Need advice with wife falling out of love with me.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2019-08-15T04:22:24+00:00

Need advice with wife falling out of love with me

No, you don't. You focusing on your wife falling out of love with you is PRECISELY why you haven't already figured this shit out on your own and why you are here now. You're the idiot that goes to the shop and tells them your car is running rough and you think you need new tires. The shop tells you you need a major tune-up. Don't be the stupid fuck that tells the shop to put the new tires on the car.

There are a few fundamental truths that you will come across in the sidebar, but you need them right now because you sound desperate and needy as fuck.

Your marriage may already be over. There is nothing you can do to 'save it.' The M in MRP stands for MARRIED Red Pill, not MAGIC Red Pill.

You previously fit guys think all you have to do is lose the fat, pack on some muscle, et Voila! She's DTF and SUCK.

WRONG.

That is exactly HALF the battle. Yes, your physique is important, but it's not enough to keep her from drowning in the ocean of her emotion. You need to LEAD with your frame, you know, the one that is currently so weak it is nearly unidentifiable.

The stay-plan is the same as the go-plan. This means that whether you stay or go, or whether she leaves you, or not, you have to do the same exact thing. Sidebar. More specifically, go here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/acvzgx/steels_guide_to_married_red_pill/

I didn't know about PUA before we were married, and I did just fine with women.

So fucking what. How does that relate to where you are now?

I don't think I ever had a problem with game, I think I had enough naturally to get by.

So fucking what. You're bullshitting yourself with your own past.

I was admittedly for 17 years an angry guy, where I would let little things get to me and make me blow up. I never laid a hand on her, but I think it just wore her down.

And you SUCK as a LEADER.

Since this all went down I have been lifting 6 days a week and in the five weeks lost 30#

Great. You are doing exactly 50% of what needs to be done to regain your masculinity, for YOU. Care to guess what 50% you're missing?

I found MRP a few days ago... Read the side bar and...

Do you see the incongruence of these two statements on several levels? You CANNOT read the sidebar in a few days, unless you literally meant you read the word, 'sidebar.'

and learned I had already started 1&2 of dread and was already looking for hobbies etc to get into, so I was working on dread three before I even came to the subreddit on my own.

You are still bullshitting yourself. You think you are a natural at this and you will be able to fast track your way through this because while you are needy and desperate now, you USED to be jacked and tan and juicy as fuck.

I guess I just don't know what to do or what path to go down to work on building attraction again because she has said it herself if it came back she wouldn't be feeling like this at all and thinking about separating.

The path is laid out before you in the above link. You must know that you walk this path, alone. You cannot get through it if you are thinking of her, she, pussy, kids, marriage, etc.

The path laid out before you is the one you must take to reclaim your masculinity; you know, that shit your ego hasn't quite accepted you lost with all your aforementioned humblebrags.

Married Red Pill is called TRP on HARD MODE because along your path there is no rest. There is no shelter. There is no respite. You can't go home at night and be by yourself and reflect for hours on what went right and what went wrong during your failed interaction for 30 minutes earlier in the day. No. FUCKING HARD MODE. Because SHE is watching you every step of the way, resisting you, taunting you, shit-testing you, giving you bad advice, threatening you, telling you to take detours, to stray from the path.

What you must do is keep your focus, eyes open, ears open, mouth shut. You must step deliberately, follow the signs on the path, not her direction.

Somewhere along the way she will either begin to walk with you, or she will leave you altogether. If you leave the path, you will lose her anyway. If you stay ON the path, she may leave and come back.

Here's the point. You already fucked up and ARE fucked up. Get with the program and you WILL be successful, with HER, or SOMEONE ELSE.

IF YOU DO THIS FOR HER, FOR YOUR KIDS, OR FOR YOUR MARRIAGE, YOU WILL FAIL.

Your wife may be fucked up. Although it sounds like a perfect case of AWALT because you are NOT the prize, you have NOT shouldered the mantles of leadership and responsibility, and you have not embraced the burden of performance.

Your marriage IS fucked up.

And you, sir, are a COLOSSAL fuck-up.

So....

Guess which ONE you CAN fix...

Only one..

and yes, Captain Ego, it's YOU.

I'm wandering in the dark and wondering if it's even possible to get it back and how the hell to do it. I'm looking for some guidance from anyone who could pass some along.

