I wrote a similar post last month, but I didn't get the point across.
Tought I could fix this myself, but last night I had an emotional breakdown.
After another disastrous night I went to church at 5 AM.
I cried for the first time in 2 years.
I did everything TRP recommended regarding maximizing my looks & it seems like I shot myself in the foot.
I look better than ever before.
But my results are much worse than when I started looking like total shit 2 years ago.
I'm trying to figure out if I'm going insane or if it's something I can fix with my looks.
Here's the tl;dr:
- 25yo in Germany
- Living alone in apartment I own
- Easily got girls at 140 pounds, 6' after reading TRP by overdressing
- Somewhat pretty face
- Hyperactive, talking a lot
- Used to get plenty IOIs from girls during night & day
- I'd walk in a club, choose a girl that smiled at me, talk to her
- Take her home or get her number, meet for coffee, take her to apartment, bang, sometimes plate
- Target group (petite, 5'5 & below, cute) easily achievable
- Started natural lifting, gains got to my head
- More girls than ever despite body still looking like shit
- Lots of plates
- 3 Steroid cycles to get to 215 lbs at ~14% BF, 6 foot
- Got a tan, grew a full, shaped beard
- Cleared up skin
- Classic recommended black T-Shirt, chino pants, boots look
- Look better than ever
- Became a lot less talkative, described as "the silent type" now
- ZERO INTEREST FROM GIRLS
- Self esteem completely crushed
- Developed body dysmorphia
- Lost all plates except one
- NO IOIs whatsoever, during the day or night
- Men are hostile towards me, assume I'm getting tons of girls, but I AM NOT
- Get hit on by gay men
- I don't drink alcohol, "weak" drugs like Phenibut no longer help keep my mood up at night
- Disgusted looks, scared girls get to my head
- Petite group seems forever out of reach
- Diving into severe depression, emotional instability, bipolar behavior
- About to lose my last plate & have no backup plan to replace her
The only people appreciating my new gains are:
- Other men at the gym
- Gay men
- MILFs lusting over me
- Ugly girls
- The last plate I still have
Things I have considered:
- lift shoes to get to 6'2~6'3 because I've been told I may be too short
- get down to lower bodyfat for more vascularity
- shorter beard
- I may be in the wrong city or country. I'm not sure if TRP applies to Germany because it's Clown World.
- Change up my style, black T-Shirt might make me look like a bouncer
- Tailor all my clothes so they go from decent fit to perfect fit
- Semi-Dox myself here with physique / dress style / face images to ask you guys what that fuck is wrong with me
- Take harder drugs to elevate my Mood. Phenibut does not cut it anymore. I get too depressed.
- Get over my aversion to cold approaching. Play the PUA number's game. Approach 100 girls cold.
Other things worth noting:
- Nobody in my city lifts. You do not see muscular men outside the gym here.
- There are no typical Chads. I was aware of this, so I thought the peacocking effect would help me. Nope.
- I live in a leftist Eco-City full of hippies and foreigners
- Typical "soy boys", balding, glasses, skinnyfat, get very hot girls in clubs
- I look in disbelief when I see fat, poor, ugly men with girls hotter than anything I ever had
This shit is making me legitimately sad.
It seems like I am either invisible or a dangerous threat to women that see me.
I put in all this work, risked my health with steroids and my results are worse than before I started.
I don't even want hot girls. I like them plain. I'm perfectly fine with a 6.5/10.
Petite, cute, little makeup. MISS ME with these Instagram thots.
The fact that I get NO GIRLS now destroys my ego.
I hate cold approaching and never did it before.
Neither a night and especially not during the day.
In my opinion, cold approaching is for low SMV guys that get no IOIs. Why would she want to talk to me?
There's no point talking to a random girl without getting signals from her before.
I think it's creepy, slimy & I'd feel watched when I do it with multiple girls at the same venue.
The personality changes also made me talk less.
I hate playing the hyperactive clown to keep her attention & say very few words nowadays.
I just want to cut the bullshit small talk and show a girl what I have to offer.
A hard big cock, king size bed, unlimited stamina and a drawer full of lingerie from last year that's collecting fucking dust now.
I saw a cute girl from the gym in the city last night.
She's what I consider my perfect target group, a personal 9/10.
Petite, athletic, 20 years old, nice round ass, pretty face, not too much make-up, natural beauty.
She was kissing a 5 foot 6, skinnyfat, balding, 30 year old man in an oversized print T-Shirt and cargo pants.
This was the point where I called it quits that night and went to church to pray.
I don't understand anything anymore.