706,399 posts

Wife has been frantic and emotional about the upcoming family vacation

Reddit View
August 2, 2019
14 upvotes

Hi all. Haven't posted in a while. 42 - 6'1" - 225 lbs. Lifts are still good and about 8 months + in my MAP. Owing my shit and focusing on my growing small business and loving it.

Relationship with my wife has been great. Having fun together, she is submissive, good sex 2 to 3 times per week (she initiates about 1/3) of the time. She takes care of her health, and dresses elegantly when we go out. I tease and banter with her and she is flirty and sweet. For all newbies here, there is something to the redpill. Do the work and be a man, and women (hopefully your wife) WILL respond to you.

Here my question. We planned a family vacation to the beach earlier this year. Me, the wife, our 4 kids, her sister and her husband and their 2 kids, and my mother in law. Leaving this weekend and looking forward to relaxing and having fun.

My wife over the past week has been frantic and whiny about her sister and her mother's drama. I just laugh and poke fun and she'll join in and come to my frame, then a couple hours later, she'll get moody again. She was packing clothes and trying on swim suits (I like to watch her do that cause I think she's smoking hot). She's looking in the mirror and freaking out saying, "ugh... I look so fat." "I hate the beach" "god, my sister's gonna make fun of me and give me shit" and "blah, blah, blah".

I think the fretting is kinda cute. I won't say much and then I'll walk down stairs and get busy with something, then come back up and flirt with her and keep it light.

I think it's just female emotimg and her just being a girl that is stressed about traveling and being with her family. I have learned not to draw into that frame and bring attention to her drama and "making it real" for her little mind, cause that only amplified it in the past and we'd end up fighting.

My strategy has been successful and I've been in my frame. Although she is stressed, she is sweet and respectful to me and affectionate. She hasn't been too sexual this week, but I think the stress in combo with shark week (yeah forgot to mention) has her preoccupied.

Am I missing this as a comfort test of some sort? I don't think it is, because it's not directed at me and about her relationship with me. I assume I am getting this right by not caring as much about her mood swings like I did in the past, because it's not causing friction with her and she isn't giving me shit. I DO want her to have fun with the family, but I guess that's on her. I've decided to go and have fun. I suspect she'll come around, but my new red pill reality is telling me to not worry about her moods. Am I seeing this correctly?


Post Information
Title Wife has been frantic and emotional about the upcoming family vacation
Author dll142
Upvotes 14
Comments 22
Date 02 August 2019 02:53 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/247715
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ckyck6/wife_has_been_frantic_and_emotional_about_the/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
MAPframedramacomfort testthe red pill
Comments

[–]simbarlionRed Beret21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

Leave your hamster with your neighbors for this trip. Don't let them overfeed him though.

[–]_-resonance-_9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Distinguishing between comfort- and shit-tests, I’ve learned, is imperative. To the point where I will make sure to at least make a conscious decision about which way I am going to play it. In other words: I won’t waver between giving comfort and showing amused mastery. At the very least, she can rely on me to follow through with my own choice about how to respond to her.

I’ve also learned that there can, actually, be a mix. For example, you can stay in your frame, part of which is letting her know how attractive you find her. This may allow her to know that regardless of her insecurities, her man is gonna have a good time, dammit. At the same time, it may open her up a bit.

Ultimately, in my opinion, the choice is yours, and the real shit-test is: will you be able to back up whichever way you decide to play it. Seems to me you’re fully conscious and will have a great time no matter what. Ultimately, isn’t that all that matters? She’ll come around.

[–]dll142[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I've learned a lot and I'm way better at controlling frame now than I have in the past. She seems to enjoy and find indirect comfort in my strength and leadership. On the flip side, when I fall down and am weak, she pounces like a merciless predator. Difference is now, I accept that is the norm for women and it's a hard wired survival mechanism that is just part of her nature and it makes sense. The takeaway, is don't be a spineless pussy and lead. Make my experience positive and fun. She does tend to follow.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Comfort tests = she says “I” or “me”

Family dynamic + sister dynamic + her Mom dynamic + kids = shit show of emotions. Just be the oak. Plan some time to get a very nice dinner away from everyone.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

What I am wondering is why OP is even here asking shit like this. I want to know when he is going to ask what he really wants to, or at least say what he really wants.

