Dudes who used to have short fuses, how did you evolve to DGAF over moderate to highly fuse-lighting stuff?

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August 16, 2019
110 upvotes

I've been successful dropping my reactivity to the petty irritations in life like people being obnoxious in traffic, in line etc. But when confronted or antagonized my dad's rage still comes through.

I'm not doing the whole health professional visits, I'm pretty self sufficient with most things if I can work out a plan. This issue is one that cuts deep though. Have you other former hot heads been able to tone down your explosive tempers? If so how did you go about it and what tips do you have to offer?

Here are a few things on my list

  • Reflect on what the trigger was, and what about it upsets me (this one really helps especially done at home in my journal)
  • Catch yourself carrying anger around, that's when you're most vulnerable to blowing up on the next thing
  • Being cheery about something helps in the other direction. Probably good in the long term to correct being overly triggered by stuff. I have a hobby writing jokes which makes me more sensitive to the comedies hidden everywhere in life, when I adopt that mindset I have a much easier time laughing about dumb shit.
  • When all else fails I try to breathe for 5 while blanking out my mind and focusing on the breaths

Post Information
Title Dudes who used to have short fuses, how did you evolve to DGAF over moderate to highly fuse-lighting stuff?
Author javascript_dev
Upvotes 110
Comments 91
Date 16 August 2019 02:02 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/249210
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/cr6rwd/dudes_who_used_to_have_short_fuses_how_did_you/
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[–]UnbreakableFrame146 points147 points  (29 children) | Copy

For me, realizing what being angry means completely turned me off from it. Anger is the most pathetic of all emotions that a man can feel. It is the manifestation of frustration and powerlessness.

Usually men with short fuses think of their short fuses with a TINY bit of satisfaction, because they think their rage is at least an expression of some kind of righteous masculinity. Hint, there's nothing masculine about losing your temper.

Angry outbursts are the antithesis of frame. Pick one. You can either be a calm man, in control of his frame and his life, or you can be a man-child with no self-control.

The realization of how much getting angry made me look like a loser is the thing that helped me to chill the fuck out. Staying in control makes you feel much more powerful and satisfied. Don't ever forfeit the control of your emotions to another person.

[–]ggggggggee16 points17 points  (6 children) | Copy

Facts. I used to think emotions were beta. Little did I know that they controlled me.

[–]PandaLitter3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Elaborate? Are they good or bad?

[–]bookofcookies5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

There are male energy emotions and female energy emotions. In the end none of the emotions attributed to either side of the aisle will serve you unless it is beneficial to problem at hand. Act with purpose and find your own sources to elaborate, now this is manly.

[–]PandaLitter1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I need clarification on what he said. He used to think they were beta and they controlled him and then what? He realized emotions are not beta? Dude is speaking nonsense

[–]ggggggggee7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Alright buddy. When you have negative emotions such as anger, sadness pain etc. I learned that you have to feel them, Meditate on then, journal and get to understand them. If you don't, you end up bottling them the fuck up. You get angry, pissed and carry emotional baggage that women and men alike can see from a mile away. You don't perform at your best because you are emotionally lacking. It's like the damn gym but for you soul/mind.

I'm not saying go cry to the first person you see, but journal, think about shit. If you have trauma, get a good male therapist.

Got it?

[–]PandaLitter-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Try to make it clear and intelligible the first time you post a thought, buddy

[–]ggggggggee4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry to disappoint you Daddy :(

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat24 points25 points  (6 children) | Copy

Eh, I think anger can have its place. Just shouldn’t control you.

[–]Helmet_Icicle14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Control your emotions or someone else will.

[–]RivenHalf12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

To steal a quote from a blog on Amused Mastery

" I’m not saying there’s never a time for anger. There is. There is a time for red hot passion and white hot rage. But your operational mode should be one of… say it with me… AMUSED MASTERY. Cool-as-fuckness. Imperturbability. "

[–]mickey__0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

what blog?

