Found wife planning on cheating. How to protect my assets?

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someone918273645
September 2, 2019
232 upvotes
askTRP

We've been both unhappy for a while with our relationship. Last couple of months she's especially distant. Yesterday, I found out she's chatting with a guy who's rationalizing why they should have sex and she's apparently about to do it. I don't care about confronting her, I just care about protecting myself and my assets. No prenup.

Should I continue behaving like I don't know?

We're about to go on a road trip but I don't know if I can do it. She's been extra bitchy lately. This latest realization makes the trip almost impossible for me.

The worst part is she's putting me down in these chats. No respect.

Location: US

No kids. No house.

My income is 3x bigger and assets 10x bigger.


Post Information
Title Found wife planning on cheating. How to protect my assets?
Author someone918273645
Upvotes 232
Comments 180
Date 02 September 2019 07:23 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/251653
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/cyltjh/found_wife_planning_on_cheating_how_to_protect_my/
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Comments

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev401 points402 points  (48 children) | Copy

A. Go see a divorce lawyer YESTERDAY.

B. Empty you joint accounts before she does. Focus on asset protection.

C. Secure anything important she can fuck with - passport, family heirlooms, documents.

[–]babybopp133 points134 points  (12 children) | Copy

And save or make stealth copies of all incriminating chats she makes.

[–]vicious_armbar52 points53 points  (9 children) | Copy

No one cares. We have no fault divorce laws. He could have a video of her getting gang banged by 5 guys. The judge would shrug his shoulders and tell him it's not relevant to his divorce proceedings.

[–]SteveStJohn41 points42 points  (5 children) | Copy

It will be relevant when she starts the story of her innocence. If not to the judge, there is a wider community of friends and family.

[–]vicious_armbar27 points28 points  (4 children) | Copy

Her family will side with her no matter what. You could have a video of her getting railed by another guy. They'd bend over backwards to explain how it's really your fault for "driving her into the arms of another man". Feminists have passed "revenge porn" laws in many states so it's likely that you'd be imprisoned for making the video public.

Friends usually won't care about the details of the divorce and won't want to get involved either way. Ostracism may have been an effective way to enforce social norms in the 1950's. But it doesn't work now because people aren't properly incentivized to shun selfish hags.

Before the welfare state when a woman couldn't bleed her ex-husband and taxpayers dry divorcee's had to be supported by their families. So there were strong incentives to enforce moral norms such as: the fidelity of a wife to her husband, and that the husband is the king of his castle. Because if the marriage failed the woman's family would take the financial hit. Now other people have to pay for their daughters mess. So they don't care if their daughter is irresponsible.

[–]The_crow_from_heaven1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Feminists have passed "revenge porn" laws in many states so it's likely that you'd be imprisoned for making the video public.

I'm new to all this, but what if we just submit it as evidence without releasing it publicly?

Also what do you mean by feminists passed the laws? Do you mean lobbying by feminist groups?

[–]vicious_armbar0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes feminist lobbying groups. It depends on the specific wording of the statute in the state. Consult a lawyer.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

To be fair, it is your fault if your girl cheats on you.

[–]Reprimanded_Duck11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

You never know.

[–]Rockbottomafc3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

what about for alimony purposes?

[–]Archammes2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Actually depending on the state, you can file a fault divorce if you can prove it .

[–]failingtheturingtest9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just a reminder that all these conversations will likely not work in the bloke's favour. He already said she's bad mouthing him in those conversations. Solipsism is real, and for her to make herself the victim while cheating, she WILL be painting him as a bad husband.

"he never talks to me anymore. He's so distant. I'm lonely. He's always angry. I've TRIED to make it work, but he won't put in any effort. He doesn't care about me. I'm SURE he's seeing someone else."

All of these things are evidence that she was preparing to cheat, sure. But also say that he's a terrible husband, she tried, and it's all his fault.

What the texts WON'T say is "he's a great husband, treats me well, but I'm going to fuck him over. I'm going to fuck you just because I want to, then I'm going to take his shit when he reacts to it".

[–]MindFuktd0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Solipsism is real.

[–]BusterVadge78 points79 points  (29 children) | Copy

B could land a guy in a lot of trouble in some parts of the country. For sure, see a lawyer first like uncle V says, then follow his advice.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev40 points41 points  (24 children) | Copy

If it's a joint account, then both parties own in whole and can empty it. Local laws may, ofc, vary.

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points  (16 children) | Copy

The opposing lawyer could use that action to paint the OP as abusive and acting in bad faith. It would probably appear more reasonable to take 50% because that way the OP would be acting equitably.