Not a bit of this information is relevant to anything.

OP has to mention twice in the post that he is in his frame or that she has come to his frame. No no no. Your frame just is. It's not like some magic shield you have up. It just is. Case in point:

I think the fretting is kinda cute.

If his frame was evident he wouldn't have to mention this and thereby tell us. What's he saying? Why? There's a purpose and it is what he isn't saying. IDGAF what he finds cute or not. I am not here telling everyone how cute my cock looks wrapped in my girlfriends tits. It just is. It's not frame to mention this shit. Why not tell me the sun looked good today? Or more inane things about your day?

Then there is twice mentioned HER sexuality. She initiates 1/3 the time. She hasn't been too sexual this week. Why is this important? HINT...it isn't. You fucks are way to wrapped around HER grabbing your cock. That is meaningless, because she will and can just to make you think things are cool while she's smoking the neighbors pole. Her going after you isn't a metric.

So she isn't fucking and it sounds like you aren't either. Yeah Frame.

What I see is a guy who is toe stepping into the pool for the lest 8 months, has a luke warm wife who generally likes him. He doesn't see too much reason to change a lot in his life yet might wonder why his wife isn't sending him tit pics all day, or begging for daddy.

The reason is evident here. He can't even admit to us what is going on. Even his post history is lukewarm all about her her her. She won't this. She's sacred of that. She is a reflection of him.

The ego is strong with this one.

[–]NightFire451 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I wish I had 100 up votes for this. It's cringe when dudes post their sexual history when asking questions.

[–]Jussie_Mullet-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

when so called "men?" type the word, "cringe" and "dudes"

(pro tip: you are still plugged in)

[–]RPeed3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Am I missing this as a comfort test of some sort? I don't think it is, because it's not directed at me and about her relationship with me.

You answered your own question. Ignore, fog whatever. Just don't caretake or try and logic it away. Deprive the fire of oxygen and enjoy yourself.

Just back from a similar vacation. And guess what? There was a TON of drama. Everyone had a good time. For two weeks in the sun. Lots of laughs, lots of activities.

So far, so good.

I mean: if you make it to the plane, you're in the clear, right? RIGHT?

Then MIL got home, stubbed her toe or whatever, and called round declaring everything was fucked, the vacation was terrible and everyone immediately started tearing their hair out and taking sides on a blood feud. Took wife at least 24 hours to forget about it.

Thank fuck I had a good time but the point is there is NOTHING that can stop the drama on a drama queen's vacation. Not even actually having a perfect one.

Seriously dude. I see a lot of stuff on this sub that I would never, ever allow to happen to me but killing my reaction to wife's "Damsel in Distress" card alone has set me free. That shit was like Jacob Marley's chains and it is now gone.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

My 10 year old flips the fuck out about vacation. 100 questions about details and shit, general anxiety and stress about unknowns. Most of it I just ignore and tell her not to worry, "I got this."

You just can't take her so serious. It's been 8 months and you still take your wife serious and get concerned about mouth noises? Treat her concerns as those of a little girl. Also, it's shark week? Bro, almost zero logic in a woman with those hormones. You should know this man.

In the end, be attractive, be fun and be a calming presence. I'm on my last day of vacation today so I speak from very recent experience. Good luck.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's been 8 months and you still take your wife serious and get concerned about mouth noises?

The only mouth noises you should be concerned with at this point is her choking on your cock... And even that shouldn't worry you.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

My 10 year old flips the fuck out about vacation

My kids are DFW man. They roll with it, you seriously need to get your leadership in check.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Working on it bud. This was the best vacation we have ever had by a long shot, so I am headed in the right direction.

This year she had very little concerns, which is really good. She is my most emotionally traumatized kid because she is the oldest and has seen the most shit. It's going to take time.

[–]RStonePT2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you read anything yet from the sidebar?