By "it" I am hoping you mean YOU, your masculinity and the essence of who YOU are and who YOU need to become, for YOU.

You will read much about the Matrix. Watch the movie now if you haven't. You will also read a lot about being the Captain of the ship, the FO, and the 1000' rope. PAY ATTENTION.

You've been lifting 6 days a week and lost 30lbs. You need to spend the same number of hours a week in the sidebar. I know you will agree that her entire problem with you is NOT that you got fat. And you losing the FAT is NOT GOING TO FIX YOUR MARRIAGE. If it would, this sub would be called, LIFTING Red Pill.

Do it for YOU, and this woman, or the next, will fuck you for it. Plug that thought into what you learn about OI.

Kill your fucking ego.

SHE no longer matters.

YOU are on a mission to reclaim your masculinity and your manhood.

There are no shortcuts.

The first phase is going to take you 12-17 months by definition, and 500-700 hours of work.

The shit you skip in the sidebar is the shit you will fuck up and fail.

This is like math class. Miss a week and you will fail the test.

Class is in session.

You showed up.

Are you going to walk the fuck out?

Or are you determined to pass class and...

GET TO FUCKING WORK!

Edit: grammar and syntax

weakandsensitive · 2019-08-15T03:45:48+00:00

0 frame. even in this post. send your wife in, i'd rather talk to her.

in the five weeks lost 30#

the fact that you had 30 pounds to lose in 5 weeks speaks volumes

beta_game · 2019-08-15T05:22:40+00:00

You read the side bar in a day and have been losing 5lbs a week, first you need to get off the meth

red-sfpplus · 2019-08-15T12:37:27+00:00

Matrix is right, but here is my addition.

The fact she invited you to the gym tells me two things about your wife:

She is not completely out of the relationship.
She is telling you via actions the first step you need to take. Get to the gym.

The fact that she took you to HER gym and was seen in public with you at the Holy Altar of The Iron Paradise speaks volumes.

Your good. She gave you a softball. Time to start hitting.

Prob not cheating. Yet.

[deleted] · 2019-08-15T03:50:46+00:00

Need advice with wife falling out of love with me.

If a relationship, sex, etc. was good, and then the woman fell out of love, about 99 times out of 100 it's because the man was attractive and became unattractive.

Five weeks ago she asked me to go with her to the gym

I may be mistaken in this, but it seems like this was the first time you'd been to the gym in a while. If so, then this was literally her dragging you to the gym in an effort to make you more attractive to save her marriage.

...and because of my anger and getting fat and this trust issue she is confused on how she feels.

She's very explicitly laying out what the issue is here by bringing you to the gym and then telling you that you got fat. That's a gift that you shouldn't ignore.

and I guess I just don't know what to do or what path to go down to work on building attraction again

Get in better shape, and get your shit together in general, but don't expect her attraction to come back anytime soon. There's a post about the idea of a 1000 ft. rope somewhere, and the idea applies here.

You might not get your wife back, but you'll be in a better position to get the women you want to get if the two of you do split up.

Edit: Fixed a typo.

BobbyPeru · 2019-08-15T07:07:05+00:00

So, she said it’s a combination of the text and you getting fat.

Nope Its you getting fat and having no frame... the text is the excuse so she doesn’t look like a shallow person when she divorces your ass. I wouldn’t be surprised if she already has a branch swing ready.

Here is what you need to come to terms with

It may be too late in your marriage.

Keep working on yourself and get some god damn frame. Also, Lose another 30 lbs fattie.

andyturbo2000 · 2019-08-15T12:02:54+00:00

You sure this isn’t hypergamy? Sounds like Chad Thundercock has got her picking at a wound.

ReddJive · 2019-08-15T14:20:25+00:00

I could recap a lot. But you wouldn’t appreciate it and I would be depriving you of the face smack you deserve. Yet this is common. ILYBNILWY speech.

