I’m in a relationship, but go out with my brother and good friend almost every Saturday night for the past month and a half to work and improve on my social skills (I.e. getting out of my comfort zone and approaching women, typically in NYC). I have a decent n count (~ 18/19) but definitely not slayer status like you ultra chad fucks out there. Been told I’m pretty attractive, but at 29 I definitely think my looks aren’t as good in my younger years. Was tired of getting trash tinder hoes so I decided to go out and try to bag higher tier women in real life.
Now for those of you, who do not know direct vs indirect approaches are:
Direct approach- walking straight up to a woman, introducing yourself, stating your interest, and asking for her number immediately.
Ex: Hi, what’s your name? I’m Andgelyo, and I just thought you were pretty attractive and wanted to talk to you. Wanna grab a drink sometime? What’s your number?
Indirect approach- beating around the bush, breaking the ice, getting to know her, and then asking for her number.
Ex: Hey what do you think about this music? Do you like this genre? Yeah I think it’s okay too. Are you from around the area? Me too, and I’m in a band too! I would love to check out your band sometime, what’s your number? Maybe we can hang out!
My style is definitely more direct, as I have a zero tolerance bullshit for beating around the bush, and would appreciate it if I knew right away what the answer was. Guess what? Every single time my brother and friend did indirect approaches, they yielded higher results.
I literally saw my 5’5 Korean friend get a cute Brazilian girl’s number yesterday at a local concert in NYC, just by talking about music.
My brother (who’s in grad school), did the same thing, asking a girl in the library where the star bucks was, then small chatting about her major, and then asking if she wanted to hang out.
My theory is that, you must prove to the girl you are not a fucking weirdo by showing her you are a pretty cool guy first. You can’t just walk up to her and ask for her number completely relying on your looks. If you see it from her point of view, she thinks it’s weird to just give her number to a complete stranger without even knowing him.
On the other hand, given my style, all I’ve heard from women was: “aww that’s so sweet, I’m sorry but I have a boyfriend”.
Starting my next approaches, I’m going to change my direct approaches to indirect approaches and see what happens. A bunch of other posters on here, already said that indirect works more. I’m a very direct communication kind of guy (probably because I’m so used to tinder and club/night game) so if anyone has pointers to improve small talking people let me know.
TLDR: Unless you are super model status, indirect approaches works more, because it shows you are not a weirdo.
Edit: I’m still new to cold approaching, as I’ve been a tinder hermit crab for a few years, so if anyone would like to share their experiences and advice, feel free to add