Hi reddit, I find myself coming to you once more for wisdom on relationship matters.

Background: Me: athletic, well travelled, play hockey twice a week and lift 3x, play instruments, and make bank. Gf: very athletic, very well educated and travelled, great for. Gf and I met while studying for a masters. She had bin in an 8 year relationship previously and was single for a few months before she met me. We started out as fwb, but I fell in love quickly, and she followed suit after a short amount of time. She is beautiful, kind, unbelievably smart and I am very happy that we shared this time with each other. I finished my degree and starting working earlier this year, she started work yesterday.

So, here’s where the story begins: my gf returned to my city from her summer holidays last week while I was working, and blew up at me for not picking her up from the train station/felt like she wasn’t being treated as a priority. I explained that I had been at work, but her reaction let me know that something else was up. The next day we meet, and while she apologised for overreacting, she still didn’t really warm up to me until later, when we started talking.

She told me that she feels torn between career and future family, between being married and being single and “having fun” (inb4 riding the cc), and I quickly pointed out that she was in a crisis to which she agreed. She also said that she didn’t know why her feelings weren’t as strong, but that she was worried for the relationship. Now, I was very understanding and talked to her calmly about it, and we ended up having a great weekend with lots of warmth and emotional/physical intimacy.

Cue yesterday: I meet her for a drink after her first day of work, and she flirtatiously suggests we go back to hers. I agree (duh) and as we are about to get down to it she switches and tells me she’s not in the mood. We did end up “doing it” (I would have preferred not to at that point, i think she didn’t want me to be upset) but she said that she doesn’t know why she suddenly switched from hot to cold like that and it worries her.

Here’s my issue: as much as I’m trying to support her, the idea of going through her hot/cold emotions towards me scares me since I’m worried about being hurt and subconciously is making me pull back. Furthermore, he cheated on her ex (he didn’t give her enough attention) and generally enjoys attention/has a somewhat flirtatious personality or way of talking and either doesn’t pick up on guys wanting her or entertains it, even though I’ve warned her about it. I understand not every relationship is the same and that I can’t judge her entirely on past actions, but in the current context it’s got me thinking. Now, her comments on being conflicted about single/relationship are instilling a deep discomfort in me, especially now that she’s started working and will be spending more time around other men than me. She has also mentioned that she would prefer a wealthier man (I come from a good family and have a solid career so this is a sticky point where I think she’s asking for way too much, since she’s probably not as wealthy as my family and since it doesn’t matter to me anyways) which has me disconcerted that she’s gonna start looking elsewhere. I will note though that she often tells me she loves me and that I’m her dream guy, so it’s not as if she’s cold towards me. Just unsure of her feelings at times.

So, reddit: I want to support her through what I hope is just a phase, but am concerned about being hurt in this entire thing. Also, at what point does support become self-compromising?

Tl;dr: gf going through classical crisis like thoughts and behaviours, I want to support her through it but am worried I will get hurt. Reddit’s classical advice is not proactive, hence I’m looking for some input. Maybe red pill has the answer...