[–]Project_Zero_Betas7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's most appropriate place is to signal to people that they've crossed a boundary and you find that unacceptable. If people cross boundaries and you don't react in ANY way, all it does is let others know that there's no repercussions for acting that way.

[–]H0tTamal31 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wouldn't it be better to, in a cool headed manner, tell them that they crossed a boundary and that you will retaliate?

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sure, but just because you're in a cool-headed manner, doesn't mean you're still not angry.

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez19 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy

I completely disagree. Anger is the emotion of desire to make change. Things I have no control over never make me angry. Throwing a tantrum is acting like a child. There are masculine, grown man ways to express your emotions and there's childish ways. You'll know the difference when people don't take your anger lightly. They know it's a deep and thought out reaction.

[–]lentilpasta12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

My boyfriend used to think that when he displayed anger, my stunned silence was something like “wow, a horrible injustice must have melted away his cool, calm veneer” when in actuality I was super embarrassed for him and couldn’t really think of the right response. I would try to reevaluate how people are responding to your anger.

[–]1DubbleFUPAwitCheez2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I never had the intention of quibbling over the interpretation and expression of emotions with the men here, much less a woman that wandered in here. This says something about your boyfriend and only your boyfriend. What I said is simply an example of how people will react to an actualized man versus one who has work to do.

[–]lentilpasta5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Woah, actually thanks for being civil-ish! Lostredditor over here did not realize what sub she was on

[–]crkdopn1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know a guy who gets drunk and starts getting rough with everyone to the point he starts yelling and starting fights. The next day he wears it like a badge of honor. He doesn't realize we all think he's a fucking drama queen.

[–]trancedj1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have nothing to add. Fantastic response.

[–]its4thecatlol2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I don't totally agree. There are many events that happen to us through the course of our lives that other people expect us to react to. If someone shoves you, and you act cool about it and walk it off because "it's not worth it", you will be judged a pussy. No one will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're a zen master. There is a skill to discharging your anger and frustration tactfully at the right times with the right methods. Throwing a tantrum over trivial matters betrays your lack of self-control, but disciplining an insubordinate employee calmly yet seethingly establishes you as a powerful leader.

[–]H0tTamal30 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

How would getting angry help you in the situation where a guy shoved you?

[–]its4thecatlol0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It's part of the emotional response to being in a fight. You cannot hurt somebody physically without being angry. It's just impossible unless perhaps you're some kind of sociopath or ASPD-type individual. Anger is not the same thing as rage. Annoyance and irritability are also lesser forms of anger.

[–]H0tTamal30 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I still don't see how that is going to help you. Fear can also be an emotional response to being in a fight but that doesn't help us either, it just makes us look like a pussy. If the anger is back up by dishing a beatdown I can see it being a good response. I think more appropriate than anger, though, would be amused mastery. Not trying to play it off like a zen master, but just looking at the fucker and laughing, knowing that you could get angry and respond the way he wants you to, but you aren't going to enter his frame.

[–]its4thecatlol0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If the anger is back up by dishing a beatdown I can see it being a good response

That's what I'm talking about. If you're going to walk away, then yeah, don't even stress it. The problem with our emotions is they are typically involuntary. Someone steps to you, and you feel fear instinctively. It doesn't make you a pussy. Your body is getting you ready to defend yourself and putting you in the best possible physiological position to do that.

If you walk away calmly, you're most likely going to look like a pussy -- especially if you're the smaller guy. We can talk about how we DGAF about other people's feelings and all that. You know the expression "A wolf doesn't care for the opinions of sheep?"

Of course he does! A wolf needs sheep to survive. He spends his entire life honing his skill at tracking, stalking, and ripping them to bits. He may not care where on their bellies they like to be tickled and who their best sheepfriends are, but a successful wolf will learn anything that helps him in his goal to catch his prey.

Draw your own analogies from that.

