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What are fathers for? "we have done so much violence to the concept of fatherhood; before we can discuss what fathers do, we need to seriously struggle with the question of what the word father even means." "the modern family “father” refers to a series of men who come in & out of the child’s life"

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August 21, 2019
219 upvotes
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2019/08/14/what-are-fathers-for/


Post Information
Title What are fathers for? "we have done so much violence to the concept of fatherhood; before we can discuss what fathers do, we need to seriously struggle with the question of what the word father even means." "the modern family “father” refers to a series of men who come in & out of the child’s life"
Author redpillschool
Upvotes 219
Comments 35
Date 21 August 2019 01:42 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit TheRedPill
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/249930
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/cth17s/what_are_fathers_for_we_have_done_so_much/
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Dalrockthe red pill
Comments

[–]Protocol_Apollo129 points130 points  (8 children) | Copy

“43% of boys are raised by single mothers.

78% of teachers are female.

So almost 50% have a 100% female influence at home and an 80% chance of 100% female influence at school.

Toxic masculinity isn’t the problem (nor does it exist). Lack of masculinity is. “

Also, children from single parent households are more likely to turn to drugs, alcohol, crime and are less likely to do well academically.

There was another study that the relationship with the FATHER determines how mentally healthy the kid will be.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMarsupian59 points60 points  (5 children) | Copy

Boys need guidance in their journey to become a man. Historically it has been a trial by fire that leads to the confidence needed to lead and take on responsibility.

Today they are told to sit still and play nice. When they don't they are sedated with screens, shit food and drugs.

Boys if you have not been raised by a real father and haven't faced a real challenge it's time you build your own coming of age story. The lack of guidance will add to your challenge because that is what men do. When shit is hard or unfair we say "good" because we will come out stronger for it. See you on the other side kids!

[–]Protocol_Apollo29 points30 points  (2 children) | Copy

“Boys need guidance in their journey to become a man”. Nothing but fucking truth there.

Girls have periods, their body literally forces them to become a woman.

Guys need mentors, leaders, fathers to show them how to be a man. They need hardship to actually grow into a man.

[–]BuzzLightGear321 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

It's not that girl's bodies forces them to be a woman, it's just easier to be a traditional woman and be successful in life, in terms of finding a mate and getting married and having kids. It's much harder for men. To prove the point, many men would love to be the stay at home dad. With feminism, you are seeing many women regret being the working partner and being jealous of the dad staying home. Staying home raising your kid right beats working in a corporate office any day of the week.

[–]hammerhearth5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Men built society to protect women from the violence of men from other societies. Once that threat dissapeared women started to flourish. Women are working white collar traditional male jobs. The kids are in daycare. Screens spike our dopamine hits. Everything is wrapped and sold with utmost care. We literally have everything we need to be happy, but divorce rates are 60 percent. No one is happy.

It's almost as if we need a common goal, like fending of invaders, to have a truly prosperous society that works together.

[–]wanderer7798 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

"here we see the ancient tribal rite of passage whereby a boy becomes a man. All the boys are required to attend a lecture by the lead alpha female who has dedicated her life to toppling the patriarchy - which is mostly confined to a small area of arid land on the other side of the mountain, as per orders of protection. After many years of lecture about how to be quiet and respect women, the boy is transformed into a warrior-hunter, and is ready to mate and find his place in tribal society, which will again most likely be on the other side of the mountain."

[–]TheBigCore1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Modern America does not want strong, confident, and educated men or women! They are dangerous to the ruling classes of this country.

Even George Carlin spoke about it in his famous rant:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsL6mKxtOlQ

[–]5Imperator_Red9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Women raise children (turning babies into healthy and well adjusted children), men raise adults (turning children into healthy and well adjusted adults). Which really makes perfect sense if you think about it, because how could a child raise another child it’s an adult?

[–]Protocol_Apollo4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeh absolutely true. I always had a feeling that the father plays little role when the baby is young say under 3. The baby can just solely depend on the mother (sub-optimal but possible)

It’s after 3/4 years where the fathers make all the difference.

[–]Me_ADC_Me_SMASH19 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy

  1. 85% of youth who are currently in prison grew up in a fatherless home. (Texas Department of Corrections)

  2. 7 out of every 10 youth that are housed in state-operated correctional facilities, including detention and residential treatment, come from a fatherless home. (U.S. Department of Justice)

  3. 39% of students in the United States, from the first grade to their senior year of high school, do not have a father at home. Children without a father are 4 times more likely to be living in poverty than children with a father. (National Public Radio)

  4. Children from fatherless homes are twice as likely to drop out from school before graduating than children who have a father in their lives. (National Public Radio)

  5. 24.7 million children in the United States live in a home where their biological father is not present. That equates to 1 in every 3 children in the United States not having access to their father. (National Public Radio)

  6. Girls who live in a fatherless home have a 100% higher risk of suffering from obesity than girls who have their father present. Teen girls from fatherless homes are also 4 times more likely to become mothers before the age of 20. (National Public Radio)

  7. 57% of the fatherless homes in the United States involved African-American/Black households. Hispanic households have a 31% fatherless rate, while Caucasian/White households have a 20% fatherless rate. (National Public Radio)

  8. In 2011, 44% of children in homes headed by a single mother were living in poverty. Just 12% of children in married-couple families were living in poverty. (U.S. Census Bureau)

  9. Children who live in a single-parent home are more than 2 times more likely to commit suicide than children in a two-parent home. (The Lancet)

  10. 72% of Americans believe that a fatherless home is the most significant social problem and family problem that is facing their country. (National Center for Fathering)

  11. Only 68% of children will spend their entire childhood with an intact family. (U.S. Census Bureau)

  12. 75% of rapists are motivated by displaced anger that is associated with feelings of abandonment that involves their father. (U.S. Department of Justice)

  13. Living in a fatherless home is a contributing factor to substance abuse, with children from such homes accounting for 75% of adolescent patients being treated in substance abuse centers. (U.S. Department of Justice)

  14. 85% of all children which exhibit some type of a behavioral disorder come from a fatherless home. (U.S. Department of Justice)

  15. 90% of the youth in the United States who decide to run away from home, or become homeless for any reason, originally come from a fatherless home. (U.S. Department of Justice)

  16. 63% of youth suicides involve a child who was living in a fatherless home when they made their final decision. (U.S. Department of Justice)

  17. Children who live in a single-parent or step-family home report less schoolwork monitoring, less social supervision, and lower educational expectations than children who come from two-parent homes. (American Sociological Review)

  18. Even when poverty levels are equal, children who come from a two-parent home outperform children who come from a one-parent home. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)

  19. Within the African-American/Black community, about 2.5 million fathers live with their children, while 1.7 million fathers are not living with them. (Huffington Post)

  20. In a 2014 study, only 3% of single mothers fell into the strongest demographic groups, while 44% fell into the weakest demographic groups. (Brookings)

  21. About 40% of children in the United States are born to mothers who are not married. Over 60% of these children were born to mothers who were under the age of 30%. (CDC)

  22. 25% of children are the age of 18 are currently being raised without the presence of a father. Around 50% of single mothers have never married. 29% are divorced. Only 1 in 5 are either separated or widowed.

  23. In single-mother households, 50% involve just one child. 30% of single mothers are raising two children on their own. (U.S. Census Bureau)

  24. 27% of single mothers were jobless for the entire year while taking care of their children. Only 22% of those who were out of work were receiving unemployment benefits at the time. (U.S. Census Bureau)

  25. The median income for a household with a single mother is $35,400. The median income for a home with a married couple raising their children is $85,300 in the United States. Two-thirds of low-income working families with children are in the African-American community. (U.S. Census Bureau)

  26. Over 30% of fatherless homes are classified as being food insecure, yet only 13% of homes will utilize the services of a food pantry. Over 30% of fatherless homes also spend more than half of their income on housing costs, which classifies the household as experiencing a severe housing burden. (U.S. Department of Agriculture)

  27. In the United States, Mississippi has the highest number of fatherless homes, with 36% of households falling into the category. Louisiana comes in second at 34%, while Alabama is third at 31%. (U.S. Census Bureau)

  28. Children who live in a fatherless home are 279% more likely to deal drugs or carry firearms for offensive purposes compared to children who live with their fathers. (Allen and Lo)

  29. 92% of the parents who are currently in prison in the United States are fathers. (Glaze and Maruschak)

  30. Pregnant women who do not have the support of the father experience pregnancy loss at a 48% rate. When the father is present, the prevalence of pregnancy loss falls to 22%. (Shah, Gee, and Theall)

  31. For single dads, 39% of households had a family income which was $50,000 or more. 44% of single dads were divorced, while only 33% had never married. (U.S. Census Bureau)

  32. 43% of fathers do not see their role as something that is important to their personal identity. 54% of fathers in the U.S. say that parenting isn’t enjoyable all of the time. (Pew Research)

  33. Even in homes with fathers, the modern dad spends only 8 hours per week on child care, which is 6 hours less than the modern mom. On the other hand, 43% of the modern dad’s time is spent with paid work, compared to 25% of the time for the modern mom. Dads are spending 3 times more time with their kids than dads did in 1965. (Pew Research)

  34. Only 5% of households in the United States say that the ideal situation is to have the mother work and the father stay home to take care of the children. (Pew Research)

  35. 53% of Americans say that mothers do a better job at parenting than fathers. Only 1% of Americans say that fathers are able to do a better job at parenting than mothers. (Pew Research)

  36. 70% of adults say it is equally important for a newborn to spend time bonding with their father and their mother. (Pew Research)

[–]newuser199716 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Specially for boys, the "father figure" changes throughiut his course in life. For a child the caretaker, later on a professor or trainer, and lastly the child now an adult will fulfill the same roles upon others, as caretaker and professor or trainer bringing forth newer generations.

The fact that the author couldn't even accept this simple precept...

[–]1sam_ba_lam40 points41 points  (0 children) | Copy

The father is the one who fathers the child, supports the child, raises the child, nurtures the child and begat the child. AKA Dad or Daddy subject to the age or relationship status. This stands in opposition to Stepfather or Cuck as you will. Most importantly, if you begat the child, you are the father and have responsibilities, thus. Where the concept of "modern" father lies is perhaps in social politics rather than the biological truths.

[–]Captain_Raamsley10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

Guys I've been wanting to say this for a while. If you're a man over the age of 18, it's more than likely that you are a father figure to someone. It is important that we, as men, act responsibly, sensibly and fatherly when we are called to be. This goes for boys and girls. Do you think feminism would be the cancer it is if these adult women didn't have daddy problems? Boys and girls REQUIRE a strong social figure. That means you need to have confidence and control of yourself and others in every situation you can. And yes, you also need to know when to be subordinate to other men. Know when to accept leadership as well as when to nominate it. Most of us men will mostly be nominating leadership throughout our lives, but every man has his time(s), and I know this because I have experienced and observed it. Life isn't a pissing contest. It doesn't matter how big our penis is. It doesn't matter how muscled you are. It doesn't matter how well you maintain your social life. We are called to be "good" no matter our obstacles. We are men. We come into life, get stuff done, have a good time along the way, and then promptly exit life.

I'm just turning 19 and thus beginning to exit this damned extended childhood. I have many problems in front of me and many (bad) excuses for not solving them as well. We need to hold each other accountable.

I don't browse this sub often because pretty early on I got the impression that being an RP scholar won't help me. Rather, learning the basics and applying them will. So if I'm just saying something that's been said before, sorry.

[–]juddshanks2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Great post.

Like anything, the best way to learn to be a good father is to practice it. Everyone will encounter situations where you can mentor or look out for someone, whether it's a biological relation, at work, sports or through study.

Even if it looks like you're not getting anything direct out of those relationships, its a good idea to embrace the opportunity, because the more you do it the better you get at it.

[–]Hombremaniac1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's true to a certain degree. Just want to add, that fathering your own child often might seem a lot harder, than being babysitter and watch your nephews. Sure, it teaches you something, but it can be wildly different.

For example I can remain calm a lot longer with kids in general than when it's about my 8 y/o son. Granted, that is something I have to continually work on. Something that perhaps shows how lacking my own upbringing was in that regards.

So yeah, perhaps it all boils down to if you had great dad yourself. I wasn't that lucky.

