Dudes who used to have short fuses, how did you evolve to DGAF over moderate to highly fuse-lighting stuff?

UnbreakableFrame · 2019-08-16T16:08:01+00:00

For me, realizing what being angry means completely turned me off from it. Anger is the most pathetic of all emotions that a man can feel. It is the manifestation of frustration and powerlessness.

Usually men with short fuses think of their short fuses with a TINY bit of satisfaction, because they think their rage is at least an expression of some kind of righteous masculinity. Hint, there's nothing masculine about losing your temper.

Angry outbursts are the antithesis of frame. Pick one. You can either be a calm man, in control of his frame and his life, or you can be a man-child with no self-control.

The realization of how much getting angry made me look like a loser is the thing that helped me to chill the fuck out. Staying in control makes you feel much more powerful and satisfied. Don't ever forfeit the control of your emotions to another person.

Cody_Silver · 2019-08-16T14:15:42+00:00

Best advice I ever got was from my Tae Kwon Do instructor: when someone bothers, smile, think of all the ways you could kill him, and then go about your way.

[deleted] · 2019-08-16T14:43:31+00:00

You basically just described cognative-behavioral therapy. That's exactly what a psychologist would recommend for people who want to change their negative reactive behaviors. Anyway, for me, I've always been extremely motivated to succeed in all of the "domains" that make up my life. Part of short-cutting to success is to learn from others rather than going through trial and error yourself. People who succeed in the social / leadership domains are talented when it comes to keeping a cool head, being reasonably patient with others, and simplifying complex tasks into simple tasks so that they can be delegated.

Capital_Recognition · 2019-08-16T14:21:11+00:00

Work out way harder, bro. This shit is equally as physical as it is mental. Your hormones need to be put to work.

It is kind of hard to feel angry or frustrated when you workout so hard that you want to die, or at the very least throw up.

Do the big lifts; compound, heavy exercises.

Do HIIT of some sort (of course way after you lift), and arrange your day around healthy, physical activities.

For example, since this week isn't done yet I will give you my week last week. It went like this; lifted 5 days (I am doing PHAT by Layne Norton right now), practiced boxing for 1 hour on one of my non-lift days (really intense cardio workout but I also get to hit the bag a shit ton), practiced BJJ on one of my lift days, and I rock climbed on the other non-lift day. I also ran 2 miles on one of my lift days at night.

I sleep 9 hours a night as a result and don't really 'feel' much of anything except exhausted and beat up. Really, though, I do feel good. I have been at this a while. Strangely enough, I also am crazy horny, but I nut fast, not sure why. Either way, no emotions... just drained.

pollodustino · 2019-08-16T19:05:02+00:00

When I caught myself getting angry I would ask myself two questions:

1: Would this matter tomorrow? In a week? In a year?

2: What can I do right now to correct this?

I focused on how important the issue was. If it was something as simple as getting cut off in traffic, or something that someone did that inconvenienced me, I would tell myself that it wouldn't even matter in an hour. It happened, it can't unhappen, but nothing of any real consequence occurred so why get mad about it?

If it was something that did matter, or would lead to bigger issues down the road, I would stop and think of what I could do to fix the problem. By focusing on the solution, rather than the issue, I would use that angry energy in a productive fashion, rather than let it percolate and turn to rage and resentment.

Combined with an overall goal of becoming more mellow, optimistic, and cheerful these two strategies really helped me tamper down my hair trigger.

I'm not gonna lie, it can take a long time to retrain yourself not to explode. It took me about two years, and even now some things just completely set me off, but now I can catch myself fairly easily and calm myself down. Beforehand though, I would spend hours fixated on one little thing, and that's just not healthy.

xdrunkagainx · 2019-08-16T19:11:07+00:00

I was angry cause I wasn't redpill yet. I had redpill revelations throughout my life but I didn't understand the double standards or the true nature of women. Learning about gas lighting really woke me up. I've found ways to direct that anger into my workouts so that I can use that energy productively. With introspection and reflection you will understand that you are ultimately responsible for how you feel. As a man with patience and discipline you can control how you feel unlike women. Since I lost that quick to anger temper I've seen how it effects women in situations. One of the most recent was a plate I had been seeing for a while. I took her to a concert and within 2 songs of being there a clumsy guy spilled my $8 beer on me. I just laughed and got another beer. She was stunned and kept asking if I was angry, she was more stunned when I replied being angry won't put the beer back in the cup. She would constantly comment after that how much she loved that I was in control.

