Is It A Bad Idea For Me To Get Married?

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August 10, 2019
6 upvotes

First off: I lift, have since age 12, been in sports my whole life, I am now 22. I'm an enhanced athlete, my test isn't low, and I'm not new to TRP-related spaces. I wont lie, I do not fully agree with every facet of red-pill philosophy, nonetheless I would say the majority of it is overwhelmingly true. I also haven't recently read the books in the sidebar but I have read a few and skimmed through a few others and haven't got around to reading a select few more.

Anyhow that's my background. Here's my situation:

I have a girlfriend. We've been dating around 2 years now, have known one another for 3 years. She isn't pressing for marriage or anything of that sort, but she is a Canadian citizen, whilst I'm an American citizen.

I'm currently here in Canada on a work visa up to 2 years spending time with her. I'd like to remain with her and it's proving increasingly difficult to get PR here without getting married.

I realize that there aren't many unicorns out there (or any) but how can I come to terms with this decision to marry or not?

I truly love this girl, she's traditional, sweet, a great cook, supportive, not a financial leech, is cute and sexy, and on top of all that I'm certain I'm the one who took her virginity. I'm her first and only boyfriend.

Advice in this situation? I'd appreciate you guys' input.


Post Information
Title Is It A Bad Idea For Me To Get Married?
Author AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS
Upvotes 6
Comments 98
Date 10 August 2019 12:45 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/247773
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cohkzw/is_it_a_bad_idea_for_me_to_get_married/
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Comments

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy

Locked and banned.

[–]bowhunter85723 points24 points  (5 children) | Copy

As someone who actually likes his wife and has great kids.....DONT do it. It’s constant work for brief moments of happiness.

[–]umizumiz6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Our wives would be happier if they had everything they currently have, but we're still chasing a ring.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Even when I don't wish to be a bachelor and spring myself from woman to woman? I realize you can still raise a family with a woman without getting married, but does the contract make it that much worse as long as the relationship is going well?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

does the contract make it that much worse

YES! The "contract" is a symbolic castration. Think of the party the wife throws. She is smiling. The Husband has trapped eyes. The girls all celebrate HER victory. The boys all attend to SAY GOODBYE to their friend.

The "contract" is her power. Getting married gives the woman ALL the power. She has ALL the power from her friends. From society. Marrying is like giving your Fiancee a loaded gun and tell her to shoot you when she is not longer happy with your performance.

Dance....Monkey..Dance!

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Solid analogy.

Just overly attached. Her sexy looks and constant sex has me blinded as to what I could be fucking up for the rest of my life if I choose to go through with marriage.

Just bothered as shit because our particular situation may eventually come down to marrying or breaking up (due to different citizenships, and I'd have to go back home, and she may get tired of being long distance).

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agree with this man, same scenario.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your asking a room full of men with teeth marks on their face, if you should weld yourself in a cage with a lion kitten.

This is your mistake to make. You are not a special snowflake.

I'll give you the same advice I would give one of the guys on asktrp. They are always talking LTR nonsense over there.

Based on the poor decisions I have made myself in the past. I believe the life experience here should be dealing with the uncomfortable feelings that come up when you throw a woman out of your life. Because there will be more. Even if the relationship is going well. Throw her into the garbage can. Your doing yourself a disservice being tied to a woman at your age.

Getting married for a Visa, is like buying an airplane to get free peanuts.

Your 22!!!! You have life by the balls.

You do you man.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy

Willing to bet half your future net worth that she’ll love you forever?

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Good question.

My honest answer is no. I doubt she'd love me forever. I don't think anyone loves anyone forever. Just been thinking irrationally about it lately.

I still idiotically cling on to hope as I want to remain with her.

[–]stoicstephen1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Then remain with her, just don't marry her.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'd strongly prefer that.

But again, were not from the same country. If I don't somehow get PR here I'll be deported.

Unless being long-distance forever is what you were suggesting -- in which case, fuck that.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

Or she moves with you. She loves you, right? Right?

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Lol she's still a Canadian... So moves where squirt?

What are we both gonna immigrate to Panama?

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

To wherever the fuck you're going to get kicked to, moron.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Are you braindead?...

Do you know how immigration works lol?

Nice stoic btw.

[–]FlyingSexistPig5 points6 points  (17 children) | Copy

What do you gain by getting married?

What do you stand to lose?

Answer:
The good: You can get permanent resident status in Canada, and apparently that's important to you.

The bad: You can lose half (or more ) of everything you have ever earned or will ever earn when she decides to leave you. And why wouldn't she? The government pays her well to do it.