[–]NoCoast821 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am curious about the bit about her sister, is she younger and hotter?

My strategy has been successful and I've been in my frame. Although she is stressed, she is sweet and respectful to me and affectionate.

A lot of shes there my man! What is your strategy? Just from this statement it seems like your strategy is to build a "frame" that elicits certain behaivors from your wife.... are you your own judge, or do you base your success off of your wifes response?

Also your lifts are wierd man, lighten up your squat until you can hit depth, and if you can only get 3 sets of 8 on pullups that means you need to lose weight. Quit fuckin ego lifting.

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're going to remember this pre-vacation emotional roller-coaster once the vacation has started, then you're taking her emotions too seriously.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have learned not to draw into that frame

Yet your wrote a whole post about it. You are right that it sounds like comfort test, but there is still a big danger of falling into her frame. Here’s the big twist on comfort tests- if you actually become too involved, they become a shit test once you fall into her frame. Get it?

Lifts are still good

Need specifics here

[–]dll142[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks. I am getting better and better at this.

Right now I'm doing 3 sets of 8 at 275 on bench. My max is around 335 or so. Squat, is 3 sets of 8 at 325 with let press on the sled of same sets at 650. Dead lift 405 max. Shoulder press with dumbbells - 3 sets of 8 with 70 lb dumbbells. Tricep push downs, 3 sets of 8 at 140 on cables. Preacher curls, 3 sets of 10 at 100 lbs. Pull ups, 3 sets of 8. Sit ups each time I lift and running 2 miles every other day. I lift 4 days one week and 3 days the next, alternating.

I don't have the stamina I had 10 years ago, but still able to get up every morning and don't hurt. I hear alot of guys my age bitching about aching and paining everyday when they wake up. I don't expect that until closer to 50. I've always been in decent shape and worked out my entire adult life, so luckily, I never got fat and dumpy.

Just blue pilled on the behavior part after getting married. I admit, I'm a sucker for female attention and sex, and I like being in an LTR. MRP is work everyday, but I've learned to appreciate it. I enjoy improving and striving to be a better and better version of myself.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Those are good lifts, so I suppose they could justify your 225 weight? Do you feel like you’d be more ripped at 215? Just food for thought. I’m 6’1, 205. I was pretty lean st 215, but I cut 10 lbs in a month, and I look better overall.

Yeah I’ve been watching you, and I think you’re starting to get it. But, just watch out for falling into her frame- it’s good you correctly identified it as a comfort test, but add a little comfort and then let her melt into your rock frame. Be the rock. Nice progress

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

freaking out saying, "ugh... I look so fat." "I hate the beach" "god, my sister's gonna make fun of me and give me shit" and "blah, blah, blah"

She was fishing for compliments and/or comfort. By the way, your sister in law has better dread game than you do. what's up with that? She should care more about what you think than her, what level of dread are really on?

[–]griz3lda0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She's just talking to herself, to you. You can't do anything about her family drama so just be a refuge in the sense of not allowing your personal "zone" to become infected with any stupid shit. There are a LOT of relatives coming that sound like they have the potentially to be really fucking annoying, so I'd make sure to fuck her a lot to keep both of your stress levels down (ie get alone time and make it content-rich). Everything will be better if she isn't taking anything seriously because she just got laid 5m ago.

[–]Helpme1230000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do you journal her cycle. I become way way overly assertive and butt hurt on mine, so I kept journals and turns out I am a crazy b 4 days before. Sorry thought this may help. Hope your family had a great vacation

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

> My wife over the past week has been frantic and whiny about her sister and her mother's drama. I just laugh and poke fun and she'll join in and come to my frame

Poking and teasing over is fine... but it may be worthwhile to try to emotionally connect with her as well. She may actually be reaching out for this and you're missing it and treating as a shit test. I don't think these are a shit OR comfort test (Except maybe "I look so fat"). They're just her emoting. If you try the connection, it likely won't be hours until she comes back into your frame. Also, continual teasing can eventually backfire if she's actually reaching out for that connection (which you want).

I know this because I'm autistic and fuck it up.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter