How to hold frame despite negative thoughts about my past?

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August 27, 2019

I was the biggest retard ever in my past. I chased my ex who cheated on me for 6 months and did everything for her. I was overweight and looking horrible. I was easily picked on by other people because of this and I allowed it because I was a retard and a bitch. I embarrassed myself on multiple occasions in front of others by getting drunk and even doing drugs.

After I discovered TRP it changed my life. I started working out, I am no longer overweight, I started going to the gym, mediating, reading books about self improvement, started realizing my own value and feeling much better.

But at least once a day while doing something I remember my horrible beta past and can't feel anything but disgust. It just ruins my mood and makes me feel like shit and ruins my idea that I am the prize and my frame.

I am moving from my hometown city in a month for college in which I got through all of this shit during my past so maybe moving places might help? Idk

Post Information
Title How to hold frame despite negative thoughts about my past?
Author EducationalArm3
Upvotes 63
Comments 25
Date 27 August 2019 12:49 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
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betaframecheatingthe red pill

[–]2SirKolbath62 points63 points  (1 child) | Copy

Everyone has retarded shit in their past, my friend. You get past it by trying not to do something retarded today, knowing that you probably will, but knowing that you worked hard not to.

Moving isn't going to help because no matter where you go you're going to find a mirror and the guy in it is the most judgmental fuck I've ever met. But I promise if you keep working on it, eventually you'll see approval when you meet his gaze.

[–]Idontgetitboyz6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–][deleted] 47 points48 points  (1 child) | Copy

Everyone shit in their pants as a kid. No one cares but you.

[–]liquorbaron11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

This should be pinned somewhere.

[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS23 points24 points  (4 children) | Copy

You don't erase old memories, you overwrite them with better ones.

[–]SteveStJohn4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I know a number of alpha males--mostly only, or oldest, children. They have this remarkable ability to absolutely NOT remember their mistakes.

More frustrating, they remember other's successes, good ideas, and accomplishments as their own.

[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

alpha males

I think you mean narcissists in this context.

[–]IMBDD6191 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've noticed this as well. My older brother is a natural with women, and he has always been looked at as an alpha by most guys. He never remembers his mistakes, and I can name multiple things I've done in the past that he has tried to take credit for.

[–]RPthrowaway12311 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Remember that without that shit, you wouldn't be where you are today. You might not have even found trp.

[–]porkmissiles7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

How many people do you think had embarrassing cringeworthy pasts that they are ashamed of? I would guess three quarters of men easily. More probably.

How many were able to harness their insight into that and drag themselves out from that? Maybe 5 percent of those?

When you're feeling down and embarrassed about your past take comfort in the rarefied group you now belong to of men who were able to increase their worth by orders of magnitude. This is uncommon and you should be immensely proud.

[–]EducationalArm3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you so much.

[–]PickUpScientist7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

forgive your former self - he didn't know any better, and when he found out he worked hard to become you.

[–]Fuktiga_mejmejs4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you want inner peace, you have to go to war with yourself, you have to accept your past but don't dwell on it.

[–]endurered4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are doing this because YOU allow it, because it’s YOU saying it.

Imagine a girl or guy comes up to you calls you a beta retard, would you agree with them or would you say FUCK you.

[–]Looking_4_Stacys_mom1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would just ignore her and say, ok? Who gives a fuck what people think lmao.

[–]AloofusMaximus4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're looking at it the wrong way my friend. When that shit from the past pops into your head, look at where you're at now, and how far you've come.

Have a laugh at how pathetic you USED to be, and promise yourself you're never going to be like that again.

[–]Grinys4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This goes away with time, I used to have this real bad a year ago, and now its more or less gone.

[–]zdenipeni3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

first of never say that you are or were a retard, stop saying shit that makes you weak

[–]i-am-the-prize2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

learn to be Present in the present.

  • review past events mistakes, analyze, pros/cons, then let them go. let them pass
  • do not spend too much time thinking about the future (don't what-if, don't catastrophize) think of a future goal or future self and work towards it, but don't dwell on all that can/might go wrong
  • both have to do with the Present and being in the here and now

how do?

1) identify when you're doing it (rehashing/dwelling on the past)

2) tell yourself "fucking stop it"

3) replace that activity with another you have on speed dial (repeating mantra/tenets of something new you're trying to internalize, or change about yourself, physical activity that won't let you mind drift, etc)

[–]PutlockerAndChill2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

No one cares about you as much as you do, the universe doesn’t revolve around you so why would other people’s opinions on you mean anything?

[–]NegativeMeeting82 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You have thoughts about your past for a very good reason. Your brain tells you that some part of your behavior is not sufficient and can harm you. The only way to overcome this in my experience is to analyze hard about your behavior issues and find improvement so you wouldn't do the same mistake twice.

Instead of running away from it, listen carefully. Your brain is smarter than you are. I usually go through this kind of process when I catch some thought about my past retardeness. What happened? Why I acted the way I acted? Why it is not effective? What should've I done instead? What should I do to avoid the same mistake again in the future?

Very important not to be judgmental and accept reality as it is.

There is some rumor that you shouldn't worry about recent stuff, but if the thought is about events that older than 1 year than it is a good indicator you have to pay attention to it.

[–]EducationalArm3[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Why not about recent stuff?

[–]NegativeMeeting81 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've read some book long time ago that suggested it. If I understood it correctly, our brain has a hard time to analyze recent events and often do a bad job at filtering what is important and what is not. Over time only important stuff left plus you don't have such a big set of biases because your emotions settled down.

[–]Variatiion 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

If you're worrying about shit in the past you have no frame.

[–]Sickem_roy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was an absolute dork. I want to go back and time and tell my past self. “You too can be like me” I wouldn’t change anything because it led me here. I like myself so we’re good.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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