“Your honor, this is why my client was forced to take another lover....she suffered terrible abuse at the hands of her husband. This is just another example of how cruel and sadistic he is. This poor woman was blindsided and suddenly found herself with no money. This has caused her tremendous financial hardship and emotional suffering.”

In any civil court case, it’s very important to play the perfect courtier. You want to appear polite, reasonable, honest and calm. Draining the joint bank account makes one look like an asshole....especially if it’s a man doing it.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev14 points15 points  (6 children) | Copy

All practice is local. That said, if it’s a joint account he is fully entitled to cash it in and take it to a casino, buy a boat or light it on fire.

[–]jupc26 points27 points  (2 children) | Copy

When I'm opposing counsel and this occurs, I regularly request additional temp spousal support, award of attorneys fees, and additional restraining orders to counteract the misuse of funds. These requests are usually granted when there is egregious conduct such as emptying a joint account. The 3x income disparity really makes this situation unpleasant for the higher earner who empties a joint account with a lower income spouse. He will lose freedom and negotiating power in the litigation. It will bias the court against him for the entire case.

[–]Thor-Loki-17 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

People should be listening here.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As I said, above, all practice is local. Where I grew up, the second person to the bank loses.

[–]beginner_0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

True but if the man takes it all it will be looked at as abusive and if the wife takes it it, nothing really happens.

[–]mountainbiker17810 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

He could give her everything, and she could still label him as abusive.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

To the extent there is a joint account, it would make more sense for it to be a secondary account for operating the household than a primary pool.

[–]agjrpsl0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

How can other lawyer paint him as abusive when she's chatting and planning to bang another dude? Save all evidence dude.

[–]Pussyshack 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Evidence of cheating means jack shit. That's why they call it no fault divorce.

Never get married

[–]agjrpsl8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn't get married these days. To much cheating and bs going on.

[–]ExoticPanther5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

People will lie for the smallest reasons, she probably stands to lose a lot and so I wouldn’t be surprised if she lied to get her ass out. She could argue his abuse is what led to these chats/thoughts of cheating.

[–]agjrpsl1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That is true. What he has working for him is that she works and has a job. He will be less out of pocket this way. He needs to stay chill at all times. Especially in court and in front of the judge.

[–]jupc5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

No-fault divorce. Its irrelevant.

Financial abuse of a higher earner spouse to a lower earner, however is recognized.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

A person cheating doesn’t justify leaving them destitute in the eyes of the law. Presumably, she needs access to that account to cover her expenses. Suddenly draining the account makes the OP appear abusive and the opposing lawyer will exploit that.

All court cases are to a large extent about optics. Draining a joint bank account will look bad in the eyes of many judges. I do agree that the OP should save the evidence of his wife’s infidelity...that will make her look bad and will help him get a better settlement.

I would consider using it as leverage when the negotiations over division of assets start. Basically, if information about the wife’s infidelity were to get out, it could make her look very bad in the eyes of her family, friends and community at large.

[–]agjrpsl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is true. Plus they will ask for his bank records during discovery. As far as leverage about her infidelity no one will really care.

[–]Nahgloshi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not a big thinker are you?

[–]ComeBackToDigg15 points16 points  (6 children) | Copy

Yeah, this is common bad advice. Just because it is a joint account does not mean the guy can pre-empt the judge to divide the assets. In fact, this is very likely to piss the judge off (“looks like you have been stealing from her! I’m going to make you pay double!”)

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

What judge? Has anyone filed for divorce? No? Then he has full rights to the $. As far as “stealing from her” goes, who is more likely to have earned the $? He can also simply secure it in another account controlled by him for division later so that he wasn’t ”paying for the hotel room my cheating wife was going to betray me in.”

The OP can wander over to R-legaladvice for other opinions, the important thing is to secure the perimeter.

Also:

A. Don’t get married.

B. Don’t co-mingle funds.

[–]jrr6415sun7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

if you're going to take all the money from the joint account there will be a judge in your future.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you are married, there is a better than 50% chance of a judge in your future, regardless.

[–]TRPCops 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Possession is 9/10ths. You take all the assets into your custody then divide them later. The only thing the courts will frown upon is depriving the other party of some measure of decency - emptying joint accounts but keeping her on a credit card line is the best thing to do.

[–]golgynat0r0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

this

[–]alittletoosmooth8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely see a lawyer but the joint account thing is especially important bc she will for sure do that as soon as she suspects/knows you're dumping her ass. Better to have the money and be forced by a court to give it back then to ask a court to retrieve it for you. Could never get it or may take years.

[–]deadstick_it3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

It could only if he “discovers” the cheating before fucking with the assets. That’s why you suck it up and deal with the bitch all the while making your assets moves. Once everything is in place you “discover” the cheating and get the divorce going.