its4thecatlol · 2019-08-16T18:23:01+00:00

Anger is like anything else in a TRP man's life: a situation with potential for benefit if exploited properly. Anger is telling you that you are distressed about something. The context matters. What is most important is your degree of control over the situation. It is fine to be angry about something you can change. That rage is a fuel to burn on your path to greatness. You need to learn to burn it at a reasonable pace so that you don't run out of fuel too early, nor accomplish your task without discharging your anger. When it comes to things you have little power over, anger only frustrates and harms you. Let it go.

spider_1337 · 2019-08-16T18:49:39+00:00

I usually "store" my anger and use it later like at the gym. I remember i once also took a calculus class in highschool which i completely sucked at. It made me angry to see all the other egg heads get easy As so i used my anger to study and i ended passing with a B. When my ex branch swung to another guy it also pissed me off especially since he was a scrawny fuck who was basically BB. I used my anger to make some gainz at the gym and when she came crawling back i basically told her to get lost.

Cods_gift_to_reddit · 2019-08-16T22:20:40+00:00

These are all pretty shallow solutions and all psychological (internal).

I would suggest real life action; anger is due to a perceived injustice or a perceived lowering of status which can be rectified with action but cannot be rectified by reflection.

Anger is a legitimate reaction to many situations, and can be used to demonstrate that you won't take shit. As others say though it can also be used by others to poke and prod you for a sense of control over your emotions. It all depends what you get angry at and how you release it. If someone is poking and prodding you to see if you'll react then a small poke/prod back should suffice.

You can also use anger as motivation to improve yourself and put yourself demonstrably higher in the pecking order of a particular hierarchy.

There seems to be this idea that anger is a 'bad' emotion which isn't true. It's legitimate and there's always a reason for it. Expressing it is healthy and repressing it is unhealthy.

AdeHMar · 2019-08-16T14:15:02+00:00

Marcus Aurelius - Meditations

Also, WWGAD? What would Gustavus Adolphus do?

Duzand · 2019-08-16T19:25:57+00:00

I've always channeled a lot of anger into exercise, whether it's lifting, boxing, or running.

But I definitely don't prescribe to this mushy "turn the other cheek" or "avoid confrontation at all costs" mentality that's been fostered here. Controlled anger, used sparingly, directed where it should be, can be effective. But the out-of-control rage you suggest, yeah, lifting the fuck out of some weights, or banging the fiance extra rough.

theislander849 · 2019-08-16T20:08:15+00:00

I joined a BJJ gym.

Problem solved forever.

cracksniffer666 · 2019-08-16T20:23:07+00:00

I started taking kratom

I witnessed another man lose his temper and realized how dumb/cringe it was

I started working out

I stopped beating off as much so I wasn't a moody edgy little cunt

I basically realized anger wasn't a manly trait, but a fucking weirdo trait

BrodinsOats · 2019-08-16T21:34:47+00:00

I used to get really angry. I believe it was imparted from my father as well. I didn’t like him and I didn’t want to be like him, so I guess that was a big motivator.

Breathing exercises and meditation are effective for increasing your ability to regulate your autonomic arousal, which is closely tied to anger. It’s a skill that’s developed, so it takes regular practice.

TBH my anger mostly dissipated after I put myself through the ringer of drug addiction and recovery. I guess it was silenced through the substance abuse, and then naturally quelled through the harsh life experience of recovery. Or maybe it just had to do with getting older. Idk. Probably all of the above.

In any case, I do believe it will improve with time because of your good intention. Just keep at it.

RedPillAlphaBigCock · 2019-08-16T23:00:54+00:00

magic mushrooms - made me realize what is truly important

WinterRice · 2019-08-16T15:41:39+00:00

Two things that worked for me, but it takes discipline- I breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth real slow. Not obvious enough to look like a psychopath but you get it. I also remember that you can either be mad and let someone "win" by getting a reaction or you can let it go. Reflecting on the trigger and realizing you're carrying anger around are two really popular psych techniques; so good on you for using those.

Working out more didn't help me or hurt me in regards to my temper.

boy_named_su · 2019-08-16T16:07:37+00:00

By studying Stoicism and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

PerplexingPegasus_ · 2019-08-16T16:13:57+00:00

Personally what I realized most people themselves don’t try to control their own impulses/triggers.

When I witness someone doing the same towards me, I make a mental note that it’s their reaction and not mine. I also consciously try to remember the anger or negative reactions from others and that I won’t allow myself to behave in the same way.