[–]Larnek0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't give a flying fuck if someone thinks I'm a pussy, though. Ignoring a trivial matter makes it exactly that, trivial. That's a completely different idea than your using anger productively at work.

[–]hippagun0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This ! Spot on .

[–]Cody_Silver60 points61 points  (9 children) | Copy

Best advice I ever got was from my Tae Kwon Do instructor: when someone bothers, smile, think of all the ways you could kill him, and then go about your way.

[–]Jesusfeminist32 points33 points  (8 children) | Copy

You ain’t killing nobody with tae kon do

[–]losso51924 points25 points  (5 children) | Copy

Seen my old tae kwon do instructor do a kick that can kill you or cause permanent brain damage. Watch Joe Rogan kick... Killers say its the hardest kicks they've seen so...

[–]Jesusfeminist4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Lol I was talking shit

[–]Duzand11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Watch it man he's wearing American flag-patterned parachute pants. You think you want a roundhouse kick to the face when he's wearing those bad boys?

[–]Mylife1241 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Rex Kwon Do

[–]MeansToABenz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The wrong kind of shit talking

[–]Cody_Silver1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am a lover, not a fighter. But it has come in handy.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

You basically just described cognative-behavioral therapy. That's exactly what a psychologist would recommend for people who want to change their negative reactive behaviors. Anyway, for me, I've always been extremely motivated to succeed in all of the "domains" that make up my life. Part of short-cutting to success is to learn from others rather than going through trial and error yourself. People who succeed in the social / leadership domains are talented when it comes to keeping a cool head, being reasonably patient with others, and simplifying complex tasks into simple tasks so that they can be delegated.

[–]Capital_Recognition12 points13 points  (6 children) | Copy

Work out way harder, bro. This shit is equally as physical as it is mental. Your hormones need to be put to work.

It is kind of hard to feel angry or frustrated when you workout so hard that you want to die, or at the very least throw up.

Do the big lifts; compound, heavy exercises.

Do HIIT of some sort (of course way after you lift), and arrange your day around healthy, physical activities.

For example, since this week isn't done yet I will give you my week last week. It went like this; lifted 5 days (I am doing PHAT by Layne Norton right now), practiced boxing for 1 hour on one of my non-lift days (really intense cardio workout but I also get to hit the bag a shit ton), practiced BJJ on one of my lift days, and I rock climbed on the other non-lift day. I also ran 2 miles on one of my lift days at night.

I sleep 9 hours a night as a result and don't really 'feel' much of anything except exhausted and beat up. Really, though, I do feel good. I have been at this a while. Strangely enough, I also am crazy horny, but I nut fast, not sure why. Either way, no emotions... just drained.

[–]kellykebab7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

Admirable, but this sounds potentially unsustainable. If the only thing you feel is exhausted all the time, you just might be overdoing it. Much better to consistently work out for years than burn out after 1 year and severely injure yourself. With your present schedule, I'd think you'd want to take off a whole week and just do some light biking every few months to avoid overworking yourself.

[–]Capital_Recognition1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I get what you're saying, but I am 30. I wouldn't suggest that someone new to exercise start like this. I've been lifting almost 12 years, and don't stop that unless there is an injury... which happens usually about 1 time a year or 1 time every two years. For example, in January I had a weird swelling in my forearm for like 2 months, but I just didn't do any back or arms for 2 months and it went away. Not exactly sure what caused that.

I do cycle the BJJ and boxing out. I have had several periods where I won't do it for year. But, even when I didn't, I make sure my life is very active. I do bike, I do run, I do play flag football and any other sports I can just to keep moving. And, to clarify, I don't mean I am exhausted like I am dragging ass, I just mean that I feel complete... like I did something and put my body to work.

[–]kellykebab0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fair enough. Although, I'd be concerned that yearly injuries might mean deterioration that catch up to you in a bad way in middle age. Or maybe not. I guess it depends on the injury.