Your motivation to stick with it is that she will fuck you over harder and not have a single issue pretending to love you. Oh, that’s right, she’s doing that right now while she sucks that other dude off. Go for the jugular! I’m rooting for ya!

[–]dellorello220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Unless his lawyer says otherwise, B is pretty terrible advice.

[–]agjrpsl1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Open up another bank account for direct deposit.

[–]yourgirlfriendsdad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Consult with all the best divorce attorneys in your area, that way she wont be able to hire any of them because there will be a conflict of interest

[–]someone918273645[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

There are no joint accounts. Does it even matter? If assets are earned during marriage isn't she entitled to half of it anyway?

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

All practice is local. And anything you agree to in a "temporary" order becomes permanent. Guys sometimes have this idea of "Oh, I only have to pay $340/mo in alimony under the statute? Well temporarily, I will pay $500, and hope she's cool about other stuff" She turns out not to be cool (Briffault's Law) AND the judge says, "Oh, you can afford $500/mo? Then that's what it is."

[–]Sickem_roy271 points272 points  (14 children) | Copy

Thanks for reminding me not to get married.

[–]ugluk158 points59 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even Chad does not dare to do so.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (8 children) | Copy

only idiots get married.

[–]Snowaey26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yea youre an idiot if you're redpill aware and still decide to marry, blue pilled guys can't help it.

[–]PolesWithGoals9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Facts

[–]HangsHeKing5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

You're wrong. Only idiots ignore warning signs that a woman will behave this way and chose to marry her anyway. If you're always acting like an actual man and choose the right woman then you won't end up in a situation like this.

[–]TheRealBrotherLouie9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yes but good luck finding a good behaving woman in the West.

[–]HangsHeKing22 points23 points  (3 children) | Copy

Stop pushing despair. There are still lots of wholesome women who actually love their Dads out there. You're just not going to find them at bars, clubs, house parties, or on dating apps.

[–]cluelessguitarist8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

This

[–]PolesWithGoals0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you find one of those lemme know because my searches have not been successful

[–]Westernhagen-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

The difference between a wholesome woman and a cheating whore is "seven years of marriage to Boring Billy Betabux".

[–]Stupyyy7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just pump and dump

[–]bridges16 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Will take this philosophy to the grave with me, sir 🍸🎩🥇

[–]sbp19910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My thoughts exactly.

[–]Lambdal7-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

50% of women cheat, 50% don’t.

Don’t fall for selection bias.

[–]Viscount6178 points79 points  (24 children) | Copy

  1. Get a lawyer
  2. No road trip. Save yourself the grief
  3. You can cancel the joint credit cards.
  4. Don’t drain more than half of the joint accounts until after 1. above.

[–]someone918273645[S] 14 points15 points  (23 children) | Copy

Can I drain my own accounts?

[–]Viscount6112 points13 points  (15 children) | Copy

Into what? Your other own accounts?

[–]someone918273645[S] 9 points10 points  (14 children) | Copy

Cash

[–]agjrpsl8 points9 points  (11 children) | Copy

Don't hide it behind the toilet tank. First place they will look.

[–]Viscount6113 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Second place is inside the toilet tank in waterproof plastic containers.

[–]someone918273645[S] 4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

What about giving gifts to my parents to buy property abroad?

[–]agjrpsl5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy

I'm NAL. You will most likely have to provide your banking statements at discovery. Normal proceedings in court cases. They will see any money that was withdrawn.

[–]someone918273645[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Starting from when?

[–]agjrpsl5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sometime after you hire an attorney. Your attorney will also request it cause it's normal procedure during discovery. Your soon to be ex will have to show her's as well. You are fortunate that she works. How your assets will be divided is up to the judge and the law. Of course her attorney will say she is entitled to half the assets. Both sides could go back and forth only making you both poorer and the lawyers richer. Some reasonable settlement agreement will have to be made or will be forced to be made according to the law .

[–]someone918273645[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If she's willing to make a deal can the judge rule against it because "I manipulated her"?

[–]mrrooftops3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Right, this is the deal. If the judge finds out you have been stashing assets before filing for divorce, they'll smash you into giving more than half later. If she finds out after the divorce and court proceedings that you have undisclosed some assets to divide then you will be taken back to court and punished.

[–]someone918273645[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

What's the time covered before filing? A month? A year?

[–]moroots17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

possession is 9/10ths of the law

even if you lose in court make her be the one fighting to get thr assets back from you, rather than vice versa

[–]KonradCurze0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

See a lawyer before you do anything. Hiding your assets from the court will look very bad to the judge and different states have different laws when it comes to marital property. Look up some of the posts in /r/legaladvice and /r/personalfinance when other people have asked a question similar to yours.

