This is a longer story but would very much like some input...
I am a 26 year old gay dude. I am in a 4 year relationship with my male fiancé (40) and got into med school last year. I’m about to start 2nd year. Before I started med school, I experienced some bdsm stuff as a sub, and very much enjoyed it. However, I didn’t think that could continue with the career path I’ve chosen. I then started a relationship with my current fiancé. He is a top and I’m obviously a bottom. The only type of bdsm we have done is locking me in a chastity cage. We had our problems, but when med school started, everything got worse. There was this one classmate of mine, who is straight, who I befriended. I’ll call him RA. Our med School involves performing some muscle treatments similar to PT schools, some of which can hurt. When RA did them to me, he seemed to enjoy inflicting pain on me. This obviously turned me on. As the year progressed, we started studying together more, then starting lifting weights together. He’s into powerlifting and he’s been helping/coaching to get my strength up. I used to play contact sports but have gained quite a bit of weight since I was 20. One day after work out, we go to RA’s apartment and in his room he has leather restraints on the posts of his bed. I ask him why he didn’t hide them, and he says why would he. Then I look next to his bed, and he has all his sex toys, both for him and whatever girls he fucks, right next to his bed. Again, I get extremely turned on.
A few weeks later, I start talking to RA about my past, and admit I attempted suicide when I was younger. He asked why. I confessed to him that a bdsm hook up from when I was younger posted pics of me in extremely humiliating positions on tumblr. The comments on the post were men trying to find my identity, my name, etc. He then asked “so you tried to kill yourself because you thought your life was over” and I told him no. I tried to kill myself because I was ashamed that I liked it all. The humiliation, etc and that I hated that about myself and I couldn’t do anything to change it. And he responded and asked me if I had jacked off knowing that thousands of guys probably got off to pics of me. And told me there’s nothing wrong with being a beta or sub, some people are just like that. There wouldn’t be an alpha if there wasn’t a beta. There wouldn’t be sex without a hole.
At this point in the year, things have broken down with my fiancé. I don’t enjoy spending time with him, we didn’t have sex, and I self locked in a chastity cage. My fiancé started to cause problems that affected med school and my grades, and at that point I ended it. I moved in with a few friends who had extra space in their house.
RA and I started spending a lot of time together, and he shows me what r/theredpill was. And talking about how there is always a sexual dichotomy between couples. At this point, I had developed a full on crush on RA. Since I was single and wanted to get back into the D/s and bdsm stuff, I messaged an old Dom I had served and told him my situation. He told me that since I was sub, and RA was obviously an alpha, I needed to serve him even if that was not in a physical way. This Dom then told me to send me one of the keys to my chastity cage, and then give the other to RA.
So, whenever RA hung out, I always did stuff like brought him coffee, subtly cleaned his room when we were watching TV or playing video games, did his laundry and ironed his clothes under the guise that I needed a place to iron and do my own clothes.... I cooked him food, refilled his water at the gym, etc. and I did all this in chastity which I told RA. I confessed my crush on him and wanted him to take the key. He didn’t like the chastity part, as he didn’t want another Dom involved. RA explained to me that he had only done stuff with a guy once, when he let a gay friend blow him while he watched porn. He told me that my crush was a product of my submissive nature and need to serve. I told him that I didn’t plan on making a move on him, as he was straight and I respected that. I told him that if anything happened, it would be because he initiated it. He said ok. However, doing those chores and being in his presence made me more happy that doing anything with my ex fiancé, and I loved it. I even folded and packed his entire bag when he left for summer vacation, helping him pick out certain outfits for weddings and to see a girl he wanted to fuck back home.
Fast forward 2 months, and RA has put himself in situations where I obviously could have sucked his cock or doing stuff he knows would make me lust for him and ask.... for example,
- Calling me to go get food at 3 am after a tinder girl blue balled him.
- Getting extremely high (it’s legal in our state) and laying in the same bed both under the blanket.
- Coming out of the shower all the way to his living room and getting changed in front of me.
- Explains to me that he was on a supplement diet to me his kids bigger,
- Asking my opinion on dick sizes and giving me the measurements of his over the phone when he was hard
- Practicing muscle treatments on each other to prepare for exams while shirtless and in gym shorts
So since he never asked me to do anything sexual for him, I gave up. My ex fiancé started messaging me, and I felt like I was either going to be forever alone or with someone like my ex fiancé who could never fulfill my needs as a beta and submissive. So I gave in and got back together. However, RA tells me that I made a mistake. Sends me memes that imply that I’m dumb for taking my ex back. Meanwhile, the relationship I have with my now ex-ex fiancé has gotten worse and we are constantly fighting again.
What should I do? Should I have made a move on RA? Was RA expecting me to? Why do I feel better serving a straight man who hasn’t touched me in sexual way more than my fiancé who I’ve known for years?