Either way, it sounds like you have a good approach here.

I just mean that I feel complete... like I did something and put my body to work.

Hey, nothing wrong with that.

[–]Capital_Recognition0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Very possible. It definitely means I did something wrong or improperly lifted.

I get hurt a lot during BJJ and boxing, but they’re different injuries than lifting injuries.

The injuries I am talking about are from improper lifting. So, I read starting strength once a year to try and eliminate those just finished it up again in the last month.

The arm injury I got last year was almost definitely from bent over rows, an exercise I don’t think he even mentions. There’s a reason why he didn’t mention it too... that is because it isn’t a “natural movement”. Which begs the questions of whether it’s even worth doing or not.

[–]Capital_Recognition0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh, the other thing is... I change my weight lifting program every 6 months to a year. Some of them, like Layne Norton's PHAT, take a while to master. I think I have been on that about 14 months now and I getting ready to change it. That also helps to keep things fresh and keep me from burning out.

[–]pyth0ns0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

all is good and all, until it's rest day :(

[–]pollodustino3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

When I caught myself getting angry I would ask myself two questions:

1: Would this matter tomorrow? In a week? In a year?

2: What can I do right now to correct this?

I focused on how important the issue was. If it was something as simple as getting cut off in traffic, or something that someone did that inconvenienced me, I would tell myself that it wouldn't even matter in an hour. It happened, it can't unhappen, but nothing of any real consequence occurred so why get mad about it?

If it was something that did matter, or would lead to bigger issues down the road, I would stop and think of what I could do to fix the problem. By focusing on the solution, rather than the issue, I would use that angry energy in a productive fashion, rather than let it percolate and turn to rage and resentment.

Combined with an overall goal of becoming more mellow, optimistic, and cheerful these two strategies really helped me tamper down my hair trigger.

I'm not gonna lie, it can take a long time to retrain yourself not to explode. It took me about two years, and even now some things just completely set me off, but now I can catch myself fairly easily and calm myself down. Beforehand though, I would spend hours fixated on one little thing, and that's just not healthy.

[–]camoactivated0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow This and other comments helped me a lot. Thank you. I’m going through it right now at the moment with my parents and it sucks but I’m gonna try this. Just past tramas make me upset when I reminisce. How do I deal with those? Thanks again. Really thank you.

[–]xdrunkagainx4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was angry cause I wasn't redpill yet. I had redpill revelations throughout my life but I didn't understand the double standards or the true nature of women. Learning about gas lighting really woke me up. I've found ways to direct that anger into my workouts so that I can use that energy productively. With introspection and reflection you will understand that you are ultimately responsible for how you feel. As a man with patience and discipline you can control how you feel unlike women. Since I lost that quick to anger temper I've seen how it effects women in situations. One of the most recent was a plate I had been seeing for a while. I took her to a concert and within 2 songs of being there a clumsy guy spilled my $8 beer on me. I just laughed and got another beer. She was stunned and kept asking if I was angry, she was more stunned when I replied being angry won't put the beer back in the cup. She would constantly comment after that how much she loved that I was in control.

[–]its4thecatlol2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Anger is like anything else in a TRP man's life: a situation with potential for benefit if exploited properly. Anger is telling you that you are distressed about something. The context matters. What is most important is your degree of control over the situation. It is fine to be angry about something you can change. That rage is a fuel to burn on your path to greatness. You need to learn to burn it at a reasonable pace so that you don't run out of fuel too early, nor accomplish your task without discharging your anger. When it comes to things you have little power over, anger only frustrates and harms you. Let it go.

[–]spider_13373 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I usually "store" my anger and use it later like at the gym. I remember i once also took a calculus class in highschool which i completely sucked at. It made me angry to see all the other egg heads get easy As so i used my anger to study and i ended passing with a B. When my ex branch swung to another guy it also pissed me off especially since he was a scrawny fuck who was basically BB. I used my anger to make some gainz at the gym and when she came crawling back i basically told her to get lost.