Edit: acknowledge it annoys you at first, then continue on with your day, denying it bottles up your anger.

its_meKnightSwolaire · 2019-08-16T17:55:07+00:00

Might sound weird but changing my diet helped me. I seem to be much more irritable after the roller coaster of eating carbs and the insulin up and down

surrealismen · 2019-08-16T17:55:13+00:00

Anger is temporary. Guilt and consequences are permanent.

uptimex · 2019-08-16T18:04:01+00:00

I do Tai Chi all the time, several times per day. More specifically Tai Chi Yang style 24 form. Also workout, a lot of workout. Otherwise I would just explode.

EvelynnSpoiler · 2019-08-16T18:11:01+00:00

Meditation / being present

See your emotions from a birds eye view and let them pass. Saying that, knowing BJJ is also fun if you wanna put someone to sleep

theredsperg · 2019-08-16T19:07:06+00:00

Rage is impossible to calm down from. so noticing you're about to rage, give yourself some space to chill out, yeah it might be cookie cutter advice but it's a given for a reason

Notice your emotions are turning the way they are, learn to stop giving a fuck about shit like traffic jams, people doing dumb shit, life will always suck balls at some points.

Basically, you turn your automatic thoughts into other healthy reactions, we will always get angry but whether your anger is justified is always worth exploring.

remember, you cannot stop rage. normally i always notice i'm about to sperg out so i do shit to distract/avoid that happening

cluelessguitarist · 2019-08-16T19:29:19+00:00

Reading meditations from marcus aurelios or any other stoic authout helps me control those kinds of feelings, remember the only good or bad things come from the choices that are in our control, other than that, we cant helped it if is not part of our choices., this kind of though is what really helps me.

Bear-With-Bit · 2019-08-16T19:30:30+00:00

Immediate reaction is almost always emotional, foolish, and brings unwanted results. When shit happens, you gotta get in the habit of un-reacting, taking your time, letting things sink in.

Flapfapaway · 2019-08-16T19:56:09+00:00

Anger is depression expressed outwards. If you have a solid basis on yourself and arent setting yourself up for failure by doing negatively impacting things, your fuse will lengthen. If you put things off and are letting things pile up than your stressing yourself out over situations that might be the result of your own disorganization.

I'm not a crazy religious person, but I do believe in a higher spirit that keeps the universe in check, karma so to speak. I think that when you go through a situation that is stressful, you can look at it as, how can this shitty situation help me grow as a person. Look at it as situations to help you grow instead of situations that makes you angry.

Also another thing I do, have done, and continue to do, is to cut out negative people out of my life. By doing so, you reduce your level of stress, gain more trust in your relationships and get put into less shitty situations as well as able to trust the wisdom of those around you.

SeasonedRP · 2019-08-16T21:32:43+00:00

When I was younger I was much more prone to this than I am now. Reading Bruce Lee's books helped me a lot. They aren't purely about martial arts. I think he was a philosophy major, and he had a lot of wise sayings that resonated with me and helped me view things from a more detached perspective. And it won't help now, but this gets much better as you age.

theadj123 · 2019-08-16T23:03:22+00:00

I used to have a horrific temper and serious rage issues. Age has tempered it a lot, but learning how it impacted others (and therefore impacted me) helped me as well. No one respects a guy that's angry or violent for no reason, and folks that don't respect you aren't going to follow you. Being able to control yourself is a key to success, no one wants to associate with someone who can't maintain their control. That doesn't mean you aren't boiling beneath the surface, but if you can't control that then you aren't worthy of being followed.

Find outlets for your anger that you can use to release the pressure - most folks do physical activities like the gym or combat sports. Don't go too far to the passive side either, it's perfectly acceptable to be passionate or vocal about something that's important and it's also fine to take decisive action when it's called for. Being mad about something someone says to you isn't one of those times.

Brushyourteethm8 · 2019-08-16T23:06:24+00:00

Look into the Sedona Method and do some releasing. Nobody is naturally angry - you'll have some shit buried where reacting with aggression helped you get through when you were younger and it's an emotional response that's festering.

See my recent post for a summary.

All the best

Uberfeedus · 2019-08-16T23:28:25+00:00

Being angry and having a short fuse is a sign of being reactive as opposed to equanimous. Control your breath and reactivity and this will go away.

jtzabor · 2019-08-17T01:16:36+00:00

perspective is everything. took me time to really comprehend that what i was getting mad at wouldnt matter even 5min from now. it wouldnt matter and it wouldnt help.

Javares · 2019-08-17T02:08:46+00:00

After reading The subtle art of not giving a fuck I learned to not give a fuck about the things that irritate me. It was as simple as that. Am I gonna let an inferior problem when compared to my end goal disrupt my mood. Hell no! So what if that guy just bumped my shoulder... I'm moving towards something greater and a little bump can't change that. In fact it's too little of a problem for me to care for.

dreguan · 2019-08-17T02:11:01+00:00

For me personally, the only time I get angry is when I get startled. That said, I have the power to not react and allow myself to get startled if I focus more deeply on any given thing I'm doing.