Maybe look into a trust of some kind to protect your assets once you're sure you can withdraw them before you separate? Just a thought.

[–]frick-a-frack6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have almost never heard of the women who drain accounts getting into any trouble.

[–]Senior Endorsedmax_peenor14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy

Talk to a lawyer, but generally anything you do before you initiate proceedings is safe. So by all means, go on a blow and hooker rampage in Vegas for a month. BUT... if you are caught hiding money after you initiate can get you into serious shit. Again talk to a lawyer, because this is different in different states.

[–]Bing_Bang_Bam12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

File first. File hard as fuck. I mean take her for everything she's got. She'd do it to you.

The person who files first usually wins and sets the overall tone of the case.

[–]Senior Endorsedmax_peenor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup.

And keep your fucking cool. I watched this on the other side of the fence once. This gal's husband did the classic "I'm married so sex" shit and attraction went to shit. She might of stuck it out for the kids, but he openly despised them. So she initiated the divorce. Now I saw all the notes, journals and whatnot she kept and I could easily see a judge granting majority custody and full child support. Shed hired a very expense lawyer with an excellent record. It seemed like a slam dunk.

Yeah, no. He went full revenge mode and she became so insufferable during the process that even her own lawyer would call her to tell her to shut the fuck up. She would go around the court appointed actors (child therapists, etc) and try to mold the situation. She would get into long winded fights with her ex over emails, which of course he presented to the court. And there was a lot more she did. She kept the kids out of it, but he was smart enough to do the same.

In the end, the judge was pissed. 50/50 custody and no child support. Fuck off. She spent something like 50k in legal fees to get it.

[–]alvaro101010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

dont do that

[–]vicious_armbar3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to talk to a divorce lawyer yesterday. Laws vary from state to state, and the way those laws are enforced vary significantly depending on what judge you get. With a divorce lawyer you're paying for all of this specialized knowledge.

[–]deadstick_it150 points151 points  (21 children) | Copy

I was in this position. You’re going to get fucked in divorce court but you can do the best you can at minimizing the damage. Start by doing your research and being prepared for anything. Consult with the best family lawyers in town and she can’t hire those because they’ve already discussed it with you. Carry on like there is no problem and then have her blindsided by getting served. Then, never talk to her about the divorce AT ALL.

Divorce is war!

[–]babybopp124 points125 points  (19 children) | Copy

Ever heard of that reddit dude that comes home one day and tells his wife that he is quitting his job to play poker at the casino full time. Tries his hand but loses all their life savings and all their assets to poker. Wife divorces him.

Turns out he did not lose a cent and had turned all their assets into gold and kept a secret lockbox. After the divorce he reset his life again. He never actually went to play poker.

Or the other older dude who was earning upper six figures. In his divorce settlement he negotiated that his wife would get I think 50% of his salary for the next say ten years. Made the final iron clad documents of which the wife willingly signed as she knew his salary. Immediately he quits his job and finds a 12$ an hour job at the local furniture store. Store employees were wondering why the fuck does a guy who drives a $100k car came to work at the furniture. The dude who worked with him said that dude was one of the happiest employees he had ever seen working for peanuts. That he would personally delivered “half” his paycheck to his pissed off wife every month.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (11 children) | Copy

This sounds like a meme. I’ve read the same stories on reddit but with small details changed up.

[–]Twenty_league_boots20 points21 points  (9 children) | Copy

Yeah, they're bullshit but it's like a fable. A lesson or moral to be learned. Or a legend of soneone heroic we can admire.

[–]Bascome10 points11 points  (7 children) | Copy

My family owned a restaurant in Florida many years ago and one of our employees did this for 3 years, an engineer who worked for us as a dishwasher for like 6.85 an hour.

[–]agjrpsl8 points9 points  (6 children) | Copy

That's why if you ever get married do not let her be a SAHM. Have her keep working. This way you will avoid having to pay her for 10yrs in a divorce.

[–]vicious_armbar5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just don't get married in the first place. Or if you do get married outside the west in a place that has either sane divorce laws, or a government too weak to effectively enforce divorce decrees. Eg: The middle east, south and central america, eastern europe, etc.

[–]agjrpsl1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Or make a prenup. Seperate bank accounts and that each is to keep there own money if ever divorced.

[–]Russian_Bot_7374 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

Unfortunately SAHM is what’s best for kids when it comes to them being raised correctly. Daycare is almost always detrimental to a child.