[–]Project_Zero_Betas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Anger can be a great motivator to make necessary changes if you have enough self-awareness.

[–]Cods_gift_to_reddit3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

These are all pretty shallow solutions and all psychological (internal).

I would suggest real life action; anger is due to a perceived injustice or a perceived lowering of status which can be rectified with action but cannot be rectified by reflection.

Anger is a legitimate reaction to many situations, and can be used to demonstrate that you won't take shit. As others say though it can also be used by others to poke and prod you for a sense of control over your emotions. It all depends what you get angry at and how you release it. If someone is poking and prodding you to see if you'll react then a small poke/prod back should suffice.

You can also use anger as motivation to improve yourself and put yourself demonstrably higher in the pecking order of a particular hierarchy.

There seems to be this idea that anger is a 'bad' emotion which isn't true. It's legitimate and there's always a reason for it. Expressing it is healthy and repressing it is unhealthy.

[–]AdeHMar2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Marcus Aurelius - Meditations

Also, WWGAD? What would Gustavus Adolphus do?

[–]Yggdrasil933 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

BRB conquering the Baltic.

[–]Duzand1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've always channeled a lot of anger into exercise, whether it's lifting, boxing, or running.

But I definitely don't prescribe to this mushy "turn the other cheek" or "avoid confrontation at all costs" mentality that's been fostered here. Controlled anger, used sparingly, directed where it should be, can be effective. But the out-of-control rage you suggest, yeah, lifting the fuck out of some weights, or banging the fiance extra rough.

[–]theislander8491 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I joined a BJJ gym.

Problem solved forever.

[–]cracksniffer6661 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I started taking kratom

I witnessed another man lose his temper and realized how dumb/cringe it was

I started working out

I stopped beating off as much so I wasn't a moody edgy little cunt

I basically realized anger wasn't a manly trait, but a fucking weirdo trait

[–]BrodinsOats1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I used to get really angry. I believe it was imparted from my father as well. I didn’t like him and I didn’t want to be like him, so I guess that was a big motivator.

Breathing exercises and meditation are effective for increasing your ability to regulate your autonomic arousal, which is closely tied to anger. It’s a skill that’s developed, so it takes regular practice.

TBH my anger mostly dissipated after I put myself through the ringer of drug addiction and recovery. I guess it was silenced through the substance abuse, and then naturally quelled through the harsh life experience of recovery. Or maybe it just had to do with getting older. Idk. Probably all of the above.

In any case, I do believe it will improve with time because of your good intention. Just keep at it.

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

magic mushrooms - made me realize what is truly important

[–]celincelin1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I take it that you’ve seen Jesus then—does he really have those abs, or is it just artistic rendition?

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

SURPRISE! You are God

[–]WinterRice1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Two things that worked for me, but it takes discipline- I breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth real slow. Not obvious enough to look like a psychopath but you get it. I also remember that you can either be mad and let someone "win" by getting a reaction or you can let it go. Reflecting on the trigger and realizing you're carrying anger around are two really popular psych techniques; so good on you for using those.

Working out more didn't help me or hurt me in regards to my temper.

[–]boy_named_su1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

By studying Stoicism and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

[–]PerplexingPegasus_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Personally what I realized most people themselves don’t try to control their own impulses/triggers.

When I witness someone doing the same towards me, I make a mental note that it’s their reaction and not mine. I also consciously try to remember the anger or negative reactions from others and that I won’t allow myself to behave in the same way.

Edit: acknowledge it annoys you at first, then continue on with your day, denying it bottles up your anger.

[–]its_meKnightSwolaire0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Might sound weird but changing my diet helped me. I seem to be much more irritable after the roller coaster of eating carbs and the insulin up and down

[–]surrealismen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Anger is temporary. Guilt and consequences are permanent.