Edit: I think that in Canada, you don't actually even have to be married to her. If you get permanent resident status, then just living with her is enough for her to go crying to the courts that she deserves half. Check out what happened to David Foley (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaC-2lj6HNg)

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 2 points3 points  (11 children) | Copy

I lose half of everything in Canada if she divorces me. The Canadian Government does have agreements with the US whenever divorce occurs however it's going to be much more difficult for them to exercise their power over any assets I hold in the US (or elsewhere) when and if I stop living in Canada the second after she files for divorce.

I'm still had by the balls, but I get some leeway with it.

I get what you're saying though. Not meaning to seem like I'm dead-on marriage either. Just truly love this girl and have been considering it as I don't have many other options other than to just break up with what I would consider a Unicorn (or close to one) or to just be Long-Distance again (and I can't see that turning out well after having been together for so long in-person and fucking daily).

[–]FlyingSexistPig2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

You can have children with her without getting married. The children can have your name. If she refuses to give them your name without being married, then how much does she really value you?

You can buy a house that you both live in, without getting married.

You can visit her in the hospital without getting married.

She can care for you, nurture you, in sickness and in health, without getting married. You can stay together forever, 'til death do you part, without getting married.

What does marriage give you? Tradition? Unfortunately, marriage doesn't mean what it used to mean.

What not get without getting married? If the relationship goes south, the government can't step in and take half your assets (or more) and give them to the person you now hate (who hates you, and since she's living off your money, and doesn't have to work, so can spend a lot of time making your life miserable).

So again, I ask you, what does marriage give you that you don't get without it? It doesn't give you access to her pussy, since (1) you already have that and (2) even if you're married she can always deny you.

What do you think marriage gives you? What do you think marriage gives her?

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Permanant Residence and remaining together. She also wants my last name and our future children to have my last name. She hates her current last name and loves mine (allegedly).

[–]FlyingSexistPig0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She can legally change her name. Her children can have your last name.

Do you really want your status in Canada to depend on this woman?

Get PR on your own, without her help.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She's offered to legally change her last name without being married. She isn't and never has pressed for marriage.

Getting PR here isn't a damn walk in the park. Can easily be denied. That's plan #1 though -- doing it myself.

However if that doesn't work out the only other things I can do are: go long distance, break up, or get married...

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

If she refuses to give them your name without being married, then how much does she really value you?

$he value$ him for a lot of thing$. Resource$ and free dinner$ but $he won't give him a child unle$$ he give$ her hi$ life.

I bet his Unicorn is playing the hide-the-vagina game every other night. Wait until the wedding. Within 6 months his unicorn will take off the paper towel holder she has taped to her forehead. She will cut him off down to subsistence, bare maintenance sex THE SECOND she gets control. It may be the day after the wedding or it may be the day after she gets pregnant but rest assured SHE WILL CUT HIM OFF WHEN SHE GETS CONTROL- and it looks like it won't take much.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lol I've seen you. Your fat ass probably got bare minimum maintainence sex. You're pulling shit out of your ass.

She fucks me constantly with and without request. She literally couldn't easily pull better in terms of looks.

And guess what bitch, gonna be a shithead? So will I. Fucked prob a good 10-12x this week, and yeah I'm bragging about it.

Go shove your bullshit back up your ass.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Way to hold frame with a moderator.

How is that working for you?

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

The cutoff will be utter; she holds his visa status in her hands too.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol.. Id rather live in the states... Also not visa status, PR, major difference.

[–]Perfectinmyeyes1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Watched the vid... Brings back memories... Dave Foley talks about his wife having borderline disorder. I had a old gf that I dated for 8 years (we were going to get married). I could relate to everything Dave said.

[–]umizumiz1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

6 months alimony for every year of marriage in Canada, as well.

[–]FlyingSexistPig2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

And they'll set your salary for the alimony as your highest salary. Which means that about 1-2 years after you stop earning athlete pay, you'll be broke and owe her more than you'll ever make in your lifetime, or go to jail.

[–]umizumiz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow... I didn't know that... So fucked up.

Even if SHE is the spouse who files? It's practically a reward... An incentive to last "as long as possible" and then cash in...

Yeesh. So glad my exwife trusted me and didn't show up to court lol In the States, btw. I got 100% of everything and she got to keep the car she was driving that day. hahaha

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Could immigrate back to America... It's supposedly more difficult to force alimony/child support over borders.

[–]wkndatbernardus2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're def on the young side but, some of the best marriages I've seen were with two naive youngsters like yourselves. My question would be, does marrying this woman fall in line with your mission/calling? I'm guessing you don't have a clue what that is yet so, it's probably best to get clarity there first. That being said, if you grew up in a father-lead household, you may be ready to be the leader of your own household.

Check out RooshV's interview with E. Michael Jones for some insights pertaining to your dilemma.

https://youtu.be/m-dEtQk3-xA

PS: this is coming from a dude that got married young (25) and then div raped 4 years later.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I had a very strong father figure growing up. Also yes I would sort of say that marrying her would benefit me in some ways, just having her has motivated me to get my shit together even more so than I did when I was a single man. I've even strongly been considering heading back to school (which she didn't urge me to do, but I feel more compelled to do as I want to be a good man to her and truly realize how much more I want for myself (STEM-related goal btw)).

