and healthy world. What you can strive for is for your default position to be favorable judgment, but not that all judgment should be favorable.
Your reason to not judge is not because judging is wrong, not because judging isn't useful, not even because judging is immoral. Your reason is:

When you judge others you judge yourself.

Because self! Because meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

One of the ways in which TRP fundamentally differs from TBP is that we aren't afraid to call a spade a spade. We aren't afraid to judge right from wrong, good from bad etc (even if we don't all agree as per what is right and what is good).

SEnutshell · 2019-07-23T13:51:17+00:00

I'm very late to the party but I just wanted to say this is spot on and thank you for posting it. I'm currently reading Daring Greatly by Béné Brown and I'm right on the page where she talks about this :

"What's ironic (or perhaps natural) is that research tells us that we judge people in areas where we're vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we're doing. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people's choices. If I feel good about my body, I don't go around making fun of other people's weight or appearance. We're hard on each other because we're using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived shaming deficiency. It's hurtful and ineffective, and if you look at the mean-girl culture in middle schools and high schools, it's also contagious. We've handled this counterfeit survival mechanism down to our children."

Edit : this is very insightful on the low-key "high n-count" shame we see in this sub...

Ramalavonda · 2019-07-20T20:16:50+00:00

This is a lovely sentiment but no. Some people just don't deserve the benefit of the doubt or respect.

Title	Stop judging other women
Author	raisin_warlord
Upvotes	96
Comments	69
Date	July 20, 2019 7:47 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/cfq080/stop_judging_other_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/stop-judging-other-women.246715 https://theredarchive.com/post/246715