[–]uptimex0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I do Tai Chi all the time, several times per day. More specifically Tai Chi Yang style 24 form. Also workout, a lot of workout. Otherwise I would just explode.

[–]EvelynnSpoiler0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Meditation / being present

See your emotions from a birds eye view and let them pass. Saying that, knowing BJJ is also fun if you wanna put someone to sleep

[–]theredsperg 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Rage is impossible to calm down from. so noticing you're about to rage, give yourself some space to chill out, yeah it might be cookie cutter advice but it's a given for a reason

Notice your emotions are turning the way they are, learn to stop giving a fuck about shit like traffic jams, people doing dumb shit, life will always suck balls at some points.

Basically, you turn your automatic thoughts into other healthy reactions, we will always get angry but whether your anger is justified is always worth exploring.

remember, you cannot stop rage. normally i always notice i'm about to sperg out so i do shit to distract/avoid that happening

[–]cluelessguitarist0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Reading meditations from marcus aurelios or any other stoic authout helps me control those kinds of feelings, remember the only good or bad things come from the choices that are in our control, other than that, we cant helped it if is not part of our choices., this kind of though is what really helps me.

[–]Bear-With-Bit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Immediate reaction is almost always emotional, foolish, and brings unwanted results. When shit happens, you gotta get in the habit of un-reacting, taking your time, letting things sink in.

[–]Flapfapaway0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Anger is depression expressed outwards. If you have a solid basis on yourself and arent setting yourself up for failure by doing negatively impacting things, your fuse will lengthen. If you put things off and are letting things pile up than your stressing yourself out over situations that might be the result of your own disorganization.

I'm not a crazy religious person, but I do believe in a higher spirit that keeps the universe in check, karma so to speak. I think that when you go through a situation that is stressful, you can look at it as, how can this shitty situation help me grow as a person. Look at it as situations to help you grow instead of situations that makes you angry.

Also another thing I do, have done, and continue to do, is to cut out negative people out of my life. By doing so, you reduce your level of stress, gain more trust in your relationships and get put into less shitty situations as well as able to trust the wisdom of those around you.

[–]SeasonedRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When I was younger I was much more prone to this than I am now. Reading Bruce Lee's books helped me a lot. They aren't purely about martial arts. I think he was a philosophy major, and he had a lot of wise sayings that resonated with me and helped me view things from a more detached perspective. And it won't help now, but this gets much better as you age.

[–]theadj1230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I used to have a horrific temper and serious rage issues. Age has tempered it a lot, but learning how it impacted others (and therefore impacted me) helped me as well. No one respects a guy that's angry or violent for no reason, and folks that don't respect you aren't going to follow you. Being able to control yourself is a key to success, no one wants to associate with someone who can't maintain their control. That doesn't mean you aren't boiling beneath the surface, but if you can't control that then you aren't worthy of being followed.

Find outlets for your anger that you can use to release the pressure - most folks do physical activities like the gym or combat sports. Don't go too far to the passive side either, it's perfectly acceptable to be passionate or vocal about something that's important and it's also fine to take decisive action when it's called for. Being mad about something someone says to you isn't one of those times.

[–]Brushyourteethm80 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Look into the Sedona Method and do some releasing. Nobody is naturally angry - you'll have some shit buried where reacting with aggression helped you get through when you were younger and it's an emotional response that's festering.

See my recent post for a summary.

All the best

[–]Uberfeedus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Being angry and having a short fuse is a sign of being reactive as opposed to equanimous. Control your breath and reactivity and this will go away.

[–]jtzabor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

perspective is everything. took me time to really comprehend that what i was getting mad at wouldnt matter even 5min from now. it wouldnt matter and it wouldnt help.

[–]Javares0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

After reading The subtle art of not giving a fuck I learned to not give a fuck about the things that irritate me. It was as simple as that. Am I gonna let an inferior problem when compared to my end goal disrupt my mood. Hell no! So what if that guy just bumped my shoulder... I'm moving towards something greater and a little bump can't change that. In fact it's too little of a problem for me to care for.