[–]FaustoLG8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

One of the best comments:

Let’s not forget the infamous “Dad Bod.” Yes, it’s cool and funny to make fun of middle-aged men who are losing muscle and gaining fat as their body slows down, with many of them too busy to exercise because they’re working, helping Queen Mom raise the kids, fixing things, mowing the lawn, etc.

So, “Dad Bod” = hilarious joke of nature on men. But don’t EVER tell a woman she looks anything less than spectacular, because she and all of society (especially her social media frenemies) will rain down fire on you–and you’ll “deserve” it!

[–]IRunYourRiver6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Why do so many of Dalrock's posts seem unfinished? This one begins with an intriguing - and demonstrably true - premise, but stops short of delving into anything concrete or difficult. For example it is noted that the role of fathers is relegated to that of aunt or babysitter. True enough. But that suggests something is missing. What is it? Leadership, boundaries, discipline, vision? If so, where do we look for guidance on these roles for the father? This is especially urgent because many of us grew up in a time when fatherhood was already under fire and so have little role modeling to draw from.

When TRP is at it's best, it is challenging and eye-opening. When it is at its worst, it is mere victimology.

[–]Modredpillschool[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree, this post left me wanting a good discussion on what fatherhood should be from a red-pill perspective.

See the followup discussion here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/cthxry/open_discussion_what_is_the_role_of_a_red_pill/

[–]Captain_Raamsley1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, I feel the Bible is a pretty good starting point for getting a good feel of manhood. There are lots of great lines and general truths that are missing elsewhere, and they have helped me alot. You don't need to be religious to get all of the benefits from them.

[–]Zackville4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know what they are for. I had and still have a good father and reference. It was primal to build my values and to give me discipline that otherwise i would have ignored completely. He never was a violent person and the times he hit me only made me realize how soft this generation really is. I saw my dad loosing everything at least 4 times and all this times he rebuild everything all over again. He left exemples of how to deal with problems and some advices about women. I can only thank him for his presence in my life and making me value all his teachings. This new generation seems to not know how to parent and instead of representing that strong reference they end treating spoiling child and acting like their friends instead of passing the correct message of who is in charge and knows the shit. Unfortunately not everyone has the privilege of a good family.

[–]seekfirst1st4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

A father is the head and leader of the household. A father does what is right opposed to what’s nice. He doesn’t coddle the child like the mother does but teaches and sometimes even allows the child to suffer for their own benefit. In the Christian view the order is God over Man, Man over Woman, and Woman over child. The reason a man has authority to lead is because he is led by God and the light of God is passed down to the mother and child.

[–]iOSvista10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy

I dont know why we struggle with this so much. To me its very simple, father (usually) = the biological ancestor of a child. He who impregnated the Mother.

Now what does it mean to be a "good" father? Well thats for you to figure out but it shouldnt require too much thought really.

[–]IRunYourRiver1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's harder than you may think.

[–]Hombremaniac0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One never truly knows until he is a father himself.

It's kinda sad that unless we truly experience something, we simply do not truly know what it is. Not saying we should do drugs and shit, mind you.

[–]Cplpunishment030 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I see what your getting at but being a father is something that may not require much thought...... yet is thought about every hour of every day.

[–]iOSvista2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Right, what I meant is that we all try to seek out what being a father or what being a man 'really" means. What does it mean to be a mother? Why do these concepts feel different?

Strive to be the kind of father you wish you had, the kind of man you wish you were

[–]Managicall2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

fat-her, big preggo belly. Not that hard to figure out.

[–]spider_13370 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Does the lack of a father effect more the development of a girl than a boy?

[–]Cplpunishment030 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly this one I don’t even blame women. I can’t tell you how many dudes I grew up with that I thought were solid turned out to be dirtbag fathers. It’s fucking disgusting how some can be comfortable with the idea of not being a part of their child’s life. Sure we can argue that there is essentially a war on boys/men right now. But absentee fathers have opened the door for it to happen.

[–]samsop0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Reading all of this shit makes me question myself being someone who grew up in a fatherless home. My only "father figure" was books and when that wasn't good enough, putting myself through shit I had no idea how to deal with and inevitably fucking up. I still fuck up. I'm not absolved yet, but fuck if I'm not gonna try.

That being said, I absolutely don't believe I'd be capable of raising a child given the shit hand life dealt me, and what I will always lack.



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