[–]agjrpsl1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I wouldn't say it's detrimental. But , if that's your thinking you are welcome to your opinion.

[–]Russian_Bot_7371 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Stefan Molyneux on YouTube put me onto the idea that daycare was a damaging thing for children. Check out some of his stuff if you would like to consider this issue further.

Thanks for your civility.

[–]Savior16660 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, I think that along with hitting children decreases IQ, are some of the best of his videos.

[–]beginner_-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's obviously not true because casinos have cameras everywhere and it would be easy to proof he wasn't really there.

The furniture guy is just pathetic.

[–]no_condoments1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Why would he want to live on half of $12/hour instead of half of $500k per year? Being spiteful isn't worth it.

[–]Fuktiga_mejmejs8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well he was probably wealthy enough to live a luxurious life anyway but didn't want his bitch ex wife to get loads of money, also would you work a harder job just to get half salary?

[–]babybopp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeap... he was already set for life. Didn’t need to work.

[–]LordLoveRocket005 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

If your on that sort of wage and older youd like to think he had assets well tucked away she couldn't get at. So working for peanuts to spite her is an excellent chess move im my book. Fuck her why should she get 250k a year free for 10 years

[–]jrr6415sun0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yea makes no sense

[–]jupc0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Any asset not disclosed in the divorce remains subject to division post-divorce.

If he hid those assets intentionally, wife could get them all.

Wouldn't be difficult to discover.

[–]babybopp1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not if you didn’t hide them but made future promises payments based on income to be attained.

[–]Bing_Bang_Bam0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah don't move out. You might wanna quit your job and enroll back in school. If she makes more money than you that might be a good thing. If you move out, she takes the house.

[–]hmsthinkingmeat54 points55 points  (0 children) | Copy

Her putting you down is her psychologically convincing herself that a) she's justified in banging another dude "because you're abusive/mean/self absorbed/don't show her enough affection/etc", and b) she's not a slut.

The truth though of course is that she is a slut, and there is no justification for cheating on you.

But she'll have her fun and feel absolutely no remorse whatsoever about it.

I'd get my ducks in a row with a lawyer then tell her you're not going on the trip, why doesn't she take the dude she's planning to fuck instead and serve her the papers as you say it.

[–]HaroldTFinch25 points26 points  (4 children) | Copy

Part of the process (when you are in process) is to pay a little to get her evaluated for employment. Because if she is underworking her degree the potential can be higher. This reduces the payout you will make.

You don't protect assets, you can only sell them. Now, how you sell them is something you can do before because you are "simplifying" and reducing stress to concentrate on important things. But that's a pain to manage and you need to take pictures now so you don't miss things. That's about it before you file.

More important I think is clean retirement funds. Split the 401k but try to keep any pension you have even if you need to pay extra elsewhere.

Don't give up the house. Stay there. Ask her if she needs an apartment a few months to work things out. When she gets it, this means she is the one voluntarily leaving the residence and she then needs to get permission to return only for items. This is much more convenient for you. No owned home? Find somewhere you can go close to you gym, car, etc... you like to go so you can walk.

Get the lawyer now. You will get accused of assault. Why? Because she gets what she wants. Especially if you have kids or you are calm and collected. You will be dealing with the police with her lie and she gains immediate advantage. Police that are men will be white Knight stupid is the thought you need to have. A woman officer likely will pick up on that crap, but you can't count on that.

If something starts to happen, leave immediately. While in your locked car you call the lawyer immediately. Plan on a hotel stay that night which will be a joint expense. Do it on the joint account debit and deposit your 50% immediately back. Can't call the lawyer if you don't have one. Get the lawyer. If you can find a great female attorney, go for that.

[–]agjrpsl10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP due not get into an arguement with her. Stay chill fr. AND, do not lay or put a hand on her. Her lawyer will tell her to goat you into a argument and hope you push her or something. Automatic domestic violence, arrest, jail and now you have a restraining order and can't go to the house unless accompanied by a cop to get your stuff. This is what they do.

[–]SmoovMove7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the best advice on this thread. I second the female lawyer if you can. I spoke to several lawyers before picking a female and she was absolutely brutal, which was exactly what I needed.

[–]vicious_armbar0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Part of the process (when you are in process) is to pay a little to get her evaluated for employment. Because if she is underworking her degree the potential can be higher. This reduces the payout you will make.

Depends on the jurisdiction. Here if a woman isn't working they'll just impute the amount that she can work at minimum wage. It doesn't matter if she has a college degree and is able to work for more than that. It doesn't matter that the law calls for a more in depth estimation. That's just the way the judges do things, and they can get away with it.