For example, after a long day at work with my girl being off work all day right when I came in the door the girl I'm with bought me a bunch of my favorite sweets while I was at work, jumped in my lap and kissed me a bunch, and started grinding on me. That then led to something else...

We're definitely hot now, but I've personally seen many men get financially fucked or end up in a lousy marriage before so I'm strongly erring on the side of caution. Just thing is, I likely truly cannot stay with this girl if I can't get PR here in Canada...

Love this girl but I am beyond worried as I'm knowledgeable about what CAN happen if shit is to go wrong.

Also sorry to hear that your marriage ended so short. Can't help but worry myself reading shit like that...

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes

[–]Typo-MAGAshiv1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't do it.

[–]RPeed1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you want to get married: get married.

I’d maybe sense check how things are going before kids. Up till then, it’s a pretty clean break.

If it doesn’t work out, you can always get divorced so prepare the legal and financial groundwork for that BEFORE you get married.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What is your mission? Do you need PR in Canada for your mission, or for her? It sounds like the latter, which is a bad idea. Your woman is not your mission.

Once you figure out your mission, the answer to "should I marry her and stay in Canada?" may be more clear...

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. She isn't my mission. Nonetheless I still can accomplish my mission here in Canada. I know I'm being retarded doing this but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't strongly considering marriage. In no other context would I get married but I genuinely just cannot be with her if I do not marry.

I haven't fully decided honestly. If she just lived in the US, I would never marry. But what am I supposed to do in this situation aside from just break up? Seems like nothing, seems like that's what it's ultimately gonna lead to when we have nothing but a good relationship...

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Are you codependent? Do you feel lonely? No family? Why are you looking to latch on to something?

If you’re as great as you think she’ll still be around when your 30. Alpha widows are dumped. They don’t branch swing.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not the best dude in the world. But I definitely hold frame, I'm not a whiny bitch, I'd say I'm in the top 5% of men physique-wise, and I have decent enough of looks.

Still some shortcomings would be my height (5'8), my current shit career (headed back to college), and my shit income (working on it).

I'm a decent dude. I don't think she could find a better man that would still be loyal to her. I do believe I'm her best catch atm, and she pleases me endlessly because of that.

But for the future... who knows?

Still foolishly considering this.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also to answer your other questions: I still have a family, most of which are still living. I'm not at all lonely when alone so definitely not, was an only child most of my life. I'm not codependent but an extra income certainly helps, and I can cook and wash for myself.

Lastly, why am I looking to latch onto something? My answer to that is mostly since it (at least right now) seems like a good catch. She throws herself on me, and does whatever I request, and I'm her first, and she's a great cook, overly giving (even to her own detriment), and is always happy to see me. Doesn't nag or argue with me, my word goes whenever I decide.

That, and I'd eventually like children...

I do believe I've found maybe not a unicorn, but still a pretty damn good woman.

[–]umizumiz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've witnessed alpha widows who widowed themselves out of sheer stupidity and a drive to be in "control" of their alpha man.

Cheat thinking it will cause jealousy, momentary "branch swing" to cause commitment, etc.

[–]Iammrp20 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Talk to a lawyer before you get married. Tell him you want some sort of prenup that prevents you from getting divorce raped. You're going to talk to a lawyer at some point. Might as well do it now.

And read this pinned post before asking questions. We're not here to tell you how to run your life.

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/b3ryql/we_dont_do_that_you_dont_want_us_answering_that/

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

I presently have no assets. Prenup will do me no good.

[–]Iammrp20 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Prenups are not just for existing wealth. You can state that her debt is not your responsibility and have her waive the right to alimony. You may be able to protect any future wealth you create such as starting your own business or your retirement accounts.

My wife has no retirement so she would get half of mine.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

What if I open up an LLC and just hold all of my assets in that? Lol woukd that be a way around it? Also my girl has 0 debt, and a few thousand dollars more saved in her account than I do (likely wont always be that way though).

[–]rotkohlblaukraut1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

As far as I've read, in Canada, if you do something like this which makes it obvious to a family court judge that the only reason for doing it was to hide assetes, then those assets can still be considered part of your settlement. Obligatory IANAL.

[–]Iammrp20 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Hence the need for a prenup. Everyone should get one. We shouldn't be gambling on staying with that person forever. And IMO when the courts routinely give women alimony and half the man's money they're actively encouraging divorce. A prenup like this can create dread which can make the marriage more stable.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah but one false claim and the house, and your shit, and the children are still able to be hers.

At least so I've heard...

[–]Iammrp20 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Then don't get married

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haven't decided.