Your advice is in your reading. Maybe someone here can tell you what happened to them and maybe how they reversed it. First off OP needs to learn how a woman’s emotions work. Her emotions are her reality. She can and will convince you And herself that she really didn’t love you.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #6 Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved. Women are incapable of loving men in a way that a man idealizes is possible, in a way he thinks she should be capable of. In the same respect that women cannot appreciate the sacrifices men are expected to make in order to facilitate their imperatives, women can’t actualize how a man would have himself loved by her. It is not the natural state of women, and the moment he attempts to explain his ideal love, that’s the point at which his idealization becomes her obligation. Our girlfriends, our wives, daughters and even our mothers are all incapable of this idealized love. As nice as it would be to relax, trust and be vulnerable, upfront, rational and open, the great abyss is still the lack of an ability for women to love Men as Men would like them to.

...women cannot appreciate the sacrifices men are expected to make

Women are in relationships for how you make them feel. Their world is their emotions.

You’ve Just learned what your little snowflake thinks of you and has for a long time. Chased love isn’t real love. If you have to remind her, chase her, or prove to her then you have lost focus on your own life and are living for someone else.

So, do not expect that the woman in your life will be grateful, and sacrifice for you. And make no mistake, you have never been, and never will be, part of what is hers. What are hers will be first herself, then her (biological) children, then her parents, then her siblings, and then the rest of her blood relatives.

The biological imperative has always been to extend her blood line. It stops there, and it always will. This is true everywhere in the world.

Get over it.

The bottom line to all this? If she can endure painful shoes and clothes for the sake of looking good she can sure as fuck change her mind about you in a heart beat.

tspitsatgp · 2019-08-15T09:22:48+00:00

The Stay Plan Is The Same As The Go Plan

Just read the fucking sidebar, mine the gold in the old posts, become attractive and STFU. Your wife does not care what you say or try now, she’s done with you at the moment.

Haha haha, you are totally going to try to talk your wife around. Doesn’t 17 years mean something? What about the kids? What about how we talked about growing old together? We built a life together, we can fix this!

Also if your wife’s friends and family are telling her to leave you... I dunno man... that’s a sign you are holding back info from anonymous dudes on the internet.

simbarlion · 2019-08-15T03:30:17+00:00

You're a FAT NICE-GUY BETA

That's an impressive combination.

johnn2015 · 2019-08-15T03:22:13+00:00

The text thing is just an excuse to justify her losing attraction for you. Whatever it is it sounds like something deeply suppressed in her they is just now getting out.

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2019-08-15T13:53:16+00:00

I think the whole thing about the texts 5 years ago is the light switch effect and shes already rewriting history in her mind.

It's not looking good.

If you even whisper a word to correct her, you lose.

Hard mode. We act, its interpretive dance over here. Hope you can moonwalk.

aita2899 · 2019-08-15T22:25:56+00:00

You guys were right. She was flirting with a guy online and saying she was getting feelings for him, I found the history.

I packed up the essentials I need for work and when she came home I calmly told her what I had found and that I thought she was better than that.

I told her I was leaving and when she asked when I would be back I said non of her business and that was it.

An hour later she is texting me to come home and to be honest, I don’t think I want to, the more I read the more I’m more interested in fixing myself and being a fucking man and being in a relationship that isn’t already fucked like this once I get my shit straight.

It’s time to own my shit, so I am sticking to my guns and I have not texted her back.

Thank you for opening my eyes

aita2899 · 2019-08-15T03:08:00+00:00

That sounds a lot like I love you but I am not in love with you. Those are cursed words my man, it usually means she is already cheating or wants out badly.

What aren't you telling us? You did a good job of telling us all the good things you did and what a good boy you have been, but what about all the gay shit you do?

Are you such a high value man that she is worried of losing you or are you worried that you are going to lose her?

jjj2576 · 2019-08-15T03:43:18+00:00

Just started NMMNG today— super short and accessible read, imo. I think you are grasping some aspects of STFU, but it’s hard to tell. Do you catch yourself DEERing like the bitch you are? Sounds like you DEER’d hard with the text thing.

Tips for what to do next on the sidebar... Pook— Helps one actualize their self-worth, improves game. Rationale Male— Helps with red pill basics and gender theory (covers hypergamy, dread, plates, and most basic red pill concepts) WISNIFG— Techniques for passing shot tests— reads a bit more formal than Rollo, Pook, and NMMNG. Dale Carnegie— It’s a communication book— do this after everything else. Great for the workplace.

You sound like you don’t have a mission too.