[–]dreguan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

For me personally, the only time I get angry is when I get startled. That said, I have the power to not react and allow myself to get startled if I focus more deeply on any given thing I'm doing.

I live street level for example and ALWAYS have the windows wide open when I work on my computer, even at night. The layout of the windows is off to the side and slightly behind. It has taught me to be more focused on my work: and register distractions when they happen (frequently) but keep my attention deliberately focused on what I'm doing for at least a second before I deliberately shift focus to whomever is trying to get my attention.

It communicates that I'm open to everyone but my attention will not be hijacked.

Back to your original question: Some drunk Asian old man caught me off guard the other night, smacking the bottom of his beer bottle on the sill and aggressively trying to start a conversation. The abruptness of the noise caught me off guard and startled me and I got angry because I got scared.

But working more and more with these distractions every day, I am getting to this knife edge between awareness and reaction where a loud, disruptive noise gives me a growing fraction of a second (like real-life bullet time) to decide how I wanna act. I like this it makes me feel powerful; imperious. Whether its a drunk who wants me to play my guitar, an ambulance, a pretty girl, or some Turkish kids who wants to me to rap with them, they will wait until I am good and ready -and when I am ready and they do get my attention they get my FULL EYEBALL ATTENTION.

I don't even have to set boundaries: people fall in line naturally when such clear direction is given non-verbally. And that makes me calmer, which, to answer your question, makes me rage less.

Deliberate undivided application of attention. Works when someone tries to but into your conversation too.

[–]AshyLarry270 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I picture how ridiculous I look and clown-able it is. I feel more empowered in taking pride in being cool, calm, and collected.

[–]chiropractico0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Paint happy clouds my friends

[–]griz3lda0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My biggedt triggers are people I'm close to. This sounds pussy, but if truly I feel on the verge of clocking someone, I straight up run away. Just go "I need a break" (wife realizes this is a magnanimous understatement) or say nothing, and walk away. Better than being a wife-beater. I do try to eliminate the situation longterm, but sometimes it's an emergency.

I also realized I had sensory issues / misophonia and invested in some noise-blocking headphones + earplugs.

[–]Red_King26020 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stocism, simple as that.

[–]umizumiz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Time.

Finally getting my ass kicked.

Having a child.

Time.

[–]ThrowawayOFCCCC0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When I was younger I had severe issues with anger and being unable to control my emotions, I got into fights, smashed things, broke things and just flew off the handle constantly.

A little bit later on in life I got diagnosed with tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and spent 12 months of my late teenage years severely depressed until one day when my mindset shifted.

I realised that the only way to stop this would be to either kill my self or get over it and get on with life.

Since that day I've had a much better time dealing with emotion as I stopped letting it control me.

While I'm not suggesting you start going to nightclubs and standing near the speakers to have the same awakening, I'm suggesting that you start to think rationally about things.

If someone's giving me shit now, it's a lot more satisfying to sit there silently calculating how to get what I want or wind them up even more by not reacting to them than punching them in the nose and having to deal with the consequences.

Likewise, for things I can't control, it's a lot more satisfying to work around and overcome issues than to get upset about them and throw my toys out of the pram.

[–]depressedfuckboi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I quit drinking. Sober I can suppress my intense anger problem and alleviate the anger through different, logical means.

Drunk I just pick someone and get in a bar fight. Alcohol is no good for me due to underlying mental health issues. Had to let it go.

[–]TheKidWithBieberHair0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Smoking a lot of weed.

[–]no_re-entry0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die.

[–]LittleAnimeGirl1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

How corny.

[–]huntersam13-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

the answer should be "I stopped actin like a lil bitch"

[–]calcul8rallig8r-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shit still pisses me off but I stopped giving a fuck about moderating my response

[–]MCA_T-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

smoke erb



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