[–]HaroldTFinch0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ask about the employment verification. It's all about potential. Especially if there is children. The state wants to be paid

[–]Seoul_Brother15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would strictly look into legal services and research a trust and not blow your cover/ act none the wiser until you have your assets protected. You blow your cover and you lose advantage. I’m not even sure if moving things into a trust post marriage can save you but worth looking into and finding all the advice you can from lawyers. If you’re the primary owner of the phone account, there’s a way to access text message histories of phones so there’s another way to get access to proof of infidelity to show a lawyer as well. Hopefully you find lawyers that aren’t out to screw men over.

[–]Bone_Coat13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Should I continue behaving like I don't know?

YES, until you have all your weapons aimed to her, prepare everything for the show.

The worst part is she's putting me down in these chats. No respect.

it's always like that, women are always the princess in the tower and men are always the evil dragon.

[–]acp_rdit10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are now a covert agent behind enemy lines. Time to put on the act of your life and don't show for a second you suspect. In fact put on your blue pill mask and be extra nice to her. If she pulls the trigger first it will be worse for you. The goal is for her to think you are a simp she can walk all over so she has no reason to leave. You don't have to initiate sex but if she does you put on a performance like you were trying out for the porn star olympics.

First thing is hit the books and read about divorce laws in your state. Second is find a lawyer. Shop around and go and interview them. Straight up tell them "I don't care about nice or fair, I want her to get as little as possible" and check their reaction. If they balk or try to talk you down then find another one.

Also if you think she will be going behind your back soon and you go the money then hire a PI to gather evidence. You might even be able to get a settlement out of the guy if you threaten to sue him for mental anguish or whatever, again ask the lawyer.

[–]HurricaneHugues5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

You'll need to send yourself screenshots of that cheating. You'll need evidence in court.

"Give" all your money to a friend who needed financial help.

[–]agjrpsl6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude , send me your money . I'll hold onto it for you.

[–]Furrealyo6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Evidence of cheating means nothing in most states. “No Fault” divorce is the standard these days.

[–]agjrpsl3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even if no fault . Build up that evidence of cheating.

[–]Modbsutansalt12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you have enough lead time...

  1. Pull out cash over many months.
  2. Put cash into a lock box somewhere safe. A parent's house perhaps.
  3. Occasionally be seen at a local casino playing low limit craps or something.
  4. Start going to gambling anonymous meetings.
  5. When finally confronted over the missing cash, fess up to the GA meetings.

Somewhere along the way you need to get a lawyer as well. If you get one sooner rather than later obviously don't tell them about this. You can tell them later that you have a "gambling problem".

If this is an immediate issue:

  • Lawyer
  • Figure out with your lawyer how to get YOUR cash out of the joint accounts. (cash back during mundane trips to the store is a good way to sock away $100 a pop)
  • Cancel or lock joint credit cards.
  • DO NOT LEAVE THE HOME <-- THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL. You have to suffer through the pain of her being there, because once you leave she gets the house and you get to pay for it.

[–]SmoovMove2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good advise here. Also, everytime you go to the grocery store, gas station, or anywhere that allows you to get cash back on your debit card always do the max amount. It will add up fast and is entirely untraceable. Ask me how I know....

[–]MeansToABenz4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good luck to our brother u/someone918273645

[–]WeRAllOnThisBlessedD2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Like everyone else is saying, get a lawyer, now.

Do you have access to any messages between them? Screenshot/print everything you can. If you can or if you want to, hire a private investigator.

But whatever you do, don’t let either of them find out that you know about this until they day comes for her to get served with court papers.

[–]agjrpsl4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dudes, if you only knew how your gf or your wife talks shit about you to their friends. I've seen it on chics phones and female coworkers and aquantinences have told me in person. They are ruthless. Dude, start planning now. Do what these guys are telling you. It's over and time to start finding plates to land.

[–]yes_kid2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you really need to ask? LAWYER

[–]Siyuen_Tea9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

An unethical pro tip. Go get a consultation from all the best lawyers. That way if she hires one it's a conflict of interest

[–]PolesWithGoals2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get a divorce attorney who is an absolute unit and then royally screw her in court

[–]RP_COGuy2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Married red pill sub has divorce prep guides in the sidebar. Read them. Read them again. Find a divorce lawyer. Start stashing money and assets. If you have joint bank accounts, get a separate one and start moving your regular pay there. You'll likely have to declare income, assets, etc. so the separate bank account is so she can't take your money at the worst possible time. Money for divorce lawyers, other "off the books" stuff should be stashed cash.
Now the hard part. It's in your best interests to feign ignorance, and play along as long as possible. Don't let her get the tiniest of inklings that you're even considering divorce. Get all your ducks in a row before she has a clue. Pretend to be beta if you have to. No matter what, let her think you aren't even thinking about getting a divorce.
Other strategies. Some states are slightly less rapey than others. Find out which states would fuck you over slightly less. Consider if you could finesse a move to another state before filing for divorce. This could also provide an opportunity for some assets to be moved around without arousing suspicion.

