I'm 41, wife 38, 2 kids 8 & 11, together 18y, married 12y. Blue pill for so long, began TRP about 2 years ago.
Lurker for 3 years. Discovered TRP 3 years ago.
Physical: Lifting - 4 years & Martial Arts - 3 years. 13%BF. Some IOI from women, mostly at my job place. Still work to do.
Meditating: 1 per week., to improve.
Cultural: I have founded a cultural club to develop my passion, I'm leadin this club right now.
Dread : From beginning of this year, I raised dread level to 6-7. Slowly climbed from lowest level on previous years.
Game: Fuck it, I'm bad.
Frame : I'm good at it. It's been a long way since I'm implsive by nature.
Relations: I've got many acquaintances, old friends, work ones, sports one, and others from the cultural club I'm leading, with people looking up to me.
Marriage control: I'm mostly doing everything for us, from finances to holidays, through school management & kids activities. I do a little bit less chores than her, and she'll never stop complaining about this.
I come from a very long way, blue pill everywhere in my surroundings. Still a faggot, yes. Working on it, always.
Lurker requiring your advice.
About 4/5 years ago I had to move to friends'bedroom since my wife's snoring was getting too loud & constant, which was a huge blow for our intimacy. I pushed her to do something for long, and last year, she followed the advice of a physician going for a surgery, but it didn't change anything - probably bad advice from the doctor.
She was more sporty than me at the beginning of our relationship, but has abandoned her last physical activity 2years ago. She's almost always tired. As you guess, wife didn't improve in terms of weight these years - rather the opposite - sex is unusual (3 times a month) but not always bad. I'm almost never rejected.
She's got the habit of waking up really early to watch news on TV, and on evenings she's too tired to do anything past kids go-to-sleep's time. On weekends she tends to cave in & bitch on chores, I go outside with kids, doing stuff. Difficult to get intimacy or even any fun activity in these conditions. The only exception is a drink with colleagues afterwork, which I tend to dislike a little bit too publicly.
I was slowly crawling lowest dread levels for long. Last years' holidays have been quite rough on me, as wife was kind of sick (no medication involved, so I assume it was mostly tiredness) and I had to take care for everything. During this winter she went beyond my NO to buy a electronical cook machine which was more than expensive. I did not even organize mid-spring family weekend as the previous year's one was rather warmly received. She changed job to a more stressing but more rewarding one, 1 year ago.
In July I organized full-relaxation holidays in a place both her and kids love. At the end of the holidays, I quietly told her I needed more intimacy & doing stuff together in our relationship, because it's been lacking for too long. I told her I needed to know if it can be done in our relation, or not. Seemed almost innocent at the moment, but her reaction wasn't.
On the day after, she told me she "needed time to think" and she left to sleep at her sis' house. She was absent almost every evening, leading me to do stuff on my own quickly enough. Didn't change for more than a month now, fortunately our kids were at grandpa's most of the time.
Since then, it's cold treatment and some "I need time to think on our relationship - I'm lost". She almost doesn't speak to me, the only answer I had was "I don't know if I really love you anymore - I feel so much inferior to you - would you be OK if I continue to watch every evening the shit sitcom with the kids ? (I wouldn't appreciate, I said) - I need more time to know if we can go on". A plugged friend told me that maybe I exerced too much dread on her with everything I was doing, and that she was probably overwhelmed, so I should probably pull a little bit by giving her some space.
But, in the meantime, she didn't attend several meetings with my family (birthday/parties), left to a party she wasn't even invited to when I told an old friend to come at our house. The only birthday she came at, she was most of the afternoon in a huff. I'm just back from short hiking holidays with the kids where she didn't want to come (doesn't like hiking that much, she even asked for me to go with the kids), and she's gone this morning to a birthday of an old friend, with the kids, telling me explicitly I wasn't welcome.
I want to save marriage if I can. I know she's not a great catch, and I know this is mostly because of how long I've fucked up being a blue pill faggot.
Her actions are bad, but I wonder if it's not only because I fucked up when pushing her. Shall I pull or comfort more, if she feels that inferior to me? Am I dreading too much?
What attitude woul be better on my side, apart from remaining calm? Shall I push further to assert I cannot accept her behaviour anymore (separation)?
Thanks for your help.