[–]gameoflibidos-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

no moron. your LLC is half hers.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not before a marriage and after signing a prenup.

Unless, of course, as said above.

[–]boy_named_su0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

first go read / r / collapse / top , then decide if you wanna have kids

only get married if you wanna have kids

i would recommend pursuing a graduate degree if you want to stay in Canada. It's a lot easier to get PR if you have a graduate degree (source: am Canadian, have many foreign friends from my grad program that live here)

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I actually am pursuing exactly that!

I'm going for an Advanced Diploma in Computer Science at Algonquin. It will give me another 3 years here, and then I can get a job here and have many more years here.

Thing is, not sure if I can get a school visa or not, I may have a good chance of being denied.

This is my plan #1 though. I'm gonna try this plan first.

It's either this or I was gonna end up marrying her or just say fuck it and head back to the states. Haven't decided what I'll do yet if I don't end up getting the school visa...

Best advice is right here imo, and what I'm already trying to do ^

[–]wkndatbernardus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely don't get married for PR status. If that factor is at all motivating you, you better stay single.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Don't get married to get a residency.

But hey, you got this, sport. Don't you listen to those scarred red pill guys! They don't know what they're talking about!

If you want non sarcastic advice, I advise you to finish your education and get a job or get more established in your career, get some savings and reevaluate in 3 years.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The only reason marriage is up for consideration is since I may not get a school visa here in Canada.

Basically, to stay with her I need to either: 1. Get accepted for a school visa OR 2. Get married

Not trying to make it seem as if you married gents don't know wtf you're talking about, as you guys certainly have first-hand experience that I don't.

Just I don't have many other options other than breaking up with a damn good chick (which yeah I get there's more of) if I'm not to do plans #1 or #2.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Look around you - how many 30-40-50 year olds are still happily married? having married in their early 20s.

Happily

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've looked at exactly that -- I know of none. Also don't know of any 40-50+ year old men unmarried in-person.

So yeah, good point.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I don't care if a man decides to marry. His call not mine. Though he needs to realize being married is not in his interests. There is no upside to being married for a man.

That said. No. You're 22. No man should consider marriage until 30 years minimum. At 22 you've no idea what you're doing.

Make money. Get jacked. Then you can consider what ever you want.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Am jacked. 5'8, 10% bf, 210lbs, not natty.

Working on money.

[–]Imaginary_Historian-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

At 22 you've no idea what you're doing.

What are you talking about? Read this guy's posts here. He clearly has everything all figured out, at 22! He must be a RP genius, knowing better than the wise men who wrote the sidebar reading material and better than any of the advice and facts posted here. He should write a book and have it included here, for all of the other 22-year-old definitely non-queer geniuses who come here, to "guide" them.

He's even smarter than the two guys who won a Nobel prize for the Dunning-Kruger effect, which positively does not describe this non-fairy to a T. Let's watch as everything will be perfect for him going forward and he will not make exactly the wrong decisions at 22 and fuck up his life.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sigh... Never claimed any of this.

You're a fucking bore.

[–]rotkohlblaukraut0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Statistically speaking, you've lived only 25% of your life so far. And only accumulated, say, 5 years, or 6% of your life experience as seen through somewhat adult eyes. And I'm guessing that a good chunk of that experience for you has been that things generally work out, that a lot of people around you support you, that you can achieve those things that you work hard at. So you want to extrapolate that 6% of your life into the last 75% and put half your earnings and life's work at risk, well, hey, what could go possibly wrong?

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I get what you're saying. Again though, I'm not new to TRP related spaces. I'm more than familiar with divorce rape -- hence the point of this post.

Still foolishly considering marriage though. Haven't decided.

Don't want to be a married man honestly, just want to remain with this girl.

[–]gameoflibidos0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

it is abso-fucking-lutely a fucking horrible and train wreck of an idea.

you will change as a person a lot from now until 30. You have a lot of growing to do... you need to try to start a business, take some risks, feel your way through early corporate life, you're 22 for fucks sake.

None of the above is happening once you have 2 little kids running around.. you will be chained to a desk and bolted to the steady paycheck.

Get married in 15 years to a 23 year old wife after you have your shit straight.

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes

[–]redditguy61-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's a bad idea for anyone to get married. You're not unique.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, what a epiphany.

No shit.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP trashing quality posters why are you still here? Go get married then if you don’t like our advice and get fucked.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Aha wow.

Oh cool you're valued in a sub-reddit on the internet -- I don't give a shit.

You disrespect me, I fuck you. I don't give a fuck who you are.

Also dumb bitch for the 90th time, haven't fucking decided, learn to fucking read.

[–]RoccoPinkman-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Green card marry somebody else who you will never see again. Problem solved.

[–]AMOG-ONEPERCENT-LMS[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sigh... next.



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