[–]someone918273645[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What states are better?

I'm also a dual citizen of another country. I'll research laws there and evaluate if I can become a resident there temporarily if laws are more favorable.

[–]Savior16660 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Did you look into this? Were you able to gtfo the country?

[–]mindplaybyneo1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Make sure you get a copy of their convo for evidence. Then do what uncle V says.

[–]someone918273645[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Taking photos of it with my phone

[–]yoursislovesme1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I think you should've kept a copy of her chat with the guy

[–]Gordon-G4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

but it won’t matter really if you’re in a no-fault divorce state, which basically all are now. My ex was having an affair and I proved it but she still was awarded the house, the kids, $250K in alimony and child support

A true divorce rape

[–]yoursislovesme1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Guess you can't do much against a fucked up system

[–]someone918273645[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Was she working?

[–]Gordon-G1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She worked as a RN for half the marriage but stayed at home with the kids for the last 6 yrs prior to the divorce

[–]Ohboohoolittlegirl1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Search For The Fire Your wife.pdf. not joking. I don't have a link at hand, but is useful.

[–]cpotpie11 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would also ask this in askMRP. Idk if you have already, but a lot of them could help also

[–]L3onard31 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No kids and no house makes shit much easier. You’re in a better position than most in your situation.

[–]ThinSpiritual1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not much I can add here, one thing came to mind (but might be just me talking out of my ass):

Record all evidence of her cheating. Go to a psychologist/counselor and show them that your wife is cheating, get prescribed for depression meds. Pretend you're taking them and keep the medical records too, may come in handy during the actual divorce proceeding.

So, it might be strategically better if you pretend you don't know and secretly gather more evidence of her cheating. Not sure if you think it's worth going through though. Stay strong, don't begrudge on negative sentiment, treat everything as an opportunity for growth.

[–]BurnoTaurus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

put lube on everything. cant take what you cant pick uo.

[–]WayneNolting1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Been there. Convert everything you can to bitcoin. PM for help. Start documenting.

[–]BluBlac591 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

See a divorce lawyer make a plan to protect yourself. Then take her on a weekend or longer trip. Ask no questions bang her like a one night stand every night and a couple of times during the day. Get her off as many times as you can and and save yours for once or twice a day. Pace yourself. Don't get emotional stay strong make her wonder. This will fill her need for sex and attention and will give you time to make moves without her knowing. This is a power move and no matter which way it goes you've moved the play into your court. Now it's up to her. Don't cave in. Surprise her with the trip and bang the hell out of her. She's not expecting it. She'll be wondering what's up and you'll feel great. Tactical movement.

[–]Cientocincuenta1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can OP make a "bad investment" with relatives or best friends? Or catch ludopathy and "gamble away" his assets? Addicts lose their whole states all the time, and their ex wifes get 50% of $0.

[–]slamdunktiger861 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Redonkulus on Youtube has hella videos about this. I think Divorce Bank is a key video.

Do a Consult with all the local divorce attorneys, then she can’t use them.

Start going to a casino and buy some small ticket item, a drink or a meal. Keep the receipt.

Join gambling anonymous and AA.

Liquidate your assets, move them into gold and silver, probably gold if you have lots of cash. Silver is just so bulky. Hide the gold with a trusted friend at their place or rent a storage unit in someone else’s name.

Prepare for court. “I’m sorry your honor, the stress of divorce just took its toll on my health and bank account.”

[–]mchief1014 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

Fuck all this drama with women. Ima go mgtow and lift! Good luck my friend. I got out of a nasty cycle of 2 years with a hoe and i’m not going back!!

[–]marcus8crassus-1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy

The reason you were in a bad cycle was because 1) you chose poorly, 2) you didn’t maintain frame, 3) you didn’t walk away when you should’ve.

This is TRP, not MGTOW. While focusing on yourself and getting to where you feel you need to be is a common goal, writing off women entirely why TRP is different from MGTOW.

Take your time to get on your feet but rid yourself of this mentality during the process.

[–]red_matrix5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

Nothing wrong with MGTOW, it’s a reaction to modern DIVORCE RAPE. You can still spin plates, just never get married.

His wife cheating is because AWALT.

OP needs to talk to a lawyer, consult with three. Try to get some evidence without getting caught. Maybe hiring PI is a good idea, check with the lawyer.