JameisBong · 2019-08-15T12:42:42+00:00

She's probably gone and is fucking the local pastor or something... that's fine,your mission is you and only you. If you do it correctly you'll be better husband in 17 months,dread doesn't work if you are a fat beta who habitually fails shit tests and is overly emotional.Get to work my friend ajd and best of luck to you.

ChokingDownRP · 2019-08-15T12:43:44+00:00

What I read was a lot of people posting about married where their partners have not said they don't love them romantically before.

Half the men here have been told "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" aka ILYBINILWY. There are plenty of posts about this, there is plenty of material about this in the side bar.

The bad news is that your relationship sounds pretty fucked. The good news is that your relationship isn't what's most important - you are what's important. Focus on you, not on saving the relationship. That doesn't mean you should shut her out, or not give any attention, or not do things to improve your relationship... Just that the things that will create desire have very little to do with focusing on her. Rubbing her back, choreplay, flowers, etc will not make a pussy wet. Being a confident, capable man who has fun and knows where he's going is what women want from their man.

After putting in the work, you might find that she's not who you want to be with...or she still may not want to be with you. That's ok, you're going to be in a better place either way... The stay plan = the go plan.

Rogue68486 · 2019-08-15T13:11:55+00:00

Stfu. Lift. Read and have some patience faggot

Welcome to the party

Eminencemiddle · 2019-08-21T23:52:36+00:00

She won't let you go past kissing? I'd start looking at an exit.

Do NOT try to talk her into giving you another chance, or try to reason her into behaving. It will only make her despise you more. Stop trying to make her happy. She sure as fuck isn't trying to make YOU happy, what with her back stabbing you to her friends and family! She's a right cunt, and even a dog deserves better, let alone a guy that is father to her children. Make yourself the focus now, because she probably no longer considers you as a man. This crying shit, and cutting you off tells me she already has another dude she's fucking or planning to fuck.

BTW, your upbringings are irrelevant, and will only fool you into cutting her more unwarranted slack.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2019-08-15T12:04:11+00:00

Love languages - look into it.

part_wolf · 2019-08-15T04:21:48+00:00

When her friends and family tell her to end it she says what a good dad I am, and how I am a good husband.

Your wife is lying to herself about the fact that you're a good husband, and you'd be a fool to believe it. She isn't attracted to you, and your marriage is in grave danger.

things I thought were great for the next 5 years

They weren't great for your wife. It's going to take the better part of 5 years for you to get your shit together. Your wife may not stick around for that.

she equates love with sex

When exactly did you figure out that your wife doesn't want you to treat her like a cum dumpster?

I've cut my anger completely out

I highly doubt that. Also, it sounds like your anger is by far not the only thing you need to address.

Lift, read the sidebar, and above all don't resent your wife. You neglected her for 5 years.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2019-08-15T16:04:00+00:00

All you can do at this point is work on yourself. You were a poor captain for most of your relationship and waited until she finally got the balls to tell you that she was finished with you before you woke up. There’s no saving this marriage because it wasn’t a good marriage. So let it go.

The ONLY thing you can do is work on yourself to finally be the best man you’re capable of being. A Man of Value that women are attracted to. Your current wife might be one of those women, but you’ve got so many months of hard work on yourself, that’s a long bet.

[deleted] · 2019-08-15T18:02:21+00:00

She tells them she's not ready to make the decision to leave me, but because she equates love with sex we have only had sex twice which she initiated, had an orgasm followed by crying due to her feeling confused. Since the second time she won't go past kissing.

You've only ever had sex twice? That's not good. I know that's not what you're saying, but that's how it's written.

The crying - you're right on the confused. I think she WANTS to "love" [desire] you but doesn't. The no kissing is a big red flag to this one. My wife was fucking me a few times per month at my worst but kissing was off the table with various excuses. For many women - kissing is more intimate than sex is.

Be angry at yourself. There's no magic bullet to save your marriage... BUT (and this is the key) there is simple to follow plan to save yourself. It's not an easy plan but it IS simple.

Buckle up cupcake, it's going to be a tough ride.

aita2899 · 2019-08-15T12:12:14+00:00

She kisses me every day before she leaves for work and comes to me for it. Is that her trying to control me also?

Title	Need advice with wife falling out of love with me.
Author	aita2899
Upvotes	22
Comments	66
Date	15 August 2019 02:58 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/248101
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/cqk7cb/need_advice_with_wife_falling_out_of_love_with_me/