Why are we attracted to what we can't have?

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July 25, 2019
120 upvotes

CONSCIOUSLY I prefer girls who are into me with little to no effort. Call them sluts, easy, or whatever you want but in my experience this type of girls are so much more fun to be around with, give you less headaches and the sex is usually great.

But UNCONSCIOUSLY from the moment I take a girl for granted I immediately loose all interest.

I may have 10 super hot girls completely drooling over me but deep down what I really want is that slightly above average shy girl who doesn't pay any attention to my advances.

Id like to say that Im a pretty stable individual but I cant get over this. What causes it? Is it unresolved daddy issues? Is it just the nature of the human being to never be satisfied with what you have?

Looking forward to hear TheRedPill's opinions on the subject matter.


Post Information
Title Why are we attracted to what we can't have?
Author oiltank
Upvotes 120
Comments 46
Date 25 July 2019 10:08 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/246810
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/chlr12/why_are_we_attracted_to_what_we_cant_have/
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Comments

[–]1rad_dynamic139 points140 points  (9 children) | Copy

If you can't get something then that means we aren't good enough for that thing. And we want to feel good enough.

[–]Thinkingard50 points51 points  (2 children) | Copy

This. It’s why inner game is so important. Also a reality check that you need to lift.

[–]1rad_dynamic16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. Why do people want to lift weights they currently can't? Because it shows progress. Why do we get pissed when we can't lift a weight that we have before? It shows decline.

Note: "lift weights" and "fuck women" are interchangeable

[–]Standgrounding0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And actually not being a lazy fuck and hitting the gym

[–]wtf_is_taken 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy

I am not good enough...

[–]conk20009 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

Self-fulfilling prophecy.

Humans are adaptive and malleable. Saying this makes you this. Its inevitable.

Break the feedback loop and change the input. Its the only way to become "good enough."

[–]mmishu0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

But u dont have control over external things. What if u are good enough but still cant have the girl u want? Is something wrong with u or her? Should u even be seeking external validation?

[–]conk20000 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"Still can't have the girl you want."

That sentence is the issue. This type of thinking is what does you in.

1.) "Still can't have" = Self defeatism and scarcity. This is thinking you failed before you tried. Your mindest is killing your drive before the drive is fully set. This also shows scarcity, you are making these assumptions off a small pool of data. Even the highest alphas still have a rejection percentage, but they know that there are more fish in the sea. 0% success rate just means you are quitting after only a very few fish.

2.) "The girl" = oneitis and a lack of understanding TRP. If you learn game for getting a specific girl, you are already sabotaging yourself. The point of frame is options, and you are intentionally kneecapping options. TRP is about understanding WOMEN, not WOMAN. Women have innately shared reproduction strategies and psychplogies, one of those being that they are opportunistic. And if the oneitis doesn't want you in this opportune time, then you turn into a puddle of mopey beta tears.

3.) "You want" - If you have a 0% success rate, how the hell do you know what you want? And how the hell do you know that this oneitis dreamgirl will give it to you?

All of this shows you are still living in Disneyland fantasies, striving for the blue pilled ideal life with an ideal wife.

Please, for all that is holy, check yourself... Or else you will, in fact, wreck yourself.

Read Rational Male.

Read No More Mr Nice Guy.

Read The Way of Men.

And "block and ghost" your oneitis to detox your beta drugs cold turkey.

[–]mmishu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good advice. I just want to say this is more about ego for me than it is oneitis. And also a specific type. I like stuck up harder to please girls that just want to sucker a rich guy into marriage. And fuck their brains out. I have a girl i fucker other girls with and when we look for a third i like to go out of my way to find girls in our extended circle that are known for having impossible standards and being stuck up.

My point is not the before, but more like the aftermath. U say we can have any girl we want with the right drive. But what if u get proof and confirmation the girl didnt want u or any version of u no matter how improved u are. What does that mean?

Im not saying this happened to me or is going to happen im just trying to wrap my head around the logic of being “good enough by thinking it” if it doesnt account for the other party

[–]1redhawkes76 points77 points  (4 children) | Copy

External approval/validation, it's like filling a bottomless bucket. Ask yourself, why you place pussy on such a high pedestal. Basic economy, whats given for free ain't valuable.

Yes, we want what we can't have, the forbidden fruit etc. It's just your mind playing tricks on you. Like a kid crying for a toy, then when it gets it, it gets bored and throws it away. Same thing with everything, money, cars, pussy, you name it.

This is why it's so important to keep your cards close to your chest, and not be an open book. When she figures you out, or you start overinvesting, she gets bored of you and looking for another branch to swing.

[–]beardestbird1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not to get religious but I think it’s crazy how the Bible talks about this. And I’m assuming other religions do as well.

[–]rambler4294 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can read the Bible from a instructional perspective and get a lot out of it. The core problems that people face haven't changed in 2000 years.

[–]johncillo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This.

[–]thiikn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How

[–]notaselfdrivingcar11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Humans are obsessed with challenges.

[–]RevolutionaryPea716 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

I get this too. I completely agree with you that easy girls are better. Not even sluts. Just girls who are already attracted to you with no effort. It's way less stressful and more fun. No pussy is worth that much stress.

