I should preface this with the fact that I am not and have not been married. But after 7 years, 5 or 6 of which we were living together, it felt like it. I know it's not the same— but I posted my story here, and one of the few comments pointed me to this sub.
TLDR: After noticing my girlfriend acting suspicious, I found her Reddit messages. She'd met a guy online and they'd been talking / having online sex / dirty-talking for around a month. They also talked about me (by name) and my inadequacies, including the fact that apparently I've never given her an orgasm and she's been faking for years. When I confronted her, she admitted all of it. She said it was over and had been in her mind for a while. I moved in with my parents.
I'm at a loss of what to do from here. Apologies if I'm monumentally ignorant; I've read a bit of TRP sidebar, but my head is just spinning. It's hard for me to convert that information into a plan for myself. I am completely lost. I never thought she'd do this in a million years. And the worst part is, I just want her back still. I can't stop texting her.
What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck do I do?
Edit: POSITIVE UPDATE: I really appreciate all the responses. Especially with me charging in here as ignorantly as I did. I needed all of it. I needed the telling-it-like-it-is, the tough love, the advice, the "sorry, dude"s, even the people just roasting me— all of it. I honestly value all of the responses here, even the ones that stung to read at first. I'm taking it all to heart. I've stopped texting her except for the logistics of getting my shit out of the old house. I got a new job with better pay. I don't have a gym membership yet, but I will get one, and in the meantime I have some dumbbells and will do as much at-home exercise as possible. I'm reading NMMNG and cackling at how accurate it is. I'm actually working methodically through the sidebar rather than scanning through it in panicked grief. A good friend took me out for a goddamn steak dinner; we drank bourbon and talked about all the bad things about her and how I'm better off. I've actually internalized and BELIEVE the idea that she did me a favor, that this is a unique opportunity to focus on myself and the man I want to be, without having to actually go through something like a divorce. Rather than foreign thoughts I have to concede, I FEEL it in me that I deserve and can achieve BETTER, and that it's my duty to actually fucking TRY. It's hard to explain, but it all just kind of clicked. And I have you guys to thank. Christ, I can't thank you enough.
(Special shoutouts to the effort put in trying to help my sorry ass by u/Escape_From_Betacraz, u/JudgeDoom, u/InChargeMan, u/RedRedux, u/red-sfpplus, u/RedPill-BlackLotus, u/LongRoad518, u/TheLitz, u/RedJive, u/Two_kids_in_a_coat, and u/red88lobster. You guys were especially helpful.)
Update TLDR: OP is a faggot