I live street level for example and ALWAYS have the windows wide open when I work on my computer, even at night. The layout of the windows is off to the side and slightly behind. It has taught me to be more focused on my work: and register distractions when they happen (frequently) but keep my attention deliberately focused on what I'm doing for at least a second before I deliberately shift focus to whomever is trying to get my attention.

It communicates that I'm open to everyone but my attention will not be hijacked.

Back to your original question: Some drunk Asian old man caught me off guard the other night, smacking the bottom of his beer bottle on the sill and aggressively trying to start a conversation. The abruptness of the noise caught me off guard and startled me and I got angry because I got scared.

But working more and more with these distractions every day, I am getting to this knife edge between awareness and reaction where a loud, disruptive noise gives me a growing fraction of a second (like real-life bullet time) to decide how I wanna act. I like this it makes me feel powerful; imperious. Whether its a drunk who wants me to play my guitar, an ambulance, a pretty girl, or some Turkish kids who wants to me to rap with them, they will wait until I am good and ready -and when I am ready and they do get my attention they get my FULL EYEBALL ATTENTION.

I don't even have to set boundaries: people fall in line naturally when such clear direction is given non-verbally. And that makes me calmer, which, to answer your question, makes me rage less.

Deliberate undivided application of attention. Works when someone tries to but into your conversation too.

AshyLarry27 · 2019-08-17T02:58:29+00:00

I picture how ridiculous I look and clown-able it is. I feel more empowered in taking pride in being cool, calm, and collected.

chiropractico · 2019-08-17T03:09:52+00:00

Paint happy clouds my friends

griz3lda · 2019-08-17T03:54:54+00:00

My biggedt triggers are people I'm close to. This sounds pussy, but if truly I feel on the verge of clocking someone, I straight up run away. Just go "I need a break" (wife realizes this is a magnanimous understatement) or say nothing, and walk away. Better than being a wife-beater. I do try to eliminate the situation longterm, but sometimes it's an emergency.

I also realized I had sensory issues / misophonia and invested in some noise-blocking headphones + earplugs.

Red_King2602 · 2019-08-17T06:57:05+00:00

Stocism, simple as that.

umizumiz · 2019-08-17T11:35:25+00:00

Time.

Finally getting my ass kicked.

Having a child.

Time.

ThrowawayOFCCCC · 2019-08-17T14:59:53+00:00

When I was younger I had severe issues with anger and being unable to control my emotions, I got into fights, smashed things, broke things and just flew off the handle constantly.

A little bit later on in life I got diagnosed with tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and spent 12 months of my late teenage years severely depressed until one day when my mindset shifted.

I realised that the only way to stop this would be to either kill my self or get over it and get on with life.

Since that day I've had a much better time dealing with emotion as I stopped letting it control me.

While I'm not suggesting you start going to nightclubs and standing near the speakers to have the same awakening, I'm suggesting that you start to think rationally about things.

If someone's giving me shit now, it's a lot more satisfying to sit there silently calculating how to get what I want or wind them up even more by not reacting to them than punching them in the nose and having to deal with the consequences.

Likewise, for things I can't control, it's a lot more satisfying to work around and overcome issues than to get upset about them and throw my toys out of the pram.

depressedfuckboi · 2019-08-18T13:25:23+00:00

I quit drinking. Sober I can suppress my intense anger problem and alleviate the anger through different, logical means.

Drunk I just pick someone and get in a bar fight. Alcohol is no good for me due to underlying mental health issues. Had to let it go.

TheKidWithBieberHair · 2019-08-16T21:44:46+00:00

Smoking a lot of weed.

no_re-entry · 2019-08-16T22:10:57+00:00

Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die.

huntersam13 · 2019-08-16T16:57:27+00:00

the answer should be "I stopped actin like a lil bitch"

calcul8rallig8r · 2019-08-16T15:58:10+00:00

Shit still pisses me off but I stopped giving a fuck about moderating my response

MCA_T · 2019-08-16T21:23:50+00:00

smoke erb

Title	Dudes who used to have short fuses, how did you evolve to DGAF over moderate to highly fuse-lighting stuff?
Author	javascript_dev
Upvotes	110
Comments	91
Date	16 August 2019 02:02 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	askTRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/249210
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/cr6rwd/dudes_who_used_to_have_short_fuses_how_did_you/