But I have the same problem. I could be with a girl who is hot and thin but then I'll start lusting over more voluptuous women and eventually convince myself that all I really want is a girl with big tits. Then, of course, they get boring so I'll be more into a nice ass.

I think in my case it's an overexposure to variety. I've been with a lot of women, but I've also watched a lot of porn. Variety really does trump everything when it comes to sex for men.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just girls who are already attracted to you with no effort. It's way less stressful and more fun.

It's because those girls are more interested in using their time with you to build an actual investment, whereas the ones that make you jump through hoops are merely virtue signaling to try and convince you they're high value.

[–]Fuktiga_mejmejs7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Its just human nature, we desire things which we cannot have.

[–]iceporter12 points13 points  (6 children) | Copy

I may have 10 super hot girls completely drooling over me

how ? please teach me master

[–]McDrMuffinMan2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Game

[–]oiltank[S] 8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

Lift (and look like you lift)

[–]send_it_for_the_boys0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I guess the past few weeks I’ve really started to show some increase in mass and random bitches all over have noticed and skinny dudes at Walmart can’t make eye contact with me. Like this guy says lift, once you’re getting there you see everything differently.

[–]rnsbrum4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yep same here. Guys are affraid of you, older men respect you more and all women regardless of age treat you way better. As Zyzz said: "If you are a shredded cunt you can do everything ya want"

[–]send_it_for_the_boys0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve noticed it’s hard to make genuine friends because sometimes you can’t tell if their just kissing your ass or being friendly.

[–]clickherebaby0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good book on game?

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

What many people don't understand is, the challenge is the fun.

[–]glasraen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yup. Women tend to run under the assumption that men prefer a little chase. I have a hard time believing popular stereotypes like that can exist if they’re not true on some level.

[–]Vern1192 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It may be that subconsciously you want a girl with high self esteem and a low n-count.

[–]Senior Endorsedmax_peenor2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Laziness isn't a valid factor in why you can't have something.

[–]Standgrounding0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's only a valid factor if you make it valid. Thus, many incels are volcels.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Trust me I used to feel the same way too but I have realized through a number of times when I finally get this 'special female` you find out there's nothing special about her.They are all same she cannot feel that void instead occupy your mind with short term and long term goals and eventually you will forget about her.

[–]Erikacoleman1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think this reply is king..

[–]ghostbrainalpha2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is the most made up little bitch shit I’ve ever heard.

Seriously this is not a real problem. This is a plot device in an anime directed at pre teen girls.

[–]Eartripping1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hahahaha this is a perfect response to half the threads on here

[–]celmeme0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's the hope of something new changing how we feel. You want a girl and tell yourself that she will make you happy if you have her. You get her and realise nothing changed. So you look for something new.

If you can't get what you want you will always think it will finally fulfill you. It won't.

[–]glasraen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Doesn’t this fall under that whole Girl Next Door fetish?

[–]smhfamswag0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Man what ? You sound like a bitch. I dont want no bitch playing mind games and playing hard to get, take yo ass on with that bs. Gimme the girl that has a high interest level for me over the girl who wants me to chase her anyday

“deep down i really want a girl who ignores me and plays more games than the olympics while she fucks the guy she has a high attraction toward and doesnt pull none of the shit she pulls with me with him” ⬅️ this is how you sound.

[–]ginnnifer0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Damn, did you reflect your self-esteem once? Those "easy" girls, maybe your only way to feel a bit confident and to feel loved. But in the end of the day you recognize this ain't enough, because you don't know for what you are loved for. If it's so no effort with them, I'm sure these girls don't know who you really are. Humans are not only looking for the competition, they're trying to fix their childhoodtrauma :D and a part of it is trying to be loved, no matter what. Love leads to feel more secure and humans are obsessed with it. Conclusion: Some people get attracted to those, who doesn't like them or giving attention, because this is what they learned in their childhood. For example a mother, who used to ignore you, when you showing bad behaviour. There are actually a lot of ways to ruin your self-esteem. No effort girls filling this lack of attention a child experienced and being into a shy average girl is the representation of the feelings you had as a kid. Your inner child won't grow up and doesn't know, that getting love and attention isn't connected with being ignored or abandoned. We can turn it around and ask: why don't you fall in love with someone, who gives you attention? Again this might not be what your inner child thinks, what love is about.

[–]I-am-ed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

May i ask how to stop making my inner kid to stop being a bitch when someone shows affection?

[–]Greaterbird0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not me. I like girls that want me so much they're eager to be my pet.

[–]Nighthawkdragon8-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Often trauma based.

[–]I-am-ed0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

trauma? what specifically? i feel like it is.

[–]Nighthawkdragon81 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

But I’m literally the same way. Il have the hottest fucking girl into me, and go crazy for a 6 that loses interest

[–]Nighthawkdragon80 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ya I can’t tell you specifically - I have no idea!

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

I dunno many I played Detroit today and have a crush on Kara

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You know her face is based off a real person right? How bout you get a crush on her instead.



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