[–]Asherware 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

There is nothing wrong with choosing MGTOW but the subreddit on here is toxic as fuck and full of extremely angry incels that just hate women. They are not red-pilled. If you are MGTOW for your own reasons and not to be part of that small dick club them more power to you.

[–]red_matrix2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't think one can be MGTOW without being red-pilled, they are one in the same. My 2 cents.

[–]Asherware 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Depends what you deem to be red-pilled. When you look at the MGTOW subreddit here it's full of angry woman-hating betas. This isn't red pill in my book. It's incels projecting. Now, you can absolutely be MGTOW for legit reasons because you are red pill but the subreddit here is not a good advert for it.

[–]red_matrix1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ignore the sub. Go MGTOW.

[–]Cryptoguru7772 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let her cheat so you have more leverage for the divorce. You need evidence, though.

[–]F_Dingo0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to find a hardcore divorce lawyer who will put the screws to your wife.

[–]Fuktiga_mejmejs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well you could just disapear and ghost her, she'd know why. I know this isnt the best advise but you know...

[–]SeasonedRP0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

One thing people often don't focus on, because it is such an emotion-driven experience, is the cost of lawyers -- discovery, discovery disputes, etc. If at all possible, get her to agree to a 50-50 asset and custody split (if applicable). Attorneys' fees rack up quickly.

The whole experience sucks but you'll be in a much better place once it is over.

[–]someone918273645[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Can she agree that everyone keeps their own accounts or judges don't allow that?

No kids or a house.

[–]SeasonedRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know, but if she gets a lawyer, you can bet he/she will encourage pushing for the maximum allowable. It could also depend on how long you were married.

[–]Gordon-G0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The true colors of your wife come out during a divorce... and it’s always evil... she will take whatever she can

[–]LeEbinConchShell0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yep, never getting married.

[–]robbiedigital0010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Best of luck mate, keep us updated as it may help those in similar situation s

[–]Nergaal0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I recommend document as much as you can. Take screenshots.

[–]yzlee20000 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Update please

[–]someone918273645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No updates yet, I'm playing dumb for the time being.

[–]Honest_Interest0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Any updates please?

[–]Honest_Interest0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I take it you don't want to save the marrage? Confront her and try to see what she really wants?

[–]alvaro101010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

1 - Let her cheat 2 - Get some proof 3 - profit 4 - liquidate assets and put money offshore

[–]KettleLogic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Gift or sell assets you have to family you can trust not to dick you over. Do this asap before divorce proceedings

[–]TheRedPillMonkey-2 points-1 points  (7 children) | Copy

Does your wife work? If so, depending on your state, quit your job immediately.

That way, in a divorce she is the breadwinner and will owe you and you won't owe her.

I've seen this work a few times but again, depends on the state.

[–]someone918273645[S] 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

We both work but I earn 3x as much and my savings are 10x bigger.

Wouldn't the court look at my work history and determine I'm able to get a high paying job and not allow this ruling to go through?

[–]dingleburry_joe1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good luck!

[–]agjrpsl1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes they can. But if she works that's good for you. Your savings might take a hit unless you all come to some agreement. Like give her 10k to 20k and part ways .Divorce court can get ugly. Get a lawyer and make sure they don't gauge you either. They will see how much you make and they will try to drag things out. Ask around to see if there is a good reasonable div attorney. Remember stay chill and don't let her engage you . DO NOT LAY A HAND ON HER.

[–]TheRedPillMonkey0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It's possible, but it depends on the state. This doesn't matter for current property, but could affect child support. The thought is that women get more because they generally make less so get it made up in child support. That can be true for the man if he makes less.... Or nothing. I know men where this strategy has worked well in divorce.

Regardless, absolutely consult an attorney right away.

[–]agree-with-you0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree, this does seem possible.

[–]someone918273645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No kids. She earns more than enough ($90k)

[–]agjrpsl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've heard of family vourt making a guy pay child support even if he didn't have a job. He needs to keep chill and listen to his lawyer.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Cucked

[–]takofucker0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

to be fair all America is cucked

[–]vicious_armbar-5 points-4 points  (3 children) | Copy

> I just care about protecting myself and my assets. No prenup.

A little late for that isn't it? Maybe you should have listened to all of the guys on here telling you not to get married. Instead of telling us: 'Shut up! I know what I'm doing ™. She's a perfect virgin angel who goes to church every day. She's not like the rest! ™ '

[–]someone918273645[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I was not on TRP when we got married.

[–]bigkids0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You should have been on TRT!

All jokes aside, you got married to eventually have kids and start a family?



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